Disrespectful young adult

SANDRA - posted on 02/13/2010 ( 11 moms have responded )

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.I need some advise ...the other day Bill n I discuss lending Chris the money to fix his car and get it on the road as he hasnt worked since b4 Christmas and hasnt been out there looking for work, his excuse is that he doesnt have transportation..althou he has had money to go out with his g/f and party all weekends, instead of putting his car on the road, so n e wayz we bought him his rotors, brakes and got his car etested..then paid 100 bucks for the safety but to our disappointment they didnt pass it...so Chris said that he has an ipod touch that Bill had been playing with , that Chris would give it to Bill as partial payment for lending him the money for the car..all was ok until Chris was going to to his g/f's place and just b4 he left he asked Bill for the ipod to download more songs he said...Bill texted him after awhile to see if he has his ipod , Chris said ya and that he was selling it for 250.00 to someone else..cuz he could get more money than he sold it to his Dad for..and that he was going to pay some of his cell phone bill and give Bill some rent money which he is behind in by the way..so Bill was very upset with him and told him that he wants him out of the house cuz this is not the 1st time Chris has screwed his Dad or put him last in his life..Bill and I are sick of him using us and we think it would be best for him to leave since he is 20 now and spends most of his time with his g/f n e wayz..he does not respect us and doesnt give a shit about n e body but himself and we are not going to put up with it anymore..Chris even sold his DS AND 8 games and didnt offer us anything and we know he got at least $ 150-$200.00 for that, also we have to ask him to do chores around the house , like dishes in the dishwasher, walk the dogs , now thats not too much to ask a 20 year old right? he wont offer to do n e thing else unless it benefits him or he wants something , He came home late last nite , went straight to his room, got up at 700am, his g/f came and picked him up , instead of talking things out with his Dad he just left.. And without giving his Dad n e monies from the sale of the ipod he took back from him.... he left with some baggage so I guess its time for him to find out what its really like out in the real world, and find out that he had it made here ,he has no respect for anyone.. so thats my story ...what would u do ...........Sandy

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Carolee - posted on 02/13/2010

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All his stuff would be packed and on the front lawn and all the locks to the house would be changed. You've given him fair warning, now it's time for tough love.

[deleted account]

The way he is constantly selling his personal things I would wonder if he's maybe on drugs? My stepson did that. Do you see any other signs? The fact that he comes in late and goes straight to bed is a sign of being high too. My stepson used to do that too. He was always selling gifts we had given him, never showing up with anything ELSE to justify where the money went, and when he would be out partying with his buddies he would come in late, do all he could not to LOOK at us, and go STRAIGHT to bed. We found pot in his room after that.
I pray this isn't your problem... and I wish you the best of luck with him!

11 Comments

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Chantel - posted on 02/15/2010

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Time to grow up, son. Mom and Dad are not ATM machines. Be available for moral support, but I'd say get off the ride he's had you on.

SANDRA - posted on 02/15/2010

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Wow 30 n still with Mommy thats sad but she is letting him stay there...that wont happen here I gaurantee u that .... We love him dearly but he has no loyalty to this family at all, thats graditude for ya..He wants to act like a boarder at home and thats how he will be treated from now on by me anywayz

Nicole - posted on 02/14/2010

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i think you are right by taking the tough love approach. he's not a baby. although it feels horrible and you're constantly second guessing yourself.. dont! he needed to push to spread his wings!!! otherwise he'll be like my brother who is 30 and still staying wiht mommy!!!

Suzette - posted on 02/14/2010

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I agree with Carolee and Rebecca. Pack up his stuff and set it outside, let him know when you're doing that part, and make sure that you change the locks. This way he can't come back and start selling off all of your stuff as well as your husband's. Rebecca is right, you did allow him to treat you all this way, whether it was because you were hoping he'd change or you just didn't know what to do. He's now accustomed to acting this way... the only way to rectify that is for tough love to take place. That means no more money, no more shelter, and no more niceties. ;)



My mother kicked me out when I was 15, not for good but for a while, because of the way I was acting and treating my parents and their house. Tough love can be a pain, but it is necessary in certain situations. When he comes crawling back, and he will, make sure that you have a list of all monies he owes you, a way for him to work them off partially, and let him know that he has so long (i.e. 2-3 months) to get a job. If he doesn't have a job in that time frame, he's out, and that will be his last chance to stay with you and your husband. (Make sure you let him know that it is his last chance. And, if I were you, I'd make him sign that paper as well and keep a copy for yourself, give him a copy, and hang up a copy where he will constantly see it.)

Rebecca - posted on 02/13/2010

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He needs to leave the house. I don't know if you have any other children in the home. Right now he is setting a poor example for others. You have to keep in mind that you allowed him to treat you this way. He will not totally understand why you're doing what you're doing. Sit down and talk with him before he goes. Then let him continue to make his own choices without bailing him out.

SANDRA - posted on 02/13/2010

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Thats the problem , he has left before to go live with his ex g/f and before he went there he told her parents that we kicked him out and didnt want him around which is bull crap ,but he did get to move in with her and her family for about a year , then one day her mother called and asked questions about what was going on at our place we got together and straightened things out to find that he lied ( as we knew that) about us just to get into playing house with their daughter, we have stood by that kid and he just doesnt show us respect or anything else for that matter..I just it had to come to blows sooner or later

SANDRA - posted on 02/13/2010

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I dont think hes on drugs..he literally lives in his room, plays comp games, and talks to his g/f on FB or MSN. When he parties on the weekend he usually just stays at his g/f's all weekend and during the week day he is only allowed oyut till midnite or else he has to stay at someone's place as we work and are not going to put up with him coming in at all hours.We have even told him that we r willing to drive him to work when he finds it as long as he pays some gas as my van doesnt run on water, both guyz r very stubborn and they wont talk or discuss the problem face to face..I dont know what to do or how to help them figure this out

Amber - posted on 02/13/2010

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let him go, he will be back an see he had it good! but now you have to give him the cold shoulder an not act like it is kinda bothering. it worked for me as a teenager.

Ashley - posted on 02/13/2010

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i would have kicked him out too.. he'll see how easy he had it with you guys and maybe it will smarten him up

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