Do any of you other moms ever feel completely disconnected from everyone and everything?

Charity - posted on 03/03/2010 ( 22 moms have responded )

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I feel so disconnected right now it's not funny. I don't feel like I can connect with anyone on any level. All 3 of my boys are sick right now, the older 2 just have icky colds and the baby, he has an ear infection. I hear them cough throughout the night and stuff, but lately I don't feel for them like I used to. My amazing fiance, Brian, knows what's going on and doesn't know what to do to help. so he feels helpless. I just don't feel like anyone can understand me in any way right now, or even wants to listen. I kinda feel like just running away. I know I won't but I really want to. It's not typical depression, I know cause I've been there. It's actually really strange, I don't recall ever feeling like this before. I feel numb to people and like they're numb to me. Sometimes I think my so called friends wouldn't care if I just disappeared. I know that sounds stupid, but I feel that way. Anymore I'm the only one putting any effort into staying in touch with anyone. My older 2 kids have just been constantly fighting with eachother or bothering me while I'm feeding Johnathan, my 5 month old, or changing him, or something. They also don' want anything to do with me until I'm doing dishes or other housework, and lately when I need a shower. I figured it out and I only get the time to myself to shower twice a week. No wonder I feel icky half the time. The only way to ensure a shower every morning would to be getting up at 4:30 am, which would upset Brian cause he has to get up at 6:30 am, and as soon as he hears the alarm he would be awake. Anyway, enough complaining...... what can I do to get out of this disconnected place inside? Any advice is welcome.

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Having read what the other moms have said..I want to offer a bit of a different opinion. You are burned out! You are just like a worker who has a 12 -18 hour a day job where every thing is demanded from you and no break..no lunch, no 15 minute stand outside and breath...no BREAK!!! You are breaking! It took me until my 4 child to realize that I was burned out..just like a over worked workaholic. I was really plowing myself into the ground. I never felt like I could get out of the cycle of mommyhood. I thought I was going to go crazy....then I changed it. I left for a few hours a week and did something different. I was an adult...not a mommy where I was. I didn't go back to work...I just did something to feed my mind and my soul. And I came home and my kids weren't so bad and my life looked ok again. So, get a babysitter...and something to do....and TAKE A BREAK!!! Find things you like to do and do them. Stop thinking that your life can only be your children...and if it has to be -change your daily routine. Pull yourself up and be good to yourself. Yes, a doctor can give you medicine...that makes you calmer...and more relaxed...but you still have to deal with your daily life. Take a shower everyday(your baby will be fine). Comb your hair, brush your teeth, put on some mascara....and get dressed...not sweats...like you would want others to see you like. Mean business everyday...you are going to work. Find a hobby...organize your homelife with a daily routine. Treat your home like you are the CEO and you are in charge. You are great! You can do it...but take a break and breathe..you will find a way out if you do....a website I would recommend...flylady.com. She is awesome. Good luck....5 minutes away!!!!

User - posted on 03/05/2010

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I think you are more normal then you think, and many moms go through this very thing. A matter of fact I myself had just (or still a little) gone through the same thing. But i have a 4 yrs and a 2yr. I'am involved in a wonderful church, with many loving people and friend around me, but I still felt disconnect, and like no one understood. I just wanted to take off (I won't) but that's how I felt too. I didn't want to be a mom,wife, friend I was very overwhelmed but with nothing. The reason I'm telling you is cause you are not alone. As I opened up to more moms, the more normal I heard this is. It will come and go. This time around for me was the hardest I have ever had it. I think the thing that made me feel worst is that I though no one would understand. But to my surprise many do One thing I learned is that when we become moms we lose alot of our identiy, Our identity is wrapped around our kids. We have to take time out by ourselves even if it is a couple hours sitting in the car by yourself on the phone. We all need that time for ourselves.I don't know if this helps or not, There is muh more but I don't want to take up to much space...lol You are in my prayers

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Laurie - posted on 10/12/2015

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I feel disconnected with my 21 month old. Always screaming throwing tantrums crying. She breastfeeds like crazy also. I cant get her to talk. she doesnt say mama or anything like that just babbles mostly. I dont know what to do. I gave up potty training I dont know how I can keep it together she doesnt look like my child to me. its like I dont care.

Jenny - posted on 03/08/2010

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Exercise really does help, even if you hate doing it (like me!). I hate it hate it hate it, but the feeling I get for the rest of the day is worth the 20 minutes in the morning when the babies are still asleep (and I wish I was too). I don't do it to lose weight, or not really anyway, I do it for my mental health. The outlook is better once the blood is flowing.

Jenny - posted on 03/08/2010

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I have four sons, and I watch my niece during the day, and YES I feel disconnected at times too. Being in Alaska prevents me from going outdoors in the winter since the kids are too small. Depression is easy, even for the ones NOT stuck at home. I have said before that it feels like I am chained to the wall, I can not go anywhere or do anything because of my responsibility to the kids. Being at home is a choice we made as a family, but it is NEVER easy. I try to do activities with the kids to keep me busy, but when we are done there is never anyone there that cares to praise them for the work they did. What I do seems unimportant to other people in the REAL world. What I have to say seems to bore them. This is all I have to do in a day, right now this is my life, so this is all I have to talk about. I soak up stories from friends and family that come over, listening to things happening to them at work, with their friends, coworkers, etc. I need to know there are other people out there doing what I used to. For now, that seems to help. I also found other mothers that are stay at home moms too, and we can destress with each other about things that no one else believes has any importance. Just think if they were in our shoes? Find other moms you can talk to. Join a networking site like Facebook or MySpace just to keep up with people that you know. Leave comments, let them know you are interested in how they are doing. Eventually they will do the same for you. No, it is not easy, and anyone that says it is does not know the good-bad-ugly of the thankless job. One day your kids will thank you for it though. My older boys know who helped them with school projects or who snuggled with them when they were sick. They know mommy is always there.

Moni - posted on 03/06/2010

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I agree with so many of the moms on here, talk to your MD, it could be post-partum, even if it's not, MDs have a lot of resources at their disposal that can help you. I found the best thing for me was to find new mommy friends. Are there mom groups in your area? I found momslikeme.com and met some great women there, some who have become good friends, and because we all have kiddos close in age, there is a camaraderie there that isn't present with other friends. It's also so incredibly difficult to be cooped up with sick kiddos! Once they start feeling better, head to a neighborhood park, fresh air and other moms to talk to does a lot of good :) Is there any way your future MIL could help out, maybe once a week, to let you have some "you" time? MILs are great for this, they've been there, they understand what it's like. It helps to talk about it, and other moms are a great audience. Hope you, and your kiddos, are feeling better soon.

Linda - posted on 03/06/2010

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I don't have any advice that these other wonderful mommies haven't said. I think they all have given great advice and truly understand where you are coming from because they have been there. Once you have ruled out postpartum depression then just do what mommies do and keep on keeping on. Trying the time for yourself and talking to your husband.(you might be surprised how he responds when he finds out it can make a better you) The reason so many women have gone to the postpartum depression is because it can be so serious and its not the same with each child. I dealt with it also and it is very common. It got worse with each child until mine was ridiculously out of control. It is a lot harder to get yourself out of that situation when it gets that bad. Just keep your eyes and mind open just in case. I am not trying to talk you into having something you don't but to let you know its a lot more common than most moms(who like you said are disconnected from other adults) realize. I am so sorry for the loss of your friend and there is nothing anyone can say to take that away. I am not one to push religion but prayer is something i found comfort in and for some reason you never feel alone like before. You would be surprised how much it can change your life. If it isn't something you already do. It sounds like things are coming together for you with your new house and pray for the best for you. If you find your peace and pull all together in your current situation your happiness when you get into your new home would be unbreakable. Good luck to you and your wonderful family. I know I've really rambled on but I just want to say this is a wonderful sight for mommies and i am so impressed with the wonderful women associated with it. Keep your head up we are all here for ya.

Brandi - posted on 03/05/2010

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Please please see your Dr.! It sounds like post pardom... things are not as bad as they may seem. Meds can Help!!!!

Kristin - posted on 03/05/2010

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Talk to your doctor about PPD. Also, do you have anyone who can come help with the oher stuff? Even just to watch them so you can take a shower. Oh, how about showering at night once the older boys are in bed? Just a thought, and I don't mean to belittle your feelings. It's just a thought. Will your fiance take them in the evening so you can get a little you time? Ask him to if he doesn't.

Anyway, talk to your doc and it's time to rally your friends and family. Take care of yourself and good luck.

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The other ladies are right. I have battled regular depression for years. I started on medication when I was 19 and have been on it my since. I didn't have my daughter till I was 32. I had a horrible change in my behavior when i had her and even after. I felt like i wasn't even myself and that it didn't matter anyhow. I was changed from my regular medication to a "baby safe" one when i was pregnant and had to wait almost a month before I could be put back on it after she was born. I felt like I had lost who I was. I was no longer myself, just my daughter's mom. I felt that I had no purpose other than to change and feed her and make sure she was taken care of. My mom could tell there was something wrong and tried to help, all I did was cry.I had been depressed before but this was totally different. I felt so empty and disconnected. I had no desire to do anything, not even get out of bed, shower or be with my new baby that I had wanted for years and had endured quite a time in the hospital to have. She almost killed me literally...and here I am, a new mom and I don't even want to look at my daughter and I don't want to do anything but curl up in a ball and dissolve. So yes, I know exactly how you feel. Going to the doctor will help if they can get you on the right anti-depressant. I had to be put back on my Cymbalta. 60 micorgram dosage. I have been on several meds for depression and this is the only one that works for me because it has both serotonin and norepenepheren (sp) response receptors. Also, if you can, try to think of something that you enjoyed doing before you had children. For me it was writing stories and do a bit of that. It really helped me to remember that I was so much more than just a mom to my daughter and that I had more sides of me than just being a mom. That in itself is hard to remember sometimes. Also remember that some people can go through post pardom for up to 2 yrs after the baby is born. You need to get out for a bit. Even if it means hiring a sitter for a couple hours, or leaving the children with your amazing fiance. You are so confused right now that you need a bit of time...and some dr's advice...good luck and please..think of yourself too or you will not be any good to your kids...as you already know since your reaching out for answers..Best To Ya.

Melissa - posted on 03/04/2010

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Well, I am Soooo sorry for the loss of you're friend! You probebly are subconciously acting out! ( relating to her passing date). And with NO space to your self, sick whinny kids, not having the elements of a house to run of your OWN, that suely will throw you out of whack! So You at least understand why you are feeling this way, and you certanley Have every right to vent about the kind of stress that u are dealing with. But Please for the Next time ( If you are gonna ''VENT'' give the whole scoop so that we don't Misundertand the circumstances).I didn't want you too get upset my mentioning ''Post Pardum", How ever It is a Very serious issue ( like you say you have heard from Dr.) I think WE the reponders were just ''CONCERNED'' for that. Pleases dont be offended by any responses to your post! Have you shared how you feel with the man in you're life, maybe if you could share yer needs he could help!! Good luck, I hope you can get moved sooon. that would be a burden lifted off in a major way. (been there, done that) LOL!

Alina - posted on 03/04/2010

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I'm in agreement with the other moms about post-partum. It affects you differently with each child. It doesn't always have the same symptoms as with your other child, and you may not think it's post-partum when it is. You're certainly not alone. I felt so disconnected from the world because as a SAHM, there aren't a lot of people who can relate to us, not even friends or family members, unless they've been there. I was like you too, getting a shower maybe once a week b/c there was never any time for myself. My husband works hard, and he was working double shifts, and it left me alone with two kids in a new State, new home with no one to talk to. Right now my kids fight over who gets my attention and then my husband comes home from work and wants my attention, too, and then the house needs my attention, and church and so on. It can be so overwhelming. I think this circle of moms thing will be great so you can "talk" to others who can truly understand and encourage you. You're probably sleep-deprived, too, and can't find a moment to think. I would look in the mirror and not even know who I was! The poster Sherry Carter has good advice, the same advice my doctor and other women gave me. The house has to some sometimes, so you can get time for yourself. A change of scenery can really help. And try the Vicks, too - it works for mine as well! Please let us know how you're doing. I pray things get better for you soon.

Sherry - posted on 03/04/2010

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Alright you are not the only one. I've had sick kids home for the last week and half with some kinda of viral infection they picked up at school. I just feel like the world has closed off to me and nobody seems to care about me and yes my two children fight all the time. I don't have a little one but it seems like my two are always fighting over who gets my attention first. So to let in on a little something my doctor told me is that it is post pardom depression. Most women don't see it till later on day the road when there children are older and they stay at home with them and have no free time to them selves. She told me the best thing to do is find the children quite activites to do (coloring, drawing, reading, or even watching a movie), about an hour a day in a remote area of the house that you can still see them but have free time to yourself. This way you can talk to friends online, on the phone, or just have a good book with a warm cup of tea. She said if I had little ones at home to do while they took a nap during the day. It is not that we don't care it is just something women go through in life when they have children and are the only ones who try to do everything for them, it's kinda like you get stuck and can't get out of it. She put on depression pills that help me sleep at night also so you may want to talk to the doctor. Let me tell you about the cough thing at night that works for my children, put a light layer of vicks vapor rub on their feet and then put socks on for the night. Just let say you'll not hear a cough all night.

Charity - posted on 03/04/2010

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Thank you all so much. I know it's not post pardum, because I've been there before. I just feel like everyone's too caught up with themselves to worry about me. I know I kinda got lost and rambled a bit, but part of that is no one is listening to me and docs around here just say here take this and you'll be better, when really it's circumstances that get me, not chemicals, lol. Anyways, I figured out part of it, back on March 2nd/3rd of 1996, my best friend at the time, Julie Harris was murdered. With everything going on this year, I didn't even realize it until this afternoon. I have always gotten down and sad around this time of year ever since then. So I realized a big part of it. I miss my best friend. Also, the kids have been to the doctors frequently, and Johnathan, the baby is on antibiotics. The older 2 just have colds, according to the docs. They're slowly getting better. I do feel for them, I just don't feel like I have the capacity to. I don't know it's really strange. I do know that once we're finished buying our new place and can move in, I will be so happy to make it my own. I will have a bedroom without children in it. Right now, we're staying at my future MIL's and she is great, but there's only 1 room until we finish the second. All of us are crammed into 1 bedroom at night, so I'm not really getting any sleep, even with the sleeping pills. Anyways, thank you all very much for your advice, it's really helpful. As for the gym membership, or doing anything involving money, isn't gonna happen for a while but thank you I will keep those thought in mind.

Candace - posted on 03/03/2010

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i feel the same way i have a1 yr old and a 2 yr old and when my friends do come over they always ask what do you do all day bc there is toys everywhere i talked to my dr and just told him and it felt good to talk to some one 3rd party who didnt have a say so in it

Jennifer - posted on 03/03/2010

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I am the mother of 3 little boys and I completely understand how you feel. I've been to the doctor and got put on some depression and anxiety medicine and it has really helped. You should def talk to your doctor to see what they think. It is also very important to have some you time, whether it be by yourself of with a good friend! I know it's hard with kids to find time for yourself but it's important! I hope everything gets better for you!

Jessica - posted on 03/03/2010

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I agree with all the Mommies too! I have 4 kids, I joined a gym to get my "Me" time. Most gyms give you 2 hours a day of childcare in their facility. Most have showers too, so if you can join, pack your gym, work out for an hour (even if you don't like to, it's working on you and it'll feel good to focus on only you) bring a magazine and do cardio and then take a shower. Bring make-up and a hair dryer! But do talk to someone (therapist) They can help more than you expect and are not just for crazy people anymore! I almost wish I had big problems just so I could go talk to mine :-) she was awesome! But now I have all the (mental) tools I need to work through life's little (or big) road bumps.

Nicole - posted on 03/03/2010

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It is so hard when your kids are sick and you also have a new baby. I agree with checking with a health professional to rule anything out. It does help to get out evan if they are sick. Do you have a double jogger for the older 2 and you can wear the baby. Sometimes a little fresh air and a change of scenery makes a difference.!

Nadine - posted on 03/03/2010

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I agree you need to talk to your doctor. Post partum depression get pretty bad. I felt like that after having my baby. You also need to find time for yourself. Find a way to start an excercise routine. i am doing that right now and it has made me feel so much better. I am happier and have so much more energy. Me time is essential for a mom, not just for you but also for your children, so you can be the best mom you can be. Make a deal with your husband that once a week when he gets home, you take me time a he takes over. Go do something for yourself. Go to a place you can call kid free zone. We are not just moms, we are also our own person with needs.

Steph - posted on 03/03/2010

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yeh i agree with melissa.
You go see a health centre they can help you with everything for your kids and you.
They'll be there for u to talk to and they can help with getting ur babies better.
What about meeting other mum's who are just like you in ur area. when you find those mums ask to set a play date or walkies. I felt like that yesturday so i mad e face book page called Cairns mummies cuz i live in cairns and im walking with a lady on friday and swapping info.

Melissa - posted on 03/03/2010

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Honey, you should see yer DR. and ask about ''POST pardom"! with 6 children alone can give you days of feeling this way, but yer babies r sick tooo!! most moms would agree that we ''give up a lot of ''ME'' time to care for our kids! but at this time i think yer body isn't asking, ITS TAKING! Good luck sweetie!!

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