Child support question

Christine - posted on 06/14/2012 ( 21 moms have responded )

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I have an 11 and 13 year old with my ex husband for which I receive child support. I am also a sahm to a 6 month old baby with my current husband. My current husband says that the child support should pay for half of our electric, gasoline, water, trash, cable, internet, phone, etc... bills and of course their part of the groceries, their clothes, doctor bills, etc.. I absolutely agree that it should go for their share of the groceries, and other things for them personally but I don't see why they should pay half of ALL the bills in the home. (there is no house payment because I paid it off with my inheritance, so even he has no bill for housing). Anything extra at the end of the month I save for their birthdays, Christmases, vacations, braces, etc. What is your take on how child support is to be spent? Am I all wrong?

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Tabitha - posted on 06/18/2012

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Our judge told us that child support is meant to help maintain the household that the children live in. My ex seems to think it should be "spending cash" for the children. I have never counted support into the income because sometimes, it doesn't get paid. I don't want to depend on it only to have it not show up. But I have used it towards bills or gas in the car or whatever is needed when the check comes in. If everything is paid when the check comes in, it just goes into the account with the paychecks. As long as your kids have what they need, you just put the money where you need it to go.

When your husband married you, he took on the responsibility of your children as well. So it's unfair for him to assume that he'll not be financially supporting them at all. It sounds as if he resents them or their needs. I would talk more with him about this and see if there is a deeper reason for his expectations. Does he feel like he has sacrificed something for your kids? Are you guys struggling to pay bills? He could just feel like your ex is livin "high on the hog" while you guys are supporting his children. Blended families can be difficult, I'd be willing to bet this is not just about the portion of money spent on your children. Good Luck

Bethany - posted on 06/15/2012

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I personally think that child support is for the child's expences, directly, and that's between you, and their father. Marrying another guy, any expences incured as a family, well that's his new family and he should pay for that.

Probably I'd put it all towards education expences and a fund for their future expences, like college, car, travel, uni, etc then at least that's covered.

Current family expences are for the current family Dad to pay.

Jodi - posted on 06/15/2012

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Given I get all of $30 a month, it is gone in the blink of an eye, so there really isn't any debate about how it is spent.....

But, in our household, all money coming in (including child support) is household money. We wouldn't distinguish between his, mine or child support. The bills get paid, the school fees get paid, the kids get clothed, we don't account for WHICH money paid for it. So I guess I just don't see the necessity to have such an agreement in the first place.

Kristin - posted on 07/10/2012

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In our household we both work and all money is put forth to pay the bills. When I actually get a child support payment my spouse and I have agreed that this money is to go into an account for the childrens college funds. My spouse is not the biological father of any of my 3 kids but he treats them like they are his and if I am not working he pays the bills and if he is not working i pay the bills, we work as a team as he choose to be with me knowing i had 3 kids and to me thats the way it should be. Also, to me it sounds like your hubby has some serious money issues and control issues, no way would i use my child support to pay half the bills while i stay at home to take care of his child, You both need to work as a team and honestly hes pretty lucky he doesnt have to pay a mortgage like the majority of the world does lol.

Elisha - posted on 07/02/2012

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IDk what your state's laws are about child support, but in NC, there's a chart/formula that they use to figure it, and it only involves the father's income, the MOTHER's income (not inluding step parents' incomes) and child related expenses (ie, health insurance for the children only, work-related day care expenses, and any other extraordinary expenses) that's it. The step parents' incomes and regular household bills are not even a factor.

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Darlene - posted on 02/27/2014

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I was told by my child support case worker that child support was to supplement my income to be used in any way I felt necessary to provide for the child. This includes childcare, mortgage, utilities, car notes, etc. I wouldn't put a percentage on it; too hard to track. I think it should be wrapped into your income and used as needed. It would be wise to take a part of your total household income (includes child support and any other sources) and put aside a saving for your child. If something happened where the ex could not pay child support, all the bills and expenses would still need to be paid anyway.

CAMARA - posted on 07/14/2012

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OK FIRST OFF DONT MEAN TO B RUDE BUT IT SOUNDS LIKE TO ME YOUR HUSBAND IS BEING SELFISH THAT IS YOUR CHILD SUPPORT IF YOU PAID OFF THE HOUSE AT LEAST HE CAN DO IS PAY THE BILLS AROUND THE HOUSE OF COURSE U CAN BUY FOOD BUT EVERYTHING ELESE HE SHUD DO IT... WHAT IF YOU WASNT RECEIVING CHILD SUPPORT THEN HOW WOULD IT GET DONE HE WOULD HAVE TO DO IT SO HE SHUD LOOK AT IT AS A BLEESING THAT HE DOESNT HAVE TO PAY RENT NOW THATS EXPENSIVE....CHILD SUPPORT SHOULD BE SPENT ON YOU AND THEM KIDS...IJS

Jennifer - posted on 07/13/2012

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I'm sorry this hit a nerve because I been thru it.
He's trying to live comfortably off the previous relationship which is absolutely wrong & if you don't put a stop to it now he will push even further. It's a shame how some men become comfortable with women who have control of finances in some way or another. What would he do if you weren't receiving any help at all from your previous or had your inheritance ?? Something to think about ? Child support is strictly for the children. Yes they use the utilities & ect... But they are children & are to be taken care of so they can have a more comfortable life.
How long have you been with him & think about what you have to look forward to ahead now after having his baby. Im sorry for coming out so strong but I was in your shoes. I had all the expenses taken care of & at the time had 2 girls from a previous relationship. Into my next relationship he got very comfortable with everything being taken care of, that he didnt put his part in our family. And when I became pregnant he asked me to ask for more because of the new expenses to come. Good bye to My Mr. Smooch. Life is hard as it is being a single mom but to have a man in your life trying to be taken care of as well without being realistic & understanding is too much.
Think about if things don't work out btwn you & him, will he say you have enough from your family & previous relationship to take care of all of your responsibilities & not need his help for his child ?? Something to think about & Im sorry for coming off so strong but I wouldn't want you to go thru a similar experience. Good luck to you & your family

Christine - posted on 07/10/2012

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UPDATE:
Thanks for your responses Kristin, and everyone. He moved out 6/22. He wants me to stay at home and raise the baby f/t (which is also what I want..to keep her out of daycare and be here to raise my kids), but also work f/t too. He is a truck driver that is gone roughly 4 days a week, so for those 4 days I feel like a single parent, doing everything myself and no one to depend on. That's ok with me, I've been one before but my problem is that he wants everything done for him and then fuss that I don't have a job f/t too. My mother stayed home and raised me and my father never complained about working or supporting the family, or even the fact that she didn't "work". However, the way husband #2 sees it, I should have a paycheck and pay my own bills, the kids should pay half of everything since they get child support and there are two of them, so he thinks he should have to only pay 1/4 of the bills and the rest of his paycheck should be his. He has given me no money at all for anything, formula, diapers, medical bills for the baby, or any other bill since he left. He's also threatened to cut off my health insurance, and has also refused to give me any money for his cell phone bill which is in my name that I had to pay last week. He came by last Friday and we talked about some of the issues and about him coming back and he agreed that he would support my part of the bills until the baby is in kindergarten when I should go to work f/t. He left and hasn't spoken to me since. I cant' get a straight answer out of him about what he wants to do. Stay separated for a while and work things out, divorce, or what?! I don't quite know what to think or do at this point.

Jurnee - posted on 06/18/2012

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My sons dad pays $100 a month, I just put it in the bank with the rest of our money. I feel that I spend way more than that on my son a month between food, activities, after school care, etc. and shouldnt have to ration it out for anything. My older kids dad only paid once in a while, and I did the same then, I had 3 kids and only my income, so I never really kept track of where the money went, but my kids always had what they needed. In your situation though, icant see why your husband thinks the child support should go to 1/2 of everything, as someone else said, maybe 1/5?

Shelly - posted on 06/17/2012

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Half of all household expenses is a bit excessive. It seems there are five people living in your household. Chances are, the two children in question don't use half of all expenses. If you've got to separate money, (which I'm not sure that I'd want to do), you'd have to come up with a more reasonable proportion. Knowing how things are in my family, my husband and I certainly eat more than our children, spend more time on the computer, use more gasoline, use the phone more often, etc. In addition to that, I think it would be fair to assume that you also would be personally responsible for part of their upkeep, not your ex all by himself. But even if you "bill" for 2/5 of household expenses, half of that is your responsibility. So that would leave at very most 1/5 that child support should be covering, certainly not 1/2. I'd save as much as possible for education, medical expenses if applicable, and emergencies. Family vacation would be appropriate, too, but try to save as much as you can for their future.

Mandian - posted on 06/16/2012

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The child support should go for the children's needs. It isn't to pay the bills, unless they need to be paid. The two of you should split medical bills and school activities though. Just my thoughts

Bee - posted on 06/16/2012

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Well even if you were a single woman with children I would see maybr wanting help wit+ things like electricity. But to say your ex is responsible for half of pointless bills like internet and cable is completely rediculas. Child support is to support the children clothes, medicine, shoes , basic needs. Your husband is now the man of your household he is the only man responsible for half of your bills. You should explain to him that you are lucky to have an ex that wants to help. Because $adly some single mothers and kids never see so much as a phone call on thier birthdays. Big ups to you for being responsi0le and paying for your home!

Jennifer - posted on 06/16/2012

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Child Support is used to offset the costs of caring for the child. Such as a portion of the cost for housing (rent, utilities and such), it is also used to offset the cost of food and clothes for the child. I know in my state you do not have a duty to keep track of what the child support is used for nor can the ex-spouse ask for itemization of what the child support is used for my ex attempted that and it was shut down really fast by the Magistrate.

Sadly the child support I receive doesn't cover costs of her activities let alone any of the other items.

Stifler's - posted on 06/15/2012

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I don't have a child support situation but I agree with Jodi, any money that comes in is family money. I make my $100 a week baby sitting and give the cash money to Damo for work lunch and use his money for everything, it's OUR money.

Michelle - posted on 06/14/2012

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I have never received child support so I don't know if I would have it separate or not. My ex husband and myself do shared care and we halve all the costs for school etc.

Christine - posted on 06/14/2012

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Thank you for your perspective Michelle. We also don't have his/hers money but I do hold out the child support separately for them in cash and just deposit what their groceries are or other amounts I have had to pay by check for them back to "our" account.

Michelle - posted on 06/14/2012

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The child support is for the children. It shouldn't for half of all the bills. I agree with you and not your husband. We also don't have his and her money though. If a bill needs paying it gets paid, doesn't matter what account it comes out of.

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