CRAZY MIL.... anyone else?! PLEASE HELP!!

Brean - posted on 04/25/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )

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i need help handling my crazy MIL.... let start by saying this is her first grandchild... which is totally normal for her to be excited about..... but,

she has multiple picture albums of MY daughter on HER facebook saying, "MY beautiful BABY DANNY"
(I have asked her several times not to put the word "baby" in front of my daughter's name, as I do not want it to stick. like my cousin BABY linda who is 22. and her Name is Danielle and DANNY is a nickname given to her by my fiance and we told everyone to call her by the name we chose for her, she refuses. and i absolutely hate when someone calls MY child theirs. She is MY daughter... sorry.)

She has already complained that she hasn't been allowed to babysit comparing herself to my family cause my 2 aunts that raise me babysat once for my fiance's birthday so we could go out. our daughter is only 6 weeks old, i'm sorry if i'm not rushing to hand her off to people to watch her for me when i am perfectly capable to do so. i think she expected us to always ask her to babysit since we are both 21, but i am a very mature 21 and have my priorities in order, unlike she did. she was 16 when she had my fiance and pawned him off on her mother.
(she has a 16 yr old and 13 yr old and barely cares for them, they have to practically beg for food, but they usually end up making microwave food or sandwiches for themself and her husband has to tell her off weekly just so she will do laundry.... this makes me question her ability be lieft alone with my child)

she calls multiple times a day to ask a series of 20 questions, i.e. how is danielle? where is she? how much has she eaten? what is she doing? how many pampers has she gone through?
(this makes me feel as if she is questioning my ability to parent!)

she complains about me to my fiance instead of telling me something about her complaints... we are both adults.
(she complains that i dont answer my phone, usually cause she's already pissed me off by calling tons of times..... she complains about my family and how when we baptize her, it will be in my hometown as well as when we get married, but its only so since my family will be the one paying for the majority of both events.)

she stalks me.
(literally she will call, text, facebook im, facebook message, myspace message me until i answer.... and of course by this point i am pissed and just wait for my fiance to get home cause my blood pressure has already shot through the roof and i dont want to talk to her.)

she comes over to visit out daughter and EXPECTS me to have dinner.
(yeah, i dont think so. she invites herself over, perhaps if i invited her, i would prepare a meal.)

she will wake up my daughter if she is asleep when she visits.
(she is a newborn.... she is ALWAYS asleep. my dad visits her and doesnt mind her being asleep.... he understands that she needs it)

she gets mad cause she is only allowed over if my fiance is home, because i am to the point that i do not want to be left alone with this female.

she has called my daughter a "butterball" and when carrying Danielle she has complained about heavy she is. and that makes me so mad, she is a baby, if shes too heavy put her down!

i honestly believe she is sincerely jealous of me being with her son..... she never cared for him and never helped him while he was in college, she maybe gave him $50 in the 3 years he was there. he now works for the govt and with his first check he bought her tons of stuff and than we became official and all those gifts and generosity came towards me. she also has 3 sons and always wanted a daughter, but i'm sorry, Danielle is MY daughter.

she told me i ate too much like 3 days after i had my daughter, when i had a 1/4 of the amount of food she ate.

she tried to give us condoms at our baby shower!
(rude! inappropriate cause there were children around and i felt she was pretty much calling my daughter a mistake... she was not planned, but she was NOT a mistake!)

i'm sorry if it seems like i just keep going on and on, but i do not know how to handle her, i do not want to be rude, as i would hate it if my fiance were rude to my aunts, but it seems i am at my wits end. it is to the point where anything she does annoys me, pisses me off and raises my bloodpressure. i have tried making snide comments, being polite, being OVERLY polite and still she is so rude and impolite to me.

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Tracey - posted on 04/25/2010

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what you need to do is to have your aunts watch your little one or while she is asleep have a nice sit down conversation with your finance about his mother. tell him everything that you posted here. you are her parent and you need to be able to feel that way with out having someone always in your face. i really think your MIL has crossed a few boundary lines here. and with her only being 6 weeks old your MIL should not already have tons of pics of her on facebook. those are your precious moments to share right now. you might be right in the fact that she is using your daughter to fulfill the void of not having a little girl of her own, but as a grandmother it is her job to spoil not to parent or try to know every single thing 20x a day. that i think is an invasion of privacy. plus she needs to have respect for the little one. she is a baby they need sleep plus if you have her on a schedule then she should not be going in and waking her up, plus babies are going to weigh something and you have to carry them until they learn to walk. if she has 3 boys she should know that they get heavy, why complain. this lady sounds nuts in my book. and as for her expecting you to make dinner when she came over uninvited hello, that is not your job to feed her and she needs to get her head out of the clouds if she can't even be responsible for the 2 boys she has at home. i totally understand why you don't want her to baby sit. i would not want her to either.

talk with your finance and really tell him how you feel, and then before you talk with her think about what you want to say and what some of her reactions might be. go into the conversation calm and with a clear head. if you do it that way you will be more prepared and you can truly get your point across and maybe she will back off a little. trust me my MIL is a pain but its been a work in progress. i have a 5 yr old and i figure i start correcting the problem now and when i little boy is born in July it will be less of an issue. but we live with her for now so there will always gonna be something

Keelin - posted on 04/25/2010

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Maybe you need to copy this & send it to your MIL!! Maybe she will get the point that way. Have your Fiance step in & stand up for you!

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