do i stay because i dont want to start over again?

[deleted account] ( 12 moms have responded )

its so hard to pickup and start over again like i did after my divorce and was pregnant. i moved around alot to try and get on my feet with nothing. then once again finding a job out of state to start over for good pay and good future for my baby. now im back with my exhusband who swore it would be different. i dont have to worry about anything. i get to stay home with my daughter and get her anything she needs and wants. the only thing he treats us like crap around his family. they email me and say stupid stuff so i tell them how i feel, but he says hes so uncomfortable when we are around them. i hate him sometimes because he shows no affection towards me or his daughter. if i leave im scared of being dirt poor again and not getting to spend time with my daughter and no help from family at all. what do i do??

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Casey - posted on 12/21/2011

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Put money away, enough for start up costs, and save some in bonus bonds in your name, then at least you have a back up for when the day comes.

Casey - posted on 12/23/2011

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How unfortunate he's letting the name down! Fake it till you make it honey and get what you can while you can. x

Erica - posted on 12/23/2011

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As far as how you should act and what you should do until you leave him.... Continue going to school and working towards your goals for you and your little girl. Start checking into the local school districts for who's hiring for Kindergarten teachers after next summer. You could even possibly start applying for positions that they will be hiring for by stating on your resume that you will be completing your certification in June and available to start when the upcoming school year begins.

Do your best to not expect any courtesies, affection or help from him while you are still there. That helps sometimes so then you're not disappointed when it doesn't happen.

Look into finding other local moms to connect to. Is there a playgroup or mommy & me group you could join where you live? That might give you some additional support & friends you can sit down and have coffee with :-)

Hope this helps somewhat!!

Christy - posted on 12/21/2011

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Look at it this way. You put this out there for advice, and IMO you are getting good sound advice. Whatever you decide, let the comments and "judgemental" people in your life, in this case him and his family, roll off your back and move on. Set a goal for you and baby and go for it. You are talking about issues that take place NOW. What is going to happen in 5, 10 or 15 years? The same crap. And the key point here is that your man is not supporting you and treating you and baby poorly in general. Does this make sense? Not trying to be rude, BTW.

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[deleted account]

oh everynight its something with him! i cant stand to be at home with him. he gets home at 730 at night but i cant even joke or talk with him, he is so sensitve like hes a woman! its sports on tv and not even playing with our daughter or paying attention to me. at least he attempted to make a dinner and clean up the kitchen. im restless with him. tired of not being loved on or even hugged without asking for it.

[deleted account]

yes my little one goes to a mommy and me class twice a week starting back up after the holidays. there are a few moms ive spoke to but not too much. also the school/church she goes to offers mom to mom Bible study classes during those times the little ones are in class. So, I could pick that up, though everyone there is going to push me to stay because of not wanting ppl to divorce. (but we already are divorced) just reconcilled.

[deleted account]

good plan, but what do i do and act til that comes, that may not be until this summer.
ugh and his name is casey too. sorry.

[deleted account]

please just help me stay strong, to have confidence again to do whats right. i dont have many married friends or friends in general so i dont know what to expect with inlaws and everything. i just dont want to start over from scrath and live in government housing again like i did when he left us.

[deleted account]

i want to protect my little one from any pain or feeling like a burden. he doesnt play with her unless i say something or bathe her or feed her unless i say something. it makes me resent him when we were married i got pregnant and he treated me like crap.

[deleted account]

yes i am enrolled to finish my associates degree so i can become a kindergarten teacher. i start classes jan. i also get some student loan reinbursement to live off of and i will keep that away to leave on. my little on is 21 months old if i wait til the summer, is she going to remember these fights and everything? im so upset right now. its just how he treats me in front of his family. not really saying hurtful things, just acts like he doesnt like us. that our daughter needs disipline and its up to me to make him want us around its all my fault. his mom has had to have heart sugery so it brings everyone out who is family in one room. when his sister andi had a falling out last week. so i did what he wanted and not say anything just ot his mom. and he still sits back not saying anything or kissing me or anything. mad that our daughter was getting bored and hadnt ate yet since we rushed to the hospital this am thinking they were taking her to surgery today. so weve been fighting over the phone since he went back to work.

Tara - posted on 12/21/2011

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I agree with Christy. Get yourself some schooling or work experience while you ARE with him, then once you are able to manage on your own with minimal help, leave.

Yes, you have money and get to spend time with your daughter, but your daughter is going to feel the damage emotionally the longer she is in a situation where you are treated like dirt and neither of you is shown love. If you stay your daughter will also grow up thinking that it's okay for a man to treat you like dirt.

Even if you can't go to school look into things you can do from home or online like Avon, Regal, etc - for very minimal cash startup (I think Avon is $20 and that includes all your booklets, web page setup, etc) you can get into something that will let you make at least some money. Also look at community resources - church, shelter, women's groups, etc - there is help out there, you just have to look for it and ask for it.

Personally, if it were me in the situation I would be making a plan to ensure I would land on my feet and leave. I would never want to be in that kind of situation and have my children think that it's okay to be treated like garbage.

Christy - posted on 12/21/2011

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Idea: WHILE you are with him, can you go to school and get a degree or get specialized training, via school or online? That way you have a solid foundation for when you leave. I would SO leave if you are this miserable. It's not fair to you or your baby. Do some research and get started on something soon.

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