do you ever feel bad when your hubby helps around the house?

Mandy - posted on 03/23/2010 ( 136 moms have responded )

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My husband is really great about helping with housework and sometimes I totally feel bad because I'm a S@HM and taking care of the house is part of my job. I have to admit, I love the help because I'm not exactly the best housekeeper....and like anyone else I don't like to clean so its nice that he helps out but it makes me feel really guilty. Does anyone else feel like this?

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Tamara - posted on 07/28/2011

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Nope I don't feel bad, My 'job' is to raise the kids not be a maid

Ashley - posted on 03/31/2010

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I woud just trade Guilty in for Greatful and be very happy. Not all people are blessed with other halves that try so hard and care so much about you. =)

Kim - posted on 03/30/2010

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Absolutely not! STUDIES SHOW THE AVG STAY AT HOME MOM WORKS 96HOURS PER WEEK. Ask for all the help you need and expect it!

Lexi - posted on 03/29/2010

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I don't think you should feel guilty at all. The way I look at it is that you both work full time jobs. His is out of the house, yours is baby and most of the housework. That means that when he comes home you both need a break and some help. I'm sure you give him some time to relax and chill. Sounds like his way of giving you a break is taking care of some of the left over housework. I expect the same thing of my husband. He needs to change a few diapers and play with Torsten (our son) and he usually helps by doing the dishes. It's his job to always take out the recycling and garbage every day. He takes turns with the midnight feedings and saturday is my day to sleep in and his to get up with the baby.

Kristy - posted on 03/29/2010

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NEVER!!! Marriage and family is an equal partnership and well stay at home or not we all make messes and can all help out!!!

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Not really, since he helps when asked. I'll sometimes catch him dusting or something. He says it bothers him now. Honestly I find it a complement. After all when I first met him, well... his apartment... it needed a hazmat team. So the fact that little things like that bug him now is really nice.

I found it really funny after our daugther was born, that he needed to call in help to clean the house (I had a c-section and had a long hard recovery).

Rachel - posted on 07/28/2011

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I think the guilt you feel is the all powerful hold that comes upon us SAHM, which is that we have to do EVERYTHING and do it PERFECT. Keeping a perfectly clean house with my two toddlers is impossible. I literally turn around and there is a trail of toys or crap behind me where I just cleaned. I stopped trying to have the satisfaction of sitting back and admiring a clean house. You are lucky your husband helps, most men don't- trust me.

Rachel - posted on 07/28/2011

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I think the guilt you feel is the all powerful hold that comes upon us SAHM, which is that we have to do EVERYTHING and do it PERFECT. Keeping a perfectly clean house with my two toddlers is impossible. I literally turn around and there is a trail of toys or crap behind me where I just cleaned. I stopped trying to have the satisfaction of sitting back and admiring a clean house. You are lucky your husband helps, most men don't- trust me.

Stifler's - posted on 06/19/2011

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No I feel guilty when I make him get up in the night to our kids though. I'm not sure why since I do it every other night except Saturday. It's easier for me to do it though because whenever he does we are BOTH up for 3 hours with a wide awake baby who wakes up and cries whenever she finally falls asleep and we put her down. I have no issues with asking him to vacuum quickly or gerni the windows or outside area before a house inspection or unload the dishes or take out the bin when I'm busy with the kids.

Michelle - posted on 06/19/2011

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Um no. We have 3 kids. I can't do it all. It's become even more obvious since we had the third that if he doesn't help, this house will completely fall apart because I can't do it all myself.

Carri - posted on 08/11/2010

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No. As a sahm, I work 24 hrs a day. As a store manager he works 10 hrs a day. Sure he's tired after work, but so am I. We both created these children, we both live in this house, & we both are responsible for doing what needs to be done when we're both home. I do as much as possible while he's at work, but I'm only one mama.

C - posted on 08/10/2010

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Nah, its ok Im a stay at home mom anyways and he's working night shift. But he has to play with the kids and do his "Fathering" during his free time. Otherwise, I go balistic!

Robyn - posted on 04/06/2010

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Do not feel guilty. I am a SAHM and I work harder than my husband ever will. Keeping house and picking up after him and a set of 18mo. old twins is a 24/7 job. He works for a boss 5 days a week from 8:30-5:00 with an hour for lunch. He also gets vacation time, sick time, and personal days. When he wants off he puts in a request and poof he has free time! I work for myself. Who's gonna cover for me when I want a two week vacation? I also don't get week ends off or sick days. If there is nice weather, he takes a personal day and plays golf. He doesn't need to find coverage. He is my coverage. I have no day time babysitter. I have to do my stuff at night after he gets home. If I don't do it, it doesn't get done around my house. I have to have it all done so I can go do what I need to do and come home and not have to face a mess, because he won't do it for me.



Be happy your husband is helping. He apparently realizes your job is tough and his is easier and appreciates you enough to help.

Iysha - posted on 04/03/2010

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Yes. I feel guilty...we both aren't working at the moment but my fiance is sick a lot lately and I feel like I should at least be able to have the home clean. I mean there is only a living room, 2 bedrooms, a bath room and a kitchen...not like it's a mansion. Lol and I have one baby who is 9 months. So it shouldn't be that bad but I get lazy...I'll admit that sometimes all I want to do is sleep and watch tv and play with baby. Lol. He does try to help and tells me not to take out the trash and such cause he'll do it but I feel bad not doing it. I just want to be like," I can do it on my own...women all around the world do it all the time...why should I need help?" You know? Idk. I feel like I'm going to be seen as lazy because I don't do it.

Kristi - posted on 04/03/2010

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No. I am appreciative that he does his part in caring for our home. I do my part (as best I can with busy kids in tow), and he does his part (most of the time). I think that your job as a stay-at-home mom is to take care of your children. That by itself is way more than a full-time job. When I was working, it was practically like being on a vacation away from the kids (not that I wanted to be away from them...). I could go to the bathroom alone, eat my lunch in leisure (and with grownups even!), or take a walk unencumbered. I could play whatever music I wanted to and from work, blah, blah, blah. You guys are a team in caring for your home. I like to be the household manager, but really, you are a team in getting things done. Your job is to care for the kids so they don't have to be in daycare. Period. Anything you manage to get done while they are in your care is just a bonus. :)

User - posted on 04/02/2010

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Yes, I feel very guilty- but we're working on that. When we were first married, yes, he would do it just b/c he was mad that I didn't get it done, then I would get mad at him for helping! (stupid, stupid, stupid.) Then we had kids. To be honest, he never helped and although I really wanted him to, I rarely ask, b/c he doesn't work 40 hours a week. Sometimes he would leave at 6 and get home at midnight. Things have changed somewhat though. He helps a lot with the kids now. The other night we got home late and the house was a wreck so he went to cleaning. I really would rather do it myself (just take the kids!!!) but I got mad b/c I thought he was mad b/c the house was a wreck. Turned into a big ordeal and he actually cried b/c I am too critical and wouldn't recognize that we have to work as a team. stupid, stupid me! :)

Chelsie - posted on 04/01/2010

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i used to but now im like, well u helped make a mess u can help clean it up. u used to before we had a kid and now i have the extra work load for some bizarre reason u think i should have the house spotless. dotn feel guilty just tell him thanks and say u were to exhausted to do it. if he is a decent bloke he will be happy with that

Gale - posted on 03/30/2010

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Nope dont feel guilty at all, I look at it this way everyone in the house makes the mess, not just you and your children. I think working together once in a while getting the house clean wont hurt anyone. I for the most part keep the house clean, only time my hubby helps clean from top to bottom is when we have company/family visiting from out of town, which isnt often at all. I dont mind cleaning.

Joanne - posted on 03/30/2010

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I do feel bad sometimes, I am a good housekeeper and take alot of pride in it, when my husband helps, sometimes i feel insulted as though he must think I don't do it good enough so I have to remind myself that he has the best intentions and is trying to make my life easier instead of being insulted. I really do appreciate his help.

Rebecca - posted on 03/30/2010

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I feel like that sometimes because as you said, it's our job. The thing is, when your hubby is at work and he gets snowed under, he has other people around him to help or if not be able to help, then support him. At the end of the day, why should we be any different? Some days we get snowed under and we need a little support as well. Don't be too hard on yourself. We're doing one of the most important jobs in the world, bringing up a little person. It's fair if you need a hand sometimes.

Angela - posted on 03/30/2010

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I do. I agree with you, I feel like its my job to take care of the kids and the house. Unless for some reason I was just absolutely unable to ( like if one of the kids was sick) then I wouldn't feel bad, but when he just does stuff that I just didnt get around to then I feel kinda bad. Probably shouldn't, but...

Ashley - posted on 03/30/2010

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i feel really bad even if i ask my hubby to take out the trash.. hes a marine and always gone and is about to leave for deployment so i feel like he should be relaxing not worrying about the house, but its really nice when he does help out makes a little time for anything else.. dont think your alone!! im sure we all go through a lot of the same feelings.

Kim - posted on 03/30/2010

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I wish he would help out more. Its usually his messes that get in my way. I clean the kitchen table for dinner and he comes in with his junk and puts it on the table and the counters and wonders why we don't eat there more often!! He will do the dishes occasionally but really lately that is it. Taking care of the kids is our full time job, NOT housekeeping and I feel it should be a shared job just like it was( or should have been) when I was working. And I'm not home all day, I'm taking kids to and from school and activities, grocery and other shopping. When its nice I am outside with the youngest who needs supervision. When I'm home there are baths to give and homework to help with, which includes 30 mins of reading a night with me. I get tired and I need breaks too, so going on FB here and there is my 'coffee break'. Writing all that out, now I don't feel so bad that my house is cluttered. I keep up with the laundry, and cleaning, but clutter is another major problem in this house and I just can't shovel again the tide fast enough. If I get to one area another suffers. I really wish he would at least take care of his own stuff then maybe the kids would realize I was not the maid and help out too. so don't feel guilty its his house too!

Chyan - posted on 03/30/2010

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i know what you mean im a stay at home mom also and my son's dad works for himself so he is always home to and he helps clean and cook but then i feel bad cuz i dont work i take care of our son.. sum times its nice tho to get the help.

Jennifer - posted on 03/30/2010

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I totaly know how you feel, i am a S@HM, i have a 3yold lil man and a to smart for her age 5yold, they are very active and keep me on my toes. and depending on what the day entails sometimes the house work lapses! My hubby will come home from work and help the kids tidy up the rooms, or dust, vaccume or straighten something somewhere out that i didnt get to in my day. I do feel bad because i feel like im being scolded by the "boss" even though hes not at all. i feel like i dropped the ball and let him down. I have learned that its ok, to accept it, its gonna happen im a busy mom, run a daycare, I am NOT wonder woman. We also have a cleaning day on the weekend where we decide what we're going to tackle and it feels great to work on it together and relax the rest of the day together doing whatever. Hope this helps. your not alone.

Priscilla - posted on 03/30/2010

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I Don't feel guilty at all its one of the reasons I married him because he was helpful before we got married its one of the reasons I love my Hubby so Much...... he is a wonderful Dad and Husband .

Vickie - posted on 03/30/2010

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I can so agree with you. I am a SAHM and run a daycare from home, I do my best to make sure he has dinner and the house is decent when he gets home (I am not going to say clean because that just doesn't happen). I have had to relinquish some of my control over the house during this pregnancy though, due to some health complications. I must admit it is driving me nuts, and at the same time I am so grateful that he is willing to work a full day 6 days a week and still take the time to help with the kids and house when he gets home. God Bless the good men in our lives that realize it is a two parent home and that us moms need the help!

Jessica - posted on 03/30/2010

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oh heck no!! :) I do the majority of the work around the house, being a stay at home mom, and having to clean up after 3 kids(hubby included haha) it gets repetitive and frustrating. I hate having to clean the same area 5 times in one day, but unfortunately, i have to ^_^ so once in a while when he gets this rush of generous feeling and wants to help me out a bit, he is always MORE than welcome! :) you shouldnt feel bad for him wanting to help you out a bit. Many hands make light work :)

Jennifer - posted on 03/30/2010

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I am 31 yrs old with two children. My husband and I both had amazing careers when I chose to stay home and raise our children. This was truely difficult for me because there is no end to the day. My husband doesn't help as much as i would hope but my advice.... 1.You are a stay at home MOM. Your number one job is to raise your children. Not house keeper , chef, financial adviser, etc. 2. If you weren't laying around all day letting the tv raise your children you have nothing to feel bad about. You are a team! I feel everyone living in the house has a responsibility to take care of it. My 2 yr old feeds the dogs and fish everyday. My 5yr old putts dishes away. With help of course but they know we all contribute to the mess so we all help right it. Maybe your hubby enjoys or finds some "chores" relaxing. Don't take that away from him. Just say "wow honey you are great at that." There are so many thing in life to worry about getting help shouldn't be one of them.

Candace - posted on 03/30/2010

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ARE YOU INSANE WOMAN!!! I love it when mine helps out! Even if its just a small thing!

Angie - posted on 03/29/2010

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Don't feel guilty staying at home is a lot more work then going to a 40 hour per week job, we don't get a break so as long as he knows that you appreciate it be guilt free and accept some help.

Amy - posted on 03/29/2010

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Remember tho his "work" day ended when he walked out the door and yours is still going on..its 24/7....Just because your home doesn't mean he can't help..he can help make dinner,he can help take care of the kids..they are his kids and his responsibility too....I hate hearing others say well you stay home he should be able to sit and relax whenhe gets home.....well um no..If I am running constantly and getting up thru the night and taking care of the kids all day he can take over so I can have 5 mins for me or take a shower or something...

Megan - posted on 03/29/2010

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I def. feel like this any time he helps me! I feel like it is my job..... we have 4 children so sometimes it is hard for me to keep the house spotless... actually it's next to impossible......

Latoya - posted on 03/29/2010

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I don't feel bad not a bit. I feel as though a man should help around the house, not just take out the trash.

[deleted account]

Sometimes I feel guilty but, you have to remember: It's he's house too. Yeah, sure. he works and is the bread winner and his job is to do the fix-it-around-the-house-jobs. Your job is 24/7 and it is probably a shot and a blue moon when you get a day or a couple of hours off. He get's to stop working his job when he comes home and home time is suppose to be down time for them. So just think of it as your down time when he puts away the dishes or bathes the kiddos. You know you don't get it all the time.

Janelle - posted on 03/29/2010

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I am the worst cleaner in our house, and I stay home with our boys.My husband helps out often and his usual comment is "I see you kids had a fun day today! You played soo much that you didn't let mom vacuum" It is no big deal to him, so as long as your hubby isn't griping as he is picking us the Candyland pieces, I would say not to worry about it! If it bothered him, he wouldn't do it or say something to that effect! Happy play time!

Caitlin - posted on 03/29/2010

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I feel like that as well! My husband tries to help with the housework when I don't get to it because our son is keeping me busy, or he makes a mess after my husband gets home from work. I feel guilty because I stay at home all day with our son, and he goes to work every day and deals with his boss and co workers, and then he comes home and helps me clean up! He also makes dinner most nights because I don't know how to cook very much, and it is also hard to get dinner done before he gets home when our son doesn't take his late afternoon nap!

Jennifer - posted on 03/29/2010

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Sometimes, but when it comes down to it,absolutely not! :) I may stay at home with the kids but don't act like that is a little task - That's HUGE! Kids take energy and time, patience and love, generosity and more patience. There are not enough hours in the day to get everything done and to have your honey come home and help out, I just feel grateful and I make sure to thank him and let him know how much I appreciate him.

Megan - posted on 03/29/2010

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well i have three kids. i wake up at night with my newborn and yes he does sometimes too. i am in the house all day cleaning but sometimes i dont clean cuz of the kids. i dont feel bad if e comes home and helps out, sure he works all week but so do i as a mother and a wife which is not easy. but if all i did was sit on my butt and barely do anything then i would feel bad

[deleted account]

Im a S@HM aswell, and when my boyfreind helps me out around the house I really dont feel bad at all. I feel that just becuase im a S@HM doesnt mean I should have to do everything around the house. Some of the things that need to be done around the house are "boy jobs" Some things I cant do on my own. Plus half the mess in my house, half the laundry ect is his. So just becuase he works, doesnt mean he can come home and be completley lazy. I appreciate when he does help, and definatley dont expect it all the time of course.

Kaitie - posted on 03/29/2010

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HAHAHA... absolutely not! :) When I can get my hubby to help one of two things happen. I either get really stressed out because he does it completely different, or I keep giving him a list until he says something to me. :) I only wish I had a hubby like yours... can you tell me your secret?! keep it up i think its great!

Carly - posted on 03/29/2010

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No. I am a complete neat freak and must be honest do most of the work myself which I don't mind at all! Sahm is such a hard job and after my son was born I became very ill and I found that I had a underactive thyriod gland which meant that my body felt like it had run a marathon all the time. I was extremly tired and weak and could barely pick up my son on really bad days so my partner hard no choice but to help out. I didn't ask him too, he just took it upon himself to help me out. Thats what a relationship is helping and supporting eachother, he has his jobs and I have mine. I'm starting to work part time now around his work and we both pitch in with certain jobs and I don't think there is anything wrong with it.

Elizabeth - posted on 03/29/2010

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I use too but after we had our first baby that stopped. I do like cleaning so I guess I am different than ya all, but when we found out we were going to be parents my husband went back to school and it seemed like my work doubled. I would have to go around every morning to pick up his dirty clothes, all his dishes, make the bed do the laundry, wash the dishes and all the other chores we need to do! I was going CRAZY and wanted him to help and clean up his own mess, do the dishes every so often and just help. I wasn't sure if it was me being pregnant was the reason it was bugging me so much or what cause it wasn't before.

We now have 2 children a 2 1/2 yr old and a 6 month old and I would have to say it is still the same. I still have to go into the room and clean up his mess, get his clothes and dishes. But it doesn't bother me anymore. And when he does have time to help between work and grad school I take it, cause sometimes he can just see on my face I need a little break

Nichole - posted on 03/29/2010

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I feel the exact way you do because he works all day and then comes home and sometimes picks up the house....I feel guilty because I feel like I am supposed to keep it clean cause I don't work right now

Elizabeth - posted on 03/29/2010

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I feel guilty all the time my husband is only home 2 days at a time and he is wonderful about helping out around the house even though i too am a SAHM of a 2 1/2 yr old and am 2 months pregnant with our second I have more time to keep the house clean but I just lack the energy to do it most days but at the same time this is 2010 and i am not ashamed to ask for help from my husband i mean there was a reason i married him and luckily we have a complete partnership.

Sandra - posted on 03/29/2010

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Why would you feel guilty for him helping clean the house you both live in and are raising your children in TOGETHER?



Yes, I do the primary housekeeping and cooking etc., but it is OUR house, therefore we both keep it tidy.

Chelle - posted on 03/29/2010

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I did at first and used to see it as him pointing out things i wasnt doing.. also to begin with when he did something he always felt a need to point out he was doing it, which made me think "what, do you want a medal or something"...

However after a while i was fine and grateful for him to help out, i was even willing to concede that he wasnt going to necessarily do it the same as me, and that was ok.

And now, he is currently been the home hubby while i have been working from home, so as per the agreement he is the one that picks up most of the chores.

Elaine Melissa - posted on 03/29/2010

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Hey my hubby helps too and its not a bad thing if u stretch yourself too thin u may just snap be grateful. There no rule that says u have to do it all being a S@HM doesn't mean u can do it all on your own or should do it on your own its your guys home kids its a good thing he helps

Carrie - posted on 03/29/2010

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Heck no! I wish he would help more. He considers it "my job" because I'm staying home with the baby now, but I did all the work and took care of our 3 boys AND worked over nite before she was born! So expecting him to pick up after himself or at least keep an eye on the baby isn't asking too much. ( you can tell i'm a little grumpy, huh?:) )

Breanna - posted on 03/29/2010

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yes. he works all night then he will complain that the house is a mess and mind you i dont let it get disgusting i clean at night when m daughter is asleepa nd it makes me feel terrible.
...

Kenyetta - posted on 03/29/2010

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Nope not at all its nice thats he helps instead of complaining because its not an easy job 2 do an he gets that joggling kid/kids cooking cleaning is alot 2 handle by urself I know I get destracted very easy so don't feel that bad we can't be perfect at everything lol

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