Curious why there always has to be a debate with mom's who breastfeed and those who use formula?

Jessica - posted on 03/17/2010 ( 45 moms have responded )

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Whether you breast or formula feed a child, I do not understand why anyone has to be judged on this topic. To each their own! Everyone has a personal choice in what they choose and am astonished at how other mother's try to push their views on others. Very very disheartening. I really thought COM was a place where we can all relate, not bash each other for our choices and make others feel awful b/c it's not how you chose to feed.

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Hannah - posted on 03/18/2010

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I don't think the BFing moms intentionally try to put formula feeding moms down or make them feel bad about their choice, but I'm not every breastfeeding mom, I'm just one.
I am very pro-breastfeeding, and personally, what bothers me is when a woman wont even entertain the idea of breastfeeding. Or women who put ME down for choosing to breastfeed my daughter past 1 year... it goes both ways. Formula moms are just as guilty for attacking BFing moms.

Lastly, and this is MY OWN OPINION: I do not agree with formula feeding over breastfeeding... UNLESS, for some medical reason, you cannot breastfeed your baby. I truly belive that Breast is Best, and that formula will never come close. Again, that is my opinion.

Hopefully I have not offended anyone, and if I have, I certainly did not intend to.

Brandi - posted on 03/17/2010

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I agree too. NOBODY could have judged me more harshly than I judged myself when I made the decision to bottle feed. I was TOTALLY pro breastfeeding when I had my daughter. After a few days (yes only a few days) I realized I had NO IDEA what I had gotten myself into. I didn't make any milk in one breast and the other didn't produce much either. (even with feeding every hour and a half). My nipples were bleeding soo much that my daughter was only spitting up blood and I was becoming really depressed about how awful the whole thing was. I cried for hours after her first bottle and felt like the biggest failure as a mother. Had I been on this site 4 years ago, I probably would have been in REALLY bad shape emotionally. Breastfeeding doesn't always work out the way you plan or hope.

Hannah - posted on 03/18/2010

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Which thread? The one about why women chose formula over breastmilk? I didn't start that one, another Hannah did... not this one :)

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I think with ANY topic there's goin to be different opinions......when someone posts a thread asking for EVERYONE'S opinions they should be allowed to offer just that! They're only opinions ladies but unfortunately some people take offense, or find them rude etc........if you don't like something someone says, ask them to explain themselves, or just leave it alone........you have the opportunity to express ur opinion also! I think a lot of the time people are mistaking other peoples OPINIONS as JUDGEMENT and that's not necessarily the case! I'm not here to judge anyone but if someone asks for my opinion on a subject I'm not goin to necessarily agree with everyone but I have the right to express my opinion the same as everyone else!



I'm sure that there's some of you that will think this post is harsh but that's not my intention! I'm the most openminded, non-judgemental person you'll ever meet but I just think we all need to take the comments for what they're worth........they're someone's opinion; you don't have to agree; you don't have to like it BUT you shouldn't get upset about it! You have the right to comment any way you like also!



Good luck!

Jodie - posted on 03/18/2010

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i love the fact that the mum's who judge those that bottle feed don't come on here to this thread and try and defend themselves lol!! I breastfed my 1st but couldn't do it with my twins so they had formula! Everyone has their reasons for choosing which feed it's not up to us as mothers to moan at them, but to try and offer helpful advice!! Oh and why is it that they will argue breast is best till they are blue in the face yet i found that when i was being glared at for feeding in public it was mostly women complaining!!

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Kara - posted on 03/18/2010

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I agree to that i felt like that when i chose to bottle feed my baby at 5wks and my nlaws were not happy at that and they had a go at me saying that i should be breastfeeding so baby doesn't get sick as much as he would on the bottle i chose to bottle feed because i got tried and i didn't feel comfortable about it and it really hurt i wouldn't put my baby on bottle if i didn't think he wasn't ready and i knew that it wouldn't affect him and it hasn't we found out that he reacted to daily so we put him on soy milk and he has been fine since.

Jessica - posted on 03/18/2010

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This was not a rebuttal to anyone's personal thread. It was to bring to light the difference between criticism and advice. It was not meant as debate either. I was hoping to end judgment on a personal choice of bottle vs. breast. I do not want this to turn into ANOTHER harsh argument against the sides where it starts fights, name calling and unnecessary criticism. That's all folks! Thanks for your input!

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Hi Hannah, nice to see you again! I think somehow this thread was created as a rebutle to ur thread the other day!??

Samantha - posted on 03/18/2010

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i agree totally, when i was in hospital after having my 1st child i was 19 and didn't have a clue what to do, but the midwives only seemed to be interested in the women breast feeding, it's insane as long as your a good mum and want whats best who cares?

Tami - posted on 03/18/2010

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Just wondering why we are debating it then? LOL I am pro-breastfeeding when the circumstances are right. I was really against those who tossed the idea out before they even had the baby. I think those are the people we are referring to. I was really pro breastfeeding until my second child and I had mastitis in one breast and multiple clogged milk ducts. TERRIBLE time, but still breast fed my child until he was one, because I believed he could eat better from me which was free. Towards the end, he ate formula too, since I didn't produce as much with my second child. So, I was a very uptight 1st time mom with my first child and with experience with the second child, you are too exhausted and kinda relax your thoughts on these issues. I didn't care as much with the second to be perfect. Including buying cheap diapers from Aldi's. Wish someone slapped me in the face until I GOT it. I could've saved so much on diapers if someone just made me buy cheap for a month or so. You get used to them real fast and they ALL leak and they ALL still have blow outs.
Anyways... one thing about having 2 kids, you tend to not care what other people think because lack of sleep and lack of time. Wish I knew with my first what I know now.

Theresa - posted on 03/18/2010

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i don't understand it either. Plenty of babies are formula fed and turn out just fine. I personally did what I call the "obligatory" 6 weeks with my first two. i hated every minute of it, but felt guilted into those 6 weeks. With my 3rd I pumped and breast fed. I enjoyed that combo much beter and got 6 months out of it. None fo my kids is more sick then the others, smarted than the others or anything else because of the breastmilk or formula difference. They're all great kids. I think hospitals push it too much too. Fine to try and get a mother to breast feed. but if they don't want to or can't that should be their choice. Our hospitla won't even give out the free diaper bags because there are formlua samples in it and the "discourages breastfeeding." I think that's rediculous. Having a sample of formula isn't going to make someone decide not to breastfeed. As most mothers have said we all need to be a support to other mothers, not criticize. There are enough times as a mother you feel like a failure. you don't need someone telling you that yes, you are a failure for whatever reason. you need to ppl to say "Hey, we've all screwed up and our children have survived. It'll be OK, you're doing the best job you can."

Rona - posted on 03/18/2010

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Hey Erica Cole, don't let other people get you down. If you chose NOT to breasfeed because you knew it was the absolute best and healthiest choice for your baby, then I myself commend you and support you 110%. So many times mom's will make decisions because that's "what everybody else is doing" instead of "what is healthiest and wisest for MY baby". Hold your head up high, and do what you believe God is leading you to do.... "If God be for us, who can be against us"!!

Jennifer - posted on 03/18/2010

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Jessica, I love it that you aren't attacking either side here as I have seen harsh criticism from both sides. I think we as moms could really benefit from a phrase, "just because it's different, doesn't make it wrong". I personally have been harshly criticized by bottle feeding moms about my desire to BF my little girl and it is constant. I even had one tell me that breast milk will never measure up in nutrition as well as formula. I have been told by formula moms that I should only BF the first few days for the colostrum and switch to formula after that because it's "strange" to continue or they will tell me, "how can you let your daughter do that?"

I think that a mom needs to do what she thinks is best for her child PERIOD. For some moms that is formula and for others it's breast feeding but just because it's different, doesn't make either wrong.

If we could remember that in society as a whole we'd all get along a lot better instead of trying to force others to conform to our own social norms.

Rona - posted on 03/18/2010

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I think its a combinatin of some moms feeling like they're forced to comprimise vs. moms who sacrifice. Kind of like the argument of home school vs. public school.... abortion vs. life..... stay at home mom vs. daycare/babysitter and career.... I think we struggle sometimes with whats best, making a decision that's best for our kids vs. whats easiest for us....

Jessica - posted on 03/18/2010

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Opinions and suggestions are wonderful, that's what this forum for mom's is about but I don't believe it's fair to criticize another for their choice. That was my concern b/c I have read it so many times with this topic. I was hoping to bring it to light and break that cycle and need to judge, name call and bash one another.

Once again thanks to those who can offer advice without chastising and making someone feel horrible. Those mom's are the ones who make the most positive impact. Thank you.

Heather - posted on 03/18/2010

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I managed to breastfeed my son for the first two months.. and he didnt great with it!!! But then I was going back to school and decided to pump and was only able to get enough for around two bottles a day which definitly wasn't enough.. so I switched him to formula.. I also hated the experience.. I only did it because I knew it was good for my son.. and I couldn't wait to get him off and have my body back and have a bit more freedom to do what I needed to do around the house without having to stop half way through to feed him cuz someone else could.. I also don't find preparing bottles that bad.. I prepar the amount that he needs for the day each morning and then just warm them when hes hungry.. I'm extremily disappointed in the moms that say your no good if you don't even try breastfeeding.. some people may just not feel comfortable with it which is totally up to them..

Lacey - posted on 03/18/2010

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Like everyone else out there I agree. It is a personal, health related, emotional, hard choice to make. For some it just isn't feasible so why make those mothers feel worse than they already do? I just don't get it. It is like how people bash Kate Gosselin for giving her kids juice or using a pizza cutter to cut pancakes. Well you know what she is doing what works for her and she shouldn't be judged because of it. I tried for 4 months to increase my supply. I breastfed and formula fed my son. I only produced a total of 13oz in 24hours. No child can live off of that. I did everything out there in my power to increase it but it just didn't work. I felt awful because I just wasn't able to do it. And then to be look at like I was a failure as a mom is completely wrong. Whatever happened to supporting one another?

Victoria - posted on 03/18/2010

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I breastfeed my son tell he was 9 months and it was hard I couldn't pump so I just had to do it the old fashion way and I could never go any where with out him it was alot to handle so when he started cutting teeth I decided to stop and formula feed my husband didn't like it but its my body. He does good with both and he is happy. My grandma told me that she read somewere that if the formula isn't mixed right then it can cause you child to have seizers and dehydrate. But I haven't had any problems with his formula.

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P.S. I always try to be encouraging when I'm commenting and I always take other people's feelings into consideration but I'm still gonna express my opinion and I'm sorry if it doesn't agree with yours!

Danielle - posted on 03/18/2010

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i agree with you i find that most moms on here are very catty and its like a competition most of the time and i hate it my son is a person not something to be compared... We all have pretty much the same highs and lows and should be standing by each other and swapping experiences not dictating and beng forcefull.

As for the breastfeeding vs formula i had no preference when y son Jake was born as i knew that jake may not take to it and i was fine with it id have followed his lead. (i breastfed for two weeks before i dried up!) My son is 4 months and is 18lb 12oz on formula he is happy and thriving isnt that what we all want...hed be the same wether he was drinking my milk or the powder. I think most women do things more for themselves than neccesserily whats best for their babies as Jake wasnt getting enough from me and thrived more once he was on the bottle so it was best for me to bottle feed him.



Im rambling lol

Mandi - posted on 03/18/2010

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I agree. Some women are do rude about it. I dont get why it concerns them so much. I formula fed both my babies, and they are happy, healthy & SUPER smart. I would never regret my choice, and no one could ever make me feel like I did something 'wrong'. I guess thats why I dont get upset by the whole topic, it just doesnt get to me. I do think people should pay attention to their own lives, though, and stop judging.

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Not all moms respect the decisions others have made unfortunately not that it should matter we choose to do what we feel is best for OUR baby and our selves.That's whats most important..i respect what all moms chose to do to fed there baby and it is disheartening to see moms write that mothers who chose not to b/f are lazy or formula is abuse.

A happy,loved and cared for child who is healthy is whats the most important thing to any mom.we choose to provide that in different ways.



My kids are the most important thing in my life and i live day by day and enjoy what each day brings..there happy and healthy and loved and thats what i care most for not how i fed them as babies.



A teacher i had in school who is a wonderful person who had 3boys before she had a little girl and one day her life changed forever when her 3year old girl ran out behind her car as she was reversing and she killed her little child.



My heart broke when i found out i was pregnant with my second child..it put everything in to perspetive for me be proud of the choices we make for them in all areas of there up bringing, and live everyday to the full with our children because who knows what tomorrow will bring.

Sarah - posted on 03/18/2010

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i fully agree, i had to stop breast feeding with my 3 year old son when he was one month due to severe compications, my dr advised me to stop because of them (i am permentantly scarred and my breasts will never be the same) i was advised by my dr to not breast feed this one because it could jepordize my health again. i hate how people look down on me because of it

Danielle - posted on 03/18/2010

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it shouldn't be a debate. It has got to be whatever you are most comfortable doing. I didn't breast feed my first 2 children. I was quite a bit younger, and just not comfortable even considering it. My last 2 children, I was excited to try it, and I will never regret doing it. It is an amazing experience that no mother should miss out on, but on the same hand, if she isn't comfortable doing it, it won't be for her or the baby.

Nadine - posted on 03/18/2010

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at the end of the day i dont think it matters which one you do i wanted to try and breastfeed but my little one didnt like it so i bottle fed, i dotn judge anyone on the way that they bring up their child all children are different it annoys me when people are this is the best this is the best just because it is good for one doesnt mean it is good for the rest and i tell you people that do annoy me when it comes to this is the modwifes and all that, you have just been through labour and then they want you to try and breastfeed when you feel like poo i now it meant to be the best put many babies are bottle fed and they all tuen out just fine.

Myra - posted on 03/17/2010

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Right there with you. I know this will seem wrong to think, let alone actually put out there for others to say "how dare you say that", but I sometimes wonder if some of the people who are so forceful and don't understand that things don't work the same for every child are even really moms.

Felicia - posted on 03/17/2010

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I nursed all my kids but if someone chooses to bottlefeed, that's their choice. That is just plain stupid.....to each her own.

Rebekah - posted on 03/17/2010

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People attack each other like this because they feel that they are the correct party, I haven't posted a conversation yet that people have fought over. Mother knows what is best for her own child. Period. Many of us were fed differently and we all turned out the same.

Jennifer - posted on 03/17/2010

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I whole-heartedly agree, Jessica! I mistakingly joined the breastfeeding support group, but quickly realized that I had made a huge mistake. I was trying to b-feed my newborn twins, and was very emotional and hormonal, and I actually got verbally ATTACKED because I asked a question regarding formula. It wasn't even that I was going to feed my babies formula, but I just wanted to know what brand exclusively b-fed babies preferred. At that time I was nursing my twins AND my sister's newbor, so 3 babies, and was producing around 72 ounces of milk per day!!! I needed a break, and actually got threatened by the administrator and my posts were deleted!!! How unsupportive and dissappointing to me. I only wanted some advice and support.

Danielle - posted on 03/17/2010

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lol..my son too...he loved my milk but his formula I believe he loved even more bc it wasnt hurting his belly anymore. And the love my son gets from me is crazy. Just thinking about his smile makes my heart melt. Hes also the best cuddlier you will ever meet. Anyone new he meets he greets them with a hug. Its the cutest thing.

Jessica - posted on 03/17/2010

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OMgoodness yes! You hit the nail on the head, lol, we refer to my daughter as the black hole b/c she can just eat and eat and eat :) Not too mention the love she gives and receives is endless!

Danielle - posted on 03/17/2010

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Ya I dont get why "breastfeeding" mothers are soo harsh on formula feeding mothers. Im a breastfeeding and formula feeding mother. I would never down a mother for not being able to breastfeed. I just want other mothers to know that not ALL breastfeeding mothers are like that. My milk came in fine..Ya I had flat nipples but I wore a nipple shield, the only reason I stop was because I found out my son had allergies to milk and soy. I could of continued breastfeeding but I would have to be on a strict diet but with 2 other kids also there was no way I could commit to something like that. What if I misread a label and consumed something I wasnt and now my poor son would be in pain. Like I stated before. We do what we do because we feel its the best thing for our children. No mother should feel like they are a failure. Our children loves us no matter what. They dont care if they have breast milk or formula..All they care about is eating..lol..and loved!

Jessica - posted on 03/17/2010

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Not her's in general b/c I have seen the topic of breast vs.formula as a post many times and it always ended harshly and was curious to why it was necessary to debate. It made me sad to see the fights that ensued from it and wondered why it had to be that way.

Danielle - posted on 03/17/2010

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I meant to say it shouldnt* matter how they are fed or what they are fed. Sorry

Danielle - posted on 03/17/2010

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I agree too. I also think topics like that shouldnt even be posted. Every mother has a reason why she does something and for another mother to judge that I think is wrong. "we" as mothers know whats best for our kids. And its all trial and error. As long as our children are healthy and growing..it should matter how they are fed or what they are fed!

Jessica - posted on 03/17/2010

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Thanks all! I do think we do not need to add more judgment and harsh words to each other when we all have our reason's whether personal, health etc. It's hard enough being a mom :) I wasn't able to b/c of health reason's and got a lot of guilt from my mil, which made me very very depressed and coming on here and reading some of the negative comments made it worse. You all have been great and I thank you for understanding!

[deleted account]

When I was pregnant I said "I will breastfeed" I thought it was as simple as that. Formula never crossed my mind. Then when my daughter was born I tried everything to get her to latch...nothing worked so I pumped and eventually lost my supply. I am now formula feeding and am fine with this.
I am thinking that a lot of women who breastfeed don't realize that it is hard for some women, don't realize that some women don't get their milk, or don't realize that some women have to go back to work right away and don't have enough to pump all the time.
and I think that a lot of formula moms (myself included) are annoyed with breastfeeding mothers, doctors and even formula ads telling us that "breast is best."

I give breastfeeding mothers credit. I wish I could have done it, but in the end I was not able to do so, and I kind of feel better about this because I eat VERY poorly and with formula I know my daughter is getting all the nutrients she needs. If I was able to breastfeed I hate to admit it my daughter would be running on caffeine, fried food, and chocolate ...because that is what her mother eats all the time.

I agree that this debate between the 2 needs to stop.

Ericka - posted on 03/17/2010

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I totally agree. Mom's give me drama on here because my daughter is not breastfed, but they don't understand that my daughter is lactose intolerant and she has to be on soy formula.

Carolee - posted on 03/17/2010

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It's just one of those issues where most women think that they are the only ones who are "right". It's like that with certain topics: breastfeeding, spanking, cry it out, etc. Sad, but true that there are definately some subjects where almost nobody is willing to "agree to disagree".

Natasha - posted on 03/17/2010

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I fully agree!! I think everyone should do what is best for them and their baby and not feel judged or threatened by other women. As long as your baby is happy and you are happy then everything is fine!

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