Being alone while married and as a SAHM isn't so bad

[deleted account] ( 2 moms have responded )

My husband and I have been married over 4 years and we have 2 boys. He works for a major oil and gas company which takes him away alot. At the momeny he's gone for a week flying internationally to scotland and norway. I know this sounds bad, but I've gotten used to him being gone and it doesn't phase me when he leaves cause I'm used to handling whatever happens alone. My parents live an hour away, his mom and future step dad live an hour and a half away and his dad and step mom live 20 minutes away. None if which are any help. We love them dearly but understand they are up in age and not quite capable of handling our kids.
Things between my husband and I without meaning to have become distant. I have extreme back problems and have since taken to sleeping in the guest room of our home because that bed helps my back. I haven't slept next to my husband in 5 months. He still loves me with everything he has and I love him as well but not like it was when we were dating and first married. It's like the newness has worn off and the excitement and thrill isn't there anymore. I'm just complacent where I am. Is this terribly horrible?

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Kristin - posted on 05/11/2010

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It is only horrible if YOU feel it is. Relationships, especially marriages, go through all sorts of phases and stages. As funn and wild and spontaneous as dating and a new marriage is, it is almost a living and breathing thing on it's own. It is constantly evolving into something new. The trick is to continue in a good or healthy direction. Keep the lines of communication open and honest. Intimacy within a marriage is more than sex. It's the asking how each other's day (or trip in this case) was, small gestures (flowers or special dinner made), holding hands, kissing hello and good bye.

Through in a physical ailment, and much of this gets lost in the shuffle. Since you are aware of what has become routine or complacent, are there any small changes that can be made to bring you closer? Skyping while he's travelling. What about snuggling in the guest room? Asking for his help when he is home? Getting a plan in place for eliminating the back problems? Swapping out the marriage bed for the guest bed in your (you and husband's) bedroom? Telling him he is a wonderful husband and provider? Sometimes, we can bridge that gap by simply showing our appreciation for all that they do or by telling them that we miss them and love them.

Think small kindnesses and steps toward him and you will get back the closeness in time.

Tanya - posted on 05/11/2010

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I don't think this is horrible, I thing its a great part of a relationship when we know love and we are able to be us with that being said I also think this may hurt your relationship in the long run who is going to decided where the distance stops and when the closeness starts to be missed by either you or him (because we all need that affection at different times) is it going to be hard to ask for because of routine? I have been with my husband for quite a few years and at times we have fallen into our "routine" and ingnored the fact that we were not as close and then when one of us was wanting and missing it we didn't know how to get it back or ask for it back. I think you need to keep in mind that you may need to keep communication open between you two and also sometimes reach out and give affection and show love even when we know we are loved insecruities sometimes sneak up on us and that can hurt our relationships too.. So I say go about your busness but keep the lines open between you husband and you so that problems don't sneak up later...

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