Ashamed

Melissa - posted on 01/11/2010 ( 72 moms have responded )

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I'm wanting to know how y'all deal with other women looking at you like your crazy for being a stay at home mama. Women give me looks like i should be ashamed of what I do. I didn't chose to stay home. We just have 3 kids and not enough money for day care for all of them. So I have to stay home. I want to know if y;all ever feel these looks and how you deal with it.

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Amy - posted on 01/11/2010

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i used to feel ashamed. now i feel like i'm giving my children an advantage in life. we get to ENJOY our children, not come home, stuff food in them, stuff them in bed, wake them up and shove to a sitter. the following is something i keep posted for when people go, ugh, what do you DO all day?



Here is the poem



Today I left some dishes dirty

the bed got made around 3:30

The diapers soaked a little longer

the odor grew a little stronger

the crumbs I spilled the day before

are staring at me on the floor

the fingerprints there on the wall

will likely be there till next fall

the dirty streaks on the window panes

will still be there next time it rains.

Shame on you you sit and say,

Just what did you do today?



I held a baby till he slept

I held a toddler while she wept

I played a game of hide and seek

I squeezed a toy so it would squeak

I pulled a wagon, sang a song

Tought a child right from wrong

What did I do this whole day through?

not much that shows i guess its true.

unless you think that what Ive done

might be important to someone.

with deep green eyes and soft brown hair

If thats true... Ive done my share.

Mallory - posted on 01/11/2010

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If people give you looks, they are being ignorant. If they are talking about you they are jealous. Staying at home is a fulltime job! It gets harder the older your kids get, I volunteer 3 days a week in their classrooms, I coach their sports teams, I am active in the PTA, and do all of the house work and help with homework. I would not be able to be as involved if I worked. My kids know I will be there to pick them up when they fall and laugh with them when they learn a new joke. Don't let other people get you down walk away knowing you are doing what is best for your family and kiss your kids.

Danielle - posted on 01/11/2010

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I would think it's not that they think you should be ashamed of staying at home, but that they are likely to be jealous. I think many women feel a pang of regret that they can't stay home, i know I used to. Hold your head up, smile, be gracious when they try to devalue what you're doing for your kids & your family, knowing they can't hold a candle to you. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

Tiah - posted on 01/11/2010

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In the end, children dont remember how great a secular job we had, what our staus was at that job, or how much money we brought in. theyremeber comming home from school and having a nice clean house and room and dinner on the table with a smiling happy mum. children are only children for a short time. and any woman should considr herself blessed to be a stay at home mum. i did both. i worked and was a full time mother. somewhere something is neglected. i am a full time mum now, and its great. i do miss work sometimes, but i take pride in knowing im the one raising my kids.

Amanda - posted on 01/15/2010

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I just recently became a stay at home mom to my 21 month old, I was a pediatric RN in a hospital and we needed my income when he was born because my husband was still in school. I went right back to work full-time after he was born, and I hated it. I loved my job and everything, I just wanted to be with my baby. I missed all if his firsts and when I was home I was so exhausted from working nights and never getting any sleep that I couldn't even play with him, I'd just sit on the couch and watch him play on the floor. I've long said that our culture so devalues the family and I wished we lived somewhere else, like somewhere with a decent maternity leave (12-18 months), where they value raising a family as important work, and don't view it as a waste of a woman's college degree. Whenever I met moms who stayed at home I was happy for them, and yes, jealous, but I never said anything rude or demeaning, I was just glad they valued raising their kids. Once my husband was done with school and found full-time work we decided I could ask my supervisor for on call hours (work once a week) instead of all week. She couldn't do it, so I quit. Yes, now we are living on less money and things are going to be tight, but I get to be with my little man! I now have the energy to play with him, and talk to him, and I wouldn't trade it for the world!!

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Barbie - posted on 01/15/2010

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i'd say the kids are very lucky to have a stay at home mom. people who try to make you feel ashamed for not working are just jealous and probably wish they had the option to be home with their kids. i had to work for my sons entire first year. i was so depressed that i had to miss out on bonding with him. when he turned 1 i had the chance to become a stay at home mom and it has been the best decision i have ever made. he is now 3 1/2 and i have a 14 month old daughter. i love spending everyday with them. watching them learn new things, and having fun, and just being awesome kids. i wouldn't trade it for the world. who knows what kind of person would be watching your children at daycare and what kind of values they would be teaching them. there is no better teacher than a mother. sometimes i miss being out there and talking to new adults all day long, and then i turn to my babies and i don't miss it at all. good for you, enjoy your kids while they're still home with you.

Christa - posted on 01/15/2010

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Honestly, I dont' think people look down on me for being a SAHM. Or maybe they do and I don't realize it. Because if they do...I could really care less. I love being a SAHM and think it is the perfect choice for my family. I also realize that it is not for everyone. I will admit though that I did start working from home about 6 months ago. Just part-time and with a team that I can do my work with my kids right here. I have found great success and love it. But I still consider myself to be SAHM....family first in our home!!

Christa
rickchrista@fairpoint.net

Sufia - posted on 01/15/2010

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Its none of anyone else's business so dont be ashmed. i am a stay at home mom and i am very happy with it becaue i get to stay with my baby all the time and my baby have someone she can depend on. You shuld not be ashame but proud that you are doing whats best for your family.

Becky - posted on 01/15/2010

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I get them all the time, but like my boyfriend said it's just because their just jealous that they don"t get to stay home. So as long as your doing what is good for you and your family $%&* what everyone else says!!!

Heidi - posted on 01/15/2010

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I've noticed lots of people say to ignore the comments and stares. Instead, try saying something like "I'm so happy I was home to be able to see....today. I love it!" Voluntarily voicing your opinion in a non accusatory way may change the way they think about you or even about working/staying home. You have power in how you handle these situations. Good luck!

Heidi - posted on 01/15/2010

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Just remember that ten years after you leave your job, you won't be remembered, needed or cared about. Ten years of caring for your children gives them security, you love, and lot of stories they'll tell their kids about when Mom said or did such and such.

Jeannie - posted on 01/14/2010

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i used to get really irritated by the stareing and sometimes whispering but after a while i just shrugged it off. I figured that all they have at that moment is what they can say and I have my child with me. I may be a stay at home mom but I enjoy being one.

Bianca-Maree - posted on 01/14/2010

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I am a other of two and my fiance and i decided it would be better for our children if i stayed home with them. Never feel ashamed!! I wasn't able to have my mother there for me growing up as she had to go back to work when i was three weeks old. I feel proud that my fiance and i have the option of me staying home. Never feel ashamed for doing what YOU think is right for YOUR children! :-)

Paula - posted on 01/14/2010

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you r doing your children a great service!!! imagine what intimacy issues they might grow up with if they had to be raised up by some one who was not their momma! ignore the ignorant looks of those unknowing folks.

Andrea - posted on 01/14/2010

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Even if you had enough $ would you want to try and juggle it all and go to work. I used to feel like people were judging me, like we could live higher class lives if I worked to, but my baby loves her mommy and I know she is being well taken care of, i am in control of what she watches, learns, eats....etc. She is so smart and I feel it is because I take the time to interact and teach her things. Don't let them get to you, besides you are only going off what you "think" they are thinking, maybe they are thinking they wish they could do that. Some husbands aren't supportive of moms being moms. I was raised by a single mom who said she would have given anything to stay home with us, so enjoy this wonderful opportunity that you have!!!! And look into joining a MOPS group or something so you can get support from other SAHMs in your own area.

[deleted account]

Firstly don't be ashamed of raising your own children you should be commended for it. I have one child and that is hard enough but three must be a nightmare some days!! I choose to be a stay at home mum & I am damn well proud of it!!! I love my son and I want to spend as much time with him while he is little and likes hanging out with me. Just before I get any scathing comments back though I understand the neccessity of working parents and know that a lot of mums & dads would love to stay at home with their children if they could afford it but sometimes it isn't possible, this doesn't make you lesser parents then me it just means you are being responsible and providing whats neccisary for your family & I wasn't trying to make out that you were bad parents either. I just don't get why some people choose to have children when all they want to do is work & let someone else raise them and then look down upon someone who actually wants or needs to spend their days at home with their own children. My advice is either ignore them or tell them to mind their own business. Be proud of who you are and what you do for yourself & your family in the end you are the only ones that matter & your children are diffinately benifitting from having their mum at home and ready to pay attention to thier needs no matter what they may be.

Myrtis - posted on 01/14/2010

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People are always surprised to hear that I choose to stay home with my three kids, and I know what you mean about people looking at you funny, I find people look at me with pity. But, you know, that's their problem, not yours. Only you know what is right for you and your family, so just ignore anyone who is judging you negatively and carry on with your work, because raising children IS hard work.

Cheryl - posted on 01/14/2010

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Is it possible that they are just putting their own insecurites and jealous feelings on you? You are the mom! No amount of money can replace you...you will never regret raising your own children.

April - posted on 01/14/2010

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I have heard some working moms say that they feel judged by sahms and tend to feel defensive when they talk to them. Maybe they just are insecure, which seems to be what the other ladies here are saying too.

Jamie - posted on 01/14/2010

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I too am a stay at home mom. I'm only 19 so I get those looks a lot. I do enjoy being a stay at home mom for the most part, but I still would like to be able to work. I don't though, because I too think there is no point in it if I'm just gonna waste the money I make on daycare. So it would be like I'm working for nothing, and giving up the time with my kids for nothing. Plus I want to be the one that sees the 1st of everything my kids do. I have one of my own who is 9 months(boy), and a 2 1/2yr old stepson. I watch him for free so his mother doesn't put him in daycare, and more of our money goes out the door. Also, I think its nice for 2 brothers to have each others company all the time. The things they do make me laugh, and seeing them smile is worth it in the end to me. In our future, I plan to open up my own rescue. This way, I'll be able to work, but still spend time with my kids, and they can take part in it too! But don't feel ashamed, your not doing anything wrong. I know how you feel because I deal with it all the time from my own family. But I remind myself that I'm giving my kids something their kids will never have, someone who will always be there for them at all times.

Kristin - posted on 01/14/2010

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I don't really think about what other women are thinking. If they have a problem with my staying home with my kids that is their problem. I know some working moms who would like to be home and I know some SAHM's who would rather be working. If someone were to ask why I stay at home, I would tell them that I get to spend the first, most precious, and formative years of their lives with them before I send them out into the world. I get to be there for and with them for some really big hurdles; walking, making friends, siblings, starting school. Soon enough, they won't need me ALL the time, and then I can again pursue my other interests.



It sounds as though you are still transitioning into being at home. There are people out there who will judge you. Just remember they do it for reasons in their own lives that have NOTHING to do with you. For the time being, smile at them and carry on with what you are doing.

Faith - posted on 01/14/2010

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If anyone gives you a dirty look, look them squarely in the eye, and tell them that nothing is more important than your children. A woman can work any time she wants to, but a child is only young once. Don't let people give you grief about how daycare is better for your kids. Nothing is better than having your own mother. Educate your children yourself, while they are toddlers. Your children will start school ahead of the rest. You will be proud of what you've done. And your children will look back and say my mom taught me to read, write and count, herself. If you think they need better socialization, teach them to be polite and considerate with one-another at home, first. then take them to free library programs where they can interact with other children. When they learn good manners, patience and kindness at home, their behavior will be beautiful outside of the home; far better than kids who had to rely on daycare workers to teach them how to behave.

JMO,
Faith
(SAHM & Homeschooling Mom.)

Dawn - posted on 01/14/2010

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Erm, exactly what has it got to do with them?



You do what's best for your family and all the Judgey McJudgeypants can closely examine their own lives before starting on other peoples!



dxx

Joanne - posted on 01/14/2010

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Im also a stay at home, have been for 2 1/2yrs, my son is 4. I know what you mean, I get them looks aswell! I used to work but having time with my son until he starts school. Don't feel guilty for it you doing the best for your kids!!!! I have have worked so knoiw ones taxes are keeping me, I've paid my taxes for the last 9yrs, so its rightful that I receive that now.

[deleted account]

lmao....I read a few of the replies and I agree with all of them and so should you. The one I really liked was the one that said "I brag about being a stay at home mom". It is something to cherish and to feel good about......who in their right mind would ever need to push their own personal judgements on a parent in order to make them feel ashamed about being there for babies that really only have a short time to be 100% needy? Turn your thought process around and tell people that they need to adjust their own thinking to being supportive of you for making such a selfless choice. I support the effort of more stay at home mom's or dad's to sacrifice their own adult choices for their children. You did choose to be a stay at home Mom because of the costs of daycare....stop thinking it was not a choice, that was my issue for a long time. My thoughts were joined with the people that thought I was making a LAZY choice and I was not allowing my own choice to be a priority for my family. I think you might want to focus on the fact that you have the ability to have this wonderful opportunity to be there for your children and lift your chin up and start thinking that you are FANTASTIC instead of feeling ashamed!!!

Christy - posted on 01/14/2010

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When I found out I was pregnant with my first child I paniced. I was raised in a generation where the only stay-at-home moms were the families that had money, and we were not one of them. I knew I had to work, but on the other hand, how were we going to afford day care? So for the first couple of years I got really lucky. I found employment that allowed me to work for home and then when my duaghter was 18 months my employer paid to place my daughter in daycare. When my husband got transfered, however, I had a new sense of panic. We were being transfered to a very small town, many miles from a city. I knew jobs were scarces and what was worst... no daycare. Luckly for us, with the transfer and the low cost of living in our location we were able to afford for me to stay at home. It is because of the struggles that we have had the last few years that whenever any woman gives me "the look" when they find out that I am a SAHM, I just smile and tell them that I am incredibly blessed that I have the ability to stay at home and take care of my children the way nobody like their mother can.

Erica - posted on 01/14/2010

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I get looked down upon for alot too. I have only one child and everyone wants to tell me what i should do with her. I have gotten dirty looks for letting her cry when she is getting tired. I get dirty looks for staying at home and "making" my husband take care of us. I know why we do what we do and thats all that matters to me. My husband doesnt mind me staying at home, she why should I. Its all about you and what works best for you. everyone else can just deal with it because it is not their life.

Jackie - posted on 01/14/2010

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Yes, sometimes I do feel that way too. You have to also remember that being a stay at home mom is a job too! I think some moms who do work and do look down at stay at home moms may feel a bit defensive about working ...maybe they feel they should be a stay at home mom .

Monique - posted on 01/14/2010

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The women's movement to equal rights doesn't necessarily mean that ALL women WANT to be professionals. Some women do want to be moms and housewives (or as I like to call it Researchers of Child Development and Human Behaviors). I spent my entire childhood wondering why I couldn't answer the questions asked of me "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I graduated high school, went to college, bounced from major to major, never really knowing what to do with my life. All my relatives and professors told me that I could be a doctor or a lawyer, but I just didn't "feel" it. I still finished college with two degrees under my belt not "feeling" it. Then.....I had my first child. AND I KNEW! Without a doubt in my brain, I knew that I was always meant to be mom, and it's good enough for me. So, let those professionals stare, because I AM MOM! I was on both sides of the spectrum, I had to work when my first was a baby and cried all the time. Wanting to be with her. When we got pregnant with my second, it was just too much to send both to daycare so we explored the stay-at-home approach. And while it took me a little while to get adjusted, I would never ask for anything more. I am mom!!! :-) Instead of plastering my walls with framed degrees and awards, on my walls hang pictures of my 3 children, and they are hung there with more pride than anything else I have done in my life!



There was a time not too long ago that SAHM used to look down their noses at working mothers.....

Raquel - posted on 01/14/2010

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I didn't read many posts on here but I would also consider the fact that may be jealous of the fact that you stay home. A lot of women would probably love the opportunity to stay home like we all do. Jealousy can play a big part in those looks. Don't let the looks get to you, you're doing what is best for your family, especially your kiddos. Just keep telling yourself anything is worth it to be with your kids and never miss any of the big accomplishments.

Debbie - posted on 01/14/2010

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You should never let those other women make you feel ashamed of being a stay at home mother!!! Most of them...are actually jealous that you get to do this! These women that are making you feel this way should be ashamed of themselves. You are doing everything you can for your family. Staying at home with your children, instead of working away from home, causing added expenses like daycare, gas for the car and the like that you cannot afford, works for your family then I say WAY TO GO!!!!! You sound like a good mother to me! Just remember this, these other women that have more money (and are NOT stay at home mothers) does not give them the right to look down thier noses at women that are stay at home mothers!!!! Most of the women that I have met in my life wish they could stay at home with their children and envy the women that can! I also think in this day and age that it takes more of a woman to stay at home with the kids! Most women now days are so wrapped up in their "career" they forget how to be a good mother. So I say to you...YOU GO GIRL!!!!!! stay at home with your children and forget about those other small minded women out there! You are doing what is best for your children and your family as a whole, SO HOLD YOUR HEAD UP HIGH AND BE PROUD OF YOURSELF!!!! God Bless you and your family!

Christi - posted on 01/14/2010

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You should not feel ashamed. You have the best and most challenging job a mother could have. I have three also and i am very proud of my job. I love every minute of it and in this day and age it is the best thing for the kids.

Sonja - posted on 01/14/2010

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I just ignore it. I know that I'm doing what's best for my child, and that's all that matters. :D

Jorgie - posted on 01/13/2010

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I get the looks. I want to know when it became better to go to a job, working for the "man" or big corporations instead of raising well rounded, intelligent individuals that will probably grow up to become doctors, or scientist, or even the president?

I always tell people that there one out of two sacrifices you can make; you can either sacrifice a second income to be with your children, or you can sacrifice raising your own children and missing out on their childhoods. I personally would much rather sacrifice a second income. I think that if you are going to have children, you should at least be there to raise them. There is no way I would take my children to a daycare, for someone else to partially pay attention to them.

No one loves your children like you do, not even your mom or sisters or anyone. So I think its best that while you can, be with them and bond with them before they grow up and start their own lives.

Kristen - posted on 01/13/2010

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Well i do choose to stay at home and i get the same looks too. I think it's rediculous that they act as though taking care of three kids isn't hard enough work. We do more work than those pussy 8 hour a-day jobs they do. We work 24/7 and I'm proud to be a stay at home mom. I just tell them that my kids are going to learn from me and not some total stranger. And hopefully when my kids get older and need something they'll come to me and not a total stranger. Hang in there. You're doing good.

Monica - posted on 01/13/2010

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I do feel as though I get those looks.It's not the looks from people I dont know that bother me it's the looks from my loved ones.When I say how hard of a day I had or something they look at me like I am crazy.Obvioulsey being a stay at home mom just means i sit on my butt and watch t.v. while occasionally changing a diaper and folding some laundry.I too can;t afford daycare for 3 and am not really comfortable with strangers raising my children.So in the meantime I am going to just ignore the looks and spend time with my babies while I am able to.

Rachel - posted on 01/13/2010

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Being a full time mum is Bloody hard work,it's so much easier to go to work.As a mum that has done both,i finally opted for part time jobs that fitted around my family,just to keep my sanity and have a break.(my choice)
BUT dont let any one make you feel bad about staying at home to bring your children up.
My hat goes off to all you mums that stay at home

Robertine - posted on 01/13/2010

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Hi Melissa,

My daughter's name is Melissa also. Don't worry about how people look. It's none of their business. The cost of paying babysitters or placing your kids in daycare is really expensive. If these people are willing to help you in any way, I wouldn't worry about the looks or what they think. You are doing the right thing staying at home with your children. I did this for 12 years. By then, my children were all school age and going to middle and elementary school all day long.



My daughter is going through this thing where she wants to work and I'm not near where she lives to help babysit for her. I work full time, but they live in New Mexico.I'm in Indiana. You have to have a job where you have enough money to pay for childcare and have money left over to take care of your other expenses.

Kristi - posted on 01/13/2010

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I have voluntarily been a SAHM most of my children's lives with small stints in the workplace. The latest being the last 2 years and leaving my job in Nov '09.
All this to say, a recent conversation with my 15 yr old son made all the time at home so worthwhile. He told me that he missed me being home to "take care of them and stuff" and that he was glad I quit my job to be home for them.
My most recent job had many career advancement opportunities, and many naysayers (mostly from my own family) said I was crazy to leave it. But I only get a short time with my children and I will give them all they deserve.
So when you feel the looks and hear the little "bits of information" on how you can do so much more for your family by working (not knocking those that do work, every family has its own situation) just remember some day they will thank you for the time you have given to them.

Amy - posted on 01/13/2010

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Don't be ashamed of staying home with your kids. They get more out of us then children of working mothers. Ash on the Mother's giving you those looks.

Darla - posted on 01/13/2010

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Stay at home moms are the ones that have the real job! I had another job before I quit be a stay at home mom and raise my kids correctly and let me tell you...THIS job is the hardest one I have ever done. There are no sick days, vacation days, breaks etc. but it is also SO rewarding. At then end of the day you can say that you have invested your life in the lives of your 3 kids. So many women that work outside the home all day will never be able to say that. Honestly, I think that taking a job outside the home is the whips way to not have to raise kids. I think that those women that give the dirty looks are simply jealous of your decision to stay at home.

Eva - posted on 01/13/2010

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first of all you need to be given medals and trophies NOT stupid dirty looks from anyone especially working mothers! If they don't want to be judged then they should take their own advice and NOT judge us! I have been a down-right proud stay-at-home mama for 8 years now and I have LOVED every bit of it! I USED to be a working mama but made SACRIFICES so I COULD stay home. I bought an affordable house 10 years ago, gave a hefty down payment, asked my lender to qualify us ONLY on my husband's income and NOT mine so that down the line when I was ready to have babies, I HAD and GAVE myself the option to stay home and be able to afford it!!! If they are working because they have too, then I understand on the other hand if they are working because they want COACH purses and Louie Vuitton purses, and fancy make-up and perfume and luxurious vaca's and fancy clothes and cars then shame on them NOT US! I do WITHOUT plenty to stay home. I clip coupons and shop off clearance racks with coupons to afford to stay home that my dear friend counts as work too. But you know what I am the FIRST to watch all my babies take their first steps, and say their first word, and smile they're first precious smile. No one saw that before me. I didn't pick up my child from daycare and have them tell these precious milestones, I witnessed them with my own eyes and I would never change that not for a stinkin' career I could have when I am ready to go back to work or fancy cars, or an expensive home I can't afford and should not have gotten into in thef first place none of that junk could compare to experiencing those precious moments and milestones with your kids. It's NOT easy to stay home that's for sure my paycheck is wiping poopy bottoms, saliva, caked on food, having food smeared and thrown at me, having my kids wipe their noses on me, I give and give and someday they will give back they already do!!

Susan - posted on 01/13/2010

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When I say my sweet girl is a miracle it's totally true, it took us 5 LONG years to get pregnant. We did fertility treatments with no luck and had given up hope of having a baby of our own and were looking into adoption the following summer. I ended up getting pregnant while on a break from the drugs, it wasn't supposed to ever happen that way for me and it did and I feel so blessed. I tell you one thing, there was no way I was going to miss a second of her beautiful life. My last day of work was my due date. Behing a SAHM is the best job in the world and anyone who looks at you funny is jealous because they don't get to or chose not to do that job. There was no way in heck I was letting someone else raise my daughter and go back to work and miss her first words, steps, smile, crawl. If she hiccups I want to hear it! ;) Congrats to all of us SAHM for taking on such a wonderful, rewarding and tough job.

Renae - posted on 01/13/2010

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Well I did choose to be a stay at home mum, if I wanted to I could work and leave my baby with grandparents, but I do this by choice. I would look at them like they are the crazy ones. Who in their right mind would look down on someone for looking after their own child. I agree with Cheryl, they are jealous that they cant stay at home and have to put their child in daycare.

Eleanor - posted on 01/13/2010

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Well if u love been at home like i do i wouldnt care what peole think its their problem .Im a mom of a 2 year old and love being at home ithink kids need their moms when their little not a daycare!

Lisa - posted on 01/13/2010

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My question is why would anyone think it is wrong for a mom to stay home with her kids? Why would anyone think there is something better than that in the world? It is the best job in the world seeing the milestones of a developing infant, but just wait until they are starting school and sooo excited to tell mom what they did that day, it would wear off and the excitement isn't as big if they have to go to a sitter or daycare first instead of running up to mom right after school! Then when they are teenagers - well let's just say I am glad that I can be home for my oldest and help her deal with " teen issues" that are so important to her. I'm glad she is coming home to me instead of "hanging out" and not coming home till 8 at night like I have heard from other parents. She is more than welcome to bring a friend home and do stuff after homework, but I am extremely lucky that I can be here for her when she walks in the door! I love all my children and am very proud that I can be here for them when they need me. I don't need to feel bad and leave a business meeting to go pick up a sick child, I don't have to worry about calling in sick because one of my children are not feeling well. I don't have to worry about my child getting sick from someone else's child that they dropped off at daycare even though they knew their child was ill but couldn't take a day off to care for them. I can hang pictures of my children and their artwork anywhere I want in my workplace at home, and can make my screen saver any picture I want and no manager or IT person can do anything about it because I work at home taking care of the most important things in my life! My children!!

Kelly - posted on 01/13/2010

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I just ignore them, it's more jealousy than anything. Just remember it's for your family you're doing this, if those women have better ideas, then they can come watch your kids while you go work. Know what I mean.

I read somewhere once how much money we SAHM should be paid for all the kobs we do. We're nurse, pyschatrist, cook, laundress, event planner, driver, activity planner, cleaner, counsellors, teachers, and the list goes on and on.

Be proud of what you do and the rest are just haters.

Christy - posted on 01/13/2010

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I agree with most of the women here who say that the 'LOOKS' are 'LOOKS' of JEALOUSY & GUILT or thier own feelings of INADEQUACY because it was too hard for them to take all of the 'TRICKLE-DOWN-EFFECT' (SAHM/D know what I am talking about by trickle-down-effect!!!) and the housework, cooking, shopping, caring for kids (healthy & sick...regardless of how tired or ill you may be...and heaven forbid your spouse get's sick too!!! LOL)...

BOTTOM LINE- BE PROUD OF YOURSELF, BE VERY PROUD! YOUR KIDS WILL REMEMBER SOMEONE THEY LOVED VERY MUCH LOVING THEM BACK AND BEING THERE WHEN THEY NEEDED IT, WHETHER IT WAS KISSING A BOO-BOO, SCARING MONSTERS OUT OF A BEDROOM CLOSET OR RUNNING A FORGOTTEN SCHOOL ITEM TO AN EMBARASSED TEENAGER WHILE PRETENDING TO BE COOL...YOU WERE THERE, HELPING THEM, LOVING THEM, GUIDING THEM, TEACHING THEM...MOSTLY THEY WILL REMEMBER THE HUGS, KISSES, AND LOVE.

Nikki - posted on 01/13/2010

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What you are doing is the hardest job in the world and the most rewarding, it takes a special and very dedicated mother to be able to be a stay at home mum. What you are doing is great and i think us stay at home mums need to get more recognition for what we do, I'm sick of people thinking it's all Dr Phil and coffees with the girls, it is full on 24/7 job, the only people that would criticize are the one that don't understand because they haven't been there. You are doing the most important job in the world and that is nothing to be ashamed of!

Bethany - posted on 01/13/2010

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They're not looking at you and they're not thinking anything about you. They're just getting about your business like you.



We put thoughts into other people's heads. Hold your head up, and be proud, and if you know you're doing a good job, bugger everyone else, just get on with your own life.



Unless someone actually comes up to you and says something, then how do you know what they are thinking, are you a mindreader?



Your posture and attitude will tell people about you, so straighten up and smile and get about your business.



The looks I get are of admiration, for my clean, beautiful daughter in her pretty dress, and, I like to think, for my good posture and my positive, calm face. : )

Kathleen - posted on 01/12/2010

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All wonderful comments with which I agree wholeheartedly....One thing I will add....You are in charge of how you feel. Never let someone elses opinion override your own. No matter how you choose to live your life, someone will always find a reason to disapprove. If you let that one person shape how you feel, you will always be second guessing your choices...I recently have come to grips with accepting the life my husband and I have chosen. I am at home with three toddlers and will be loving every minute very soon. This is a choice I am making for me and for my sanity. I am an older mom (45) and get many looks and comments when my toddlers are with me in public. I even get called grandma sometimes as I have a 20 yr old and 16 yr old. We too are feeling the pinch of the single income. I once enjoyed a very wonderful salary but lost it to out-sourcing. It has taken me five years to accept that it is ok to be a SAHM and to let my husband (who does it gladly) support our family for now. When the little ones are in school, we will re-assess and maybe I will go back to work. Until then, I will hold my head high and show off my beautiful children with joy and I will ignore those rude, ignorant, know-it-alls who think they have all the answers.........

Eileen - posted on 01/12/2010

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When I started staying home, I did a Cost Analysis. Yes, I've taken a few accounting classes and worked as a bookkeeper. With one child in our particular situation at the time, I would have had to make $14/hour to justify working. Three children would have raised that.

You are actually saving money by staying home, despite what others say. Staying at home with your children is one of the best gifts you can give them. I sent the first one to public school, but in second grade, it became apparent that homeschool would be better. The second child was homeschooled from the beginning.

If that becomes an option for you, the homeschool community can give you a lot of support. If not, start a home business that you can pursue while the children are occupied. Having a concerned parent at home has more benefits than most people acknowledge.

Jennifer - posted on 01/12/2010

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You have the most difficult as well as the most IMPORTANT job in the entire world: staying home with and raising your children.

Rebecca - posted on 01/12/2010

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It's a funny world we live in - you get strange looks for no apparent reason some days I find. I understand it's HARD WORK being a stay at home mum and we often feel unappreciated so getting looks from other people do nothing to boost your self-esteem.



But whenever I feel like that I try to see things from my kids point of view - I have no doubt when they are older they will be grateful for the choice we made - when we can tell them stories of how they took their first steps, that we were there when they spoke their first words etc. There's an amazing bond that grows from that and it's special.

Sarah - posted on 01/12/2010

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Yeah ... where I come from (NZ) it's more of a luxury being able to stay at home with your kids. The best caregiver is the parent, not someone being paid to look after them - BUT this doesn't work for everyone of course. Sounds to me like your partner is doing amazing to support his family - and you should feel proud of him - and yourself. It's only a few years before the kids are at school and you can work outside the home again. Meantime, you get to see the kids learn to walk, talk, read and grow - precious time that you'll never get back. I bet some of those 'other women' missed some of those important milestones because they were not at home. And what would their kids say they preferred? I feel sorry for them.

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