desperate

Kayla - posted on 08/06/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Ok my husband was laid off in June and so far has had no luck finding work. Im a stay at home mom so Im used to being home with the kids all day. I have a certain way of doing and handling things. Now with my husband being home all the time we are getting on each others nerves. He does and handles things completely different than I do. We have been arguing a lot. I know he is stressed about not being able to find work but he has started taking it out on me. He fusses about everything from the house to the kids. It was nice having him home at first but now Im not sure how much longer I can handle this.

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Jane - posted on 08/06/2009

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my husband is home a lot and we clash a great deal. we parent very differently. i take a lot of deep breaths and see what's in it for me and the kids - can i get away to the store w/out two kids in tow and let him take care of things, can i take a long shower, can i catch up on emails? i even started going to get my hair blown out once a week and pedicures once a month. as long as i can get back home w/in two hours, i know they'll be okay. anything after that and there's the danger of candy and soda being involved. i have to stand back and see how happy the kids are w/him and remember that not a lot of kids have their dads around and i see how much he loves them. he isn't as great as timeouts and that type of thing but he is definitely a lof of fun and love for them.

sounds like your guy's a great dad and husband, he's just not sure where he fits right now so he's trying to be sure he still fits in w/you guys. i am very happy all day in my clueless world - i don't have to worry about where our money is coming from and i get to be at home kissing my babies all day. and he lives and breaths our family and getting money for us. i don't envy that at all. so i try to take a lot of deep breaths and cut him some slack.

honestly, they really don't know what to do when they're home, they can't help but get in the way. it's not their territory.

Dorothy - posted on 08/06/2009

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well its very hard on a man when they lose a job, get a pay cut(which we are currently going thru) my hubby is same way lately. but i just tell him how i feel. why i am upset. why he depresses me. never make him feel like he isnt trying. love him. be patient. let him figure things out. but on the same hand dont let him treat you like crap either. be assertive. get out. do things with the kids. sometimes the kids may stress him even more while he is at home. you gotta remember he is used to not being home with kids. then all of a sudden he is there with the all the time. its a transition phase. love is patient love is kind. remember that and you two will make it. schedule alone time as well. find a babysitter. and just unwind together hope you get it all worked out

Jennifer - posted on 08/06/2009

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Wow, I know how you fell, mine was home 3 weeks til he found work again. The kids weren't use to him at home all day either and we would do things different as well. I decided we needed to get some alone time and with eachother as well as from eachother. We first went to the room and discussed all the tension that was happeneing between us and how I felt that to much pressure was coming between us then we made a plan that he would still do what he needed to do with out the children and me during the day and I would go on with my day with the kids. At night I starting taking long walks to relax and he would go visit his family or do guy things so we weren't both over whelmed with eachother. You can love your husband to death but you both still need room to breath :)

[deleted account]

Ugh, this is a very complicated one that my husband and I went through a couple times. Hopefully he is one that if you sit down and talk, he'll understand. But mine wasn't, so we went through a couple of minor arguments stating how I felt and how he felt. We decided we needed to actually get out and do things as a family. Luckily there is a local riverwalk and few free bike trails. But you have to find something to take yourselves away from the situation that you always argue about. Doesn't have to be a lot of time away or often, but something to be able to look forward too. And communication is key, it's hard sometimes but it needs to happen. Hang in there. :)

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Try to split some time. Take the kids and go shopping and leave him at home for a couple hours to relax or do this thing. Next day ask him to take the kids to the park or somewhere fun, gets him out of the house and gives you free time. Make sure he has a night out with his friends or invite friends over for drinks for some other adult conversations. I know money is probably tight but schedule a date night and go for a walk or picnic out of the house, some alone time is always needed too. Good luck!

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