"child stealer"

Danelle - posted on 10/31/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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We have been together for a little over three years, over two of which I spent tolerating the presence of his hypochondriac sociopath hooker ex girlfriend who lived with us cause he felt sorry for her. Or maybe because she sold her body and bought him drugs with the proceeds? Anyways he is off of meth now too. We have a one year old little girl. He has ridiculous mood swings and goes from sweetness and light to self pity to abusive rudeness, sometimes all in one day. More than once I have gotten fed up with the abusiveness and been ready to leave - of course I would take the baby because I still breastfeed her - and he calls me a child stealer! He has a court date in a few days for DV against me, plus violating probation and not going to anger classes. He thinks he is going to jail for a long time and will miss the holidays with his daughter, and I literally never hear the end of it. Pity party, poor him, it's not fair...but there were so many times I could have and should have called the police and I didn' t. Technically he has dislocated my hip twice, though he swears it was accidental, and afterwards let me suffer for hours, unable to move, taunting me and laughing about it. And he accuses me of abusing him. Plus he has no problem flying into a rage, yelling, throwing stuff, calling me names, etc. in front of our daughter. He will even hold her in one arm, yell and hit and push me with the other hand. But if I even talk too loud or too excitedly or show (what he perceives as) any anger then "I'm frightening her" and "I better stop doing that in front of her" This is really sick. I get recordings of his rages and verbal abuse but he always finds and deletes them. But he hides recorders all over the apartment which I have no knowledge of or access to. So my question is, am I a child stealer for wanting to take our daughter and get away from him for good? My family and friends have almost written me off because of him except my father who comes and drives us places...and is disrespected massively, nickel and dimed to death, and lied to repeatedly for his trouble. This is so frustrating and upsetting. And I am worried that my sweet little girl is going to be damaged by the drama she is an innocent victim witness to.

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Danelle - posted on 11/19/2013

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Minor miracle this AM. He does NOT know my plan to leave. And he was gearing up to be abusive again, a**hole in full effect, and I simply - calmly - looked him in the eyes, called him by his full name (like a parent would a misbehaving child) and said something like "WTF are you doing" Equals instant deescalation. All is calm and peaceful now. If only things can stay this way! I can handle small drama no problem. And many other times big bad fights started when I reacted with my own poison rather than responding with calmness. One thing is for sure, no more warnings. If I decide to leave it is my right to do so and if I have to, I will.

Danelle - posted on 11/18/2013

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he did not go to jail. it will be two weeks tomorrow (Tuesday) that he was blessed to discover they never filed his case. and how is he acting? pretty much the same. last Monday he hit me multiple times because I would not let him have my phone to play slot machines! Friday he hit me again and I do not even remember what that was for. he does not hit to injure, it is to shame and control. and of course it was all in my daughter's presence. and he then is telling ME to calm down cause I am scaring her! so anyways I think I am leaving tomorrow for good. pray for me to have the strength to go through with it for the sake of my baby girl, and not to be sweet talked out of it by more lies and false promises of improvement that I have heard a thousand times before. it just sucks because at heart I am a hopeless romantic and thought he would see the light and change for good, like he always says he has and will. but reality check time, it has not happened and will not happen as long as I continue to stay. and most likely will not even with leaving. I am scared a little to be on my own with her but the truth is I really already have been, just in a private home and under horrible psychological stress. there is a really good shelter near here where I can get us on our feet. here's to finally leaving this nightmare behind.

Cecelia - posted on 10/31/2013

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Think big picture. Think of your friendships, your adult child, your grandchildren. What do you want them to know about people and relationships. It can really mess with their minds and lead them to addiction later if it isn't resolved. Children need stability and love. We all make mistakes but if they are surrounded in I love and stability you can work on them. If surrounded in rage, it becomes irrational and reactive.

Debbie - posted on 10/31/2013

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Danelle, please remove your self from this unhealthy situation, if you are unable to do this for yourself then please do it for your child. In my younger years I was with a young man that I soon discover had drug and alcohol issues along with bouts of temper. What I put up with for myself is ashame, if he hit me I hit him back, I did not feel proud of who we were as a couple. But am happy to say I ended the relationship for the sake of my son. He was court ordered, supervised visitation that he chose not to have, his choice. We never married and for that I am thank full ~ I no longer wanted to be Jerry Springer white trash ~ I moved home with my parents and found free legal aide, my son is 25yrs old now, he is a kind and gentle soul. You are the mother of a sweet little girl, do right by her and your self. Maybe your decision will help this young man to put his life on the right path ~ Remember this is not about him, his ex or you anymore ~ your number one thought should be whats best for the little angel you have been blessed with.

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