Do you guys feel as if you're not contributing to the family income & feel useless?

Melissa - posted on 03/22/2010 ( 63 moms have responded )

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I feel as if i am not contributing to the family income, i feel as if my husband wants me to put our son in child care and go out and work. But my issue is not that i dont want to work its that i have crohn's disease and i have days that i am well and days that I am not and majority of the time i am unwell so i cant really return to wrk cause its not fair on the company cause i'd be constantly calling in sick and its not good. But if my health was 100% i would work and earn money for us to be able to pay off all our bills on time and get what we want and even maybe buy our own house if we had 2 incomes we can apply for a loan.



And i feel useless cause of that :(

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Jane - posted on 03/22/2010

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don't ever feel useless! what you're doing is wonderful and while you're in pain, too! you need to get things straight w/your hubby - it's mainly a health issue it sounds like. we'd all like to buy our own house, it can still happen on one income. you're saving a lot of money not having our baby in daycare. take this time to enjoy him and get your health in a better state. worry about finding work when he's in school full-time and you are more up to it.
sometimes our guys don't like their job or aren't appreciated at their job so they kind of pass on that attitude on the work issue.

Sheila - posted on 03/27/2010

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sometimes i feel that way, that i have no say in how the money that is coming in should be spent after our bills. but then, i stop , and tell myself that i am contributing to my family. i stay at home with our son, everyday, all day long. i have help if i need it, but it's usually just me and my son. my husband encourages me to stay home, he wants our son to be raised by his parents. he doesn't give me any negative feedback. it's in my own head. just keep in your mind that you are working, everyday, a job. not one that pays money, but is worth more than any amount of money. it's the hardest job in the world, and your doing it. it's the most fulfilling job, and your doing it. it's the most demanding job, and your doing it. keep you chin up, girl.

Deborah - posted on 03/26/2010

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i have been a stay at home mom for almost a year, and I constantly feel useless. My husband works so hard for us and i feel like I'm not doing much. he reasures me I am doing great, I keep our house clean and our children healthy. I have thought of putting our youngest in day care so i can aleast bring in a small income, but my husband is completely against daycare. He doesnt want to pay a stranger doing the same things I can do for "free". I hate being finacially dependant on him, I dont spend any money with out his knowledge since he had such an issue with his first wife doing that.

Mandy - posted on 03/23/2010

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You know what, I feel like that a lot too. I used to work a full time job before we had kids and we did everything 50/50.....even after 4 1/2 years of marriage we still don't have a joint account. After our first baby I quit my job and opened an in home day care, parnering up with my sister and for a year and a half was able to be with my daughter round the clock and also bring home a lot of money.....just before my second baby was born my sister closed down our daycare (it was at her house) and I've not worked since then, its been a year now and while my husband has really stepped up in financially taking care of us I think he is a little bitter that I don't work because we have always been so 50/50 about our finances before this last year.....I think I'm used to that too because I do feel a little bit worthless in the money area. Also, I don' feel that he appreciates what I do around the house or with the kids either, our kids are 1 and 3 and he's never once told me that I do a good job with them or that I'm a good mom, although he is quick to tell me if he thinks I'm not doing something right.

Brenda - posted on 03/22/2010

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I haven't worked in 8 yrs...yes there are times that I feel completely useless, unappreciated and just frustrated. I have 4 children. My oldest is in College and my youngest is in 1st grade. I had thought about goin to work once all the kids were in school....but then its whose taking them to school, who is goin to b there when they get off of the bus, when they have days off, spring break, summer, xmas? Just too much and it comes down to, NOBODY but me....what I have done is started making jewelry and selling it. It hasn't turned out as planned but I have sold a few pieces. Atleast enough to put gas in the van, or just for my needs that way I don't have to use the money that comes in for the home. Don't feel useless....although I can understand where u r coming from. But just think Could your husband run the household the same way that you do? Could he help out 100% with your baby if you were to go to work. Your son is the one who is going to appreciate it the most, even though it won't be demonstrated much. Good Luck!

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April M - posted on 02/07/2013

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Don't feel down... there's always a way if you have the will. I have my own set of special circumstances where I have to stay home and can't "work" at a traditional job. Instead, I became a consultant for 2CP and I can now work when I want and make some extra money to contribute towards bills or family fun nights. You can head over to my blog at http://sandyfeetmom.wordpress.com to read about my decision and why I love it so much! Keep your chin up!

Jane - posted on 03/29/2010

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I understand how you feel. I've worked since I was sixteen and now that I'm 32 and a SAHM, it's been a hard adjustment. There I days where I feel I have no control over my own life, money, etc. My husband is wonderful and it was a joint decision. With a total of four children there is no way a paycheck from me would even cover my cost of work (childcare, gas, lunches, etc.) I have two children from a previous marriage, he has one, and then we have a child together. I'm always trying to think of ways to make money from home so I feel like I contribute but have yet to find anything legit. I think of my raising our children and taking care of the house as my job. It is tough to be in the rut of a single income family. We are in the same boat, we would love to buy a house with a yard and a garage but it is just not feasible at this point in our lives. I remind myself that this is only temporary. Children grow up way too fast so enjoy yours now and know that in time things will get better! Stay positive and enjoy your little one. I had to work when my first two children were young and I missed so much. I'm trying to enjoy every moment I have with all the children while I can.

Suzannev - posted on 03/29/2010

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I totally know how you feel as far as feeling useless. But remember you have the most important job in the world. You are taking care of your son. No job is more important. I sometimes feel useless and that I am not contributing either. My daughter is 6 and is in kindergarten. I thought about going back to work too. But I take her to school and pick her up. Paying for daycare doesn't make sense since what I would make at a job would just barely pay for it. I run our house and my husband has his own business and I help him with the business and do the books. The office is in our home. So I do get a small salary from that. I have also found a small part time job while my daughter is at school. It is just being an assistant for someone that sells Mary Kay and a previous client of my husband's. It is not much but it is something and it makes me feel better and that I am bringing in some more money. You have a health issue and you are right you can't really work. You would be calling out sick a lot and that is responsible of you to think of a company suffering if you called out sick a lot. I feel my husband feels pressure to bring home most of the money but he knows our daughter has gotten the best care by me being home with her. We only have our daughter. So I have been able to enjoy her a lot and take her to playgroups etc. Hang in there and just discuss things with your husband. I agree with another post that maybe there is something you can do at home. I like crafts. Just do a little research and see what you can come up with. It is not your fault you have health issues. Good luck.

Sarah - posted on 03/29/2010

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First and foremost, I know how frustrating it is to be at home and not 'feeling' as your contributing to the household income. Putting your child into childcare would probably cost way more than just sticking it out until (s)he is in school full time. I sympathize with your illness, as definately he should be able to as well..when a mom is down..the house is inevitabley gonna fall in!!!! Today, Money is just this materialistic thing!..alot of people I have also come around with today are trying to 'Keep up with the Jones's"..and its a hard feat! I have been there and done some stupid mistakes because of it!..and up until recently I have felt the same way..not about working and paying into the bills, but having some monies left over for some lil self endulges for myself. I have tried to fit jobs into the school routine, and some worked out, and some not so much. I just picked up another job for lunch hour at a restaurant, however which way that will work out is yet to be seen. My children are most important to me while they are growing up..and I am most important to them, and to the hubby that wants a nice dinner when he comes into the house after work. Also, about the 2 incomes that you need to apply for a loan for a house is BULL. Depending on what your income is, you can apply. If its a new home, now the rules are to have at least $30,000 up front before they will even consider digging!!!..(just an FYI) However, don't get discouraged..the nicer weather will be around soon, and you will be able to get out and enjoy what the days have to offer..and as for making a paycheque, the work will always be there..your child will not!!!
hope this works for you, and feel free to use this information to bite ur hubby in the ass!!! Good Luck! =)

Samantha - posted on 03/29/2010

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dont feel like that.even though sometimes i do.i cant work as i suffer with mild m.e and various other illnesses.i want to work and get frustrated i cant.he still expects the house to be clean and food on the table when he comes home from though.so i no exactly how u feel.keep on smiling its what i do..

[deleted account]

There isn't any more valuable contribution than being there to raise your child. No one else will do it with the same care and conviction and one-on-one attention - certainly not a daycare that has the responsibility of multiple little ones.

I do know what you mean about feeling like you should contribute financially. Here are some things I do...

1. Try to save money wherever I can. That means examining household expenses and finding ways to cut back or find better deals.

2. I'm an amateur artist and photographer. I sell my work in my family's retail store as well as online. I don't make a ton of $ this way, but it's enough to feel like I'm making a small contribution. Also, I used to be a writer, so I would freelance when I could and make extra cash that way. Find your talent and market it online - the Internet has so many ways to make extra income these days.

Oweta - posted on 03/28/2010

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I have a friend that has crohn's disease and she has applied for social security disability. You ought to look into that. That might help you out financially. Don't feel useless cause the only person who can raise your son the way you want him raised is you. I have four kids all under the age of four. I worked for a little while during my pregnancy with my son then I stayed home after he was born. We moved and I went back to work but I worked opposite of my husband so one of us was with him and then I had my daughter and we still worked opposite shifts. After my twins were born my husbands job laid him off so we moved back to our home and now I stay at home with the kids and I am taking classes online.

Erin - posted on 03/28/2010

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Don't feel useless. Being home with your children is the best thing you can do for your kids' well being. The #1 thing that your kids could possibly want is their mommy at home with them. I stay at home with my kids, 7 and 3, and my hubby works 2 jobs bussing at restaurants. We are in debt, and renting a house, with no money to spare for spending; but my children are probably the healthiest, most loved children because mommy is home with them. Child care would cost just as much if you were working. Sometimes I feel bad, because I have great education and citezenship to have a better job than my husband, but it is worth it to stay at home. Once my youngest is in 1st grade, I will go back to college, then back to work. I'm not sure how old your children are, but the first 5-7 years of a childs' life is the most important. Hang in there, and don't feel like you're not contributing..because you are contributing to the well being of your children and family. A recommended read... Laura Schessinger- In Praise of Stay At Home Moms.

Nikkole - posted on 03/28/2010

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im sorry that u r sick. your husband should under stand. i feel the same why u do right now. but my boyfriend dosent want r lil girl in a daycare. but it still hard bc i wish i could help with r bills

Jennifer - posted on 03/27/2010

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Your husband should understand your situation. If he doesn't, then he needs some clarification on your issue. Don't feel useless if what you say is the complete truth. He's the one w/ the problem.

Jean - posted on 03/27/2010

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Don't feel useless, being a sahm is a job! but yes I always feel like I NEED to contribute to the familys income. that is why I work from home and I found the perfect one, it helps with our health and financially too! what a combo!

Rachael - posted on 03/27/2010

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i used to. recently, my stepdaughter has moved in with us and LOVES that i'm home all the time. she feels so much better living in a house with a very modest income where she knows somebody will always be there....over living with her mom who is never around but is making lots of money.

Kriss - posted on 03/27/2010

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Running a home is a job! I do all the house work, so my husband can come home and relax on his weekend. Then I wonder...where is my weekend! The tough thing is that anymore one income doesn't cover all the bills and you feel the pressure (as I do) to bring in some money. I have looked for work that would give me an income while my daughter is at school but most are looking for full-time or weekend work, which doesn't work with my husbands varied schedule. I am looking at taking in another child that I can watch, play with my daughter. I tried Avon, which didn't work because I am too new in my community... but if you have alot of friends and family in your area you might try it. If you're creative... create, try weekend craft fairs. This will help you feel like you are contributing monetary funds... but never forget you already work 24/7!

Vivian - posted on 03/26/2010

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No, you shouldn't feel that way. I understant how difficult it is to give up a salary it's hard to do, especially in a difficult economy. But you might not be giving up as much money as you would think. There are all kinds of options for saving money, check out Mommysavers.com, thegrocerygame.com, whatever you decide, giving up an extra income is always hard. Resources, resources. There are ways of earning money, http://www.worldwideworkathome.com/.

Hopes this helps.

Lori - posted on 03/26/2010

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I have been fortunate to be able to stay at home with my children. We own our own business and we work together. It is possible to have a home and a nice income to enjoy financial freedom.

Work at home jobs are perfect for young families, and you can work when and how long you want, and make as little or as much as you want. There are plenty of opportunities out there, you just need to find the one that you have passion about and enjoy doing.

Good luck to all,

Lori Smith
"Send a smile today"
www.soclori.com

Trishta - posted on 03/26/2010

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i wish you the best of luck and i'm sorry to hear about your health. may many blessings come to you and your family. and yes i feel like i'm not contributing all the time but you have to think about everything that gets done around the house each day. all the things i do on a daliy basic i don't know what my crew would do without me. well keep your head up and hope you have a wonderful weekend!!!

Sarah - posted on 03/26/2010

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I am a military wife, I've moved 18x in 13 years....I know how you feel. Every chance I do get to work we end up paying everything off...then we move again and I'm right back where I started. Now I have 3 children and am stuck in the desert where there are no jobs or only jobs that wouldn't even pay daycare....I've tried finding those at home jobs. Maybe you would have better luck. I wish you the best of luck. And please know that you are not alone!!

Larissa - posted on 03/26/2010

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YOU ARE CONTRIBUTING!! Do you know how much it would cost you guys a MONTH for a nanny, housekeeper, cook, chauffer, etc? Did you know if stay-at-home moms were paid a salary, we would make over a $100K/year? Besides, watching your children grow up and raising them right is something you can't redo...even if things are tight, that is something money can't buy. If you REALLY feel like you want to contribute, you can do what I did...my husband worked days and I worked nights. But that was very hard cause I also worked days with the kids! lol Or start your own business...maybe do a daycare (my mom did while raising us), or find something you can offer--I've had my own DJing business for over 4 years now...I specialize in weddings! But I only have to work a couple days a month! Or, work 2 days a week...if money really is tight, then working nights when your husband can stay home with them, or 2 days a week out of 7 isn't bad. But you have one of the hardest and highing paying jobs ever!

Melissa - posted on 03/26/2010

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Dont' feel useless Melissa! I lived in Phoenix. I was a Bankruptcy paralegal. I was working 10 hour days at the office with an hour commute each way. I would get home, feed by kids, get them in bed, and start working again. I spent most of Saturdays working as well. I never saw my kids, they were both getting angry with me, my house was a mess, and I was miserable.

When we moved to Iowa because of a job opportunity for my husband, I knew I would be unable to find work here because its a small town and bankruptcy doesn't run rampant here. We agreed that based on the decrease in living expenses that I could afford to stay home and take care of our kids. For the last 6 months that is what I have been doing. On occassion, I wish that I could find a job merely because it would help our financial situation. However, my son gives me hugs now. My daughter is happier and I'm happier.

I don't want a daycare worker knowing my children better than me. I don't want my daughter struggling with her homework instead of being there to help her. I don't want my kids doing whatever they want because they don't have an active parent.

Alot can be said for a two income household and what you can purchase with the extra money. I've been there. Even more can be said for having a happy and loving family - I'm here now and I prefer this life.

Cynthia - posted on 03/26/2010

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Is there some form of disability income for that? I mean seriously, if you can't work because of these issues then why not look into this option.

I am not sure, but give it a try. If there are no treatment options for that then unfortunately you have to seek others sources of help. :)

And to answer your question no I do not feel useless, stay at home parents have the hardest job in the WORLD! :) Best

Shallon - posted on 03/26/2010

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I can possibly help you with that.....

I work with a rapidly expanding across US and Canada in the Health and Wellness Field and looking for 2-3 people to work online.

We are looking for People that we can train, and then get them working in a team and individual level. Set your own schedule we work a lot with Moms that would like to stay at home with there children but would like a career. Or someone that has taken early retirement yet wants to work.
If interested please contact me and we will set up a interview.

Danette - posted on 03/26/2010

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I, too, feel like others have added so much that I don't have much to add to it. I'm a stay-at-home-mom and I worked until our last child was born (now 2). I was very financially independent before quitting work to stay home and it was a joint decision for me to quit. We can make it just fine with his job but I still have a hard time spending on myself for any little thing b/c I see it as "his" money rather than before when I used my own. Mine is just a personal issue I need to get over. I will say this, though - marriage is a 2way street and communication is the more important skill that a marriage should have. Sit down with him and TALK about your feelings. I guess since I've always been this way with hubby it's easy for me to do. But, there is nothing I don't tell him, even when it is something that I know he won't want to hear. But, sitting down and talking with him is half the battle and don't hold anything back and then ask him if he has some suggestions for what you guys could do to cut back, etc. - ask him for his opinion. Sometimes men like to feel that their input is needed too. ;) ...... just some thoughts. xo

Jessica - posted on 03/25/2010

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Sometimes when I feel this way I try and think of more ways that I can help save money. This way we have a little more to spend. Maybe go through your buget and see what you can do to help save even more money. this way it takes some of the burden off your husband and you feel like you are contributing more.

[deleted account]

When I was younger, I wrestled with that thought from time to time. Having been in the workforce, managed a large department and later built the programs and ran a community center...
I can assure anybody struggling with a lack of worth that there is no more challenging nor rewarding job than being a wife, mother & home maker. It encompasses way more time, energy, skill and devotion than any job I every held... and I God willing, I will never work another job again.

If you are plagued by self-depreciating thoughts, I recommend you do two things. Meditate on Phillipians 4:8 and keep destructive, deceitful thoughts out of your mind and also pick up a copy of Jennifer Rothchild's "Self Talk, Soul Talk" to help give you a reality check and ensure your head is on straight and your mind clutter cleared out.

Love to all you Moms! The world would not function without us!!

Chantrece - posted on 03/25/2010

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I FEEL KIND OF BAD BUT I KNOW MY TIME IS COMING TO HELP MY HUSBAND, HE KNOWS I HAVE TO TAKE CARE AND TRAIN MY BABY SO HE REALLY DON'T BROTHER ME ABOUT IT

[deleted account]

Your not alone, but your situation is a lil different cause of your illness.Even if you didn't have the illness your still contributing by taking care of your family.I know I have been out of work since the day I got pregnant and my daughter will be 2 in july.My husband actually has been supportive and doesn't mind that I am a stay at home mom.However, alot of times I get those feelings of being useless by not contributing money to the household and feel bad that all the financial income is on my husband.We both agreed before the baby was born that I would stay home with our lil girl as we didn't trust daycare and as well not having our child grow up in daycare.My husband is actually the one who does reassuring because I used to be an independant female who always wanted to work and have my own money.Now it's just me staying home and keeping up the house.I hope everything works out and dont feel useless by any means, I keep telling myself that.Your lil one needs you more than daycare :)

Ashley - posted on 03/25/2010

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I think most stay at home moms feel that way at one point or another! However, you can never be too careful with your children! Not only is child care so expensive that you would probably spend out as much as you made between child care and gas, but you would always be worried about your child because you were at some job and not at home taking care of him and also have feelings that you should be home taking care of him and not at work letting someone else take care of him and that you prob. could do without the little extra that is left after child care and gas to stay at home with him! See we always feel we could be doing more...we want to do the best for our children but are always contradicting ourselves, as the saying goes you know what is best for your children and your family! I dont see anything wrong with staying at home, besides there are things we as moms can do to save money and help out...finding new ways to reuse leftovers, save power, shopping for deals, clipping coupons,etc. things we wouldnt have the time for if we were working too! Besides when we make more we spend more! Cheer up, I am sure you are a great mother and wife!

Karinna - posted on 03/25/2010

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none of us are useless....were nurses, cooks, maids, teachers, bankers, taxi drivers, there are so many things stay at home moms do. i stay home wiht my girls and wouldnt change it for the world. ive never had my husband be upset by this as it was our choice. and if you think about it with the cost of daycare you would be paying atleast part of you check to someone else to care for your child pluse the gas money, luches ect.....being stay at home moms is not for every mother but just because we dont go out into the work force doesnt mean we dont have our own dutys to deal with. we dont get vacation, we dont get weekends, we dont get sick days and we certainly dont get off at 5:00....you nor any of us are worthless

Kristin - posted on 03/25/2010

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Have you really sat down a talked to your husband about how you are feeling? Have y ou considered speaking to a doctor about how you are feeling, both physically and mentally? Being as healthy as you can be is the most precious gift you can give to your family. Your son will love having a mom who feels well and your husband will want that for you too. Your time with your husband will be of greater quality as well.



I have a friend who was diagnosed in college with Crohn's and it took her quite a while to get herself on the correct dosage of meds, her dietary needs straightened out, and her stress levels moderated. Unfortunately, this disease requires management. It can be done and needs to be the first step. This is an illness you have, it does not define you as a person.



Paying off the bills and buying a house can be accomplished without a second income. It will take longer and will be more challenging. But you are a mom with a chronic illness, you and your husband can do this. Maybe save a little and meet with a financial planner?



You are NOT useless! Take care of your health and the rest will fall into place. Good luck.

Barbara - posted on 03/25/2010

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Your personal 'worth' is not determined by how much monetary value your income would be. Right now, your value is priceless with you children! No matter how much money a family has, happiness comes from the family, and not from the material possessions they have! I'm sure you have seen families who look like they have a lot of material possessions, nice house, cars, furniture, etc - but, it takes two incomes to achieve all that, and they have no time to be a family! How sad to have children, just to drop them off at daycare (where they are not loved, just get their basic needs met), pick them up at the end of working for someone else, just to only have to get dinner ready, have LITTLE leisure time with your kids before it is time to get them to bed and ready for the next day - not my idea of a 'valuable' family life!

I always tell my kids that if I worked they would not be able to do the fun that we do together, like reading, going to the library, park, movies, pool, walks, etc. Sometimes they think it looks fun to go to after-school care, but then they see that when they are done with their homework and ready to play, those kids are just getting home and they don't have time to play and be kids.

If you were to work, you would have many expenses that people just don't think about, both with money and time. Having those time shortages brings parents stress, and even if you think you have financial stress now, there is always financial stress, no matter how much money you have. No matter how much money you have, you can always use more, even with people who have plenty! Don't work just to go into debt!

Heather - posted on 03/25/2010

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I dont' have any physical reason to say home, but our priorities have determined that one of us will stay at home with our kids...and my husband has absolutely no patience to do that all day! So he works and I work at home!! By work, I do bring in some income because I babysit two other little ones, but I do absolutely everything I can to save money! I breastfeed and use cloth diapers, we don't buy baby food either, if you have a blender or food processor, you can make anything into baby food! I make almost everything from scratch when cooking, and we rarely eat out, unless we're out on a date or traveling or in a tight spot where time is crammed! And often if I know I'm going to be running around after he gets home, crockpots are awesome!!! A Time Bake oven too! I sew and mend clothes, I knit a lot of clothing too! I have a huge garden and do a lot of canning and preserving! That keeps grocery costs down a LOT! So i know I do a LOT!! I don't just sit on my butt in front of the tv all day. Naptime is my down time to take a break! My husband knows how much i do and loves it! I can stay at home and we own our home and two vehicles! There are soo many things a mom can do at home to help save money!! If you have the will you have a way!!

Pam - posted on 03/25/2010

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I sometimes feel useless, for staying at home, I would love to go back to work, but my job wouldn't cover the cost of childcare for my girls so we would be losing money not making money. It is especially hard for me when my husband comes home and asks what i did all day, and tell me that I'm useless b/c I didn't do my "job" which is the housework. He doesn't understand how hard it is watching the girls.

Carrie - posted on 03/25/2010

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Your not alone i am a 27 years old mom of a beautiful 3 year old girl and i am a stay home mom and i have MS so i feel your pain . I have no choice there are days that i can't feel my legs and can't walk right so i know how you feel and if my health was 100% i would work too but you know what love in life the lord makes decisions for you that he knows you can handle and remember these are the times where your marrige vows are the reason why they are said at your wedding for better or worst in sickness and in health.. You have no fault for your disease but you have a choice to let your guilty take over or make a difference and know that you are who you are and that you cant change what you have but you can change your outlook on life you are contributing to your family by raising your son your are making a difference in his life that money can't make and that's his memories of having mom there while he grows up to be a great man because he has that mother's love ..... dont be hard on yourself i have been there and the only ones that suffer are our kids because you need to be happy for who you are and what you are doing for your child .....be strong

Ghostdarlin - posted on 03/25/2010

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I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia when I was 22 and am now 40. I have spent the last 22 years at home-my kids are 7 years apart. I work at home being a seamstress and I design doll clothing. I got a hobby and turned it into a small business because I knew I also couldn't go out and work those hours because I knew there would be a point I wouldn't be able to function. It is hard and we struggle with the bills all the time-and sometimes I feel it effects mine and my husband's relationship. I know if I worked we could afford a house which I want so desperately-but then I would never be home to enjoy it-I would be too busy out working paying for it! And your son being in daycare you would just be working to pay someone else to raise your child and where is the benefit there? At most you could do part-time. My daughter's fiancé got mad at me for saying my daughter wants to stay home and I told his lazy ass to get a better job to support them like my husband has supported us since he was 18 years old (and her fiancé is going to be 30 and she is 22!) He even went so far as saying how good she had it-and then she said ok let's see how you do watching her and taking care of her and he failed miserably. He finally realized just how much she did in a day and agreed he was an ass. My husband knows if I felt well I would be out working-but he also knows I am doing what I can with my home business. When the economy was good, I was actually able to pay the bills with it when he went through training for a month. Don't be down on yourself, having a debilitating disease is NOT your fault. It's not like you asked for it!

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Raising a child is job enough, you should not feel useless because your child needs you. If you good days and bad days, stress from a job can and will affect your health. If your husbands income is getting your family by then I would stay home with your child and work on staying healthy.

Sarah - posted on 03/25/2010

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I feel the same way at times. But my husband keeps telling me that he likes having me at home. He says that if the kids need me then I am there. I don't have to worry about getting out of work. Besides, I know that what I am doing is more important then working will ever be.

Jessica - posted on 03/25/2010

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is a teacher usless?? is a taxi useless? how about an assestant or maid or cook?well then nether are u cuz ur all that and much much more! tell him to it for a week trust me mine had his douts about me until he go laid off and i went to work and he stayed home it was awful! lol he couldnt keep up i swear he ran to find a job so i could have mine back lol!

Melissa - posted on 03/25/2010

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Maybe you can look into a home based business like Mary Kay or making little gift baskets. I've written a few children's books and have participated in school fundraisers where mom's are selling jewelry, Mary Kay, tie die clothing, baked goods, and hair ribbons for girls, and monogrammed products. Just a thought!

Jackie - posted on 03/25/2010

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You shouldnt feel useless for something that is out of your control. I am sorry to hear that you have this problem, it is not easy to live with it at all.. remember you already have a job and that is looking after your LO day in and day out. You are the best person that your LO will learn off on and you will see the rewards. Maybe there are other ways in which you can work, such as the different home opportunities available, however dont ever push yourself so hard that your health becomes a concern. Becuase at the end of the day, if your unwell then it may affect your LO...you know what i mean? Im not putting blame..just trying to say that you are a very strong person to go through what your going through and i salute you for it! but i think your husband needs to understand what you go through on your bad days to understand that working may not be the best option right now.

Amanda - posted on 03/24/2010

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You shouldn't feel useless, but if you are interested in making money from home my fiance and I are in a business that deals with multimillion dollar companies like Dish Network and all major cell phone providers. The company is growing 4 times faster than Microsoft and we are international. The compensation plan beats all other marketing companies, there is not even a close 2nd!

If you would like to learn more, please message me back or email me at davinca06@gmail.com.

Ashley - posted on 03/24/2010

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First of all I understand about your feelings. I want you to consider the most important thing---talk with him--clear the air, talk about your feelings, and remember you have a very important job--MOM! If you are doing your best with your child then your child will be a fantastic member of society. Breath and remember you are the most important person in their life! HUGS

Bridgett - posted on 03/24/2010

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I have worked outside of the home before, but now I am a stay at home mommy... I do feel like I don't contribute, but then I weighed my options..I wrote down the price of child care for the amount of time I would work part time or full time..then the amount of $$ it would cost for gas $$ to/from work, etc and presented it to my hubby. He said it would be better for me to stay @ home and raise our son and teach him things since we would practically only be paying for a dayvcare to raise our child if I went to work..

I decided to volunteer to help my hubby and us out! My hubby is a soldier and I am an FRG leader..I help out other spouses and family's in my hubby's trrop, plan events, etc.. It helps us out and helps others out as well and I can do it on my own time and our child can be there while I do it! It is so rewarding and wonderful to volunteer :P

Or you could do what a lot of people do and start your own business from home.. find something you like and get to it! The internet has so many options for you to sell your items or even to find people locally who might want a service you can provide :)

A lot of our Army Spouses bake cakes and goodies, take homecoming photos, make baby headbands and outfits, make crafts, seell avon or mary kay, etc..There are endless opportunities to have your kiddo there with you and on YOUR own time..if you need more ideas..let me know! I am full of them! lol

Lol - posted on 03/24/2010

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I understand where you are coming from... but here is a question that no one ever seems to address. Did your partner put this financial pressure on you before you had the baby???? I presume that you didn't work fulltime before your baby... so your partner (and you) would already have known it would be difficult to make ends meet.
So do not feel bad about not helping with the finances... you are the one taking care of baby, daddy and the household. Try not to think about it and just enjoy the days you have with your family.

Yivonne - posted on 03/24/2010

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Can you qualify for disability? You'd have an income and you could work on your health issues. My brother-in-law is legally disabled because he has ulcerative colitis and he is constantly in and out of the hospital and going to doctor appointments and using the restroom constantly. We spend so much money on toilet paper it's not even funny. And you have your child to care for. Also, you can look into working from home.

www.melaleuca.com/yivonnevaldez this is to become a customer to buy eco-friendly products

www.workathomeunited.com/yivonnevaldez to get information on becoming a work at home mom. You have to build your business but you can do it and it works out for all of you. Give me a call at (559) 688-1162 My name is Yivonne Valdez and I am a work at home mom. Call me when you have 30 minutes to talk and we can get you some live information.

Myra - posted on 03/24/2010

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Money doesn't determine your worth to anyone that really does love and care about you. What you are doing as a stay home mom is making your home, community, and country a better place...and that (although an unpaid job) is priceless. There's one huge problem with having one income...you need two to live. However, if you have two incomes, you really need a third one so you can get the things you need to really pay for the things you need with two incomes. It's a vicious cycle of no matter what, you'll never have enough if you are a typical person working.

Owning a home is a great dream, don't lose sight of that dream. But there really are benefits to renting (especially if you have a good landlord)...you don't have the taxes, you are only responsible to fix the things you break, and if you decide you don't like it where you are, you can easily pick up and move somewhere else. I am not knocking owning a home in any way because it is great to have something to call yours, but in addition to all those benefits, you also don't have the stress of a mortgage.

You CAN buy a home with one income. You CAN'T buy your dream home, though. But, you should be able to buy a sufficiant home on even $20K a year,paying of some debts, and doing some small repairs to make it something you both really love. First things, though, if you want to buy a home, curb any spending that isn't necessary (food, rent, utilities, gas for the car, insurance, and clothing as needed seasonally)...cut up your credit cards if you have any, and send them back to the issuer (it is a misconception that credit cards help when you go to buy a home, credit cards do build credit with banks for MORE CREDIT CARDS, not in getting home or personal loans or even checking accounts--but they sure will hurt you in getting anything requiring credit if you have late payments). Next, make a budget -- AND STICK TO IT (that's the hard part). In that budget, include paying some toward your debts each month. If you need to, call the people you owe and ask about a payment schedule. Most places are more than happy to work with you because it means they will be getting their money. Go to a mortgage company and see what you can approve for based on the income and the money going out. From there, start looking at houses in your price range. You might not be able to live in the exact area you want, or have as extravagant of a home, and it may take some serious looking, but you can find something. When me and my husband were looking at buying a home back around 2003, he worked (I didn't), and I think that year we had around $23K in income (no kids). We could get a home that was around $92K. We found a home, needed a bit of work, but it was $73K. We were wanting to go through and get an FHA loan for first time buyers (a fixed rate loan), but due to the repairs needed (it needed to have new shingles), the loan was not approved. We decided to not get the house because that was, of all the houses, the one we really wanted. We also knew that with our income, and the fact that the house needed a new roof, we couldn't get a loan for the roof for at least 2 years. The roof was in bad shape, not leaking, but in bad need of being replaced pretty much as soon as it was bought. We had to pay off some debts, but even today, if he can stay on a job long enough, we are in the position to buy a home. We meet all the requirements except a job. What they looked at for us was that the rent was paid on time, the utilities were paid on time, and 2 lines of credit through a store or similar place that reports to the credit bureau (furniture store, jewelry store or company that makes small, short-term loans are great places to get the credit they look for). They did want you to have a checking or savings account with the equivalent of 3 months worth of mortgage payments, but that was a preference, not required. You can do it with just his credit for the loan. Besides, say you are able to work some; you can then contribute to the paying off the house EARLY. If you both go through to get a mortgage, you HAVE to keep that same level of income or higher to be able to afford the home. By going in with just one of you, you working or him taking a second job just means you can pay off the house sooner. BTW, you don't have to be on the mortgage to be on the deed.

You are far from useless. You have a husband and child that depend on you everyday. :)

Holly - posted on 03/24/2010

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I've had many days when I feel like this. My fiance has a very traditional mind set and likes to think he's the bread winner and doesn't let me forget. I love being a stay at home mom, but I find myself feeling frustrated that even though we have one of the most difficult jobs and our families couldn't function without us, that our jobs don't come attached with a pay cheque. I have also found that if I were to go back to work, daycare is so expensive that I would literally only be bringing in a few hundred more a month max after covering the cost of daycare and transportation to get my oldest to and from school and daycare. Keep your head up, I know what you're feeling like, and it can suck (for lack of a better word), but you're doing the hardest job of all, and doing it for free lol.

Alina - posted on 03/24/2010

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The other posts are good, so I don't have too much to add. I want a house, too, but right now we just can't afford it. My husband loves our apartment and doesn't want to consider a house right now. He works hard and doesn't have the time to invest in owning a home. I tried to go back to work outside the home earlier this year and my husband was not for it! I can't recall the poster's name, but the one who talked about school/bus schedules was right on the $$$ for me as well. Since our son started Pre-K, he's been sick ALOT!! At one point I was getting a call every week. I'm the one who is available in the middle of the day to pick him up, take the kids to doctor's appointments, run errands for my husband, just multitask, you know? I said I would go back to work when our daughter starts Pre-K next year, but my husband has started thinking that I need to be home period! I've put wanting a house in God's hands and am learning continuously to be content where I am until we can afford to do more. And you're not useless, and you keep $$$ in the house where if you worked, you'd have more going out! Extra work clothes and social events, daycare, after-school care, gas, car maintenance, business trips, buying another car if you currently have one . . . I could go on, but these are just a FEW small areas you save $$$ for your household. Be encouraged, and I pray your health gets better :)

Leslie - posted on 03/23/2010

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You should never feel useless. Being a mother and a wife are two of the greatest responsibilities given to us by God. I think it's best to talk with your husband and tell him how you are feeling. Yes, some days at home are rather tedious, but how wonderful it has been to watch my son grown each and everyday over these past 4 months of his life (He is 4 months old). My husband and I talked about me not working and I have even postponed my schooling so that I may raise our son and care for our home. My philosophy: God provides us with everything we need and I am perfectly capable of raising my child. Why should I pay some stranger to raise my son and instill their values in him?

Arena - posted on 03/23/2010

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you shouldnt feel useless you have a full time job taking care of your houes child and husband that is alot more work than any "job"



if it bothers you bout not working then do something fun for YOU that is a "job" thats what i did and now im having fun and making a little xtra cash i started selling avon my friend started selling pampered chef stuff and we get together and have parties and its great if u wanna know more email me at arena.jones@yahoo.com

i love it the only thing is i buy more than i sell but it is fun and he cant say i dont have a job cause i have a business kinda

Shelby - posted on 03/23/2010

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I have the same problem, i use to work full time then my youngest son was born with a heart defect and my husband wont let him go to daycare so i had to quit my job and stay home. i love being home with my kids but every now and then my husband will get a little cranky and will ask why aint i out working!?!? And if i ask him for money to get something for my self he will say "its my money" that makes me feel like im not holding my own and im worthless. I just feel like smacking him! if it wasnt for him i would be working!!!

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