Daughters dad is NO help at all !

Candy - posted on 08/03/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I'm a a 24 year old stay at home mom with a 14 month old little girl nd also am 6½months pregnant.I live with my boyfriend/kids dad, we've been together for about 7 years nd he has 3 older children from a previous relationship nd he works from 2pm-12am. I feel so overwhelmed at times because she's always wanting me to carry her nd I can't get anything done. I ask him to keep an eye on her nd he acts like he can't control her, when she's always on her best behavior when he's home. He's always complaining about something nd the littlest things nd also gets frustrated when our daughters throwing a fit when I'm the one trying to calm her nd he's just sitting there telling me I'm not comforting her right or enough. So when I'm fed up nd tell him that it would be easier if he'd help His agruement is that he wasn't ready to be a dad (when he already has 3 !) So that its my fault nd I have to deal with it. But yet he'll play nd help out when he feels like it until she starts crying. If I am doing her hair nd she cries he tells me to stop nd babies her. Like I'm doing something wrong, so now she cries to get out of things. I'd think that he'd be understanding nd help with her now that I'm pregnant but No. He sees me struggling with her, in back pain, frustrated, nd in need of his help nd he just sits there playing the stupid Xbox360. Him nd his 12 year old make a mess, throwing wrapers nd soda bottles, cups nd plates around for me to clean up, as if it were easy for me to do. Also when I ask him for money to buy things for the baby, I have to explain why nd how much I need, never buying anything for myself. Nd he'll give me like 50$. When his other kids ask for money for everything he asks how much nd gives it to them no matter the amount.
I have bit my tongue nd not said anything to avoid having an argument but I get so frustrated nd when I do I can never talk cuz he's always "right". So its no use.
I feel so alone, unsupported nd like running away. I just need a break here nd then but he doesn't see that. He says I don't need one. Yet makes us leave to my moms for a couple of days when he's had it.
I might as well do it on my own cuz I feel like a single parent.

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Anna - posted on 08/04/2014

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I'm a firm believer in " we teach people how to treat us". It sounds like you allow him to treat you this way. Until you make a stand and not allow it, he is only going to continue to be like this. I get that it's hard and always a fight, but until you make a stand and demand a change, why would he change? If you start putting your foot down and asking fair things of him, he will start to change (it may be a slow process) but if he doesn't then you need to ask yourself if this how you want your life to be? Is this what you want your children growing up thinking this is how things should be? I know it's all a lot easier said then done but it's you have to do things that will make you happy.

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Candy - posted on 08/04/2014

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Anna, I have to agree with you about everything. I have enabled him by not putting up a fight. I just hate nd dread arguing with him because he has Narcissistic traits which make it useless for me to try nd make a point because it will not be heard.
I don't want my girls growing up thinking that a man should walk all over them nd I'm pretty sure he wouldn't either.
He always manages to find a way to blame me for EVERYTHING. Even when he knows he is ay fault.
We can go hours without talking nd when we finally do, he acts annoyed by everything I say nd do. He says it's just me nd moods are all over the place cuz I'm pregnant. He calls me Fat, Huge nd makes mean comments about me being pregnant. I feel so depressed because he seems to not care if I were to up nd leave. I hate feeling like I'm the only one trying make things work nd making an effort.
I feel like just walking away but I know my daughter would miss him so much. But then I don't know how much longer I can deal with him.

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