Do you feel odd asking Husband for Money?

Maggie - posted on 04/12/2012 ( 26 moms have responded )

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I dont know why I feel bad asking for money. I have been a stay at home mom for a bit over a year now. I sell Avon and make some money, but its not much. Usually covers gas and an ocasional meal out or fun out of the house activity to do with my girls. There are times Avon sends me checks for recruiting girls and those check I can feel proud of and use them to pay off a bill. Well I havent had many recruits lately so those checks arent coming in and the money I do make goes straight to gas and to my gym membership now.

I just never ask husband for money unless I need something for the girls. I find now that I need underclothes and some pants. All my closet consists of is mostly maternity clothes. I was pregnant for a total of two years. haha. Now everything is loose on me and wearing these clothes makes me feel sloppy, big, and still pregnant looking.

I know I need to ask husband for money to buy new clothes, but I just feel so guilty asking for it. I know he wont be upset about it and he will probably just ask me how much I need and hand it right over to me.

I just cant help but feel guilty taking it. I feel like im splurging on myself with money that we can use for bills or on our girls. I feel like he worked so hard for this money that Im selfishly using on myself.

Anyone know they can right out ask for money from SO, BF, HB? But still feel wrong taking it?

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I don't ask for money. Dh and I have a system so that we don't have to deal with that. All of the income goes into the joint bank acct. We each have a set amount of money we can spend each week without having to talk to each other about it. We call this our "allowance" as a joke, but it really kind of works like one.

My allowance is enough to cover my gas, the family groceries, and still have a good bit left over for stuff for J or myself. If I want something expensive, I can "save up" by not spending my entire budget for the week, then I roll what I didn't spend over into the next week.

As for dh working "so hard" for the money, well, we BOTH work hard. I keep the house, raise our child, handle the house management stuff (make appointments, pay bills, etc), and a plethora of other little things. It takes both of us--he brings in the money by working for someone who pays him, but I work during the day doing things he would have to do if I didn't do them. We SHARE everything.

Kerry-Lee - posted on 04/17/2012

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I am very recently a SAHM... after working since I left school. We have a joint bank account into which OH's salary goes into and that pays the bills, savings etc. My salary was paid into a separate account which I used for groceries and household needs and extras etc. As I've always dealt with the finances this worked well. Now OH's salary goes into the joint account, he gets an allowance transferred into his separate account, enough money is left in the joint account for debit orders etc. and the balance is transferred to 'my' account for groceries and all the household needs, therefore its up to me to budget and shop wise. I tend not to spend much on myself and tend to spend it on OH and the children. I am still struggling to getting used to not earning my own money but do keep reminding myself I am 'working' just in my own home!

Maybe have a chat to him about 'paying' you a monthly (or weekly) allowance that you can spend (or save) just for you. That way when you do need something you can avoid the discomfort of having to ask for money.

Good luck :-)

Rachel - posted on 09/26/2013

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I have no issues asking for it. I know I do my part and since I don't get paid, I get the money I need from him.
Stop feeling guilty. You are doing one of the most important jobs out there, raising your babies.

Dawn - posted on 04/12/2012

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I did when I first stopped working, but when I think of all the money I'm saving our family by being home to care for the kids, cook healthy meals, keep our house maintained, tutor our children, etc... I know I contribute just as much at home working as he does going outside the home to work. It is our income because if I didn't do what I do he wouldnt be able to do what he does. Thankfully my husband has the same mindset and we work together fine. I actually have a separate account ino which I place gas, grocery, and supply money along with a small allotment of cash for my pocket money. If there is money left over from shopping I get to have the rest which is a great incentive to shop smart. we also budget shopping for family clothes twice yearly which includes mine and the children along with my husband.

Sounds like your husband is just as understanding as mine. I think you've just got to recognize your own value and be cool with asking for what you need.

Be Encouraged - Be Strengthened - Be Blessed! ~ Dawnk

Jillian - posted on 09/25/2013

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I feel the same exact way all the time. I never ask for personal items like clothes or things I want because I just feel bad. I too only ask for money or just spend it when it's something for us or our son. I hate feeling like this. It's just so different when it's your own money that you earned.

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Alison - posted on 09/26/2013

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You're a contributing member of the household and if you need or want something reasonable, it's not a big deal to ask for the money. Maybe he's even realized you need new clothes, but doesn't want to broach the subject either for a different awkward reason. :O) You're a team, have a conversation about it. I love the monthly allowance idea.

Janiann - posted on 09/26/2013

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I am a SAHM as well and have been for the past year. While I never ask my DH for money, I do always tell him when the children or I need something. I did have a problem at first not bringing in an income and found it difficult to have to rely on my DH for EVERYTHING. But I know that raising children and working inside the home is just as important as working outside the home. Do not sell yourself short, you are doing important work. Don't be afraid to ask for what you need. As mothers it is easy to always think of others, but you must remember to get your needs fullfilled as well. If you are not taking care of yourself than how can you take care of your famiy. Good luck.

Laila - posted on 09/25/2013

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I'm exactly the same situation like yours.really it's very hard.I thought I'm alone for that.I don't know also what to do.Welcome to my world.

Melissa - posted on 04/17/2012

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Get your self some new clothes girl, you deserve it and it sounds like your husband will be perfectly OK with it, you shouldn't feel like you don't deserve something for yourself once and awhile. because you do so much. and you really shouldn't feel guilty about it. im sure your husband would never want you to feel that way. i hope everyone's comments help you out. :)

Nikki - posted on 04/17/2012

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I am a stay at home mom as well I understand how you feel as I feel the same way ... we do have a joint checking account so I have a debit card just like he does however, I always ask before I spend money even if I just take our daughter to the doctor and need to stop and get a snack on the way home I'm not sure why I ask him other than I feel like he works hard and it is his money. My husband always says that I don't have to ask to get thigs but I do .... I like you need new clothes as well I don't think I have gotten new clothes in about 4 years so its got to happen soon. I just feel bad spending the money on me and would rather spend it on my daughter or my husband.

Jodi - posted on 04/16/2012

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I don't think you should have to *ask* for money. We have a joint bank account, always have. If I need money, I go to the bank, get the cash, or I write a check. I don't ask for money, I don't ask to buy things that are needed. Would I go out and buy a new car or even a new TV without consulting him? No, but if I need new clothing, or new underpants, or whatever, then I buy it. So, I suggest getting a joint bank account, then you don't have to ask. But make sure you both know what's appropriate to buy and not buy (new underpants vs a new xbox or something) and things go rather smoothly! Best of luck! Oh, and I don't feel wrong taking it, I guess we could spend it on daycare, but my JOB is to raise our children, it doesn't come with a paycheck, but he knew that when we started this!

Natassia - posted on 04/16/2012

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My husband works outside the home and also has his own business on the side. I control ALL finances,bills, groceries, Appts. etc. We do talk about buying expensive things but if its something like clothing or something needed for the house or 4 kids, I just go buy it. We have a joint account and as long as the builds are paid and he has enough money for gas, groceries, etc. we are fine with it. We dont always tell each other that we are going out to buy something. I work just As hard as he does. I think I deserve something for myself every once in a while and he is understanding about it.

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I'm like Casey: I'm the money person in the house. I manage all the bills, groceries, clothes for everyone, maintenance on the vehicles, etc. If I need something, I buy it. If it is an extravagant expense just for fun, I check in with my husband to see if he thinks it is a good idea (usually when I want a new video game, LOL). He buys the things he needs without having to check in with me, but also checks on expensive things he wants (also usually video game related). I think if you are responsible with money, there's no reason to have to "ask" for it. You are working just as hard, after all!

Stifler's - posted on 04/15/2012

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I buy stuff for Damo and the kids and myself on payday plus groceries and bills and put the rest away and leave some for incidentals during the week.

Stifler's - posted on 04/15/2012

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I never really had to ask my husband for money even when we had no kids and I worked it was our money and if I needed something I'd buy it. You are a person too you deserve new underwear and things you need and just because you don't make a lot of money doesn't mean you aren't contributing. It's not selfish to buy things for yourself.

Karen - posted on 04/15/2012

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I don't like the whole asking thing, and since my husband started working away from home, I actually need my own cash. It sounds funny to say this, but I get an "allowance". Money that is transferred into my personal account every paycheck so that I don't have to ask for it.



I used to feel weird asking, for years. I also never asked unless it was totally necessary. I just became really confident in my home making/care taking abilities that I just stopped feeling shame. I deserve to have personal money too, and so do you. I went so long without new clothes/shoes, and that was the first thing I bought when we started with the allowance!

Hannah - posted on 04/15/2012

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My husband and I have always had a joint bank account. We have rules about how much we can spend without consulting each other, and we typically tell each other what we need or what we are spending on anyway. Its our money, so I don't really feel bad about it at all.

Rachelle - posted on 04/15/2012

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I don't ask for money. Like others I have a joined bank account and we have our budget in a file. As long as all the bills are paid then we can both spend some cash. The only time I discuss spending money with hubby is if it's a big expense, computer , gym memberships.... I think that if you need clothing you should ask. It's not selfish or splurging you need clothe, your not at the spa daily or anything. Besides you can get some clothing that fit you nicely that aren't expensive depending where you shop. Don't beat yourself up about this you deserve to feel good in your clothing.

Louise - posted on 04/15/2012

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The minute we moved in together we opened a joint bank account and paid both salaries into one account to pay all the bills. This way nobody had to struggle for money. Then we got married and had kids and nothing changed. All money is communal. We have now been married 22 years with three children and for the majority of that I have had very long spells at home raising the kids. It works well for us, we are a unit and if I need to purchase something I do no questions asked. If it is something of great expense we talk it over. Never once has he said what are you buying that for. The money is ours to do with what we will.

Michelle - posted on 04/14/2012

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I don't have to ask my Husband for money. I have a card for his account and I do all the bill paying anyway. I know how much is in his account and he never says anything if I buy myself something. Just because I'm not bringing in much money for the household doesn't mean that I can't have access to it.

He always says it's our money, not just his. That's just what we've done since I've been a SAHM.

Audra - posted on 04/14/2012

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I found myself in a similar position when I was in high school because I wasn't allowed to work. My dad wanted me to focus on school and getting good grades. He told me I could ask him for money if I needed it, but I knew my dad to endlessly debate a point and it felt like so much work to justify why I needed it.



Would you feel differently if you budgeted an allowance for yourself? Then you don't need to confront the issue over, and over again. Ask your husband to deposit a set amount into your account on a fixed schedule (each check, etc.) That money will just be yours---no questions asked---to save or to spend on WHATEVER. He may be earning the money, but consider what it's worth to him to have you home with your family. Bills should have their own budget. And just as your girls need new clothes and money to develop their skills and talents, etc. SO...DO...YOU. You will burn out if you don't allow yourself time and a budget to dress yourself and relax.

Janice - posted on 04/14/2012

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I dont feel wrong but it does feel strange. After spending many years doing what you please with your own money it feels quite strange to say "hey can I have money to buy clothes."

I dont know about you but we have a joint account and debit cards, so i rarely ask for money. I feel less strange using that.

Olivia - posted on 04/14/2012

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I feel odd everytime I have to ask. Even though I try and tell myself it's "our" money.. He still works for it, and its weird for me to "ask".
I can try and make myself feel better by saying I work too, all my cleaning, laundry, taking care of baby etc. I still feel weird even then! - I kind of feel like a little kid when I have to ask for money for me. But girl, suck it up and ask. :) - I know the feeling of needing stuff and feel guilty asking for money. Just do it!

Good Luck to you!

-Olivia

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