Dealing with the nay-sayers...

Cristina - posted on 10/08/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )

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So I'm a new Mom with my little guy about to turn one and my fiancee are trying to find a part time job for me that'll work with our schedule so our son won't have to be babysat or sent to daycare. I'd love to stay home, but with a new house and the holidays and birthdays coming up, it'll be simply out of necessity.

However, after the holidays, I'd love to be able to stay at home again. I love watching my son grow up and I love being able to take care of my stepdaughter at night when my fiancee goes to work. I love knowing that my son has plenty of face to face time with me and the freedom to put my family first and not worrying about a career.

However, since having the baby I've been getting a lot of flack from friends and relatives. I only had a few courses to get my BA before I became pregnant and everyone acts so disappointed that I've decided to put off school for awhile. Even some of my family have said things like "and we thought she was going to go far" or "we expected her to have a great career."

Isn't being a Mom a big enough job? Especially these first few years where they change so much so fast. I'm here for my family whenever they need me and I keep our household in order, despite the crazy schedules. Isn't that deserving of a little credit? Even though I've reassured my family that I will finish my degree, they just roll their eyes and shake their head.

Is it so bad to love being at home? Am I being selfish?

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Brandi - posted on 10/11/2009

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I can understand what you are saying. I am also a stay at home mom, for almost two years now. About a year before I got pregnant with my first baby, I graduated from college with a BS in human development. i was not willing to leave the area and never procured a job in my field before I got pregnant. I was working at our local wal mart until I got pregnant with my second baby. i decided to quit working and stay home full time, as I would have never been able to afford daycare anyway. My family often gives me flack for not having a job "in my field." My advise for this is to live your life for you and your kids, not your family. they don't have to cope with all the things you are coping with (financial worries, or whatever), so it really shouldn't be any of their business. I am planning to stay home until my son is in preschool, then i'll find a part time job (hopefully at least pertaining to my field of study) then when he is in school full time, then I can start my "career". Do whatever is best for you and your family and to hell with everyone else. Good Luck.

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Christina - posted on 10/12/2009

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What's right for some is not right for all. If you feel that you are needed at home and you are blessed enough to have the opportunity you shouldn't be made to feel guilty. This is a decision that has to be made by you and your significant other, you owe no explanations to anyone else. Just explain that you are making the best decision you can for your family and appreciate the concern but this is NOT an issue for debate.

Jane - posted on 10/12/2009

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you're not being selfish, they're being inappropriate and unsupportive. you're being a loving, present mother. you can go back to work when they're in grade school. just politely thank your family members for their concern, tell them they've got a point and move on to a new conversation. maybe their moms didn't stay home w/them and they grew up to be rude adults ;>

Cristina - posted on 10/11/2009

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Hi guys, thanks so much for the encouragement, it really does help! I managed to find a job posting that pays decently and only has me work a couple days a week, mostly during the hours that my fiancee is off! I'm going in to apply tomorrow and hopefully get called back! I really want to stay home, but like Brandi, I'll probably work at least part-time when my son gets into school to help take some of the pressure off my fiancee. Thanks for replying! You guys are great!

Rachael - posted on 10/08/2009

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In my opinion-being a stay @ home mom is the most self less thing a woman could do. You are dedicating your life to your family!



I'm SO sorry that your family and friends are acting like that. I have 2 under 2, and it breaks my heart to think of my girls growing up in daycare. The first few years FLY by, and they are so important!



You are giving your son and step daughter, the best gift they could ever ask for! - YOU!



Don't let ANYONE take away this precious time from you-enjoy your children, and feel proud that you're such a great mom for putting them first!

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