Daughter abused by father, I need advice on my next move!!!

Leetas - posted on 11/03/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I'm new to this so here it is....

It will be 2 yr in March 2017 since I found out that my then 4 yr old daughter (now 6) was being sexually abused by her biological father.

A little back story, I was never in a relationship with her father, he was married. He was the manager where I worked at that time. He showed interest in me but I was going thru a divorce and custody battle with my son at the time so I just was interested, but I was nice and we ended up becoming semi close friends. One evening while my son was with his father, I was unpacking as I had just moved and well I got drunk all by my lonesome. My night was fairly quite and her father had been texting me and as I was getting ready for bed I told him I would see him the next day at work, no biggie right?!?! Well he decides to come to my house after he closed that night. I was passed out drunk, nothing was going to wake me up, I didn't find out til the next day that he came over and had sex with me....needless to say I was disgusted, pissed, just out right livid!!! When I reported this to the local police I was told that it would my word against his and since I was intoxicated nothing would come of it. Well......8 weeks later and I'm pregnant!!!
I let the a**hole know this and he insisted it wasn't his and that I needed to not bother him. Even being pregnant nothing could be done until it was proven he was is the father.

Moving ahead, since I had a C-section with my son I had to have one with my daughter so my birth was scheduled a few months in advance, I let the father know.

I had her as scheduled and he was no where to be seen, no big deal to me as I didn't want him there anyway.

So at this point I am a single mother of a 3 yr old and a newborn....talk about overwhelming!!! I was doing the best I could to provide for my babies and even with the help of my family I was still struggling to make ends meet. So my step-mother at the time (rolls eyes...ugh) pushed me to get child support from the father, well he insisted on a paternity test, which we did (baby was 5 months old) and it was the first time he met her and by met I mean saw her from across the room. The results proved him to be the father, and since he was now having to pay child support and tell his wife that he has a child with another woman he was to have visitation with her. I knew this would happen and from the start I was just uncomfortable about it but there was nothing I could do. He saw her once a week for an hour until we went to court and got a custody plan in place. She was 13 months old the first time she stayed overnight with him. And at first everything was ok and pick ups and drop offs went smoothly until he decided that being a single mom of two working a full time job was too much for me to handle and was seeking a custody change with him having primary custody and me only seeing her every other weekend...ha not!!!
We were in and out of court for years, during that time I remarried.

March 10th, 2014
I was out taking care of my sick mom and my husband was home with the kiddos and my daughter told him that she knew "boys can pee pee milk" her exact words. Now my daughter is 4 at this point and what child knows that??? NO CHILD SHOULD KNOW THAT!!!! We immediately called CPS and made a report, as it was 9ish on a Sunday night, we got the after hours line and was told we would be contacted in the next 48 hours, ok we wait. Well our custody arrangement at the time had the father picking her up at 8:30am on Mondays and staying with him til I picked her Thursdays after work, well I had no choice but to let her go that morning. At 11ish that morning I got a call from the parishes CPS worker assigned to my case telling me that she just pulled up at the father house and will be removing the child and for me to be home so she can bring my daughter to me. I was stunned at the quick response. My daughter was then set up with a forensic interview and my baby sang like a canary, I am so proud of her, being 4 yrs old and able to give the very intimate details that she did takes a lot of courage. According to my daughter the sexual abuse started around her 2nd birthday, I was speechless when they told me this. How did I not know? When I thought back to what happened over the years, it was clear the signs of abuse were there but I didn't know to look for them and his sudden interest in getting primary custody of her. I wasn't informed on the signs of abuse so there was no way I could've know. I know what he did to me was wrong but I never thought in a million years he would his own DAUGHTER!!!

We go to the first court date and he pleads "no contest" to the allegations against him.

The next few months were spent going to court hearing after court hearing. (all this time my daughter is in counseling)
His defense was that I was pulling my "last card" to get primary custody of he and that I was coaching her to say the things she did. Oh hell no, I am not that petty and my daughter knows what a lie is and that its wrong to lie. And what kind of mother would I be if I did that? And according to the details that she gave about how the fathers bedroom was laid out, down to the color of the tissue box on the nightstand, there is no way I knew those very specific details and the detective knew that.
No, what I wanted was a reasonable custody agreement with each of us having equal time with her, but that was before I learned of the abuse.

After months of court hearings, the state put a no contact plan in place (he still sends child support like clockwork) and the judge ruled there was no enough evidence to go any further. Ahhhhh I was so livid with this news I couldn't see straight!!!
My daughter spent a year in counseling and play therapy until her counselor decided that she was doing better and we stopped going, I felt it was too soon to stop but thought I would just see what happens....well a year or so later (shes now 6) my daughter comes home from school one day and tells me she got in trouble at school for writing a bad work on the back of her notebook....(that word was sex) and after telling me she said she wanted to go back to the Gingerbread House again because she needed to talk to her counselor.

As it stands today, she starts back in Dec. bc that was the earliest they could get her in and that bastard is still free. Well I want something done to him, I want to see him pay for what he did to my baby, she is not your average "innocent" 6 year old because he took her innocence from her. She is a very angry little girl and it breaks my heart to see her struggling like this, she masturbates a lot and I am starting to break at this point. I need help on where to go from here!!!

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MBMKMOM - posted on 06/21/2018

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Hi Leetas
I’m just coming across this thread and was wondering if you have any updates as my situation is similar with my daughter.

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Veronica - posted on 11/20/2016

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This is so heartbreaking and upsetting to hear. I'm not AT ALL minimizing what happened to your daughter and its effects on her, but I want to encourage you by saying that she is actually at a typical age that some children engage in masturbation. My best advice to you is to find healing for yourself and continue to support your daughter in her healing.
Have you ever heard of Celebrate Recovery?

Leah - posted on 11/04/2016

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So Sorry to hear this. Leetas, do you know there is a God in heaven who sees all things in light and in darkness? Pray, for yourself and your baby girl. Pray to God that your daughter may overcome the whole ordeal and ask for the Holy Spirit to lead and guide her, and the masturbating thing will be a thing of the past. Its so sad to hear a 6 year old knows about masturbation. And that man, will surely pay for his sins!!!

Lisa - posted on 11/03/2016

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I am so sorry. I know you are suffering a lot with what is going on with your little girl. I can imagine this will never be easy. I do want to encourage you to seek counseling for yourself. Just to be able to move through this and allow yourself to grief and be frustrated with someone who understands. It is so good that your little girl is in therapy and working through this. I pray that she will over come it and move past it and be able to grow into her full potential.

I know it is hard to think that he is free after what he did. It might be best to concentrate on you and your family. His many sins will find him out. You have your little girl and she is under your protection. Hugs mama.

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