Biological father hasn't seen children for 7 years and now wants to see them.

Jen - posted on 06/20/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Hi, I came out of a horrible relationship had two boys and their father moved away for around a year and then came back into their live's, then dissapeared for another 18 months and then wished to have contact again as he had a pushy girlfriend..
He took me to court and all he was entitled to was "supervised contact" which was once per week for two hours, he kept that up for around 1yr then got bored and I announced to him that I was engaged and buying a house.. He dissapeared again but for this time seven years, he has found me on face book and wanted photo's of the boys, so I sent him some photo's.. Now he wants to talk to them on facebook and eventually have contact with them.. My boys are now 12 and 10 and when I ask them if they want to talk to him they just clam up and say that they don't know.. I told him to be patient and that its up to them and he got real nasty and threatened court. I said go for it.. What should I do? I'm not sure where I stand with the courts, I know he's their father, but he hasn't been there for them and so doesn't deserve to be in their live's just when he feels like it... What would you do???? I was hoping to leave it up to them, or maybe should just wait to see if he does actually take me back to court?

3 Comments

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Jen - posted on 06/21/2011

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Thankyou for your comments, and yes thats so true.. Iv'e done the right thing and offered my boys the choice and that's all I can do, they don't wish to talk about it what so ever and I can't make them.. It gives me piece of mind anyway to think that the judge will take into account as to what they want too, my boys were pretty young last time so have no idea how it all works with the older kids... Thanks again:)

Michelle - posted on 06/21/2011

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What they have to say will be key either way. Let him threaten. Any judge is going to talk to them so the result is not likely to be different then the one you've offered to him of letting them decide. As long as you're not doing anything that a judge would see as influencing your sons choice, you have nothing to worry about. He damaged his own relationship with them and a judge is not likely to award him anything. So let him threaten. If your boys want a relationship with them they will. Make sure they know tHat it's okay with you if they do and go from there. They probably need some time and your ex is going to have to deal with it. He may have completely blown it, but only tIme will tell. No court is going to let him keep damaging the kids by coming and going like that. Custody arrangements are supposed to be about what's best for the kids. It doesn't always work out that way but this situation seems like a no brainer.

Carrie - posted on 06/21/2011

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I would wait and see what he does and let it be up to the boys. In most states they can talk to the judge and tell the judge what they want if he does take you to court. No one should be an accordian parent. You're not telling the boys they shouldn't see him or they can't see him you're asking what they want which should be exactly the way things are. My nephew has had the power since he was 6 to decide if he wants to see his dad or not. Most weekends he comes to visit but now that he's 17 he usually only comes every other weekend because he has friends to spend time with too.

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