dads spending qualty time with kids

Sarah - posted on 01/08/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

5

8

0

i have 2 children a 19 month old and a 6 month old my partner (kids dad) works all day then comes home sits on hids but eats tea then usualy eather goes out or goes on the computer or just generly buggers off somewhere. The kids get grumpy and act out because they want dad but dads not there. how do i get him to spend more quality time with his kids?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Renae - posted on 01/08/2010

2,209

23

156

I agree with everything Anna says. I also wanted to add that men sometimes get freaked out when we approach them with things like this because they think our expectations will be way more than they want to give. E.g. I recently had a friend who wanted her bf to be more affectionate, but every time she spoke to him about it he said "I'm just not that sort of person". So her and I discussed what she actually wanted which was: kiss before he leaves for work, kiss when he comes home, cuddle before going to sleep and occasional hand-holding. When she actually spelt it out and told him exactly what she wanted and what she meant by "be more affectionate" he agreed he could do that no problem and he didn't realise he wasn't doing those things. He has since done those things every day.



My point is, when you talk to him, tell him exactly what you expect. E.g. come home, relax for 15 min, eat dinner, play with kids for half an hour. Of course this all depends what time he gets home and what time the kids go to bed. If you just tell him "you need to spend more time with the kids" he will assume you want him looking after them all night and all weekend - men tend to exaggerate things in their heads. So spell it out as clear as could be and you might find he agrees to it.

9 Comments

View replies by

Debi - posted on 01/11/2010

130

36

14

My Husband works nights 60 hours a week and only sees my daughters Tuesdays- Friday mornings for 10 min. And on Saturday afternoon for a couple of hours. I never made an issue about him spending time with them, I wish now I had. Tell him that you need time away from them to, take 30 min and just leave and go someplace for a walk or gym, or anyplace just for you. If you stay home he will find some reason for you to be called back to take care of the kids. It will never get better if he don't start now he never will. But without him knowing how you feel he will never fix it.

[deleted account]

My husband has to get up very early for work. He is usually tired and does not want to do a whole lot after work. I have always made it very clear to him that he helped make the children, so he will help take care of them. He helps me some during the week, but it is mostly up to me. He gets his turn on the weekends. I figure he can't use the "I have to get up early" excuse on the weekends. LOL. Good luck to you.

Susan - posted on 01/11/2010

160

9

26

Ingrid,

I am in the same boat as you. Hubby works 12 hour days with an hour communte each way so that I am able to stay home with our daughter. He spends every moment of time he has off with her.

[deleted account]

I agree with Ranae! Don't just say "you need to spend more time with the kids" say "babe, I love you, you area great father for providing for our family which allows me to stay home, however sometimes I need a break too. I am not asking for much, but I would love it if you would spend 30 minutes after you come home and relax a bit with the kids. It would mean a great deal to them and to me...." Start with that and if he can do that then you can move on to something else.

Good luck!

Ingrid - posted on 01/11/2010

6

10

0

My hubby works a 12 hrs. shift (works in the movie industry plus has a 2hr. commute home which allows me to be a SAHM). Since I'm spending the time with our daughter, he gets the weekend shifts.

Diana - posted on 01/10/2010

18

4

0

i'm sorry, but my husband works 6days a week from 8am till 9pm some days later (he's a chef) when he gets home he spend 1/2hr with our son before he goes to bed. on his day off he gets to sleep in but he has a father and son time just the two of them and giving me my alone time to do anything, i'm sorry to say this but i think yr partner is being a complete jerk.. he is not the only one working all day you r too and you need sometime off, put or foot down girl and let him know and let him see how his action is hurting yr children,

[deleted account]

I agree with the other ladies. You have to talk to him otherwise you are going to end up resenting him because of his behavior. Tell him exactly how you feel.



If he has a stressful job don't bombard him as soon as he gets home. Let him have his time to hiself to unwind a bit and then try the family thing. Perhaps find a game or activity that all guys can be involved in.

Anna - posted on 01/08/2010

552

12

52

You just have to talk to him about it. Men can be clueless unless you actually spell it out for them what you expect of them. He probably just thinks you're doing fine at dealing with the kids or maybe he just doesn't think about it at all. Tell him it's fair that he has some time to himself after work but that you need some too. Ask him to work out a fair schedule with you eg get him to agree to some exact times that are HIS turns to be responsible for the kids and don't let him off the hook. Also, let him know that his kids love him and need him and maybe suggest some fun things for him to do with them. When he does spend time with them, tell him what a great dad he is.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms