Baby resisting carriers and some forms of affection

Desiree - posted on 11/24/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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My baby boy is 3-1/2 months old and I've been trying him in the Moby wrap since he was about 7 weeks old. The first couple times he fell asleep and hung out for about half an hour, then woke up and started fussing. Ever since then he screams when I put him in, even if I try once every single day, he never warms back up to it. I just got a Baby Bjorn carrier from someone and he has screamed so badly with both facing in and facing out positions that I had to nurse him to calm him down.



I also haven't been able to carry him in the cradle hold since he was about 6 weeks old. I still try on a regular basis just to test it out. Even when he's in a great mood, this one little thing can send him into a screaming fit so bad that again, only nursing calms him down.



Pretty much the only 2 positions he lets me hold him in are sitting him upright and facing out, or over my shoulder - but even the shoulder hold he tends to get squirmy after 30 seconds or so and will start fussing if I don't change positions. Even though he likes the upright, facing out way I hold him, if I've upset him by putting him into a carrier, or by cradling him, he descends into such wailing despair that holding him in his preferred position and walking around and or bouncing him doesn't comfort. The only thing I can do is nurse. And sometimes at that it's hard to calm him down, he'll cry for a bit and pull of my breast several times before calming down.



Also I can't sit in a rocker with him, he starts fussing almost immediately. Gotta be walking around with him! He just seems to prefer most of the time I get on the floor with him, or on the bed, and talk to him and play. He smiles and almost giggles, coos and babbles, and loves face to face interaction... even likes having his diaper changed for this reason, because I'll talk and/or sing to him the whole time. But I can't ever just sit and cuddle him. After he's had activity, he's ready to be nursed, and then sleep. He resists many of the positions I try to nurse him in as well - pretty much the only ways he likes are on the nursing pillow, or lying down in bed.



This is obviously sparking fears in me! I want to hold him close to me more, not only when nursing or sleeping at night. I love talking to and cooing at him and wish I could do this while holding him but he just won't deal with the cradle hold where I can face him, he's gotta be lying down on a surface or in his little chair. It's hard not to worry that this is somehow my fault, like I should have started babywearing early and been more persistent about it in those days that I first tried it.... I'm just worried he doesn't feel very bonded to me for some reason.

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Fit2BMe - posted on 11/25/2012

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This sounds SO much like my son at that stage!

My little guy was particular about how he was held by different people, and never especially snugly like you imagine babies to be. He still isn't, except when sick.

He's always gone down to sleep on his own as opposed to being rocked to sleep, always wanted his bum changed immediately (was even potty trained, of his own volition, at just over a year old because he was so adamant about not being in a dirty diaper that he wouldn't go unless there was a clean one near by.)

As time went on this temperament type demonstrated itself in different ways. I thought maybe he was aspergers or something, however he was meeting all his milestones early (even physical ones) and not showing any of the markers. We even had him assessed to be sure. Turns out, this is just his personality. He's a bright and normal kid. Babies come with their own personalities, preferences, and desires. Some want more space and independence even from birth. I would encourage you to write your worries down in point form so you can ask the doctor/Pediatrician for reassurance, but to otherwise assume this is just your little one being uniquely them, and just enjoy getting to know who that is and respecting it. Not all of us adults are the same, so it stands to reason babies wouldn't be either. They're just little people.

I would encourage you more not to worry, but I think we moms can't help it.

Try to follow his/her leads though rather than trying to set a certain agenda and hope he matches how other babies are. Let him just be himself. :)

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