Discussion about being a SAHM

[deleted account] ( 16 moms have responded )

Every time I come on here I see something about "not having own money, having to ask hubby" etc...

Why aren't you people MAKING sure your home is a smooth running ship? All crew (family members) have an important roll, and they should all know what that/those rolls are!

Have family meetings! If you're the one who stays home and runs the house, make sure that hubby and you have a joint account. Make a deal that a certain amount is set aside for monthly groceries, etc. Whatever you have left in that account can be used or saved for YOUR or the kids personal use (ie a new top, shoes, etc).

If you need or want something outside of the normal budget simply ask hubby or your partner to sit down and chat and state reasons why you need/want this item. If he says no, it's probably not doable!

Remember, EVERYONE is under a lot of stress right now. Money is tight, work is hard! We all know about the job markets, recession, etc. Help make things less stressful by making things run smoothly at home for the working person, make things easier for EVERYONE by talking!

Maybe it's just us, but I NEVER have trouble asking for money! If we need groceries, he;s certainly not going to shop for them! If he says "I just gave you money" I show him the receipts and stand my ground. If I want/need something, I simply ask. I get either a yes or a no and a reason why!

I want this to be a spot where all of us moms can talk about this, tell our stories, help other moms get through this!

Tell me yours!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Lisa - posted on 11/11/2010

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The reason those posts are on here is because COMs is a community of moms to help other moms with problems/issues/questions/etc. that they are having. And sometimes those things aren't easy. Should every relationship be modern without fights, bitterness, hoarding of money, struggle of power/control/etc.? YES absolutely. However, every person is different and unique and our relationships are different and unique and not always perfect where everyone is on the same page.
Some moms may be new to a relationship, young, or new to not having their own income and need advice, encouragement or just someone to say, I understand, I've been there, this is what worked for me.
The thing that drives me absolutely batty is women who downplay others relationship and think less of them because they are having trouble with their family/husband/child/etc. Have some empathy, offer your support and knowledge or ignore the conversation. I was married when I was younger and it was an abusive and controlling relationship. Because of that, it sometimes makes it difficult to talk to my hubby about problems and issues that I'm having or I don't know how to approach him or I'm scare and it's not because of anything he's done because he's been wonderful to me, it's because of the bad relationship I've had and the wounds I still carry from that relationship. Sometimes it's nice to hear another woman tell me, oh yeah, I understand, try this; this has worked for me in the past.
And as far as these people “MAKING SURE” their ship is running smoothly…that’s what they’re doing...Is getting advice and support from other women to help their households run more smoothly.

Stifler's - posted on 06/25/2011

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How is your life working if you don't have money to just go adn buy stuff? I'm not understanding this.

Laura - posted on 06/25/2011

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I don't enjoy coming on here and feelin like I'm being attacked for being because my personal life or whatever doesn't fit somones own personal standards...I think we all have different ways of doing things and we do what works for us..and if sometimes you have to beg and plead with your hubby or whatever to get what you want than thats what you gotta do I'm not saying its right or anything but who are you to say that your way is the right way thats what I got from reading your message that the way you and your hubby do things is the way it should be done and I don't think its that way for everyone..your making yourself sound perfect like oyu have it all together and the in the real world things are rough and not always gum drops and rainbows...it takes ahrd work to make a marriage work...

Candi - posted on 11/09/2010

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It makes me wonder why a wife has to ask her husband for money. You're the wife, the money is as much yours as it is his., It doesn't matter who works outside the home or who's name is on the check. If I need something, I buy it. If we need food, I go shopping. If the kids need something, I get it. I don't have to ask my husband for anything. He knows I am good at managing money, thats why I am in charge of it. We have never fought about money, or anything for that matter. We know where we stand. If I need something, I get in the car and go get it. If he wants to go with me, great. If not, I am a big girl, I can drive myself.

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Laura - posted on 06/25/2011

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You don't have to understand how things for for me because they just do and thats all that matters your not married to me and I'm not married to you...things work for me they way they do and I don't mind...no one has to understand anything only me and my husband do...this is suppose to be a room where we can all share and not feel like were being attacked..

Laura - posted on 06/25/2011

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Sometimes yeah I have to beg and plead to ask for money and I know for a fact that there are moms out there that have to do the same thing...I'm only saying what others wont....No mariage is perfect and mine sure isn't and yeah there are some days where I have to beg and plead to get money because hes had a long dat at work and doesn't want to go out and get diapers or groceries...you say no offense but than you offending me how does that work...

Stifler's - posted on 06/25/2011

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How does it *work for you* if you have to beg and plead for money. No offense.

Stifler's - posted on 11/11/2010

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I can't stand hearing about that either. It's our money, we both have cards and access to the money. We're a team. It just sounds like abuse to me if hubby is withholding money and giving you allowance to buy things for you and the baby and doing what he wants with "his" money. I buy what I like when I like within reason aka the bills have been paid first because he trusts me not to send us broke.

[deleted account]

These are good! I want to re-iterate, I'm simply starting a discussion about the whole issue! I know why these questions are asked and statements are discussed, I'm simply trying to understand others views on the subject!

Thanks and keep up with the comments!

Maggie - posted on 11/11/2010

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My hubby and I both work, however even when I wasn't working I still knew what was going on with the finances. I could look at the bank account, see what bills still needed to be paid and know how much money we had left over for extras. I NEVER "ask my husband for money" because that's just insulting. Even when I wasn't working it was OUR money - not just his because "he earned it".

Renae - posted on 11/11/2010

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Yeah I dont relate to this issue at all. Before I was a SAHM, both of our incomes went into a joint account and I transferred the same amount of spending money into each of our personal accounts at the beginning of each month. We decided years ago what was personal expenses and what was joint expenses. House stuff, bills, groceries are joint - gas/petrol, clothes, lunch money etc are personal. We have never had a single argument over money because we each have a set amount of spending money which we can do whatever we want with. This way it doesnt matter who earns what, it all goes into the pot and we both have an equal amount to spend on ourselves. And we never argue over what he spends on his cars, or how much my shoes were! lol

How in the world did other people do it when they were working? Did you each earn your own money and keep it completely separate like flat mates???

When I stopped working, my husbands income continued to go into our joint account, I continued to use that money to pay for things and I continued to transfer out our spending money into each of our personal accounts (we just agreed on a reduced amount of spending money). So I never actually have to ask for money, my husband wouldn't have a clue how much money we have anyway! :)

Christy - posted on 11/10/2010

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Some ladies on here may have a marriage in crisis, hence the "asking for money from hubby" situations. Also one partner may be horrible about budgeting so the other one takes the accounts over. Who knows. My hubby and I had separate accounts until I left work and stayed home with the kids, primarily b/c he would overspend on his account and be in the negative. Now we are mostly on the same page and the account is all one. If one of us plans or wants to make a big purchase, we talk about it. I agree, it's best to be on the same page!!!! And I'll be damned if I am going to ask my husband for money! It's teamwork!!!!

Nikkole - posted on 11/09/2010

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Yea we are the same way NOW but my husband matured a little later lol we got married when i was 18 he was 21 and we had our son and now we have a 4month old daughter and im 22 so we have grown a lot of the few years!

Lindsay - posted on 11/09/2010

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We work just as hard as the men that provide the money for our families. My husband and I have a joint account and we prefer it that way. He makes the money and I take pay the bills and do the grocery shopping. If there is something that either one of us wants we sit and talk about it. I have never had to ask for money from my husband unless it was because he had cash and I didnt want to use my debit card. It bothers me to think that the man says "its my money not yours" my husband has never done that... call me blunt but he knows his "role" and I know mine. His is to physically work to make the money to provide for his family, mine is to take care of our son while he is at work, clean the house, pay the bills, and have dinner on the table when he comes home for work. It is a joint relationship not a 1 person relationship.

Nikkole - posted on 11/09/2010

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When me and my husband used to get into fights about money he would say "WELL I WORK ITS MY MONEY" I honestly think he just said that to push my buttons! I would tell him NO its OUR money i WORK just as hard as you i said what would you do if you had to work a 40+hr a week job do laundry cook clean take care of the kids go shopping and everything else you couldn't do it and he said i guess your right and EVER since then we have not fought about money and he always says our money lol! I think me sometimes dont realize how much work it is to be a SAHM!

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