Arrrrggg my partner wont help with any housework!

Rachael - posted on 02/24/2011 ( 17 moms have responded )

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Hi im so fed up... yes im a stay at home mum but my partner will not pitch in with any house work. He wont clean a dish, or pick up after himself so annoyed! He leaves wrappers on the couch and floor aggrrrhh. Its so annoying, after 3yrs of asking then nagging im about to explode! Any ones man help out with housework even though you stay at home? Or are all men allergic to what seems to be the simple task of cleaning up after ones self!!!!

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Katherine - posted on 02/25/2011

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Leave the house a mess one day. Don't pick up ANYTHING. And when he asks, just say you didn't think he cared, so you decided to go on strike.

[deleted account]

My husband does not help out with house work, but he most certainly does respect the work I do by living neatly and cleaning up after himself.

Wrappers in the couch, no way! I'd have him by the ear making him pick up every last one. Your job is to keep the house clean and orderly, not to follow him around all day picking up his crumbs. As a grown man, he should be able to carry his wrapper to the trash. In our house, if you put something somewhere it does not belong, it is YOUR job to put it away--wrappers do not belong on the sofa, so it is his job to put them in the trash if he put them there.

I do the "Chores" I wash dishes that are in the sink, not dishes that are on the floor, I wash clothes that are in the hamper, if they are on the floor, they do not get washed. etc.

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Erisreignssupreme - posted on 06/03/2014

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well that explains it then. you need to be tolerant of what people are going through. after all clinical depression is a lot bigger deal than a clean house. which is more important a clean house or a happy wife? if shes on medication for clinical depression that can make you pretty empty and unmotivated and antisocial. sounds like she needs help and i dont mean a maid i mean help to deal with whatever shes going through. have you asked her why she doesnt want to do anything all day? you say its not acceptable and maybe youve spoiled her...but someone with clinical depression needs acceptance more than spoiling. and understanding where hse is coming from might help you be more tolerant..the uncelan house is only a simptom and not whats important.

Anthony - posted on 06/03/2014

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thanks..she has had clinical depression in the past.i dont expect the house to look like a museum or uncomfortably clean by any meant,but not making an effort at all is unacceptable. i have offered to hire a maid,and she only gets enraged that i am disrespecting her cause she does not know that person...i say well honey,if you know someone who does i will be glad to hire them,,,she does not..just another excuse and an attempt to make me feel bad.i think maybe i spoiled her rotten....

Erisreignssupreme - posted on 06/03/2014

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well some men think that cos they are out all day they desrve to be picked up after. personally i kinda like being the one to tidy up cos that makes it my space...when i guy ive lived with has done more tidying than me i felt like it wasnt my space anymore. having said that if he dropped his crap in my space id feel pretty disrespected. its one thing letting you do the housework but pissing all over that is quite another thing. you should get a big plastic sheet bib thing and tie it around his neck like a baby to catch the crumbs...stand over him with a hoover while hes watching tv cos you know he wont use the bin. get a french maid costume and follow him around with a wastepaper basket and talk in a hispanic accent all teh while. it might annoy him enough to stop..or it might just amuse you to take the piss out of him for a change:)

Erisreignssupreme - posted on 06/03/2014

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usually its a sign of depression. someone who doesnt look after their environment is not taking care of themselves. giving out probably wont help her. you could say to her that you think its not normal and that she might need some help to get back to living. people who sleep late and sit there all day are in some kind of pain. maybe that they are avoiding. its literally like avoiding the housework is avoiding the work we have to do within ourselves to be happy productive poeple...theres a great website called fly lady which helped my mother who was in that state...called the flylady...youtube search flylady and just leave it playing as a hint...it changed my moms life....she makes her bad everyday and shines her sink and seems to be feeling much better about herself in general. keeping your house is a seriously intimate space. and so if its neglected thats a reflection of how you are. if its messy...reflection..super controlled tidy..reflection....super fancy dolls everywhere...reflection {of what im not sure with the dolls...} :)

Anthony - posted on 06/03/2014

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Well my situation is the EXACT opposite...I Am A man,and i work 70-80 hrs a week ,but my wife will not do anything...exuse after exuse.I come home and still have to clean...piles of dishes,messes on the floor,litterboxes,not to mention yardwork, and ALL the cooking(i am a professional chef with a restaurant,looong hours)we have a 1 1/2 yr old little boy and a girl on the way too.this is not a side affect of her pregnancy...she never did to begin with...when she does do "something" like use the dishwasher i bought..it never gets unloaded.the bowls of milk from cereal dont get emptied..litter of coke cans,candy and food trash,plush whatever this sweet baby boy drags out during his "exploring" lol, would stay there a week if i didnt get it.she is already so hypersensitive to any kind of critic,so i dont know how to tell her in a nice way not sounding like a complete A%$ that look i work all the time so you dont have too and to give you and our babies the best life possible so the least you could do is pick up a little bit..she stays up lat,sleeps late,then parks herself in a chair and stays on the computer or reads all day!! i dont want my children growing up in this environment.she did not come from this kind of habbit.when we house sit for her grandmother she makes sure to keep everything clean and in order but for our house..no such treatment. am i the bad guy? am i unreasonable and just dont see it? please help i love her with all my heart and she is the reason and drive that made me successful...we fell in love before i had anything more than a band and a couch to sleep on so i know shes not in it for anything other than love.my sucess came years later.

Rachael - posted on 03/06/2011

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At least im not alone but seriously sometimes i just feel like the slave! I know if and when i go back to work he still wont help out. I guess he just dosent see the need to be as tidy as i would like him to be. What really drives me nuts in that he leaves his dirty clothes and towel on the bedroom floor EVERYDAY! Even though he could put them in the laundry basket which is in the same room!!! I should just leave it on the floor and not do any off his tidying up but then im the one who has to look at the mess all day long! Thanks for the replies and for letting me vent!

Nicole - posted on 02/26/2011

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I know exactly what you mean! I'm at home all the time but so is he! I just don't get it!

Melinda - posted on 02/26/2011

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I love my husband dearly, but he is messy. We have been married for almost 10 years now and he has only done dishes maybe 2 times. That is one thing he refuses to do. He will help with the laundry. I fold them. I told him once when we first got married that he was folding it wrong and he will not fold them now. Don't make the mistake I did. But I know he appreciates what I do around the house. He says thank you. He knows what it is like watching all three of the kids. I have school at night and church meetings everynow and then. I am also looking for work. He does leave his shoes laying around and forgets to put things away. I just have to remind him. Men are clueless when it comes to needing things cleaned. (At least mine is) But I love my man and wouldn't trade him for anything. =)

Shannon - posted on 02/26/2011

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sounds like my house. my man doesnt do dishes and i have to beg him to even remove the towel from the bathroom floor when hes done showering. ill clean the house and have it looking awesome and then he comes home and its; throwing his work clothes AT the washing machine, his shoes in the middle of the floor keys wallet in a different location....i begged him for three days to sweep! sorry, i am no help, just seemed like a good time to tell you youre not alone!

Danielle - posted on 02/25/2011

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WoW! I know exactly what you mean! I have also been with my b/f for about 3 yrs. and our life styles are complete opposite. I like to raise our daughter in a nice, clean healty environment, but you cant do that when youre busy picking up everything after them! mine likes to get home from work, and because he has been around dust all day, comes in the door, strips down and goes to the bedroom to change/shower but leaves his clothes at the door.

Michelle - posted on 02/25/2011

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My husband does the dishes and I cook. I clean the house but he does the laundry. We are both living in this house so can both clean it. I am a stay at home mum and he works full time but he also know that with 3 kids I can't do it all on my own.

I do have a gem and I'm NOT going to give him up, sorry ladies :-)
My exhusband was the complete opposite though. Even when I was working 2.5 days a week in paid employment he would always hassle me about the house. Always saying I "only" worked 2.5 days. I would often tell him that's all I got paid to do, my unpaid jobs were running HIS business at home (invoicing etc), looking after 2 kids under 3 as well as running around for him.

He didn't get it until I left and he had to do it all.

Tiffany - posted on 02/24/2011

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i stay at home mom n my man helps out lots with everything just not night duty. n he works patch work like 80 hrs one week n he finds the time n energy. lots of guys i hear dont though.

Michelle - posted on 02/24/2011

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I know what you're talking about. Although my husband was a complete slob long before we got married and had kids. He doesn't clean anything and very often is as bad as the kids about leaving a tornado in his wake. If I have to leave him with the kids, he lets the kids destroy the place and then I end up cleaning it all up. I'm all for having a larger share of cleaning since I'm home, but he has to help with something (or at the very least not make messes everywhere he goes). I love him but it makes me crazy. I keep working on it though. I know part of it is that he's never been clean in his life and would be just fine with barely being able to walk through the house. The only thing I would never let him do is the laundry. He is very careless and does not know how to do any of it (he used to destroy his clothes on a regular basis before he married me). It's too expensive to let him do that, but I have many other cleaning tasks that I would love for him to do.

Stifler's - posted on 02/24/2011

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Some men are man-children, they assume because there is a woman in the house all their problems are over and they have someone to get them drinks and put their rubbish away and wash their plates. NOT IN MY HOUSE. Put the foot down or your kids will be doing these things at age 10 the same way he does.

Ashleigh Jade - posted on 02/24/2011

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i feel your pain! My partner use to do nothing and i mean nothing! Until one day i left him with our eldest child who was 13months at the time for a few hours while i went to get my hair and nails done. I was gone 2hrs max. Came home,house looked like a bomb hit it! Literally lol he gave me a hug and apologised and said hes sorry and doesmt know how i keep the house so tidy! 3 years and 2 more kids later he still helps. He vaccuums and does dishes. Hope your partner steps up to the plate to :)

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