confused what should i do

Kassi - posted on 03/23/2010 ( 20 moms have responded )

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ok my husband and i have a 6 month old baby and we both want to have another one really soon. we both want to start trying again this may. but some people in our families have been telling us that it isnt a good idea that we are being selfish and not thinking about the baby we already have. i think i was meant to have twins and that is why i want another one so bad so soon. i pay a lot of attention to the one we already have and i dont think im doing anything wrong.

so i guess im asking what ur oppinion on the matter is.

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Taralee - posted on 03/25/2010

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Go for it!!!! If you both want it, why wait?? Plus, you little ones will have each other so close in age , they can share clothes and toys, and enjoy many of the same things. Everyone has their unsolicided advice to share. It may be best not to talk to anyone about it anymore....LOL. Just get pregnant, and tell them in a few months. And if your nervy....like yours truly....just begin your announcement as follows...."I have something wonderful to tell you, and if you don't have anything positive to say about it, just keep it to yourself because I don't want to hear anything negative......I'm expecting again!!! Yeah us!!!"

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Sonja - posted on 03/26/2010

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i waited 2 years for my second...and it has been great...they are 2 years 3 months apart and my oldest was a huge help to me with the baby! she thought it was wonderful to help out...yea looking back at what i have now i dotn think i would have done anything differently. they get a long so well now and my youngest just loves learning things from my oldest! they really click...my honest opinion is i would wait...but its your life...i dont think you would be selfish i just think you would have it easier if you waited,

Jessica - posted on 03/26/2010

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My children are 14 months apart, I have a 19 month old daughter and a 5 month old son and I wouldn't have it any other way. We wanted our children close together so they could be friends and be close. Don't get me wrong, it is a lot to handle when you have two children in diapers, but I wouldn't change a thing. It is absolutely wonderful watching them grow up and watching one learn from the other.

Heather - posted on 03/26/2010

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I have 3 kids, the first 2 are 17 mo apart and the 2nd & 3rd are 22 mo, apart - It can be VERY hard but it is also VERY rewarding! I love it - my husband & I discussed it and knew it would be crazy while they were all little, but that as they got older thigs would lighten up and be so much fun ~ so far so good! This is also something that we discussed between ourselves and no one else. This is a decision that only the two of you can make ...... and if you are questioning and/or doubting it - maybe wait until you are 100% positive that you & your husband are both ready! Good luck!

[deleted account]

My children are 11mths apart, wasn't planned like that but now at ages 15mths n 27mths, they are best friends - both are boys... It is hard work but as they get older it becomes easier... I think go for it... Tell everyone when your 3mths or so, guess what we are pregnant... Its really none of anyones businesses except yours n your hubby... Good Luck!

Erica - posted on 03/25/2010

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It's up to you and a lot of ppl make this decision and it's not selfish. Ppl just have different viewpoints. Tell em to back off and that it's your decision and don't worry about it.

Kassi - posted on 03/25/2010

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thank u all for the advice. went to the doc monday and he said that i am healthy and more than ready to have another if i want! so we're gonna start trying again in may! maybe soon we're not sure!!! haha and thanks Taralee u always have something funny to say that brightens my day love it!

Denese - posted on 03/25/2010

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I think if you two are ready and more than willing to care for a second child then that is what you should do. This decision is between your husband and yourself and ultimately only up to the two of you. Congrats on trying for a second and may you find as much joy in your life with both children. Dont worry about what the family thinks this is not their decision and im sorry they have not given their support.

Stacey - posted on 03/25/2010

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well hun i think u are not being selfish there is people who have triplets dose that mean there selfish i think if u want a nother child and will look after ur first boy then i think u should go for it!
if its realy what u want!
xx

Monica - posted on 03/25/2010

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Hey If you can love both babies and give them what they need then do what you and your hubby want to do. though doctors do recommend waiting a full year after the birth of your child to give your body time to fully recoup.

Julie - posted on 03/25/2010

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My only concern would be for your health. It takes time for your body to completely recover after childbirth, so I would check with your doctor to make sure you are healthy to start trying again. But if your doctor thinks you are healthy, don't worry about the family.

Kim - posted on 03/25/2010

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It is totally up to you and your husband, not family or friends. They aren't the ones that will deal with the kids daily you 2 are. If they have had experience with kids close in age maybe you might want to listen to their reasons so you can have an idea of what you may be up against and see if you are up to it. Some parents love to have their kids close together. I know one that had 5 kids under 5. Others like to wait so they can spend one on one time with each child. My 2 brothers and I were all born in less than 3 yrs. I remember being very close to my Brothers. I wanted my kids about 2 yrs apart but God had other ideas. My first 2 are almost 3 yrs apart and then the next one came over 4 yrs later. The older 2 do not get along(1 boy and a girl) but they all love their younger sister. So you just never know how they will get along. I don't see why you can't handle or love 2 children close in age. People do it all the time. You will be busy there for a bit but you won't be chasing an 18 month old at a big kids' playground because your other 2 need to play too. They will be more at the same level. Just remember though as you get bigger your child will be walking and running around, 18 months is an active age. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Nicola - posted on 03/24/2010

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If money and space is not an issue and your 6 month old baby is happy and healthy and so are you it doesn't matter what any one else thinks! It's up to you and your husband to get on with it or not.

Jennifer - posted on 03/24/2010

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it's definately not selfish. I don't understand why others try to dictate what should happen in our lives and the lives of our children. My first two were 15 months apart and until recently, were very close. They still are close, but they do fight a lot. One is a boy and one is a girl, so they now are starting to have different interests (my boy is a sports nut and my girl is a girly girl) If you are ready for another one, then ignor what other people say and do what you want to. Just because you bring another child into the world doesn't mean you will love your current child any less.

Kate - posted on 03/24/2010

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i dont think your being selfish at all, if you and your husband want another baby then go for it. I think its good for kids to be closer together in age, they seem to get on better. i left an 8 year gap between my 2 girls and dont get me wrong they get on fine but its hard 2 start all over again from scratch. My youngest is now 2 and we would love another baby but we find it hard 2 conceive, it took us 4 years 2 get pregnant but sadly we lost that baby but got pregnant again straight after that. we havent conceived in the 2 years since having the youngest and its heart breaking.
I say go for it you obviously have alot of love to give so why not, its you and your partners decision and no one elses.
GOOD LUCK x

Ashley - posted on 03/23/2010

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My kids are 20 months and 18 months apart and it is great. They play together and entertain each other. If both of you are ready for it and you are on the same side together then do what you guys think is best for your family.

Alexis - posted on 03/23/2010

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Its between you and your husband not the family. Having twins is a good point, you would have to divide your attention between two children in that situation. Besides your current baby should be around 16 months old at the birth time of your new child, and thats if you get pregnant on the time line you want. Thats pretty close to the age you start teaching how to share and interact with others so it would be perfect to have a little one at that time. Its not like your going to ignore your first child and lock them up in a closet, and with the familys logic, isnt it unfair to all children who arent first born because they dont get 100% attention, it has to be divided up with the older children. I say go for it!

Denise - posted on 03/23/2010

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If you are both very serious about another baby now, do it. The attention toward the other may change a little, but be cautious of it and make sure to spend quality one on one time with both babies. Assuming you are going to be a stay at home mommy, let the older one help with the baby. They will the best of friends!

[deleted account]

It doesn't matter what anyone else's opinion is. If you are ready for another baby, can financially support another and are able to devote the time and attention to both children then by all means.... My sons are 24 months apart. I do feel bad sometimes that I have not been able to spend as much time with my second one as the first but he is just fine and that is the case with anyone that has more than one child. They both know that they are loved and are safe and we are always here for them. They are 2 and 4 now and are the best of buddies. Best wishes.

Ashley - posted on 03/23/2010

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Hey if you think you can give both the kids the love they need and you think you can keep up with 2 babies in diapers then I dont think you are doing anything wrong at all! My kids are 3 and 1/2 years apart (the same as my sister and I) but sometimes I wish they were closer in age so they will be closer and have a better relationship growing up. My sister and I are best friends now but we fought constantly growing up, in part because we were always at such different stages of life and into different things at different times. My husband and I want to start trying again for our 3rd as soon as he gets back into the Army, our daughter is 4 years old and our son is 9 months, I wouldnt mind having another one as soon as we are stable enough to handle a 3rd! Dont let people push their opinions on you about how they think you should plan your family. That decision is no ones but you and your husbands and what you think is right for your family happiness!

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