Discipline: Do you believe in Spanking?

Kyleigh - posted on 06/04/2011 ( 449 moms have responded )

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I know there is a lot of you out there that say Yay or Nay to this one. Wasn't sure. I would love to read your "own ," opinions on what you think about "spanking."



I personally don't spank not even my own bio. my 2 sk's know that time outs is what is given.

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Melissa - posted on 06/05/2011

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As Nicole said, I would rather give him a smack than wait till he pulls the pot of hot oil over his head. I've been working with children for about 15 years now, and I have to say that the majority of children these days do not have boundries. SO many parents fear discipline, and it's really doing more harm than good. No one WANTS to spank their child, but I would much rather have him deal with a quick sting to the tush or hand than have him get hurt or grow up thinking there is an option OTHER than listening to authority. Parents need to realize that THEY are the authority figure. Parents make the rules, and children need to follow them. We are responsible from day one to teach our children how to be adults, and I will be damned if I'm going to allow my son to grow up to behave like the majority of children I'm seeing these days. If spanking is "abusing my power" as a parent, isn't putting my child in time out the same thing? Taking away their favorite toy? Not allowing them to go outside? And yes, I do believe there are certain situation that do require spanking. When a child is in the store with their parent screaming because they're not getting a toy, I see no problem with giving that child a quick swat to the backside. When a child tells their parent to "shut the eff up" like I have seen in the past, I think that child needs a flick to the lips. More times than not at this point, we don't "need" spanking in my house. In most cases when our son is acting out of control all we need to do is say "do you want a spanking?" and he shakes his head no and corrects his behavior. However, there are times when he's very hard headed and out of line, and he does get a spanking. He cries for all of 5 seconds and is over it.

I've had a lot of experience with a lot of children with a lot of disciplinary backgrounds. My cousin doesn't believe in spanking, time outs or removal of privileges; only redirection. Her children are the most destructive, disrespectful children I know. Family members literally cringe at teh thought of them coming to visit because they ALWAYS end up breaking something while running through the house screaming at the tops of their lungs. Meanwhile, their mother sits there and calmly says "hey guys, let's leave that for outside", "hey big guy, would you like to come here?" and do they listen? Negative. I have a friend who has never used spanking with her child, and now at 7 years of age he is outrageously disrespectful. She threw him a huge birthday party, rented one of the rooms at the top of the statium at the ball park, had a clown with balloons, 2 custom made cakes, all of his friends, it was fantastic. When I said to him "WOW, Rielly, you're one lucky kid! What a great party your mom threw for you!" he said to me "she doesn't do anything for me". These parents have "followed the books" and listened to psychologist and "mothers guides" and "peaceful parenting" and all that hoopla. It's crap and results in just that. I do, however, know another mother who has never used spanking with her daughter, and her daughter is very well behaved. Like I said, not every child or situation requires spanking, but I do believe that some do. Some children are more stubborn, hard headed, more asserted, and need a stronger hand. It is our responsibility to know the difference. If you can't handle spanking your own child, if you're afraid of hurting them or of abusing them, it speaks of your own insecurities and your own inability to control yourself, no one elses.

Melissa - posted on 06/05/2011

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We use spanking in my house. It's a last resort, after redirection, firm tone and time out. I don't believe every child or situation "requires" spanking. I don't think it should be done on a regular basis, and it should never ever be done out of anger.

To the women who say spanking "corporal punishment", I couldn't disagree more. I got into a discussion about this with my cousin recently, and we have very different view points. A lot of people have a very hard time separating spanking and abuse; they certainly are two very different things. I've had this discussion so many times I'm really tired of it at this point, but I will say (I'm certainly not trying to attack anyone, I'm simply making a point), Katherine said she's gotten angry and spanked, but then cried because she felt so horrible. As I said, you should never ever spank out of anger. When that happens, it IS borderline abuse. It's a loss of control. When we spank in my house, we are always in control. We don't yell, and we don't give more than one swat.

An example for when we would spank is if our son tries to play with an electrical outlet. We want him to KNOW that those are NOT to be played with. They're all covered in our house, but they're not covered everywhere else in the world. When we see him doing this, we swat him swiftly on the back of the hand. It's more of a shock than a sting, and he usually starts to cry. At that point, we sit with him in our lap and say softly "do not touch that". At that point he cuddles up to whichever of us is holding him, and he snuggles for a moment. After all is said and done, he scoots off our laps and goes off to play on his own. I've heard spanking will make our son fear us as opposed to love or respect us, that he'll be emotionally stunted, nervous, that it could create separation anxiety, a number of things. Our son has received spankings since he could consciencly misbehave. He has never once suffered any of the "adverse reactions" spankings have been said to cause. As I said, spankings and abuse are two different things. The "adverse reactions" spankings have been said to cause, are caused by abusive behavior, not spanking.

Kimberly - posted on 06/05/2011

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I really hope i'm not hanging myself out to dry here but yes I do spank. They are for things that I think are very serious such as running ont the road, turning hot water on and touching the stove. I have only done it a few times and it has worked my dd doesnt touch them or go on the road but as a general punishment no it doesnt work and I cant justifie spanking her for hitting me?!?!? Time out and tone work the best with my daughter

Melissa - posted on 06/05/2011

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No one said you couldn't comment or disagree, that seems to be what all of us are doing to some extent lol, but in your disagreeing with me, I think it's equally acceptable for me to disagree with you, is it not? You have your beliefs, I have mine. You have the peace of mind that your child is thriving with the disciplinary actions you have chosen for your household, and have the peace of mind that my child is thriving with the disciplinary actions we have chosen for mine. I don't really see the point behind your "monkey see monkey do" comment, because I think all parenting has the "monkey see monkey do" aspect. We naturally take parenting cues from our parents that we clearly see have worked, I'm sure you yourself have done the same. I'm not sure I see how that could possibly have a negative spin in my case. I as well as my brothers have grown to be healthy, happy, respecful, well rounded, hard working, loving individuals. None of us harbor any of the "effects of spanking" that so many psychologists and therapists love to publish books about. I also have many friends and family members who grew up with spanking as a form of discipline in their households, and none of them suffer any of those "effects" either. I also don't see the logic behind your assumption that I haven't learned and grown, or that I need to "do better" when my son is one of the happiest, healthiest and most developed children I know. I think it would be more beneficial to discuss differences and learn more about other people before jumping to a conclusion and making an assumption. We all have our own beliefs, but I think we could all learn a little bit from one another, too. Maybe not with this subject, but you never know.

Melissa - posted on 06/05/2011

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Dana, it's very fortunate for you that your child reacts positively to other forms of discipline, making them more effective FOR YOU, however you really need to understand that every child is different, and every child is not going to respond to forms of discipline in the same manner. What's effective for your child may not be effective for mine. "Effective" is a very situational term in this instance.



And Bernadette, I agree with everything you said. And yes, looking back on our own childhoods is a perfect way to know what could and could not work with our own children! My brothers and I were all spanked as children. It didn't leave any lasting effects or have any negative impacts, it merely corrected poor behavior that words, time outs and removal of privileges didn't! But that's because we were spanked, not abused :0)

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Dana - posted on 06/08/2011

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I think spaking is okay as long as it's not abusive or done all the time...I grew up in a household where we got spanked if we got too far outof line which was'nt that often b/c we were taught to respect our parents and to do what we were told, period. I think people have gotten too into this whole "how does my 4 yr old feel about this situation" and "lets discuss your feelings" believe I'm all for a child expressing their feelings but anyone who believes that a child is'nt going to test their boundaries is delusional. Whether we like it or not there comes a point in a childs development when there is a power struggle. I think a pat on the bottom really is'nt going to scar a child for life....I think the most important thing is to teach your child you REQUIRE their respect and nothing less.

Jodi - posted on 06/08/2011

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OhJessie, You go to Me & My Children, My Profile. Then you will see a button Edit Profile. That's where you upload a picture.

Amanda - posted on 06/08/2011

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Lol Ashley. I was singing that to my youngest the other night lol

I don't have a picture up yet as I'm on my iPhone and don't have any pix on it. When I get home from work, I shall jump on the Mac and put one up :)

OhJessie - posted on 06/08/2011

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Hmm, I don't know how to put my avatar up. Went to settings but don't see it. :(

[deleted account]

This is the debate that never ends,
Yes it goes on and on my friends,
Some people started posting things,
Not knowing what it was,
And they'll continue posting things forever,
Just because...
This is the debate that never ends...

Lamb chops anyone?

Charlie - posted on 06/08/2011

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I would prefer a flame thrower , it has more of a theatrical effect ; ) .........But my safe country and their damn strict weapon rules .

Amanda - posted on 06/08/2011

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Honestly... Why can't we stick on topic rather then being bitches?

I have 2 children a 16yo and 6yo

My eldest i spanked 'when needed'. My youngest has been spanked but I could count on 1 hand how many times. It's mainly been when I've gotten a fright.

I don't judge either side. I've seen both methods work and both methods failing also.

Have a wonderful day and can everyone calm down please. It's awful reading such hateful messages.

Charlie - posted on 06/08/2011

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Unless you are an accredited martial artist in Australia it is illegal to own them :)

Charlie - posted on 06/08/2011

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It is illegal to strike a child with a switch , belt wooden spoon ect in Australia it is all considered abuse with a weapon , I am glad we are slowly but surely progressing towards a humane society .

Jessica - posted on 06/08/2011

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you just like the drama. Want me to cop/paste so everyone can see it? I explained the disrespect posting everything that has nothing to do with the thread has to those who are NOT involved in a dispute of the type of derailment and intimidating consequences.

Jenni - posted on 06/08/2011

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I live in Canada spanking is legal but there are stipulations. One of which is you cannot spank with a weapon and you are not allowed to spank children under 2 years old and over 12 years old.

[deleted account]

Jessie, I approached you privately in regards to a community that I admin. What Stephanie did was completely different. I don't have a problem with her speaking her mind, but if she wants to berate me, I prefer she do it in public so everyone can see her true colors. She's calling me a bully while she's bullying me in private. AWESOME!

Jessica - posted on 06/08/2011

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We have one of those. I take it down to walk into the kitchen and he runs in. On the "up" side, I haven't had to resort to a pop on the but in over two weeks (almost three weeks). We also only need the gates when I am cooking and he is in one of his moods (toddlers do that). on the bright side i have NOT had to resort to it in awhile. I hope this continues. Mema here using German to scold him alongside me using English, helps too. I could just swear this kid will know about five (or six... maybe seven) different languages before he starts kindergarten... scary thought since three languages he keeps saying phrases to I haven't got a clue about (mema teaches them German, French, and what Gaelic she can remember since her last stroke)... but the other ones I teach them... (Japanese, English, ASL...)... except for the Spanish (neighbors). He is really a good boy. He listens quite well, and says his please and thank-you. He picks up MOST of his toys, and throws away his trash (sometimes.... and sometimes I have to rescue something NOT trash), and sometimes he tells me he is going to "give dishes bath" which is how I explained doing dishes... and then tries to put his dish in the sink or pretend to clean a dish. These things scare me, but I only explain as best as I can that dishes are mommies job but if he wants to he can play with his pans and "clean" them by my feet (when he is being good). We are moms. I cannot say I agree with either side all the way. both sides are extreme in many cases. I pray my youngest does not EVER need it. I do not know if he will or will not though. My oldest is evolving and understanding more of my explanations every day. He is a good boy but also full of energy and mischief. As long as it is nothing too bad, I allow his little adventures, just not the big ones that could get him killed at this point. The street incident happened about... three months ago I think...? He tried a couple days later and when I said "no" he listened. Hasn't tried since. I believe in doing what works and what is necessary, but when it comes down to it, when I CAN avoid popping him on the but, I do. My husband on the other hand (who no longer lives with us) used it as a first resort and even hit in anger. This I strongly disagree with. Actually I have not HAD to spank except ONCE (I am not even sure if my pops on the but are spanking really...) since he left. Their were other issues (which had more to do with him leaving), but that one was big for me. I even banned him from disciplining the kids... EVER. Their are still things we are uncovering. So yes. I do believe I am doing what is best for him. I despise raising my hand to my child, even if only lightly, but if need be I will. I hope that I don't have to though. My mother hated it too. honestly I think that was what taught us. I will not ever hit him hard. I will not EVER condone anyone else taking this burden from me, and I will not EVER do it when anything else may work. for me, it is truly a last resort.

Jodi - posted on 06/08/2011

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Because, OhJessie, it is a stupid excuse for spanking your children. If you spank your children, own it, but don't use the Bible to defend YOUR choice.

OhJessie - posted on 06/08/2011

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Jennifer, I'm curious where you got the idea modern Christians in general don't use a spanking implement. "Not up for interpretation" /= "literal" but sometimes it is.

Jenni - posted on 06/08/2011

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@Eva Can you pray for me to win the lottery while you're at it? That would be nice. :))

Jenni - posted on 06/08/2011

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If the Bible does recommend using a weapon (rod) when implimenting corporal punishment. Why is one not used by modern day Christians who adhere to that verse?
I thought it was literal and not up for interpretation? Why do you put your own spin on it then?

Jodi - posted on 06/08/2011

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Ah yes, that old defence. I spank my kids because the Bible told me to..... :\

OhJessie - posted on 06/08/2011

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Teal, I really have been over that as much as seems appropriate; check back if you like.

Charlie - posted on 06/08/2011

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exactly , it bugs the shit out of me when people use hudibras as reasoning for using physical acts of aggression against a child , it is also a worry that it is passed off as a correct passage of the bible especially when the bible is being used as a sheild to act out what is otherwise ( when acted upon anyone else ) a dispicable act . How is it you ( in general ) can follow the word of the bible when you cannot even quote it correctly ?

Jenni - posted on 06/08/2011

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Sorry off topic-
Loureen I just noticed you have 3 kids the exact same age as my 3. (well close enough) Neato. :)

OhJessie - posted on 06/08/2011

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Right, Loureen, it says he who spares the rod hates his son.

Hate is an action,not a feeling in this case.

[deleted account]

Stephanie, are you kidding me? Am I of "those two"?

The ONLY person besides the admin and moderators, that can open, close, lock or delete threads or comments is THE PERSON WHO STARTED THE THREAD. Quit with the accusations. Paranoid?

Just so everyone else knows, Stephanie felt that it was necessary to private message me and lecture me about how Teal was "attacking" her. I cannot believe the immaturity.

Charlie - posted on 06/08/2011

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A child should be disciplined NOT punished , spanking is punishment , leave the punishment for criminals .

Charlie - posted on 06/08/2011

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Stephanie it doesnt say " spare the rod spoil the child " in the bible , find me those exact words anywhere with reference to the chapter ?

Yes there is reference to a rod in the bible but it doesnt say that quote , that quote is infact from a poem and has long been wrongly used as a bible passage .

Jenni - posted on 06/08/2011

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I'm pretty sure only the OP can do that and she hasn't been involved in this thread in awhile. It's probably just a glitch. :/

Jessica - posted on 06/08/2011

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it stopped and it only happened a couple of times. I suspect I only noticed because I respond right away now (kids napping). It would open back up with a post from one of those two. It showed up closed right as I posted, then opened for them to post. childish.

[deleted account]

"find it both annoying and insulting that the thread keep opening and closing every time one of the two who are defending their right to be bullies, posts (as if I am not allowed to respond)."

Ok, now I'm seriously confused. What are you talking about Stephanie?

Karen - posted on 06/08/2011

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Opening and closing the thread? Huh? Is anyone else having this problem? I'm not.

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