Child Porn- What should I do if I find this?

Latasha - posted on 05/22/2013 ( 27 moms have responded )

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Ok so I posted a few weeks ago that I have a bad feeling that some sexual things were happening between my 9 year old daughter and my new husband. Last night I found an album marked private on my husbands facebook that had been synced from his phone. On there were pictures that he has taken of me and my kids, nothing unusual. However there were 3 pictures on there that I found to be quite disturbing. There were two pictures of some very young girls ( I would guess to be no older than 14 tops) that were of pornographic nature. I could tell that these were porn pictures and not something that was taken from a phone camera, however the age of these girls was a big shock and quite discusting for me. The 3rd picture was one that was of phone camera quality and it was a picture of a vagina- not mine. When my husband got home from work, I pulled this up on his facebook and confronted him about it, and he got really upset ( not violent angry uspet, but a wtf is this kind of upset) and deleted them. At this point, red flags were flaring everwhere and I demanded to see his phone which was where the pics apparently seemed to come from. He handed his phone over no argument, and on that, I found a few downloads of some typical porn, which I'm not nessicarilly opposed to but also found the ones that I seen on facebook along with a few others. He swears up and down he knows nothing of it. He admits to the other normal if you call it porn but the pics of the young girls he denies over and over. I'm not very computer saavy and I don't make a habit of looking on porn sites, but am wondering, before I completely fly the coop and end my marriage over this, if these pics may have been something that popped up unaware to him when he was browsing a site or if these had to be deliberatly and knowingly put on his phone. I am concerned obviously that these girls are so young, but also because I have a 9 year old daughter that could possibly be at a huge risk. I want to get her interviewed to see if anything has happened to her but am not really sure of how to go about it being that I don't have all of the facts on the situation. What should I do???? Any suggestions? Any feeedback helps immensly.

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Sindy Van - posted on 05/25/2013

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Okay, there are websites, especially porn sites, that have innapropriate pop ups in them. I can't tell you the amount of times that I was viewing a random site and something crazy like gay porn popped up. However, i dont know how that material could be saved. Also, alot of men are attracted to barely legal porn. These girls just turned 18, and look extremely young, so thats something to keep in mind. First and foremost, you need to confront your daughter. It's an ackward situation, but tell her she has nothing to fear if something was or has happened. This is life-changing. Whatever you do, don't ignore it. Your daughter is the highest priority!

Rachel - posted on 06/03/2013

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Yes, your Facebook can be hacked. I've clicked on the wrong link plenty and had people tell me porn was showing up on my newsfeed. They can look super innocent (the hacker links). That said, you gotta trust your gut, and I don't think it would be asking too much of your husband to steer clear of ALL porn until this can be sorted out. I know the world at large is pretty accepting of porn, but if you are already getting a bad feeling about him and your daughter, I think a zero porn standard in your house should be the bare minimum.

Natasha - posted on 06/10/2013

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Child porn doesn't just "Pop" onto some ones phone. You have to go looking for it. A man that is devoted to his wife will not be interested in looking at porn sites. If he were sent a email containing these images then he would have to save them to his phone.

Adreana - posted on 06/06/2013

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OBTW...for future reference and to any other mommies out there who may be single it is known for child predators to target single moms because, single mommas are lonely, vulnerable, long for the extra help and are usually busy, too busy to notice that he is abusing the child. Watch for men that give your child too much attention ,cuddle them a lot or that seem super helpful when it comes to baby sitting. My mom was trying to work so, she would leave me with her boyfriends. She had more than one that molested me. Having them babysit saved her time and money she thought these guys were great because they were taking such great initiative in becoming involved with me like, a real father should. One of them would have me cuddle up next to him on the couch while she cooked dinner, he would have the TV on so it looked like we were just cuddled up watching TV together but, when she wasn't in the room he would be sneaking kisses and groping me. I never told my mom until it was to late, when I became an adult, I was too scared as a kid, my mom never had any clue. Talk to your daughters and son's about sexual abuse whether you think it may have happened to them or not and repeat the conversation over the years regularly don't be afraid to ask them if anyone has ever done anything to them, we all hope that we would have some sign, clue or red flag that something has happened to our children but, it's not always the case and they may not tell you unless you ask so please do, often even if you are100% positive nothing has happened to your child if it ever does tese conversations may give your child the feeling of power to speak up.

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Cathy - posted on 06/11/2013

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My friend knew a guy who had some young girl photos on his work computer. he got busted at work and they were obligated by law to turn him in to the police. Having those photos in your possesion is a FELONY. If your name is on his phone plan you are also committing the crime with him and knowing that he had those and not turning him in make you an accesory to his crime. If you are chosing to let this go I dont think it is a good idea to be sharing this with people. Even if it was an accident this is criminal and he still should be investigated by the real police not you. anyway back to this guy we knew. . . . . He was sentenced to 60 years for possessing 12 year old girl porn and he committed suicide because he was so afraid of being raped in prison. as far as we know it was just one picture he had. Everyone was very surprised he even had that. He was so "normal".
cathy

Meredith - posted on 06/10/2013

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I've only read a few and they all have good advice & I'm sure the others do as well. It's sad that there are so many of us that have been subjected to this terrible stuff. Talking to your daughter, IMO, should be your first step as all the others carry severe ramifications. But I'd be on my husband like stink on s**t until he came clean. Another words, until he could give some kind of a better & believable answer. Counseling is a definite action should the worst case scenario be true. But please don't 'confront' your daughter, rather have a 'talk' with her, mom to daughter, real easy & gentle. Save the 'confronting' for your husband. To me the first equates to nice & gentle, the second one equates to mad & in your face. This may be what is needed for him open up. I lend my thoughts to the fact that he's not so innocent or he wouldn't have conjured up the tired old "it's a mistake, I have no idea where that came from" crap. If that were true it would seem that he would have deleted it immediately and said something to you about how these bizarre and disgusting pictures appeared on his phone/computer.

Karen M - posted on 06/10/2013

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From what you have put on here and the fact that you have your suspisions something is definately not right! I'd ask your daughter if there is anything she is not happy with to begin with also ask her if there is anthing she has seen that she doesn't lik,also where did he buy his phone from was it online,a store or did he buy it of a mate of his that could explain a lot if he is still pleading innocent, but it still don't feel right! please don't delay it took my Mum many years before she really found out what her husband is! I was six years old when she met him, but fourteen when he took advantage with bribery & threatened me that I wouldn't be belived, he was right there, I'm now 45 & she found out last June,I don't know how he got caught out as I don't know the full story but- he is now serving a prison sentence which isn't long enough he got six years but will only serve three,it was with his own daughter & grand daughter together how sick is that, I cried when I found out! my Mum found out when I was sixteen but refused to accept it & he my step dad called the police on him self i was told to convince them of being innocent!Caught at last too many years too late!Seek help A.S.A.P see if you can get some support from family or a trusted friend!You shouldn't have to go through this all alone it's a very painful situation,I hope you get the help for your daughter & yourself!I'm intrested to know what happens could you please keep me posted!Will be thinking of you both!

Adreana - posted on 06/06/2013

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I have a teen daughter who was sneaking around skyping with a supposed, "17 year old male in Canada". Her school supplied the laptop and we were about to put parental controls on it because, we suspected it was being used for more than homework. Well we found that she had gotten down to bra and undies for this guy and a few of her friends had gotten naked :(. Any ways there is an investigation to make sure this is not an adult because if it is than this could potentially be an international child porn incident. Anyways, the police confiscated her computer and they are currently doing forensics on it, they told us anything that was deleted can be recovered and, things that are on Facebook or other sites can be gotten by warrant. My point is just because you may not have the proof or he has deleted it doesn't mean the information isn't still out there. Take what you have and, your daughter to the police or other mandatory reporter immediately, they will know exactly what to do to help you, her and, to take care of what could possibly be child porn.

I was abused as a child, it never stops hurting PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE follow your instincts they are almost never wrong and even if they are it's better to be safe than sorry. If your boyfriend hasn't actually done anything wrong and, he really loves you and your daughter he will understand you doing your best to be a good mom and protect her. If he doesn't understand you just wanting to be sure to put your mind at ease for the safety of your baby then maybe he isn't really worth it anyways.

Good luck, lots and lots of prayers being sent your way, lets hope this isn't actually happening and you can move on with your family knowing your daughter is safe And, you all can have a happy ending. if you find out otherwise please seek counseling for you and your daughter you will both need it.

Amy - posted on 06/04/2013

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I've not read the other answers but always follow your gut. It's telling you somethings wrong. Take you daughter to doctor and report the child porn. I would take computer to the cops and l let them go through it. You can't be to safe with your daughter she's yours to protect.
Also if you don't report it now and something happens you may be charged.
I pray that nothing has happened..
Child porn is illegal. Not a mistake.

Your gut is already telling you this is bad. Report this as soon as possible.
Please protect your daughter. And other lil girls.

Audrey - posted on 06/04/2013

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I would leave him. I have been molested by 2 of my moms boyfriends one who even molested his own daughter. She will not feel comfortable telling anyone because she probably feels it is her fault somehow and that you won't love her if you found out. :(

Regular porn sites wouldn't put child pornography free or paid for on their sites because they would be fined and shut down. Not to mention jail time for those involved. No one would allow (even if paid for) an pop up ad of that nature either.

I know it will be hard but you need to be stronge. Show her she is more important to you.

Jaggid - posted on 06/04/2013

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First be sure on everything. If you get it's true then u take some serious action

Ashley - posted on 06/02/2013

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Take your child to a psychologist immediately. Tell them your concerns and they will take it from there. If they find something concerning they will let you know and you can decide what to do from there. They are also required to report any abuse so make sure you are prepared for that. Don't be angry with your child if they have been abused as they may have been scared to tell someone or they were scared noone would believe them. Take it from someone who was advised by a family member for 3 years, its terrifying. Walk away from him and protect your daughter if abuse in the case. Good luck. As far as the pictures, if there is no abuse then maybe it was a simple mistake, but typically you have to download pictures on purpose for then to be on your phone.

Sara - posted on 05/28/2013

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If in your gut you're feeling something is wrong, either have him leave the house, or you and your kids go stay somewhere, at least until he can prove innocence. It's always better to be safe rather than sorry. If he gets hurt over it, too bad! He should understand that you need to do what it takes to protect your kids, and that shouldn't upset him, especially if he's innocent because then you'd be back afterwards anyways. I would bring it up with the police, even though the pictures are deleted they have ways of getting their hands on them. Would definitely take your daughter to the doctors, have her checked out, and sit her down privately and be open with her, if you beat around the bush she's going to think that she possibly did something wrong and will be less willing to talk if something has happened. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, and I hope you and your family come through this stronger than ever. Feel free to message if you ever need to talk! And I sincerely hope that nothing has happened to your daughter.

Yolanda - posted on 05/28/2013

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Get out now or your daughter will be in trouble. If he's into child porn he will mess with your daughter. I've known several biological dads who did that and you can bet this guy will.
He needs help big time. Do not let him ruin your baby.

Alicia - posted on 05/28/2013

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if i were you i'd kick him out until this can be straigtened out. first. second talk to your daughter if you dont want to do it alone talk to a counseller at her school or the police. i would also take her to a doctor to be checked out. as for the porn. that stuff doesnt just 'happen' on a phone it needs to be put there. i would say that he put it there from either an internet connection on the phone or from a usb hook up to a computer. its too bad they are already deleted otherwise you could have compared the vagina pic to your daughter's. then you would know if it was hers or someone elses. and i would say that even if its not your daughters then he's atleast cheating on you to get a pic of one thats not yours.

i hope everything works out but protect your daughter at all costs

Kkrjrpleggett - posted on 05/28/2013

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Downloading to a phone I suppose could maybe be an accident, but uploading to Facebook? No. I do not believe that can be by accident, that said, most pedophiles are more careful than that, I mean, anyone could see those and turn him in, so why risk it? That said, if you have suspicions FOLLOW THEM! Your daughter's safety comes before Anything! Take her to a counselor first if you want, but ultimately, your husband needs to be turned in for the photos if nothing else.

Christi - posted on 05/26/2013

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Oh, what an awful thing to have to go thru but I agree with the other moms that you should trust your gut. Us women have very good gut instincts. With a caring, concerned mother like you, I'm sure your daughter will end up fine even if she had pictures taken of her (or hopefully not more). Try not to treat her (or yourself) like a victim. Get the facts, seek justice, stay safe and move on. Love your daughter, treat her like the princess angel that she is and just move on. Best of luck to you.

-Christi

Heather - posted on 05/26/2013

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As someone who has been there..TRUST YOUR GUT FEELING!! You need to get your daughter or of that situation and into a safe place where she knows she can tell someone.
As far as the pen on his phone and his computer because they are linked.. unless he specifically saved it to a special place it would not be there. You originally found the pics in a folder marked "private". Whenever you save a picture whether it is on a phone, tablet, or computer you are asked "where to save pic" and "are you sure" at the very least, before the picture is saved. You found more than 1 picture so he answered at least those questions before the pictures were saved.
If I were you, I would take my daughter and go. Have her checked out..and you need to let the police know. It is a crime..and you have a duty to protect children from that danger..even if he is your husband.
Good luck!!!!

Kristie - posted on 05/25/2013

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I don't know where you live, but her in TX we have CPS, Child Protection Services. If you don't know, then go to the police and they will know what to do. If its unfounded he has nothing to worry about. But your daughter is your first priority. In my opinion you should follow your hunch...its better to be safe then sorry! He is NOT going to admit to you if it is happening. I also would have my daughter moved out of the home with a relative or friend to prevent anymore potential harm to her. Whatever you do, please do not ignore your inner voice or instincts. I feel you are reaching out hoping you may be wrong. But what if you're not? What if she can't reach out because she is terrified and has been threatened? My daughter was sexually abused at age 6 by a family member. I can't express to you how important it is that you protect her and find out! She may or may not tell you. The people with CPS are trained to interview your child in which she may reveal to them what she doesn't to you. And they have all the resources to help you ad her should it be true. Praying for you and your daughter.

Melisa - posted on 05/25/2013

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I don't know about accidentally downloading a picture onto your camera, but to put a picture into a facebook album that you create, you do have to intentionally select the photo. I didn't see your other post about your suspicions of sexual activity between your husband and daughter, but you shouldn't take your suspicions lightly. I have a family member who was sexually abused by her stepfather. The mother suspected, but didn't know and I don't think she wanted to know. The daughter didn't say anything because she thought her mother knew. Eventually the marriage fell apart for other reasons. One day the daughter called me to tell me her mother was thinking about getting back together with him and she broke down in tears telling me what he did to her all those years. I immediately called her mother, of course, where I found out that she had suspicions she had ignored because she didn't have proof. It's been nearly two decades and the daughter still hasn't completely worked through what happened to her in her childhood.
As others have said, you first obligation is to the safety of your children. I highly recommend talking to your daughter if you think she can be honest with you. Make sure she knows that she can trust you to believe her, keep her safe, and not be angry with her (no matter how good of a mom you are, these are concerns for kids, especially if they have been abused by someone). I'm not generally an advocate for a marriage breaking up, but if he is sexually abusing your daughter, he is not going to stop no matter what he says and he's probably not going to admit to you or anyone else that he does it. If he is abusing her, please make sure to get her into counseling immediately. I worked in mental health with kids before having my own and sexual abuse is so damaging. She will need counseling to move past it. Also, if he is abusing her, as hard as it may be, please report it and file charges so he can't do it to anyone else as easily.
So sorry you have to go through this. I can't imagine how hard it must be.

Magenica - posted on 05/24/2013

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Also, with all smart phones, laptops, iPads-there is what is called a browser history. Unless, he covering his tracks you can view what he has been on. The simplest way to explain how to get there is for you to simply google on how to check it from whatever device you want to search.

Carol - posted on 05/22/2013

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Your job is to protect your daughter. It comes before anyone else under the sun. Do you think that your daughter would be able to tell you by yourself? You could also call a person at the phone company and ask what's possible to get downloaded without someone trying. I know I've had things pop on my computer that I have never clicked on. It's annoying ads for car insurance or something, but I never clicked on anything for car insurance. I even have an audio ad that pops up when I'm not on the internet?!? If in doubt about what's going, bring what you have to the cops and let them figure it out. Until then, don't leave him alone with her.
I can't imagine being in your shoes - good luck.

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