Communication problem with husband over having second child

Jenny - posted on 03/03/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My husband and I are having problems because he has decided that he no longer wants a second child, but I do. Before we were married, we had the talk about kids and it always included having 2-no matter what gender. We have a beautiful little boy who is almost 4 and I wouldn't trade him for the world. About a year and a half ago, we started trying to have another child, but I got really sick for a bit and then there was a family emergency. After that, we put things on hold for a few months to let everything settle down-it was a rough year. Now, my husband has decided that he really does not want another child. I am so depressed over this. I keep hoping he will change his mind and he keeps hoping that I will come to terms his decision. I don't want another child if he is so against it, but I am an emotional wreck and do not want to give up just yet. Any advice?

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What are your reasons for wanting another child?

My advice would be to take some time to sit down and write down all of the reasons you want another child, then share them with your husband. (If he will, have him write down all of the reasons he does not want a second child, and share them with you).

Next, after reading his list, make your own two lists: All of the Pro's of a second child, and all of the Con's of a second child, and have your husband do the same.

Then come together in a quiet place where you can talk and discuss your lists with each other. See if you can come to some compromise that way. If not, you might enlist the help of a professional therapist. Try not to go into it with the goal of changing his mind, but rather understanding his reasons and making him understand your's.

Jenny - posted on 03/04/2013

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He doesn't want another child because he feels now that with only one we have more to give him. Our son would have more advantages financially and have all the attention. When it comes right down to it, he said that when he thought about having another child, it didn't make him happy.

Michelle - posted on 03/03/2013

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What is his reason for not wanting another child? It would help us to know a bit more about the discussions you have already had.

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