do you believe it's a husband's duty to bring home the bacon and the woman's to stay home?

Lindsey - posted on 05/12/2010 ( 48 moms have responded )

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i am a sahm and i sorta feel like a woman shouldent have to work that she should be staying home attending to the kids,house ect.and the man bring home the bacon

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Michelle - posted on 03/24/2011

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I think it depends on who is the highest earner. I do think someone should stay home with the kids if it's financially possible because that's better for the family. Who ever that is should do a majority of the running of the household. But the other spouse should definitely help out when possible. It works out best for our household and probably a majority of households for me to stay home. It's probably more natural in the family dynamic for the mom to stay at home but if for some reason a stay at home dad works out better that's cool too. I worked in education for 10 years and my husband is a computer programmer so needless to say his salary is quite a bit better then mine was.

Melany - posted on 08/01/2011

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I think that is one thing that a couple has to work out together. I have known some stay at home dads that do a great job and more nurturing than the mom.

Marie - posted on 05/18/2010

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Well I think it's great if a family is able to this, but not everyone can afford to. I am a sahm aswell, and wouldnt have it any other way, no stranger is raising my children! If it was no longer doable (financially) I would work from home. I had a aat home daycare previously.

Bethany - posted on 05/16/2010

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If he's that kinda guy and she's that kinda girl, then bully for them! I like it, personally. I like being the housewife, and am looking forward to being the Tuckshop Mum/Reading Helper. I have to be up at all hours some nights, and have to clean up poo, but I also get to have a cuppa and put my feet up occasionally, and wander aimlessly around the shops with my little buddy.



If I went back to my old job, I'd earn more than my hubby does, but I wouldn't go back to paid work if you paid me double. This kind of stress is much more rewarding than that kind.



I just try to be a professional Mum, reading, researching, attending talks, making decisions, trying new techniques, same as at work, but at my pace.

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48 Comments

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Ashleigh Jade - posted on 03/24/2011

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It really depends on who earns more. I do feel (to a certain degree) that the house is my domain,but i also feel a man should help out.

Kristin - posted on 03/24/2011

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I feel there is nothing that says it has to be the man that works and the woman who stays home. I LOVE to work and my hubby doesn't. It is funny that he still works and makes most of the money while I stay at home to raise our daughter. I also work from home because I would pull my hair out if I didn't work. I am one of those people that would be consumed by work if I didn't have a family to ground me. I know within the next 2 years I will be earning enough money to allow my hubby to finally stay home for good with us. Good luck out there to all whatever you our your hubby decide is best for your family!! =)

Marsha - posted on 05/22/2010

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up until this past november i have always worked and enjoyed it! it has been nice to have two incomes to do extra things and make life easier. i was able to become a sahm then and have enjoyed this side of my life at 42 with a 10 yo and 5yo. we miss the second income but have adjusted to life without it and i have had the best time being able to go to all activities with my kids in school that i haven't been able to do before. i plan on going back to work since i have an opportunity to take a job where i can pick and choose when i work and where that pays good money and will give my family better stability and my husband to possibly go part time in his current job and do more things with our daughters that he hasn't been able to do in the past with working 12 hr shifts. every family is different and every mom is different with what feels best for them to do. i don't think there is a set right or wrong answer for this question, just what works best for ur family

Caroline - posted on 05/22/2010

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Thats how it is in our home but I don't believe thats how it should be. I think people should do what works best for their family. With my first 2 boys I went back to work but I hated leaving them so when I fell pregnant with number 3 I gave up work and stayed at home......now with number 7 on the way both my husband and I wouldn't want it any other way. This works for us and our children but doesn't mean it would work for everyone.

Sylvia - posted on 05/19/2010

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Me and my husband feel that as long as the children can't attend school that i will stay home and take care of the children. I miss working very much so i can't say that all women belong as stay at home mom's i feel that if she feels she wants to work and can do that plus be a mother then let her.

Brandi - posted on 05/19/2010

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I think this is ideal, but in our world, it is a luxury to be idealistic. I am currently a sahm, BUT my husband was let go from his job a few weeks ago. Despite a hard-core job search on his part, he has turned up nothing so far. SOOOOO I may have to go "bring home the bacon" if he can't find something soon. I went to college, he hasn't yet (but wants to get some secondary education) and it might actually be easier for me to obtain a job. Much as I would RATHER be there constantly for my kids, I know my husband will do an equally good job as a stay home dad as I did as a sahm. Each family has to do what works best for them. I think that it would be WONDERFUL if being a sahm was a "reputable" job or even a job given half the credit it is due. It would be FANTASTIC if we lived in a society that didn't REQUIRE so many families to have 2 incomes to survive. But in reality, you've gotta do what you've gotta do.

Pamela - posted on 05/19/2010

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I am a mother of teenagers, we live in a particularily expensive part of the country (Canada) and we could not afford for me to be making at least some contribution to the family coffers. I decided to stay at home and take in some children to help out. I realized I really was good at it, and enjoyed the job, now that my kids are older, I still work from home. Best of both worlds. Yes, of course sometimes I wish I didn't have to work but I do and so I choose to make the best of it. that's life, make the best of whats handed you.

Valerie - posted on 05/19/2010

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I'm probably going to have to go back to work in order for us to pay all of our bills. My husband works 10 hour days and so I don't think he should have to go out and get a second job if I can go to work, even just for part time. But everyone's situation's different. Although, my husband and I both agree that it's best when I'm at home with our 5 month old son.

Sheryl - posted on 05/19/2010

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my husbend feels that way! i am a very strong women who does not find it easy to let the man do it all on his own.

Jane - posted on 05/19/2010

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i agree w/you lindsey. i feel very strongly that men and women each have their immeasurable strenghs and when they each do their role, it works our perfectly that all of the needs are met for a family. i have worked from the age of 16, have a college degree and i've been married before where i was the breadwinner. now i am married to an amazing man and our roles are very clear cut and i've never been happier than i am at home. but that being said, there are not always these circumstances and some moms can't stay home and i believe that they still give their 100% to their family.

Jess - posted on 05/19/2010

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A thousand times NO! I believe it is each spouses duty to give all they can to their relationship to make each other happy. If that means that the husband is happiest at home with the kids and wife wants to work then so be it! However, these days it seems like most couples have to both be working to support their children which I find frustrating and sad.

Silvia - posted on 05/19/2010

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I agree with Karen B. My husband is active duty military and he believes it is the husbands job to support his family, i think we have just as much a job being SAHM's because of all the daily duties we perform at our home.

Nikkole - posted on 05/19/2010

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hi. my mom stayed home with us, it was her chocies she got hurt so she can never work again. but i loved having her home bc i knew when i got off the bus she would be there. Me and my boyfriend talked about and we didnt want are lil girl growing up in daycare i dont have any thing agasit them.In a few months in going to start school for medcail billing so i can stay home with are lil girl and bring some bacon home too lol

Marietta - posted on 05/19/2010

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It really depends on your situation. I am a sahm now and only because we have relocated to a new country. I love my kids & doing the mum thing however i feel i am better if i am a working mum. We are looking at swapping as we both feel i will get better paid work then my partner, so as long as someone is bringing in the bacon..it's all good. I know that i would earn a good wage so that we could maintain our lifestyle, that now includes 2 children. We aren't living in the cave man days anymore, although there are those who still choose too. Women have been empowered to also Bring home the Bacon.

Laura - posted on 05/19/2010

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You no I feel the same way, I no it's 2010 and a lot has changed. But some things like our children need us.My mom stayed home with us and remember how I felt coming home fromschool and my mom being there with cookies. My younger sister never got that, things got tight and my mom had to go to work. And I feel bad for her not getting what we other kids had. Men should be the one's bring home the money, kids need us more it's the truth. I tink a lot more kids would be staying out of trouble if more mom's were stay at home mom's.

Yvonda - posted on 05/19/2010

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this is a very controversial question...but I would say that it depends on the family situation, if the husband can afford to pay all the expenses with the "bacon" he brings home without you guys struggling(in this economy it may be hard).. I'm a stay at home mom, but it's a choice that we have made together, and I know that if things get too hard on him to handle alone, I will step up and help, no matter what we think should happen in life, life is rough and it's both parents responsibility to take care of the children and life's expenses

Monica - posted on 05/18/2010

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I think it is great if you can stay home. I was raised the old fashion way that the man works and the woman stays home. Im lucky enough that I get to stay home with kids. Go for it if you can do it.

Jami - posted on 05/18/2010

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I wish I could bring home some bacon! unfortunately it would cost (way, way) more to put our kids in daycare then we would earn TOGETHER. so until my 3.5y/o starts kindergarten next year at least...I stay home.

Laura - posted on 05/18/2010

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My husband and I feel that way. He really feels the need to be the financial support for our family. And I really feel the need to raise our kids. Now that our second is on the way, it doesn't make financial sense for me to go back to work and put 2 kids in daycare. I'd be working for nothing. And I want to raise our kids, not someone else.

My son is almost a year old and my husband has been home on the rest of that parental leave while I work to get hours for this next maternity leave (my kids will be about 14 months apart). It just feels like something is out of sync with me working and him at home. But that's just how our household goes. I know that may not be the case with everyone. Maybe I'm just old fashioned :)

Jessica - posted on 05/18/2010

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i dont exactly believe it a "duty" in this day and age, but its convienant if you can do that. I think for the most part, men believe its their duty though. But anymore its difficult to have that arrangement, especially with the economy the way it is right now. but i think if the men get to be the sole source of income it makes them feel better, makes them feel important i guess you could say. i for sure enjoy being a stay at home mom because then i dont have to worry about how my child and the babysitter are doing and whether are not they are doing things the way i would want them done. and also it saves money that way too. even if i were bringing in an income it wouldnt amount to much in the end because it would mostly being going to the costs of childcare. after my child goes to school, which is a long way off and all too soon at the same time, i hope to go out and get a job to make finances less stressful for my SO.

Debora - posted on 05/18/2010

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i have read the bible it clearly says the man is to be the head of the home while women are to be team mates so staying at home as women is ok for those who have a man who can physically work but if that man can not work pysically then yes you need to try to be providing for your family .

Lea - posted on 05/18/2010

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Yup, I agree that if you are specializing and dividing up the work this way, then its only fair. I work 2 part-time jobs and I usually have to ask my husband to help out with our son and chores which I also think is only fair.

Cheryl - posted on 05/18/2010

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The male provides & the woman builds her home.

With that said, after the womens movement, we've put more on our plates.
"Super WOMEN"
College, career, wife, mom, maid, etc.

BALANCE.- what works for you & your family is most important

I have friends at all different levels...$20K - 200K
they have to work, wanna work, refuse to work, stay at home, kept domestic divas, etc. I love them all the same.

I worked. college, career, car & house..."Super Single"
Got married. :)
Had a baby :)
Got laid off. :(
Went crazy! :o
Real Estate Lic. $
After 2nd baby, I needed to put my family first!
My husbands once again, became the sole provider.
We've grown on so many levels.
Growing pains are hard.
For now, we've learn to "Let Go & Let GOD".

Tomesa - posted on 05/17/2010

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in a way, i do believe that. simply because of the way we are designed as humans. men are designed for more physical activity, whereas women are designed to be nurturers. i am a very traditional woman and the IDEA of working outside of the home makes me physically sick. to me, my place is in the home and i prefer it that way, and i believe it is the man's job to provide for the home.



in today's world, women are taught to basically take men out of their natural positions, and then we wonder where all of the good men are. well if women are doing manly things, the men will start to do womanly things...and that's what they're doing. sitting around acting like women, while the women are running around taking men out of their positions.



i am not saying that women SHOULD be home and men SHOULD be the main providers. it's ok for the roles to be reversed, so long as the benefits outweigh the risks. and in MOST situations, they do NOT. just my opinion!

Tracy - posted on 05/17/2010

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well my husband feels the women should stay at home and worry about the kids school and house work .. I think it good for one parent to be home with the children it keep them on track and out of trouble .

CARRIE - posted on 05/17/2010

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I think there is no one right choice for everyone. I love being a sahm and was lucky because that is also what my husband thinks is best for us and our son. If I worked almost my entire check would go to paying someone else to take care of my son. I would rather be there to raise him and protect him than to pay someone else to do it.

Lexi - posted on 05/17/2010

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I think it's a decision for each couple. All our situations are different, especially in this economy. When I had my son, my husband was layed off. We stayed home together while I was on maternity leave but then I had to go back to work. Only made sense. I had a full time, decent paying job that I loved and missed being at. He still hadn't been able to find any work that payed enough to support us. (not for lack of trying!!) He was an amazing stay at home dad! While I was healing up the first few months he took care of me, then he took care of our son and the house. We moved when my son was 6 months old and both of us were out of work for awhile. He has just now found a job and it's my turn to be the one staying home. I am loving staying home, but I miss work. I'm going to have to get a part time job on the weekend to make ends meet but I'll still be home most of the time. My husband has an incredible bond with our son tho and he really understands what it takes to be home with him and all the work that it entails. I think he got an opportunity that few dads get to spend so much time caring for and bonding with Torsten.

Lucy - posted on 05/17/2010

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I believe it is a parent's duty to make sure their kids are provided for and well cared for.

Which parent does which job, or whether each does a bit of both is irrelevent.

Everybody has their strengths, and although it may be true that IN GENERAL women are more natural homemakers and men prefer to go out and hunt (or the modern equivalent), not all couples fill this profile.

I know couples where the mum stays at home, one couple where the dad stays at home, two couples (one two gay women and one a straight couple) where each partner works part time, and plenty of couples where both partners work full time.

All of them are good friends of mine and, in my opinion, excellent parents.

For us, a traditional set up with me at home and my husband working suits us just great. But what makes life interesting is that everyone is different, and we all have the right to choose the way we live and bring up our families, without feeling obliged by society to fulfill a particular role.

Alina - posted on 05/17/2010

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I, too, have the traditional viewpoint. However, I would get a paying job today if my husband said he needed me to. I've actually offered to go back to work and said he could stay home with the kids. But, in my husband's own words, we don't need the money that bad and he'd get a second job before he'd become a SAH-Parent LOL. He sees what I do and says he couldn't do it, and I respect that. I could possibly earn more because I have a college degree, but he earns plenty - God is good! I recently worked at home doing daycare, and he told me to quit because it took my time from my family and home. I LOVE staying home, but I will go back to work anytime he needs me to, because it's about being true partners - he's got my back, I've got his.

[deleted account]

I tend to agree with you that the traditional roles should be just that but at the same time, if the woman wants to work, then go hard. We are fortunate that I can be a sahm and it doesn't affect our financial situation but some people just can't afford to do that and that's OK too. It doesn't make him any less of a man just because his wife works. My husband would love to be a 'house-husband' but in order for me to bring home the same amount of money he does, I would have to go back to work in my geeky electronics world and do work that I just hate so he works and I stay home. It would be nice to both be bringing home six figure pay packets but no amount of money is enough for me to leave my kids for someone else to raise and enjoy all their 'firsts' and all of their acheivements; they're mine to experience and I won't hear about them second hand from anybody.
There are days though where I absolutely resent being at home all the time and want some adult interaction as there's only so much Dora or Diego that I can stand. I'd also like the 'all care and no responsibility' route as well because at the end of the day, I can walk away from my 'job' but I can't walk away from the responsibility of my kids, my family or the tasks that come with it and that can be tiresome sometimes. Any wife or mother out there who says that life is just dandy and they never tire of it, is just simply lieing! We all need a break from time to time and that too is very normal. It makes us better moms, wives and people.
I guess in short, if you can do it and that's your joint decision then more power to you but if you can't, don't let any of society's stupid pressure make you feel lousy for it. Do what works for your situation.

Becky - posted on 05/17/2010

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I think it is wonderful for children to be able to have a parent staying at home with them, when it works out for the family. For some families, it just doesn't work financially or for other reasons. I don't think it has to be the mother though, although that's certainly more common. Sometimes the mother is more career-minded and the father is the more nurturing, caregiving parent and is better suited to being at home with the kids all day than the mother. So I think it's really an individual thing for each family and there is no "it should always be this way." In our family, I always wanted to be a SAHM and my husband would go crazy staying at home with the kids all day every day, so this works for us.

Beth - posted on 05/16/2010

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i think its down to the family. im a SAHM and i wouldnt have it any other way!

Kristin - posted on 05/16/2010

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No, I don't believe it's my husbands duty to bring in $$$ while I stay home with the kids. I do it because I hated what I was doing before we had them and haven't decided what I would like to do in the future. My husband loves what he does and I love that about him.

However, if he hated what he did and wanted to be home with them, I would support that too.

The reality of being a SAHM is that you do have a job. It is 24/7 all year. It is exhausting with minimal luxuries and a lot of frustration. The benefits are awful and amazing all at the same time.

The best parents are the parents who fully understand what they can and cannot do. It is far too personal for each person within a family for anyone outside of it to comment upon. I know incredible moms/parents who stay home, there are some who are just awful too. I also know incredible moms/parents who work, there are some awful one's here too. Good parents are the parents who make their time with their kids really count. It will always be quality over quantity.

So, this is my thought on it. Everybody is different. Each family needs to find what works best for them. Your situation sounds like the ideal one for you and that is wonderful that you have that.

Lisa - posted on 05/16/2010

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Every family and everyone's situation is different & if your husband can handle that then that's how it should be. I am a stay at home mom myself & sure my husband goes to an office & gets paid for his work but I personally would not put myself down & say that my Job isn't work just because I don't get a paycheck...it's difficult & in my opinion more difficult than what any man does @ the office but it has it's rewards. So my husband & I agree that our son wouldn't be in better hands. I have a degree & stopped working when I had our child. I would like to get extra income coming in... but I may have to go back to school to so I can major in something where I can work from home on my time when my son gets older & goes to school full time. Right now we make sacrifices, but it's the best for our son & us. to Answer your question, taking care of the home & the children is work...you just aren't getting paid & if your huband doesn't see that...you aren't appreciated either.

Bethany - posted on 05/16/2010

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I agree with Alysha, about the nice parts of having a paid job. In Australia, we have AWA's (Australian Workplace Agreements) where all the details of the job's entitlments and responsibilities are written out for every job. I would love to do one up for myself. I would definately include the "uninterupted 10 minute pause-break to be taken 2-4 hours after starting work and 2-4 hours after finishing a meal break", and the "1 hour uninterupted lunch break 4-6 hours after starting work" and the 4 weeks paid holidays for every year worked, and the paid sick days, with a Dr's certificate. Oh, and the fresh fruit, fresh coffee, and big birthday cake delivered to my desk/office....ahh, those were the days

Alysha - posted on 05/16/2010

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I would love to stay at home with my daughter, and I am right now. However, I HAVE to get a job so all the bills get paid. If my husband's job paid enough for me to be at home I would for sure. Some days I can't blame the women who want to work though, it would be nice to do a job that can be completed!

Kristina - posted on 05/13/2010

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First of all I think everybody and every family is different one has to do what works for them. I became a SAHM because financially it was better for me to be home. It was a blessing since being a SAHM was always my true wish. I help out financially by taking care of a family of three at our home. I believe I have the best of both worlds, I am able to contribute to my family financially along with being able to watch my children grow everyday. I am very lucky to have a wonderful husband who is behind what every path I want to go on. For he would love to be a stay at home dad,we both love being parents and treasure our time with our kids.

It is not a man vs women thing in our house it is just what works,and providing the best for our family :)

Michelle - posted on 05/13/2010

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If that's what you guys believe and it works for your family than it's fine. For me, my husband is 10 years older and had been working a lot longer and making more money than me, so it made sense for me to stay home. If my husband and I were the same age or at least at the same starting point he would be staying home since I have B.S. degree and he doesn't. I had the potential to earn more money.



Whatever a couple agrees upon should be fine, but one shouldn't feel obligated to stay home if one doesn't want to.

Sandy - posted on 05/13/2010

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If that's how you and your husband have arranged things. If you don't want to work and he knew that ahead of time and now he wants you to get a job, that's not fair. but if you had a job and just decided not to work anymore, that's not fair either.
It has to be an agreement between you both. That's what helps a marriage stay together. Get on the same page and work your butt off to keep communicating about your feelings.

Shirley - posted on 05/13/2010

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My husband and I agree with you. :)

My husband has always said that I shouldn't 'have' to work outside the home. If I choose to (and for a short period of time, I did) I do. I homeschool our girls and work my fanny off taking care of our home, etc.

Karin - posted on 05/12/2010

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Depends on your situation. I believe that whoever can bring in the money should be out there doing it, especially in this economy.

I am a SAHM, and my husband really wants to be home with the kids. It's really on who is ready to do the job 24/7, and if you have the means to do so.

Good luck!

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