Do you allow people to treat your family differently due to their relationship with your family?

Karen - posted on 12/13/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Is everyone in your life regardless of their relationship held to the same standards? For example... Is it okay to allow a family member to be disrespectful to your spouse simply because they are family or should they be asked to apologize and if they refuse should they be asked to leave until they can show respect? What would you do if a family member continued to tell lies about your family?

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Nicole - posted on 12/13/2009

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I would avoid anyone who was disrespectful to my family, whether they were related or not. I don't buy that "We're family, we have to stick together" crap. As far as I'm concerned, we're just people who happen to be related.

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Tara - posted on 12/13/2009

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I would put my foot down about it. It shouldn't matter if they are family or not, if they are not respectful to you or your spouse you should hold firm on wanting respect. My Dad was really getting on my husband's case because of the amount of Pepsi he drinks and it was really bothering my husband since my Dad brought it up every single time he saw him - my husband was worried about "rocking the boat" or hurting my Dad's feelings - I just told my Dad "you know, he gets the point, now piss off and quit hounding him, it's getting old..."
Since then my Dad doesn't hammer at my husband about it anymore. If someone in my family were being more rude and/or disrespectful or nasty I would stand up for what I feel is right. Same goes for his family - I figure we try to be pleasant/respectful to both sides of the family, so our families should respect that and show some respect to us as well.

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You should be able to count on your family for love and support. That's what families do. If any of my family members were disrespectful to me or my husband they would be expected to apologize or otherwise asked to leave. I will not tolerate that kind of behavior. You and your husband deserve to be respected. I would also talk to the family member telling lies and right them off if it continued.

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It depends on the extent, I mean my family often tease my husband, but they do that to everyone, but once, and only ever once my sister implied that my husband was a bad father, now he may be a lot of things that are not ideal, but he is a fantasic father, and that upset him alot, so she then apologised. Some times people say things that they don't realise will hurt you, they should apologise even if they didn't mean it. But if someone is telling harmful lies about you or your family then that needs to change. Make it clear to them that it is not ok, and ask them to stop.

Octavia - posted on 12/13/2009

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I would let them know that they need to act like adults and if they cant then they would need to stay away from me and my family. This is not High School and they should know that you have to show and give respect to get it. I would stay away until they grow up. I am not talking to my brother for that specific reason, and although he will always be my brother and I will always love him, I do not have to have me or my family around it. Do what is best for you and yours. Take care Karen and I hope you all have Happy Holidays.

Stormy - posted on 12/13/2009

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I would confront them about it and if they didn't want to apologize then I would stay away from them untill they wanted to act like an adalt about it. Good luck :)

Andrea - posted on 12/13/2009

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I am going through this right now.. My bother in law'a wife hates me with every thing.. Her and my hubby got in to on our wedding day and she tore his tux.. He and his brother exchanged words.. His wife and her daughter (was from her first marriage) wanted to come in to the dance hall and punch me in the face in front of my family and kids.. He has started talking with both of them shortly after it had happened and I have spoken to my brother in law but i refuse to speak with his sister in law or her daughter.. So I feel there has to be respect from both parties involved.. I will not be speaking or attending x-mas with them there.. No body is going to make me either.. My hubby is saying i should just let it go but i can't not after what the daughter said about my kids.. ( she wished my 2 year old son and 8 month old daughter and myself DEAD) So i woul ask them to leave until that can learn to be an adult and play nice.. I feel like i am back in high school with sis in law.. I will not be speaking to any of them until they can say they are sorry for being rude.. My brother in law has said he was sorry so i will let it go with him.. ( wasn't his fault was his wifes) Yes i would make them leave and come back with some respect and adult behavior... Hope this is helpful best wishes and take care

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