dealing w/ in laws who break promises

Mandy - posted on 05/29/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Wondering how to deal with this. First of all I should say that I don't have a close relationship with my in laws so I'm not really comfortable confronting them about things but this is really really bothering me. They take our kids (3 years and 1 year old) for overnight stays about twice per month, and this last week they've had them for 4 nights, tonight will make 5....and they keep talking about all these fun things they have planned to do with my kids and then when we call to see how it went, it turns out they bailed on it for some reason or another. And they do it all the time....tell the kids how they are gonna go swimming at their aunts house...then they don't...this week they were supposed to go to the aquarium twice....cancelled both times.....they went to the zoo but had to leave quickly because my father in law got too hot......I'm starting to get really pissed off about it....my kids end up sitting in the house all day watching tv or just playing in the back yard instead of doing the fun stuff they were promised.....I know they are young and probably don't notice it....but soon they will and I don't like to see my kids dissappointed.....what do I do???

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Kelina - posted on 05/31/2010

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I think you need to talk with your husband and then talk with your inlaws together. They might dismiss you but it will be harder for them to dismiss both of you. LKike others have said, your 3 yr old will remember. I used to use bribes to get one of the kids i babysat to go to bed properly. When she went to bed three times like a big girl then we would take her to her fav indoor park and even thgough we only had her once a week she remembered and counted the nights, then announced proudly to us the next week that we havd to go to JJ's! If your inlaws have issues with not promising them fun things, maybe try to limit their time with grandma and grandpa and then do the "fun" things all together soif grandma and grandpa have to go home at least they still get to go. Good luck i hope this works out for you!

Sheryl - posted on 05/31/2010

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best thing to do is talk to them with your husbend and also talk to your husbend. if they are older sometime it does not make it easy to go do things. know i don't know if they are older or not. but really the best thing to do is talk with your husbend with you. that way you can say we love that you want to spend time with the kids and you want to take them to do things. but know that they are getting older we would like them do those things when they are promised it. and say we understand things happen but maybe we can find someway to make sure those promise stay promise that are followed through with. anyways best of luck!

Christy - posted on 05/31/2010

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Explain each time they go there that they are probably going to be there all weekend b/c that's just what they do. Keep telling them that. I am sure things won't change, but as they get older they will understand that just b/c Grandma and Grandpa say they are going to do something, they probably won't!

Amber - posted on 05/31/2010

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Your child knows!!! I remind all my daughter's grandparents(3 sets) that if they tell her something they "have to follow through!" My daughter is 2 and a half years old and when her grandmother tells her "I'll see you tomorrow", she gets up the next day and asks when grandma is coming. On more than one occasion my mother has phoned me to ask if my daughter remembers that she said she would come see her, and she always does. I grew up with a father who made all sorts of plans for us kids and never followed through. It took me years as an adult to forgive him.
I wonder if your in-laws even realize that your children are aware of "missed" events and excursions. I think it is totally appropriate to mention next time you talk to your in-laws that your child asked why they didn't go swimming with grandma when she said they would. Maybe they just need to know that your children are smart enough and are already forming ideas that their grandparents don't do what they say they will. Good luck!

Nicole - posted on 05/31/2010

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If you want your kids home you have every right to say so, talk to your hubby though about how you both want to handle the broken promisses he should be just as worried as you, and if they keep it up know that kids do learn what to expect from adults, and they will end up forming their own opinions of their grandparents, to me it sounds like they just can't handle kids anymore. I find with my inlaws that they want the glory without the work, so they take time with my son when it is convenient, where as if I needed to, I know my parents would take him in a heartbeat if I needed and I would not have to worry about him being bored or disappointed because they make good on things and don't resort to material objects to keep him happy, they take time with him outside and spoil him by saying yes when mommy says no and lets him stay up late when mommy isn't around. In my opinion they are perfect, my in-laws don't baby-proof and then smack his hands for touching things they don't want him into, my parents put things up that he can get hurt on and let him play with everything else....see the difference

Lauren - posted on 05/31/2010

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Believe me, your 3yr old will remember. But he dosent say anything. The same thing was happening w/my in-laws and im not close to them either but when it comes to our boys, please believe thier gonna hear what i gotta say. Thats if my husband dnt bet me to teling them something. My Son is 4 now, but he used to remind me that "g-ma said she would take me here or there" I would ask "did she take you?" And he would look at me like he didnt know or shrug his shoulders. So, i would call and ask? They would say "yea we told him we were going but didnt after all" So, i told them "you think he dosnt remember but he comes home and tells me in his own words. Please dont tell him yall r takin him somewhere and dont go. If ur not sure dont say anything and when u can jux take him, while ur on ur way let him know where yall r going"



Soon our kids will start to be dissappointed in their g-parents or not want to go because they know it will b boring or in thier own way, think that thier lieing.



But in the long run, they will only have thier selves to blame. This is my experiance with my child. Things mite be diff, since people and children r diff.



But because now my son believes his g-ma lies to him all the time, he has to reinsure his self with his g-pa w/what g-ma is saying is true. And he wont go w/his g-ma unless his g-pa is w/her.



I dont know if this helps but if talking to them isnt helping then maybe they shouldnt stay there longer then what u really want them too.

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