Do you feel like the maid?

Danjea - posted on 03/04/2009 ( 17 moms have responded )

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Lately I have been feeling like all they want me to stay at home for is to be the maid. I have a 4 year old, a 13 year old and a 15 year AND a 41 year husband that seem to think that is my job to pick up after them! It is driving me crazy. They all go to bed at night and I clean up their messes that take place from the time they get home at 2pm, 330pm and 6pm and then I finally get to bed around midnight and they get up in the morning and leave more messes for me to clean up when i get up with the 4 year old at 8am. How do I get these 3 older ones to learn that I am not their maid?????

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Mandie - posted on 01/07/2013

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As for the older kids,if they don't want to do the chores then start taking away their lifelines(computer,ipad,or whatever else is attached to the hands or ears)those things are not a right,they are a privilege. As for thecomputer thing with your daughter,password protect it.So when she comes home she can not get on it unless you give her the password.And how does she get the password? She earns it by getting her homework done and whatever chores are hers to do. Once its all done then she can have it.(this will probably take a few times of doing considering if you don't change the password the next day then she will know it and go right back to the same routine). As for your 13 yr old,if he doesn't want to listen to you,fine....take away whatever he is attached to (video games,computer,etc...) When he starts acting respectful then he can have his things back.If he doesn't want to do chores then he doesn't get on the game. Do they keep their rooms clean? If you want to make a very big statement that you are not the maid then you can pick up whatever mess they left and put it in their rooms. I'msure they would look at things differently when its their room that is trashed instead of the living room,kitchen,etc...
And for the hubby,I'm not too worried about the dishes but the clothes thing really ticked me off after a while. Since he kept throwing them on the floor wherever they came off at,I let them pile up(not where they were put down at but I put them in the corner of the room). Once he ran out of clothes and asked where all his clean clothes were I told him that I only wash what is in the hampers.If it was in the hamper then it was washed,if it was on the floor then its probably still there. It only took one time of letting them pile up for him to get the point and now they are always in the hamper for me to wash. Make a stand! Tough love is the only way out of being the maid and if you are going to let them walk all over you then they will continue to do it with the same expectations they've always had and you are back at square one. good luck

Katie - posted on 03/10/2009

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Quoting Devon:

find a REALLY good hiding place, and just like a toddler give them ONE warning that if they don't pick up their stuff then it will be taken away. whatever gets left behind after they go to bed gets taken away and not returned until they pick up after themselves. if they call your bluff and think they can pester you into giving it back then let them know it wont just be taken away anymore that it will be GIVEN away to less less fortunate people who would really appreciate to have those things. they'll catch on.



this is a great idea! works like a charm for my 3 year old

Katie - posted on 03/10/2009

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i only have a 3 year old lil boy and husband, but i think the story's the same no matter how many people. the only way i got my husband to understand that im not his maid was to do all my normal housework, and the places where it was entirely his mess (like around his chair) were left that way. i know this can b frustrating to look at their mess all day, but after about 3 days of this he will get the point. i dont have any better suggestions for you older kids, except taking privdledges away when you have to clean up after them. you might also enjoy the tip jar tactic. they put in either money or a note explaining how wonderful you are, and how much they appreciate you. only then do you do those things for them, cuz if you keep doing it for them they wont learn to do it for themselves. (easier said then done, i knoww) good luck!

Heather - posted on 03/10/2009

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I'm a single mom of two small boys. A 23 month old and a 4.5 yr old. I have tried the whole "I'm going to take your toys away" bit with my older son, and he just lookes at me and says OK. He doesn't care if I take them away. I don't want to end up taking all the toys away because I feel like I would be punishing the baby. Any suggestions?

Ann - posted on 03/09/2009

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I have a 2 yr. old daughter, a 14 yr. old son and hubby....( Daughter not included) my hubby and son do very little, I can barley grt my son to empty a trash can when he can clearly see that it's full... my husband will not lift a finger to help around the house unless I tell him like a baby what he need's to do, the only thing that the both of them do without saying a word is to help out with our 2 yr. old



I have been the Maid for quite sometime now in my house ???? I guess we all have to get used to it, that's what we were MAID for, RIGHT??



I really hope that isn't so, but I don't have any other explantion's

Devon - posted on 03/09/2009

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find a REALLY good hiding place, and just like a toddler give them ONE warning that if they don't pick up their stuff then it will be taken away. whatever gets left behind after they go to bed gets taken away and not returned until they pick up after themselves. if they call your bluff and think they can pester you into giving it back then let them know it wont just be taken away anymore that it will be GIVEN away to less less fortunate people who would really appreciate to have those things. they'll catch on.

[deleted account]

When my husband was home on leave I had this problem.  He just shed things everywhere he went.  Since I hadn't seen him in 6 months and he'd be gone for another 6, I didn't say anything but I'm curious how other moms handle it.  The 8 month old.. nothing I can do about that yet.

[deleted account]

Unfortunately, my only working method is like Mandy's: I have to get angry and start throwing away things when things will finally start moving with my kids. I have a 6 y.o. girl, 4 y.o. boy, 3 y.o. girl and 9 mths baby girl. The only one who is most likely to help is the 3 y.o. girl!!!



The down side on this "method" is that I can only control this when they're still young. I don't think it'll help later on.



I will have to come up with something, 'cos I'm really getting tired of this. Tidying in the morning, kids come home from school and everything is a mess again. Why bother?!

Connie - posted on 03/07/2009

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My kids are young, 3 and 18 months. I can usually get them to pick up their toys after dinner if i bribe them with some sort of dessert! My husband on the other hand, I have resorted to gathering all of his things that he has left around and hiding them. Then when he asks for something I say, "Where did you leave it?"  He thinks I'm nuts, but it gets my point across, now doesn't it?

[deleted account]

Quoting Ann:

Throw everything in one big pile and say, take it where it belongs or it ALL goes in the trash. My husband is actually pretty good, but we are teaching my 2.5 year old and this works great wth him. He knows that I am very serious. I have thrown 3 of his favorite toys aways (although i really take them back out when he isn't looking and put them away for awhile). He didn't like it AT ALL. Granted he is only a toddler, but you need to put your foot down.



I do this same thing with my 3 year old twins when they just won't clean up - tell them it is all going in the trash.  Usually after a short time out they decide they need to clean up. But this week they were overtired and wouldn't nap so I told them their blankies were going in the trash.  I hid them in hubby's dresser until they took a nap.  I don't expect a nap every day but some days you just KNOW they need one. *sigh*



Now, if I could just figure out the secret of getting 3 year old twins to nap when they REALLY need it.......

Ann - posted on 03/06/2009

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Throw everything in one big pile and say, take it where it belongs or it ALL goes in the trash. My husband is actually pretty good, but we are teaching my 2.5 year old and this works great wth him. He knows that I am very serious. I have thrown 3 of his favorite toys aways (although i really take them back out when he isn't looking and put them away for awhile). He didn't like it AT ALL. Granted he is only a toddler, but you need to put your foot down.

Julie - posted on 03/05/2009

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I understand! My children are younger ages 6, 5 almost three and 21 months and a husband. My children are really pretty good because I have been really strict on picking up after yourself since they were babies. Even my youngest takes her clothes to the hamper and diapers to the garbage by herself. My husband on the other hand took a long time to "train" He works very long hours so his only jobs are the lawn, garbage and putting his dirty laundry in the hamper. I flat won't touch those areas. If he hasn't put anything in the hamper all week then he doesn't have clean clothes. Same with the garbage I will let it pile up in the kitchen. Just put your foot down, don't do for them what they are expected to do. They will eventually get the picture or run out of clean clothes or dishes :)

Mandy - posted on 03/05/2009

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the only way i can get help is to get really angry and start throwing things. it seems to work.



stop doing things for them unless they help, they will soon learn

[deleted account]

If you figure out how to get the older two to not procrastinate and come up with every excuse, please let me know.  My 8 year old is doing that now with his reading and karate and it drives us nuts.  My husband finally said to him a couple weeks ago that making excuses is a bad idea and we aren't going to tolerate it any more.  Still a struggle when he says "I'm bored what can I do?" and we say karate and all of a sudden he has something else to do.  Kids!  :)

Danjea - posted on 03/05/2009

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My older two do have chores but it seems that they find every excuse they can to not do them, especially my 13 year old boy. He just doesnt listen to me at all!!!!!  But when my husband comes home, he listens to him.  My husband on the other hand also has 3 jobsbut the only thing I ask him to do is rinse his dishes off and put his laundry in the laundry room instead of on the floor, that is it!!  And that still dont get done with him either. I have been fighting these both now for 7 years and I just dont know how to get it through to them.  My oldest is 15 and she does what she can but there are days when she is on the computer instead of doing her homework and then she makes me feel bad when she is told to get it done and she just begs me to finish online and I let her and then she pushes it further........ HELP!!!!!!

[deleted account]

Start making them do chores.  I have all boys - an 8 year old and 3 year old twins plus my 40 year old husband.  My hubby is a huge help around the house most of the time.  Currently he is working his day job plus PT at H&R Block because it is tax season so I cut him a break.



I make my 8 year old keep his room picked up, put away his laundry, feed the dog, deal with the garbage and recyclables and he has started doing dishes some days.  Plus his homework and karate practice.



The 3 year olds are harder.  We make them clean up their toy room and living room daily.  The basement is another story.  And one of my 3 year olds likes to help me with laundry. He'll empty my dryer into the basket and then when the clothes are folded, he will put his stuff away for me.  Not always but lately a lot.



Just because we stay at home does not make us the maid and I feel like kids today are too entitled and want everything they want now.  That is not how I want it in my house.  My kids will have to do chores and be responsible for their stuff. 



 



Good luck!

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