Does anyone else feel gilt for not making $ being a stay at home mom?

Angella - posted on 04/28/2010 ( 115 moms have responded )

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I am a stay at home mom of 2. Sometimes I feel gilt for not bring in an $...kinda like I am not doing enough for my family. For me, getting a job and putting my kids in daycare would go against our parenting plan. My husband try's to comfort me but I still can't help but feel like I am not doing enough. Does anyone else feel this way?

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Jessica - posted on 04/28/2010

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I feel that way all the time. Its not that we need the extra money or anything, its just that sometimes i feel like all i do is sit on my butt all day and do absolutely nothing. Its frustrating. But then, at the same time, i know im saving us alot of money by not going to work because we arent paying for that child care. my bf tries to comfort me too, and im glad he does, but most times, when i feel lazy and what not, his comfort doesnt help any.

Louise - posted on 04/28/2010

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Yes I do feel guilty but then again I would feel even more guilty looking at my daughters face as I left her. My daughter is now 17 months and has never been left with anybody whilst she has been awake. My sons were raised the same way and I only took on a job when my children were at school. Then I worked in a school and had the same holidays as them. So I had the best of both worlds. I will try and do the same with my daughter unless circumstances change and I have to go to work for financial reasons. Guilt is just something that us mums suffer with all of our lives. You feel guilty for leaving your children to work when they are young and then you feel guilty for not being able to help out financially when there older so you can't win.

Jennfier - posted on 05/04/2010

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i do feel guilty some times that my husband is the only one working but then he reminds me that if i were to go back to work my paycheck would be going to childcare so i would pretty much be working for free. and i don't really like that idea, plus i have had alot of my family tell me that my kids are more fun to be around since i have stopped work. and evenings are calmer in our house as well.

Nina - posted on 05/04/2010

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I definetly do, right from the start we agreed he would work and I would stay home for the kids. But my MIL always makes me feel bad and lately I have been feeling like I need to contribute more, I think the onlyt reason I have not run out to get a job is that I am due to have a baby in the next 5 weeks or so. But my husband keeps telling me that he could never do my job, I cook, clean, do laundry, take care of the kids, make sure he has everything he needs, ect. And he said that sounds like 3 full time jobs so he does not make me feel like I am required to go get a job but I still feel bad quite a bit.

[deleted account]

yeah I fought w/my conscience when my son was a baby but started clipping coupons and the money I saved made me realize its just like money...I know silly but hey. Now I sell pampered chef and still stay home and it makes me feel good at least to contribute something! Its not house payment money but its grocery money and sometimes even car payment money :)

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Chelsea - posted on 05/12/2010

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i do all the time before my son was born i was a workaholic i worked and payed the bills. now my husbands in school and working and i am just at home. i really dont want to take my son with anyone else though and we are having another in 2 years so one day ill find away to at lest get a degree

Karin - posted on 05/12/2010

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Yes, BUT, add up all the expenses of working, and it just may not make any sense. By the time we were done with daycare and all of the work-related expenses, I was making a whopping $50 per week. WOO.HOO. I also got to spend around 2-3 hours tops with my kids on the weeks, and that was hustling to daycare and getting all of the chores done, so it was probably more like 15 quality minutes.

I found that a lot of my identity had been attached to my career, and it is a very hard adjustment to make! I also felt like the job I now had was somehow the most important, yet the lowest job on the planet - I mean we don't get compensated, but actually get penalized from a business perspective.

Either way, if you feel like you should somehow be contributing monetarily, check out all of the options available to work-at-home moms. I questioned a lot of people about the realities, and found it just didn't fit with our family or goals.

I wish you all the best!

Lindsey - posted on 05/12/2010

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nope i dont feel bad because in my eyes i am doing my part if not more.if my husband had to hire a nanny,housekeeper and everything else i do he would be soooo broke lol

Chelle - posted on 05/10/2010

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Its funny because although a very large part of me knows i AM working and i AM doing something more valuable than paid work, there are times where i feel guilty. Which is really silly. Thankfully this feeling is getting increasingly less. I do have a part time job from home now, but it does not bring in a lot of money so thats not what makes me feel better. I only have to look at my little boy and how happy and well adjusted he is to know that me staying home was the best thing for both of us. I only have to watch in amazement about another thing he has just started to comprehend and know that i played a huge part in that. My little man is my instand feedback that i have done the right thing, perhaps thats why people cant pay you to be a mother, because the job is PRICELESS ;)

Lucy - posted on 05/10/2010

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No. Actually I know that I give my best to take care of my home and my family. I love being home!

Lucy - posted on 05/10/2010

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I know that I do my part by taking care of my child, my husband and knowing that no one can take care of your family and home better than a Mom.

Joyce - posted on 05/05/2010

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I do feel guilty especially now that my BH's not gotten a job. Makes me want to go back to work.

Annette - posted on 05/05/2010

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I feel the same way. He goes to college/work and I get to stay at home with our 8 month little man. I love him more for every inch I get to watch our son grow. "Cheers to our amazing men."

Angela - posted on 05/05/2010

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I enjoy being here for my kids. But we never have enough money to do things we want. My husbands check covers the mortgage and the bills, there isn't much left over. When we have a hard week, I feel useless even though I do all the cleaning, laundry, food prep (5-6x\day) and am hear for my husband and our 4 children. Two are in school, and then there is a 4yr old and a five mnth old. I get stir crazy, and want to get a job outside of the house, but with out training what job can I get that would provide income for my family and not take it away in daycare cost. The little I make watching my niece and nephew just covers most, not all the groceries. So, go through alot of termoil on if I should find a job, my husband tries to be supportive, but in reality he wants our lives to stay the same, he works then comes home an has little responseability around the house. Doing the lawn twice a week and garbage are minimal, to the constant 24/7 needs of the whole family. To think of getting another job, because it would be as if I were getting a second job sucks the life out of me. I am never getting more than an hr here or there of down time, and everthing I do has to be done many times a day.

Sara - posted on 05/05/2010

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I do too. I worked regularly from the time I was 15 till I was 71/2 months prego with my twins. I feel like we could buy a nicer home if I was working.

Bonnie - posted on 05/05/2010

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i am the same. my partner is in the defence force and we talked about when i was pregnant and we both planned for me to be a stay at home mum, which i love being. but sometimes when money is tight i wonder if it would help if i go back to work or think if only i was working still but im still loving being at home with our son. i think as long as we do the house work, and clean up after the kids we are contributing :)
and even if i did go back to work there wouldnt be that much more money coming in as daycare costs money

Selina - posted on 05/04/2010

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Yes, i feel the same way. Its the..woman ..guilt.. thing.. it is unavoidable. You have the most important job their is, that is being there for your children and enjoying every minute of their little lives. So just remind yourself not to think of the guilt...It will take time, but it will get better.

Deundra - posted on 05/04/2010

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I feel that way I want a job to provide for my daughter, because my husband little check isn't enough before I lost my job a made show that I had enough money in case I needed to help out with bills or buy needed stuff for my daughter. I have been trying my best to find a way to make money while at home but not really working out to will. I'm still good with my money, but I don't want to spend all of it trying to keep up with a growing child. My next option is a babysitting job that will be beneficial in more ways than one.

Eileen - posted on 05/04/2010

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Yes, and I'm 52 with teens! My husband sat me down and read me the riot act about this. It's not about the income you can bring in, because it costs money to work! Are you there for your children? What is that worth? What gas are you saving? What clothes do you not buy? How about the worth of home cooked meals? or cleaning services? or daycare? I don't have the website, but it can be found. Someone listed all the jobs that a SAHM did, and listed their salaries. A SAHM is worth about a million a year.

Sarah - posted on 05/04/2010

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I did feel guilty about it and had concidered going back to work, but then I realized that no one would really be able to teach my son better than me... the most influential time in a childs life is untill they are 5 years old, who better to learn from than their mother? If your husband or significant other is supportive and wants you to stay home you really shouldnt feel guilt because being an at home mom is one of the HARDEST jobs there is... this is coming from a CNA

Tabatha - posted on 05/04/2010

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Yes i definately did till i recently started this new at home business. check out my website. http:/www.TheFreedomUnitedTeam.com/TP24333

Christine - posted on 05/04/2010

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My view is why bother working to get a paycheck if all I am going to do is spend most of it on Daycare, not in my plan, hence the reason I decieded to start my own business and work from home. I can work a flexible schedule, make an income and be with my children whenever I want, plus I get to help other Moms do the same thing!! If anyone is interested in what I do feel free to visit my website and view my short video www.christinemarcinek.com



Blessings to you all

Christine

Carmen - posted on 05/04/2010

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I do at times but i know being a mother and a wife is full time very important job. So when i feel guilty for not working i remember how much i do. i have been a stay at home mom since i got pregant with my kids. the one year my husband lost his job i worked. it all works in the end family is what matters not money.

Ameriah - posted on 05/04/2010

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I can't help but feel this way, but at the same time, we are providing indispensable services to our family. Even though we don't bring home the bacon, we influence our children and our family every day.

Jessica - posted on 05/04/2010

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I feel this way too at times. Then I remember that raising a child is more than a full-time job, with no breaks and no pay. I was always independent and supported myself so giving up my career was hard but I wouldn't want anyone else raising my child. To me, our baby is only small once and I want to be there for her no matter what. When I feel guilty about not making any money, I try to make up for it by selling baby stuff on ebay for a little extra income and much needed storage space!

Lisbeth - posted on 05/04/2010

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Just little fact by being a stay at home mom you make 117,000 a year or save your family that much sooooo be happy that you are a stay at home mom and don't feel bad.

Leslie - posted on 05/04/2010

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I did until I realized that I am not just staying home doing nothing. I am saving us from paying child care and I am building lasting relationships with my children who are now both in school. I am keeping our home organized and clean. Then, I thought about getting out there and trading time for money and I knew that something would have to be neglected thats when I started my own business. I set my own hours, I work when kids are in school, after the house is taken care of...etc. I would love to share it with you if you are interested pm me.

Lucy - posted on 05/04/2010

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When I went back to work after having my daughter I felt guilty for leaving her at the nursery and not being her mummy full time.

Now I am a SAHM I feel guilty for not bringing in any money.

Welcome to parenthood- Guilt comes with the territory no matter how you tackle it!

Christa - posted on 05/04/2010

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I am a SAHM of five young children. But I work from home. And I love it...so there is no guilt.

Farrah - posted on 05/04/2010

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I feel guilty sometimes because I only have one daughter so I'm not extremely busy at home so I feel bad that I don't have more to do around the house. On the other hand though I could not put her in care because I don't want someone else disciplining my daughter or teaching her things, I want to be that person who watches her grow up and teach her to be a responsible adult. I think society tends to make mums at home feel like they don't do enough, but raising kids is the most important job you can do. Even if it is unpaid.

[deleted account]

thank you veronica!! i try to not contribute after my first post, BUT its sooo imp that all of you sahms believe that you are doing the most imp job be proud of what you're doing for your family, be proud that your hubbys grasp that.. be happy that your kids will never forget that they had their mom at home to be there for them.. bc they will carry that on to their own familys thank God..

Tabatha - posted on 05/03/2010

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i know exactly what your talkin about. im a stay at home mom of a 5 month old. the husband bring home plenty and were always talking about how i feel like i dont do enough, and he always tells me, we are stable, your and amazing mom, i couldnt do what you do day in and day out but if you would feel better think about a part time in the evening so the baby doesnt have to have a sitter. (because were anti sitters in this world)...Just something to think about....you wouldnt be leavin your babies and you could still contribute a little
...best wishes

Veronica - posted on 05/03/2010

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I am a SAHM of 2 also and I NEVER feel that way. A mother works 24/7..her job is never done..she doesn't get paid in cash but she does get her payment from seeing her kids smiling faces every single day, watching them accomplish every single milestone and being one of the main people in their life that shapes them into the adult they are gonna grow up to be...how can any job in this world that you go to to make cash be anymore important than that?

Raena - posted on 05/03/2010

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i definitly do i love staying at home with them but if i even miss a load of laundry i feel like im a bad person and im letting my hubby down im glad to know im not the only on who feels this way

April - posted on 05/03/2010

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Yes but trust me if you are able to stay at home while they are young.I have a total of 6 kids and 6 grandkids.Ages of all being,25,20,19,18,16,13. Then the gkids,6weeks, 5months,8months,3,4,7. when they start school then go to work. Toddlers and a home is 2 jobs in one.

Sabreena - posted on 05/03/2010

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HECK NO!!!! I feel like staying at home and taking care of the kids is a job in itself. I think it's a hard job and super stressful at times, but the most rewarding. If only they paid Momma's for being Momma's....our job is 24hours a day 7day week!!

Britney - posted on 05/03/2010

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I am a stay at home mom of one with one on the way. I feel guilty sometimes but then I realize that I am making a HUGE contribution to our family. If I had a job, it would cost half of my pay check just to put our daughter in daycare. (this is not to include the one on the way). I raise our daughter. I get to watch her learn and grow everyday. That is one of the greatest feelings ever!! I also know that the house is taken care of and so is my family. Keeping those thoughts lets me realize that I do contribute to the family. Maybe not financially but in every other way. I also started a daycare out of the house so that I could contribute. Maybe you could try that too.

Nayuribe - posted on 05/03/2010

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get out of my head!!!!! haha!! both me and my boyfriend agree that no one else will take better care/educate our girls than ME, not even he wouldn't be able to do it, hahahaha! but yeah, he says he'd rather have 3 jobs than putting them in daycare, if something's gonna happen to them, it better be on my watch.

Michelle - posted on 05/03/2010

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OH MY WORD...I have the same problem. I am going to tell you like my Hubby tells me. Even though you are not making the $ you are doing the most commanding job there is. Look at it this way As long as your family is not doing without because you are a stay at home mom then there is nothing to feel guilty about. When the time is right for you to start working again, you will know it. Enjoy being a stay at home mom. Some mothers never have that opportunity. Don't be guilty, be happy that you get to raise your children and not someone else. HEHE I'm giving you advice I should take...Take care, I hope all works out :)

Sacha - posted on 05/03/2010

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I did used to feel guilty for not bringing home any money, only what the aussie government provided, now I have a part time job and I feel guilty because I am not there for my daughter or to cook dinner for my partner. The job also interferes with my family and social life and worry that I am going to miss out on important milestones. I am now looking at getting another job that wont interfere with my family life as much, but it means putting my baby into day care, in which case we will come out about the same as we do now. With one it is managable, but if we were to have another day care just wouldnt be financially viable. Also have to weigh up how tired you get when working nights, because you still have to get up in the morning to take care of bub even if you've had hrdly any sleep.

Veronique - posted on 05/03/2010

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I'm not a stay at home mom but wish i was. I feel guilty for putting my kids in daycare and being gone so long from them. You shouldn't feel this way sweety because in case you haven't notice you are doing your fare share for your family. You cook, clean, take care of the kids and husband ect etc ect. Trust me your kids won't resent you because mommy didn't go to work. They'll have these memorie all there life knowing that mommy was there for them whenever they needed you. My mom took a year off when i was 5 years olds and stay home and i remember that and i remember how happy i was that she was there when i got back from kingdergarden and i could talk about my day with her. So don't worry i'm sure your husband doesn't want you to feel guilty.
Keep up the good job!

Aimee - posted on 05/03/2010

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YES everyday! and my husband does the same thing trying to explain i should feel lucky to be home with them but i still feel worthless most of the time.

Trina - posted on 05/03/2010

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My husband is self-employed so money is really tight at times, but I don't feel guilty for not working as I know that I'm doing the best thing for my child. Everyone who meets my 13 month old comments on how happy and confident he is and I think a lot of this is because I stay home with him.

I would rather go without things myself and have a happy home where my son knows Mommy's always there for him!!

[deleted account]

Nope, I don't. The impact I am having on our children being a SAHM is way more important than making $. Teaching my children how to take care of themselves and their home is a very important lesson that I wouldn't be able to teach them if I weren't here. Today's society makes women think they HAVE to make $ in order to be an asset, which is totally wrong.
Keep on going, Angella, you are providing much more value to your children that any $ can buy!!

[deleted account]

Before my husband and i thought of concieving our son. I was a childcare teacher for 7 years now. While i was pregnant with my son... my husband and i made the agreement that i would at least be a stay at home mom until our son was 3years old and than we would enroll him in daycare. Which i am afraid that being that i am a teacher i am going to be real picky about it. Because, than hopefully we will be ready for our second one. Now that i am a stay at home mom. i am going through the same thing. Where i feel complete and utter useless.

Mari - posted on 05/03/2010

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I do feel this way some times and my husband comforts me as well but I also do know that I have the most important job in the world and that is being mom. No daycare or a nanny can replace you and they ae expencive nd not worth it, so then I supress my guilt and just be happy that I do have the opportunity to be home with my child, since not all the mom's can afford it. Don't feel guilty an I know your husband understands you and supports you that you are stay at home mom :)

Sarah - posted on 05/03/2010

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Hi, Angella
My name is Sarah. I feel like that all the time. I had my daughter two years ago and stopped working since then. My hubby works two jobs and I just stay home with my daughter. I always feel guilty so I always give to others and not my self sometimes.

Monica - posted on 05/03/2010

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i totally feel the same way you do. we only have one baby but i still feel bad about it. though i recently decided maybe i should get a job, so i might work like 3 or 4 days a week for a couple of hours....so im bringing in a little money but i wont be away from him for too long durring those days!

Cleo - posted on 05/03/2010

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Yes which is why i'm looking for part time work outside the home right as i write to you. My husband hasn't said anything to make me feel this way but this is just how I feel because I'm used to always being on the go and providing for myself.

Kassi - posted on 05/03/2010

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I dont mind so much most of the time, bc i take care of out child and our home. on months that we struggle i get really upset and get down on myself for not bringing any income in...

Natalie - posted on 05/03/2010

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I do. Especially when I need alone time. Its great that you have a supportive husband, but remember that support needs to be there for you if you WANT to spend some time out of the house for your own sanity. Whether you're making money or not.

Christy - posted on 05/03/2010

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I do not feel guilty about not bringing home any money anymore because I am always working. We couldn't afford to pay someone for all of the jobs that I do. I do everything from house cleaning, bills, taxes, laundry, cooking (mostly), yard work, home improvement projects, and chauffeuring my daughter to softball, soccer, and gymnastics. Of coarse taking care of the 7 month old baby needs seems to be an endless job within itself. For those of you who feel like you are sitting around, just wait until they can walk. It is a lot of fun. We also go out to the local parks and free activities around our town so we are never bored.
Also, think of the money you spent when you were working. For me, I spent a lot on career wear, gas, dining out, and car maintenance and upkeep. We don't spend a ton of money on that stuff anymore because we cook nutritious meals at home and I don't need the other stuff. My husband would like me to bring in some money and has suggested the child care thing, but I do not think it is for me. I have thought about getting a bus route for the local school once my children do not need car seats all the time. They make decent money to drive kids to and from school, which I will have to do for my daughter next year anyway. It is a thought.

Amanda - posted on 05/03/2010

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"Right now I am looking for a job but its hard because the visiting hours at the hospital are so stupid and I have to find a job that will work around that."
To Brittany Compton, you are the mother of that child in the hospital. I'm sure they will let you visit anytime you want...the hospitals in our city do, as long as you are immediate family you can pretty much come and go anytime between 10am and 10pm...hope you find a job that can work! if not, don't feel badly, just be there for your son. that's the best job a mother can do.

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