Being Happy.

Shannon - posted on 04/26/2010 ( 22 moms have responded )

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I have this wonderful husband. He supports me in everything I do. Lately I have been unhappy. My husband has been trying to do everything he can but I just don't feel real happy. I feel stressed all the time. I stay home with my step children. I love being home but I feel like there is more to life then being a stay at home mom. How do I make myself happy again.

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Kyle - posted on 05/01/2010

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Don't be afraid to talk to your doctor. I had a lot of the same issues as a SAHM, but they crept up when my daughter was about 1 year old and just got worse. i thought about not having my own identity, thought that working would help, but didn't want to leave my baby, etc. I wouldn't go out because I was so depressed, which makes matters even worse. My husband was supportive in every way. I finally talked to my OBGYN and we switched up BC. She suggested trying anti-depressants because I had a lot of the symptoms. I didn't want to that - I just didn't want to rely on medication. Two weeks later I broke down on my way to the gym and could pull it together and make it to a gym class. I also started getting impatient with my daughter and yelling at her. So I went back to the doc. I've been on anti-depressants since and feel like I have my life back. I have a great time with my daughter, I have patience back, and my relationship with my husband has improved. I don't notice many side effects. If you thinks it's even mildly serious, talk to your doc or some other professional. It will help. You'll feel so much better talking to someone who won't judge you and who sees things like this all the time.

Good luck and hope you're feeling happy and content real soon!

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[deleted account]

I think maybe try to not expect so much of yourself and your husband! After all, your husband is also just another human being also longing for fulfillment. Maybe letting go of expectations is a start. Try to look for the small moments in the day that made you smile or laugh, things that would have been missed had you spent your time working (or exhausted from working).

You are only one person. There's only so much that one person can do. Don't beat yourself up over not 'having it all'.

[deleted account]

Sounds like you need to get out and do something just for you..Spend a few hours a week..or a couple times a week doing something that you love or find rewarding..volunteer, read, do a hobby you really enjoy..You need some YOU time..not time with babies..I know it's hard to leave them with someone else but your whole life can't center around just you and those kids..If you do, you start to get unhappy...If that doesn't work, see your doctor, sounds like you may have some depression issues..I had them pre pregnancy and it only got worse after I had my daughter..They had changed my meds while I was pregnant to a "safe" drug for baby, but I really didn't get to start feeling like me again until I got on my old drugs again. I couldn't breast feed because of that, but it was okay with me as long as I didn't feel hopeless and helpless all the time...but it was what i needed to do for me. I know putting yourself first is not always easy, but for your sanity, well being and piece of mind, sometimes you must to be a good parent/step parent...Get away for a bit and see if it helps..if not book an apt. with the doc..Hope you feel like you again soon...*Hugs*

Kel - posted on 04/29/2010

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Loads of great suggestions on here...Here's one that isn't life-changing, may not help for a BIG problem, but...when I start to feel down, I get out my nail polish and paint my toenails in a rainbow pattern ( a different color for each toe) and tell myself, "No one can be sad with happy rainbow feet!" lol...Any little pick-me-up, right?

Brenda - posted on 04/29/2010

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Hi Shannon, it's such a tough job being a stay at home mum. I have a 18month old boy, who i adore, but at the end of 2009 I was going out of my mind being at home all the time. I wasn't getting out enough and was pretty unhappy, saw the doctor who prescribed anti-depressants without much questioning - i decided not to take them, instead I started to exercise again, i'd always been into the gym and lots of walking. I'm lucky the gym i attend has a creche, so Ryley is dropped in there and I get an 1.5 hours to myself three/four times each week and it breaks up our day...we get out in the morning and then hang around home in the arv. At first Ryley hated the creche, which upset me, but i had to keep telling myself this is for my own sanity and in turn for the functioning of our little family.

Do you have family close by that can help you by giving you some time out? Or a gym like mine where you can go = even if you just do some stretching, swim or relax in the steam room - it helps your sanity.

Good luck and i wish you sunshine to warm your heart :) Brenda

Rebeca - posted on 04/28/2010

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I understand how you feel. I am also a stay at home mum, but I suffer from a chronic illness, and am wheelchair bound so I feel a lot of sadness at times and keep wondering how I can go back to being the happy fun person I used to be in my 20's.

In January, I started doing 4 hours a week volunteer work at a local wildlife sanctuary, and I have gone back to college one day a week so I am getting out of the house and meeting new people so that has really helped a lot but for a long time I was suffering from severe anxiety/depression and it's fine for people to say "snap out of it' or 'you have to make yourself happy' but it's not always that simple. You may have a chemical imbalance which needs to be treated medically.

If you relate to the following text at all, please go and see your doctor and ask for help. I was put on antidepressants for 6 months and have now been off them for 2 years but I have not felt that bad since I asked for help.

I hope things get better soon and you find a hobby that makes you happy again.

Wendy - posted on 04/28/2010

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I feel where you are coming from I am also a stay at home mom,and went through the same thing you are going through right now.You need some me time this is what I did I talked to all my girlfriends and we set up a time once a week that was good for evereyone and went out for dinner and adult conversation.I hope this helps.also try a Zumba class you get exercise and it relieves stress.

Alyssa - posted on 04/28/2010

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I have been wondering the same thing for almost a year now. At least you have a supportive husband mine just yells and complains at me all the time. He tells everyone that he treats me so well and he does sometimes but a lot of the time he just makes my depression worse. I told him the other day I wanted to go back to school and he told me he didnt want me to bc his house wouldnt be clean and he would have to cook and help out with our son more.

Lisa - posted on 04/28/2010

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HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY,
Oh dearest, you need to make yourself happy. no one, no program, no support group, no job can do it. You must!

Okay so thanks,.............now what?

Dearest, Happiness is a state of mind. The more you tell yourself you are unhappy the more that is going to manifest into reality. You must make a conscious effort every day to realize your purpose and happiness.

A gratitude notebook is a great way to start. When we start thinking of all the things we are grateful for, it make those things stand out and makes the sadness vanish…

There are other obvious things you can do to create happiness and you will find those things when you find yourself. Who are you? What do you like? Are you taking time for yourself or are you so wrapped up in everyone else that you have no idea who YOU are?
You need to do things to bring on your happiness. Take a bath, a walk, go shopping, paint. HAVING TIME FOR YOU IS IMPORTANT!!

I felt like you for a long time and opening my own business helped me tremendously. Not only did it provide me with a sense of purpose but through my business, I was introduced to some fascinating facts about my self, my motivation, my negative messages and more. Having my own business has absolutely changed my life…………….And I do not mean financially!!!! {although that is nice too.}

I have been a stay home mom for 19 years, 3 of those I have had a home business. Right now, my life has never been happier, more fulfilled and richer than any other time in my life. I have time for each of my four children, time for myself, time for my husband and time to write to you fine ladies. Spending time doing all the things I do makes me very happy. I would love to share some links to help you out and get your heart on the right track. Email me personally if you are interested in getting some useful links to happiness

I hope this has encouraged you,
Lisa

Louise - posted on 04/28/2010

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You need to make time for you. All us mums lose ourselves as we are so used to running around after everybody else. If you are not hapy at home then find a job to get you out of the house. Put the children into day care and join the adult world for a few hours. So mums don't enjoy being at home and if your not happy then this rubs off onto the kids. Try a part time job. Hope this helps!

Amanda - posted on 04/27/2010

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I'm currently reading this really great book called, "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin. It is SO good! The author decided to find ways to boost her overall happiness through a year-long project, giving each month a different goal to focus on (while keeping up with the previous months' as well). I'm loving it. It's inspiring to look at my life just as it is and find ways (big and small) to boost my happiness.
She also has a blog:

http://www.happiness-project.com/happine...

Then, here's another blog I've recently run across and love:

http://thehappiestmom.com/

Hope that you are able to find ways to boost your level of happiness!

Danielle - posted on 04/27/2010

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I know exactly what you mean. I was the same way and it started taking a toll on my relationship. My husband and friends saw that this was happening so they made me get out of the house.Now once a month I take a day to myself. Go shopping, eat, just goof off. ALL DAY LONG!! As much as you love your children you have to have a break from them. It will eventually drive you insane looking at the same four walls everyday

Shannon - posted on 04/27/2010

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Try belly dancing!! Go to a class or take one online. Belly dance is a great way to relieve stress and get in touch with your body and mind.

Ameriah - posted on 04/27/2010

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Find something to get into, out of the house. Friends, church, etc....even taking them for story time at the local library....just get outta the house

Jenna - posted on 04/27/2010

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Try to pick up a hobby?? Schedule a day to get out of the house? Get a elative or in-laws to watch the kids so you can have some time out and away.

Sylvia - posted on 04/27/2010

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I have the perfect answer!! Iam also a stay at home mom i have 3kids and i have always been home.For a long time i needed something for me my husband works fulltime and i just didnt feel good about myself and i also wanetd to make extra money but couldnt cause i didnt want to work and pay for a sitter.I started my home base business 6months ago and its the best thing i ever did for myself and my family.If you would like more info please inbox me my name is sylvia Lipani..

Payal - posted on 04/27/2010

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take up a hobby...anything you always wanted to learn or do by yourself. pottery, carpentry, writing, dancing, cookery, learning a foreign language....anything at all...helps a lot to ellivate your self esteem. and start smiling!! all the best!

Carrie - posted on 04/27/2010

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Revisit your interest before the children. Take up a hobby or get a part time job if you can find the time in your schedule. It depends on the ages of the children and what your daily routine is like. Good luck. :-)

Casey - posted on 04/26/2010

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I agree with Joanne...get out and get some "you" time. I picked weeds last weekend and what is sad, it worked. I got some vitiman d and my time to just chill in my own peace and quiet. I don't know how funds are, but see about getting them into a mothers day out or possible day camp with summer around the corner. That helps too. Of course, I know how it is on one income and with multiple children. Just some thoughts. Cheers!

[deleted account]

You need to get out.. have Shannon time. And dont feel like you will be a bad step mum if you take time out for yourself. Exercise really helps, just go for a walk, time for you and your thoughts to be together. And of course, there could be an underlying problem so it might be a good idea to just go have a chat to your doctor. Dont let it get out of control.

Nicola - posted on 04/26/2010

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How old are your kids? Is there anything you can do together, or maybe even finding time for yourself to do what you want to do? It's hard being a stay at home mom, and being happy. If your husband helps, have him stay and watch the kids while you go out with your friends sometime. do something for yourself.

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