do you get the 'why don't you sleep when the kids do if your so tired' comment?

[deleted account] ( 18 moms have responded )

i get asked this comment all the time from hubby who works away, 2wks on 1wk off. i don't sleep then coz that's the only time i have to do the house work in peace, without destruction following me OR the only time i actually have time to do something for myself by myself (providing it's at home coz they're asleep)

Does anyone else get this or am i just whinging? is he right?

i know i should have a rest but...well surely some1 out there is in my shoes too......anyone?

18 Comments

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Arba - posted on 08/22/2009

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when I had my 1st child, i would sleep together with her and paused all chores but when no.2 & 3 came i hardly had any chance as they didn't have the same nap time. Now, having 4 kids, what i do is, i'll fold my clothes while watching tv and have my tea at the same time, now its more to multi-tasking, doing 2 things at 1 go..

Amber - posted on 08/21/2009

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Yes I do. But it isn't from my husband, its from my daughter. I was always one that couldn't sleep when my youngest was sleeping. Only because usually by the time I was able to shut my mind off and actually sleep, he would be waking up. So what's the point? I am more tired then I was before. Occasionally when I was really really tired I could take a nap with him, but most of the time I didn't. So no, I don't think you're whining, your a mom. And I think that sometimes, unfortunately, this is what we go through. Hang in there, your husband doesn't realize everything that you actually do. Or that our minds don't just shut off when we try to sleep. We also need that alone time to destress ourselves. But at the same time, don't wear yourself down too much. If you need to, try to take a nap. Everything else can wait.

Alexis - posted on 08/19/2009

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You are definitely not alone! When he says things like that it drives me insane! Especially when it's his turn to watch our daughter...she ends up coming into my room to askme questions and show me things and give me things. So even if I get a designated nap time, it's not like I wouldn't have to do all the house work later because he sure didn't do it!

Stephonie - posted on 08/19/2009

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I'm definetly in your shoes, I have to get work done when the baby is sleeping because if I don't then who's going to?

Kym - posted on 08/18/2009

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I no what yuur feeling... my partner asks me all the time why i dnt sleep wen he does and he dosnt realise that its easier to clean wen yuur child is asleep, and that is my quiet time wen he is asleep. and if i do sleep wen hes sleeping, my partner says "yuu have been home all day and the house is still a pig sty and stuff like that" its so annoying

Rebecca - posted on 08/14/2009

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i used to nap when jake slept but i started finding it had to sleep during the day, and having anap while dishes are sitting on the bench dirty or clothes needed to be put in the wash coz we had no clean clothes seemed pointless to me. my partner and family were VERY helpfull in the first 6weeks after jake was born coz i couldnt do anything (c-section), then my parents moved country and my partner had to go back to work so i couldnt really sleep anymore coz they wernt there to help me out

Sarah - posted on 08/12/2009

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I guess I am in the minority here but for the first year after my twins were born I napped when they did. Housework got done or it didn't but I made sure that my primary job (taking care of my babies physical and emotional needs) was always handled. I found that when I was sleep deprived I could not be as patient, playful, or clear thinking. I think my napping really helped me to give my kids all of the love and affection that they really deserved.
Now one thing that is probably different is that I had my children on a routine by two months and so they were sleeping through the night by then (8pm to 8am). I think sleep is so important for you and for your babies. I mean how many people feel good and happy when they are so tired they can barely stand? And so what if your house was clean...what did that really do for your babies?

[deleted account]

I hardly ever napped with the kids, either. I was doing housework, or having a looong shower, or just sitting in the silence. To sleep in the only free time I ever got seemed wasteful to me. There have been days (after really bad nights, usually) when I would lie down when the little guys nap, but always woke up feeling worse. Naps cannot replace a full night's sleep, at least not for me.

Hannah - posted on 08/11/2009

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I absolutely cannot sleep when my daughter sleeps. That is my chance to shower... or clean... or eat! If I am overwhelmingly tired, I will just sit down and watch tv or read while she sleeps. I find that napping makes me more tired.

Leigh - posted on 08/11/2009

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the only people who ever say this to me are the very same people who call or pop by just as my eyes are closing. i gave up pretty quick. when im giving advice to first time mums i just tell them not to bother trying to nap, its a con, it makes you grumpy and does nothing for you, dont expect it and then you wont be disappointed when you dont get it.x

Tara - posted on 08/11/2009

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I got that a bit too when we first had our daughter - then one night I woke him up everytime she woke me up to eat/be changed, etc, then kept him up during the day the same as I was - he's never given me grief about it since. He will get up with her if I need extra sleep, and will keep an eye on her so I can do things like cook supper (although with stuff like that, if I'm awake, I still wind up having to call him in to take her out of my road sometimes). It can be tough, but I decided right away that sometimes things like dishes/vacuuming and so on can wait - your kids are the most important thing to be dealt with.
Besides, I keep telling him I can't do anything if I wind up in the hospital due to exhaustion :)

Lucy - posted on 08/11/2009

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i used to get it all the time!! the problem was even if i was really tired i could never sleep in the day anyway!! just do whatever makes you feel good, the housework, something for yourself or the occasional nap. being a mum is always tiring! xx

Tavia - posted on 08/11/2009

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Same thing happens here when the hubs forgets about the last time we had this discussion. Then I bring him back to reality with a "nice" explanation why I can't do that and he then tells me to go take a nap while he deals with the kids : )

Missy - posted on 08/11/2009

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Its the same here! If i sleep when the kids sleep then nothing would get done and i would have no quiet time to myself. my hubby does take the kids to sunday school on sundays and i stay home just to have time for myself for those few hours each week, it helps a little.

Nicole - posted on 08/11/2009

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yup, I'm with you and Jamie, if I do take a nap I should have been cleaning more! My husband is gone all week also he drives our semi truck. So I know how you feel, I tell him sometimes I feel like a single mom with a sugar daddy :) When he is home he wants to go up to his best friends garage (he owns a towing company) So I do Everything almost, The trucking company is in my name so I handle everything except driving, I do ALL the outside work actually I just painted our garage because he was to busy going to his friends! So I am totally with you, I just ignore what he says because he has no idea and any time I try and explain he doesn't get it. I would sleep when the baby sleeps and just play with her all day and not do anything else, just to prove a point to him, but I can't because of the business! But maybe you could try it so he gets the point! You do need some rest though, what I try and do sometimes is work my butt off so that way I'm a little bit ahead (I know a stay at home mom is never ahead:) and then the next day I know I can take a nap, because I get so tired I just have too! So I hope I could help a little! Try and get some sleep! lol I know how hard it is!

Maggie - posted on 08/11/2009

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Always! It was worse when I had a one year old and a newborn, I was soooooooo tired but I just had to have some time to be me and not the "mommy slave" as I began calling it. You shouldn't have to justify yourself with that anyways, honestly, being the mom of infants and toddlers is so demanding you just do whatever it takes to get it all taken care of while keeping your sanity, right?

Jamie - posted on 08/11/2009

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all the time, but then the hubby ask's why thing's didn't get done if I did take a nap

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