Baby blues?

Katelyn - posted on 02/23/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I was a stay at home mom until my son turned two months. I loved every bit of it. My son put himself on a sleeping schedule (through the night) at about 4 or 5 weeks. The doctor recommended that we didn't take him to any public places until he was 6 weeks. The first 4wks were easy because i just wanted to stay home with him anyways, but the last two started to give me cabin fever. My fiance and I live with my parents because his job was 24/7 on call and he was gone from 1-3 days at a time. It was a great help with a new baby and everything. However, even though my parents came home and i had them to talk to i still felt like something was missing. I didn't have time to talk with my friends. Everyone was coming and going as they pleased and I couldn't. When I talked to my fiance and asked if he would have a problem if i found a sitter once or twice a month to go to a gym or just to get out for two-three hours, he didnt even want to hear it. He gave me a speech saying that he didnt want to have any more children because if i feel this trapped now then he could only imagine how i am going to feel later. Also told me thats why his step mom and dad got a divorce. His dad worked all the time and his step mom stayed home with the kids all the time until she went out a couple times and got a taste of freedom. Once that happened she was gone. I tried to explain to him that that situation was between them and ours is completely different, but he didnt seem to understand that. And "He'd Kill for the oppertunity to stay home with our son and I have it and don't want it!" Then he got laid off from his job. Which I had mixed feelings about. Happy because he'd be home more, but now he's out of a job. My parents own their own business and were really excited that my fiance was in need of a job because they know his work ethic and really wanted him to work for them. Initially, we were taking turns going into work. Which was working out great. I got outta the house a couple days and he got to stay home with the baby. Then he started telling me how its stupid for me to go to work because he makes more and he should get the hours. Instead of fighting over it I said thats fine because i was going back to school and if i worked then i wouldn't get a chance to see the baby anyways. Well all those feelings i have about being smothered and trapped are coming back to me. He works 12 hour shifts and I have class from 6-9. By the time I get home its 930 and I have homework. He gets mad at me because I don't give him a time frame of how long my homework is going to take. Then gets mad because there isn't any time for "us." I try to tell him I know there is minimal time for us now, but this is going to benefit us in the future and he just doesn't seem to get that either. When he has days off if i ask him to keep an eye on the baby so I can do my homework that way we'll have us time in the evening, he tells me why do i always have to do my homework why can't we just have a little bit of family time. Then gets mad because we don't have us time later. On the days he does have off that's the argument we have when he is home. Most of the rest of his day off he is running here or there and when I ask him if we can come with he tells me I just want to hurry up and get this done. It takes and hour ( it does take a while but maybe a half an hour max because he won't pack a diaper bag he'll sit on the couch while i do it) for you and the baby to get ready it's just easier if i go. I'll ask him what's it matter if he doesn't have any thing else to do. It'll give us all a chance to get fresh air and spend time together and we can talk in the car. Its about spending time together not whats easiest. Then he'll tell me we can spend time together when he gets back that is why he wants to get it done and out of the way. I just feel so smothered and stuck that i don't have anywhere to turn to. My parents get home about the time i have to leave for school, so i don't really get a chance to talk to them. Then when i get back from school i start my homework....I know i keep repeating myself, but i have been just so irritated and feeling this "feeling" that i don't know what it is but worthless, trapped, smothered are the words that keep popping in my head and I just don't know what to do. Don't get me wrong I love spending time with my son and being able to stay home with him, but I want to be able to get out too.

Sorry this is so long, but i just wanted to be able for one to get this off my chest and for two to explain the whole situation so that maybe some of you could give me your opinions knowing a little bit more about what is going on with me.

Any help would be great!!!!1

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Katelyn - posted on 02/23/2010

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Thank you! Also I don't know how you do it with three and a fourth on the way. You are a super mom lol and congrats!

Shannon - posted on 02/23/2010

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Your mixed feelings about spending time with your child and getting out of the house are completely normal! Any mom who tells you different is lying! I'm a stay-at-home mom and I have three children with a 4th on the way, and sometimes I feel VERY trapped. Just because we've given birth to children doesn't mean that our own lives just stop. Sure they change, and in some really big ways, but that doesn't mean that we just stop needing to be women. We need our friends and family for support and comfort, just as we did before becoming parents.

Obviously, I don't know your husband, but from what you've written he has no idea what it's like to be home with a baby 24/7. Even getting to go to work a couple of days a week is like going on a vacation. It doesn't mean that you love your child less, in fact, it means that you are trying to take care of yourself first so that you can be a better mommy when you're home. Being a mom is that hardest job anyone could ever have. You are trying to raise a person, to support the life of a human being, all the while trying to maintain some sense of individuality.

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