As a full-time mom I sometimes feel useless and insecure, how can I overcome this feeling?

Darlene - posted on 06/14/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

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When I got married, I stopped working. It was because I had a very sensitive pregnancy. Since then until now, I'm just a full-time wife and full-time mother. I used to work and work and earn money for myself. I'm not used to ask money from anyone else. But everything changes when I got married. At first, I feel like I'm a princess but as time goes on I feel like I'm useless and unproductive. I know that taking care of my baby and my husband is my responsibility as a wife and mother but I can't help myself to feel insecure specially when I see other working mom. I don't know but I think it's really important to have time for yourself and you should not stop growing as an individual.

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Tara - posted on 06/14/2010

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Darlene,



First, write down what you do in your day. Laundry? Cleaning? Play with kid(s)? Balancing the house budget?



Second, write what you use to do...job...etc.



Third, Write what "free/self" time you have in each situation.



Fourth, Give yourself credit for doing so much more than we acknowledge as useful and productive.



I am in the same situation. We were a 2 person/2 income family until the children were born (twins). We went to 4 people/1 income. I AM FREAKING AMAZED THAT I AM NOT NUTS AFTER 4 YEARS OF BEING MOM, MANAGER, AND CREDIT COUNSELOR.



The other thing you can do is find a neighbor friend or a Moms Group to join every so often for the extra time and support. Good luck with everything!!!



You, Darlene, are worth so much more than just a pay check. You are influencing the future by having daily hands on interaction with your child. Thank you for caring enough to do what you do.

Erica - posted on 06/15/2010

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Tara is sooooo right!
I am in the same boat, when I made my list it was (thankfully) at my husbands behest, it made a difference hearing from him that my "job" is at times even harder than his. We put an estimated cash value on each aspect of SAHM, including the responsibilities as familial Chief Financial Officer... I keep it folded up in my bureau whenever I start to doubt my self worth.

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You pretty much just answered your own question. I believe a good mom is one that get's a break, get's a little time to do what is that she wants to do. If your husband is at all understanding then he should know that as well. Does he make you feel like this? If so, then he's an ass. If not, then don't feel like this unless you yourself are really being unproductive and useless. You're doing just fine. If you feel happy with the way things are and the way you are living your life and taking care of your family, then you really shouldn't dwell on these thoughts. Do you by chance deal with depression?

Kristi - posted on 06/15/2010

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Honey, what you are doing for your husband and child(ren) by staying at home is far more productive than what you could do by bringing in some dough. Being a SAHM is, in my opinion, much harder than being a working mom. What people don't understand is home is a break from work, but work is also a break from home, a break that us SAHMs do not get. You get to be there to witness all of your child's milestones, that's something that working mom's miss out on. Look at your child(ren) and remind yourself that they are who they are souly because of YOU. You shaped and molded them. You've taught them everything that they know, not a daycare provider, grandparent or sitter, YOU. That, Darlene, is something to be proud of =).

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Kristy - posted on 06/15/2010

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thats how i feel i never worked i had my parents support me my whole life till i got married and my husband know supports me and my son so i feel what your feeling all the time and pluse my husband is not around alot because he is in the military and its hard to take care of a baby when you dont have his father there for support you know what i mean

thanks,
Kristy Peral

Ashley - posted on 06/15/2010

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You are right - it IS important to have time to yourself and not stop growing. I take time for myself every night to do something I enjoy - reading or a craft or something like that. Some moms I know get together with friends once a week without the kids. But don't feel useless. You are teaching your child everything they will need to know for the rest of their lives. You are not unproductive. I know that this is the hardest job I've ever had. Seriously. Some days I'd love to go back to work and let someone else deal with the hard stuff. I can't - and I wouldn't REALLY want to, but some days I dream about it. If you can do this job, you can do any job. Think of it as expanding your skill set.

Darlene - posted on 06/15/2010

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Hi Moms!!! Thank you so much for your reply! It was very uplifting and it made me feel better now. You are right, seeing our children happy and healthy and watching them grow is much more rewarding than anything else in this world. I just realized that I'm not alone and I must not dwell on the negative things around me. Thank's again!

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