Can it really spoil her?

Amber - posted on 11/18/2010 ( 10 moms have responded )

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I have a one year old daughter and when we are at home she plays by herself never wanting to be picked up. But when we go to the in laws house they pick her up and carry her around! It drives me nuts because she can walk. And after we get home she wants to be held and throws a fit when we dont pick her up. Are they spoiling her? And if so how do i ask them to stop without them thinking i dont want them to spend time with her??

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Lisa - posted on 06/06/2012

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from the way it sounds they probably are {what grandparents dont; really} when i had to "nicely" ask mine to stop; my mother in law and i ended up in a full-blown screaming match; i didnt back down; but it was horrible. i DID get my point across; she evuentally saw my views; we were fine after that. good luck!

Sarah - posted on 12/02/2010

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my son is 7mths and i have a very bad back so cannot pick him up and carry him everywhere, so i can see why this would frustrate you... even the short walk from the car to the supermarket where i then put him in the trolley gives me serious pain. maybe when you're at home and your daughter wants to be picked up, have a break from what you're doing and sit with her for half an hour or so and give her a cuddle while you spend time together. I put my son with his toys in his highchair or on his playmat near me so i can talk to him and spend time with him even though i can't be holding him all the time. I think maybe explaining to your inlaws that she needs to practice her walking and what happens once you get home from spending time with them, will help... it's not spoiling her, you are lucky that you have a family that loves your child so much that they want to spend so much time and energy with her. maybe they could cuddle her sitting down sometimes instead of picking her up and carrying her around all the time, so she understands that a cuddle is still a cuddle. i hope this helps. x

Andra - posted on 12/01/2010

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I don't think it will spoil her. In fact, you might pick a time of day when you can sit her in your lap and read a book, or just hold her. Then she will know that at a certain time, she gets her special time with Mommy. She will learn to wait for that time, and cherish it...and so will you.

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Dont ask them to stop!!!! They aren't spoiling her they are loving her, when ya'll get home and she wants to be held then hold her, it's called love!!!! Not saying that you should hold her all the time but I have a 12,6 and 4 yr old and if they (not the 12 yr old) want to sit on my lap or cuddle or want me to carry them to bed because "they are too tired to walk" I will do it. Grandparents do what we can't and that is not parent not judge just plain and simple love!! I'm 34 and if my Grandmother were still alive I believe I'd sit in her lap tomorrow :)
Good luck

Amanda - posted on 11/26/2010

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Ugh! The inlaws who don't listen to parents! Lol, maybe if you were to tell them that when they constantly pick her up she gets into a routine of ALWAYS wanting held and picked up. Explain to them that it makes it difficult for you to do things around your house, and that you don't like watching her get upset because she can't always be held. I think by explaining yourself to them, and giving them other options to spend time with her in other ways other than holding her they'll agree, and quit! Hopefully anyway! Good luck!

Karen - posted on 11/26/2010

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I don't think it's spoiling. I wouldn't change things at home(if it works why change it). If she wants to throw a fit because you wont pick her up sit down with her and play with a toy and (redirect)distract her. When you go to the in laws bring toys and try to encourage them to play with her.

Leah - posted on 11/22/2010

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It's normal. Holding a child isn't spoling them. You should hold her too sometimes. I think she likes it. Not trying to be rude at all so don't take it that way.

Bonnie - posted on 11/18/2010

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It's normal. I have been told you can not spoil a child that young with anything they do. It's getting close though. By the time she is 18 months to 2 years, she will change.

Lisa - posted on 11/18/2010

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Kids soon learn the difference between mom and dad's and grandma and grandpa's. They adjust different types of settings. Hold your ground with your parenting at home and she'll adjust too.

Stifler's - posted on 11/18/2010

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I have the same problem. As soon as we get home Logan no longer wants to hold his own bottle or play by himself and wants to be carried around all day like a newborn. He's only 9 months and can't walk but seriously he's so good when they're not around. Just explain to them that you want to promote independence to your child and carrying her around is promoting dependence and harming her development or something.

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