do you feel you have to ask.....

Chesnie - posted on 06/21/2010 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Do you have to "ask" your husband, bf or s/o if he will watch your child/children while you go somewhere? I am asking this bc I feel, he can get up and go somewhere and not say a word, but if I want to go somewhere i never just leave. I always say 'hey I'm going such and such will you watch P for me for such and such time???

He will do it but it's a struggle, plus he told me to give him about 45 min to unwind when he comes home after work, which I do or I just take her where I am going but it's nice to get away from baby after being with her alll day!

I sound like I am rambling, I hope this makes sense...anyone feel this way

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[deleted account]

I always let my husband know if I'm going somewhere in advance. I don't ask if he will look after Logan and he doesn't expect me to ask either. He's Logan's dad and it's his job to look after him =]

My husband works full-time Mon-Fri and is out the house from 6am-5pm and he's never asked for some time to unwind after work, he's always helping out whenever he can. It's you who needs some time to unwind not him!!! Why not try negotiating set times for unwinding time for each of yous alone?

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Shannon - posted on 06/23/2010

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Not cool. I would think that he not being with the kids all day would make him want to spend time with them when he came home, even just for a while. I do let my husband know ahead of time if I leave anywhere and he doesn't mind..I come back and he's usually on the floor with the kids all over him asking me to help him up..lol. Communicate with him that parenting is equal. Maybe set up a Mommys Nite during the week that you both agree on to let you unwind=]

Vicki - posted on 06/23/2010

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Most certainly. A man feels that he's worked all day and the woman has just been sittin about the house all day doing nothing, never mind the feeds, the nappy changing, doing the housework and making dinner for them coming home, not to mention all the other wee bits in between. I feel sometimes like screaming at my b/f wen he's asked to look after our wee boy he says yes but it feels as if he's done so grudgingly, and at the weekends he sometimes replies "it's my day off!!" Well , when's my bloody day off, my job is 24/7 you work eight and a half hours a day for 5 days of the week, you do little to nothing when you're off and you complain about being the only breadwinner in the house.
So to answer your question earlier again:
No you're not alone
and
No you're not rambling.
I think it's about time that the other half were left with the baby for 48 hrs straight while we did nothing it may just change their attitudtes a little!!!!

Vicki - posted on 06/22/2010

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I kinda know where you're coming from. But I think with me its just the way I make sure he can handle it. Kind goes like this...Hey I have an appt tomorrow at 3...is that ok? But if he actually said no without reason, ie just wanting to sit on his butt...then it would be a problem. My husband is always supportive of me having time alone...its me who forgets to actually do it.

Christy - posted on 06/22/2010

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Heck yeah! I told my husband I was going to the store one night and please watch the kids, and my son ended up throwing a bunch of my medical equipment in the trash. My husband was on the computer the whole time and didn't watch them at all! GRRRRR! Now I tell him he has to keep them in sight but I still have to ask/tell him I am going somewhere. And my somewhere is the store to get groceries! WHATEVER!

Jessica - posted on 06/22/2010

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i know i dont have to ask. i could simply tell my SO i am going to the store or wherever....but i realized after reading this that i DO ask. im not sure why, maybe its to make sure he feels comfortable being home with our daughter for a short while, or maybe its just because i have always let him know in that way....i dont really think of it as asking permission though.
If i had to ask permission to go somewhere i would lose my mind. i dont want to feel like a child, because im not a child, and thats what asking him if i could go somewhere would remind me of. i may stay at home all day, and some people may look down on me and think i do nothing because i am a stay at home mom, but he is my equal...we both made this child, we both take care of this child...and if he dont like it, thats tough shit!! if i need to run to the store and dont want to have to load up our daughter, i expect him to watch her for a few minutes or so. if i need a break i expect him to let me have it. i "work" 24/7, he only works 8/5....and i dont get breaks unless the baby takes a nap...which isnt really a break cuz something always needs done!
My point is, i dont HAVE to ask to go somewhere, and if i did i would be very vocal and angry about it. I ask out of habit, because he puts the gas in the car(weonly have one)o run it all out or he wont be able to make it to work to pay the bills....

Jawaka - posted on 06/22/2010

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We don't ask permission to go places in my home. Sometimes I will call him before he leaves work and let him know that I want to do such-and-such when he gets home. I will ask him if he has anything planned for the week so I can schedule around him or vice versa.
It's not watching or babysitting if it's your own child, it's parenting!!!!

Renae - posted on 06/22/2010

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I kind of ask and kind of just tell him. I say "I have a beautiticans appt this saturday at 3pm, I'll be gone for 1.5 hours, is that ok or had you planned to do something?" Or "Did you have anything you need to do this sunday because I'm meeting whoever for lunch and I'll be out for a few hours".

So its sort of asking and sort of telling and it doesn't give him the opportunity to say no without a good reason, yet he feels like he is being asked. :)

PS I try not to throw baby at him as soon as he walks in the door. I tend to wait until after dinner and baby's bath and then say "ok go have some play time with daddy before bed". Or I ask dad to watch him in the bath "while I quickly do *whatever*" and by the time I have been gone 15 min dad will have given up waiting for me to return and washed and dryed him.

Brandi - posted on 06/21/2010

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You ever hear a mom say "my husband's watching the children"? How ridiculous is that? A mom is with her kids and she is mothering her kids or taking care of them; a dad is with his kids and he's watching them. From time to time I find I do the same thing. He says "I'm going to the store" and leaves. I say "do you mind if I run to the store with my mom?" weird I know. I think it's sorta normal. BUT my husband doesn't usually give me a hard time about it. not really very helpful, I know, but I don't think you're alone. I also do believe that we (as mothers) put some of it on ourselves. Why do we phrase it like we are asking permission?? why don't we just say I'm leaving for a bit, see you later??? who knows. lol

Kelina - posted on 06/21/2010

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yes but he doesn't seem to understand why i do though! Jonathon is his child too. My husband too would like time to unwind when he gets home but i've told him he's got the half hour drive home to unwind and he's got 10 sometimes 12 hours a day where he's not home with jonathon, he can give me soemt time to myself and play with his son for the couple of hours before he goes to bed. And yes, sometimes it's a little like pulling teeth or getting a toddler to pick up their toys to get him to do what i ask him o do but he's getting a lot better. Good luck!

[deleted account]

i always told my husband he had the drive home to unwind! Making dinner in peace was my time to unwind lol! i dont really ask. my husband is laid off right now so i tell him i'm leaving and say something lik epick a girl and shes yours for the day or I dont wanna take the kids your in charge. He never says no because he knows with him not working my "work" must go on.

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