depressed

Nat - posted on 11/12/2008 ( 13 moms have responded )

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is there anyone else out there that is happy with the fact that they are gifted with wonderful children but find staying at home all the time really depressing? i love my children dearly but because of my husbands shift pattern i would have to send my children to childminders if i wanted to work or even go out. because of this i very rarely do anything interesting i spend my time washing, ironing, cooking and cleaning its the same routine every day i was just wondering if there is anything else out there? what do other stay at home mums do?

13 Comments

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Alissia - posted on 05/10/2010

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I'm so glad I found this conversation and this community. I'm kinda feeling at the end of my rope. I have a 3 year old, 17 month old, and am due with my 3rd in September. I can't shake the sadness. My husband works overnight, sleeps during the day, and is out promoting himself at night as a musician/sound man so that he can eventually go fulltime. I love my babies but never getting a mental break from staying at home is draining my energy and my joy.

I love to sing but it's not a break if I have to take the kids all the time nor is it good for their little bodies to be out all night so I had to give up a lot of my music endeavors. After going through so much to get a degree, I wish I were able to use it. I feel like after all the years of toiling in school and college, there isn't the satisfaction of being able to use it.

What can I do?

Natasha - posted on 05/10/2010

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Yes my life is the same way. I have three children and i was just told that my daughter who is about to turn 4 is too smart for preschool. So how do I tell her that she cant go to school yet? My husband is always working too. Daycare costs too much.

Amber - posted on 05/10/2010

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Hi,

Goodness me. YES !!! It is so stressful at time to repeat yourself daily to the kids, repeat the washing if clothes u see everyday, wash the same dishes everyday. After reading te comments on here.. i thought "yehp" i do need an outlet.

I def dnt want to get mad at people around me because i need some space n appreciation.
Being that when i was young my dad was really tough on us, we couldnt cry,, didnt get pampered if we were sick. I found that i can be like this to my kids sometimes.
Most times i am like super mum " my partner tells me "
But, i cnt be super mum every minute of the day.
And when i get stressed i get depressed because of my reactions to things, really depressd. Worst thing though, i cant cry, i get really mad n scream alot.

Grrr.. i hate myself after it.

Everyone has problems, its just finding something that within our reach to help with the depression.

It sux to feel hopeless. Esspeciallyyy... when the things u knw affected you from your upbringing u find yourself doing to your own family. I get really dwn and out.

I have a perfectly clean house, perfectly clean house and perfectly clean kids, lol BUT everyone has there dwn fall & im not sure painting would help me.

I knw singing does, but my kids r always there, they never get babysitted. COS i dont want them to cry for me.

Talk about sad

Linda - posted on 09/24/2009

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I go on line to circleofmoms and Cafemom when I can. It is my only outlet to talk to moms in the same situation as I am. I live in a small town in Northern MN and it is hard to find moms to hangout with. We have lived here for a year and I have tried many thing to connect to other mothers but , no success. I cry alot, and when I do have visitors, it is usually my step-daughter, and she picks on me about the way I am raising my son, not fun. I call my family when I get a chance, but there is no relief from the loneliness. I hope the best for us all. With Love to you

Pam - posted on 11/12/2008

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AMEN to that! Appreciation, applause , a STANDING OVATION for goodness sake would be well deserved! If we cant leave the house, Got to find something at home you can do that gives you some personal, satisfaction. Sewing, knitting, anything that helps take your mind away for a while. It feels really self indulgent to get lost in something that’s just yours (after the kids are asleep is when i get to do my painting). I think my finding something saved all our lives.

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I am so there!! I actually spent a week in the hospital on drugs after I had my son, having been diagnosed with PPD. That was about a year ago now. I still feel depressed a lot of the time, but where I live is depressing anyway. A lot of people are depressed here. These hard economic times do not help either! I have gotten a part-time job and it does help a bit for both. I still think one key to happiness as a stay at home mom is to be appreciated. Most of us don't get that.

Pam - posted on 11/12/2008

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Hi! I totally know where you are coming from. Outside of Prozac, I found the best thing I do for myself is my hobby....wich also affords me a very tiny income, not enough to mention. Mostly I do it for "theraputic reasons". But the important thing is that it has saved my sanity! I am a portrait painter, and if I couldn't paint, we all would have gone berzerk by now! Do you have a passion? Do you like to write or , draw or cook or play an instrument, or scrapbook?...if you can tap in to what your thing is, and make time (no matter how tired you are) to do it, It will help you find that "piece" of yourself that we moms all lose. It wil make life not so "one dimentional". And also allow you to enjoy your kids. Trust me I have 3 kids, I have stood at the edge of the roof!

Taryn - posted on 11/12/2008

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Hi Nat, I agree with others, You need to find an outlet of an activity to do with the kids or on your own. Just because we've all made the wonderful decision to stay home with our kids, doesn't mean we need to lose our identity. What are you passionate about? Do you enjoy doing activities with your kids? These Mom's groups are great, as they get you together with other Mom's that have similar aged kids and interests. It gets the kids active and you the adult interaction. Also, have you considered starting a home based business? That's what I found to give me a little of an outlet. My passion is fitness and health, so I started my own online fitness business. If that excites you, visit www.choose2befit.com, click on "Become a Coach" and learn more about what I do. It's a great way to reward yourself, financially and emotionally. Something about helping others find their figures again! Best of luck to you.

Taryn

taryn.perry@comcast.net or 206.979.4408

[deleted account]

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Courtney - posted on 11/12/2008

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I`ve been trying to start a home-based business,you just got to find something that you love to do. or try learning something new. like making candles, soap, stained glass, scrapbooking, the hardest part is not letting your kids get at your new creations.

Chris - posted on 11/12/2008

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A church in my area offers free aerobics and childcare. It is a great way to get out of the house for an hour and have adult interactions! Plus, I am fortunate that my husband has 1 day off per week and that allows me to sub in local schools to escape the house. I'd suggest checking out what local churches offer moms. Many have programs designed for the SAHM in mind that aren't necessarily religiously toned...they just use them as a service to the community.

Erin - posted on 11/12/2008

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I don't know about where you are but in the US there are MOMS groups that are designed to provide during the day activities for moms AND their children. It gives your kids a chance to play with others and you a chance to have a piece of an adult conversation with other moms. Some are church based, but there is one that is international, so you could even start your own right in your hometown if there isn't one already there. Try www.momsclub.org It was a complete lifesaver for me. The weeks we don't have activities or the kids are sick we drive each other crazy.

Holly - posted on 11/12/2008

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hey Nat, i understand what you are talking about, i also spend almost all my time with my children and very rarely get to go out and enjoy myself and alot of the time i find myself depressed. maybe it is a good idea that you put your children with a trusted childminder for an afternoon so you can go do something you enjoy. I started to go out with my friends on a thursday night just for a few drinks and i found it gave me some freedom and some space to breathe. You have to look after yourself to be able to look after your children. Find yourself a babysitter, be it parents or someone else but do it and give yourself the space you deserve.

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