does anyone else feel guilty for being an at home mother?

Nicole - posted on 12/15/2009 ( 162 moms have responded )

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my fiance works so hard to take care of me and our daughter, and sometimes i just feel like instead of being at home it would make his job so much easier if i was working

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Michelle - posted on 12/21/2009

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Don't feel guilty. I used to when I first started staying home. I have a college degree and haven't really used it and when I do go back to work it won't really be worth anything anymore since I'll have been out of "work" for about 10+ years. When I do go back to work it won't necessarily be a career job since I will be busy doing activities with my 4 kids.



I had to come to the realization that I made a choice to stay at home and not pursue a career and that I wanted the children that I have. There are compromises and those compromises are being there for my kids and not having a "career" until maybe a lot later in life. I grew up with a career mom (she was the bread winner) and sometimes it was hard not seeing her, but I was lucky that I had a father that worked from home.



I'm super busy and I'm not a "Leave It to Beaver" kind of wife. My job is the children not the house. If the house gets cleaned and dinner is made great if not oh well. I'm working, too. Just like my husband. When he comes home he contributes to the household and the children. I figured if I just wanted the money and no partner then I would just divorce and get child support. I'm lucky that we can survive, barely, with one pay check. We make a lot of sacrifices, but then so does everybody else.



In the beginning my husband used to make smart ass remarks. I told him he could start paying me for watching the kids and housekeeping or I would go get a job and we would pay for daycare if he couldn't appreciate what I do. He hasn't had an issue since then.



If you think about it, you work 24 hours a day 365 days a year. You don't get union breaks, lunch breaks, or breaks of any kind. You don't get sick time. It's the same thing day in day out with sometimes minimal adult interaction. You feel or at least I do but I'm getting better at it, feeling guilty if you take any time for yourself. And don't feel like you have to prove yourself to your husband or whoever. If they have an issue then they can live your life.

Lisa - posted on 12/15/2009

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i feel the same! but now i do make a little extra cash selling with It Works! If you visit the community "work from home business opportunites" I just posted how you can make $500 profit in yout first month with It Works.

[deleted account]

I am truly lucky to have a wonderful,loving, hard working husband that makes enough money for us to live on comfortably. I maybe a stay at home mom, but I am never at home, I volunteer at my sons school everyday and run errands. I think all stay at home moms have the toughest yet most rewarding job God put on this Earth. I see the difference in my childrens behavior and how they show respect to others and I am seeing my job is paying off big time. I use to feel guilty about not having a paycheck job, but I would not change my job for all the money that could be offered. It's a 24/7 job and it is totally worth it. Don't feel guilty about being a stay at home mom, you have the hardest and best job in the world.

Ashlee - posted on 12/23/2009

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I use to when i first had Adam. I brought it up to my boyfriend and he told me that just because i dont work in an office doesnt mean im not working. We also decided that because i have a 3 mth old the amount of money i make will cover daycare and maybe an extra $100 a week. Daycare is ridiculous where i live. And if i work at night to avoid daycare i lose the time i spend with him.

LauraBeth - posted on 12/23/2009

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I LOVE staying at home with my son!!!! I wouldn't trade this for anything in the world my family is everything to me, My Husband wanted me to quit work as soon as i got pregnant, Of cousre money is tight, but we don't go without anything plus if you went to work all you would be doing is just paying for the sitter(unless you have free help) and putting your family in a higher tax bracket, I have been staying at home for over a year and a half now and couldn't imagation leaveing my son with someone else to raise him.

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Kim - posted on 05/31/2011

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I think it all depends on whether or not you are both happy. If he is happy with you being at home and you are happy being at home, then it is the right thing for your family. If he is too stressed out and/or isn't happy with the arrangement then it is time to think about your options. Both partners have to be happy with the arrangement of a stay at home mom for it to work.

Shannon - posted on 12/22/2009

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I think of it this way...the house is my job. I am to keep it clean, do the laundry, and all that good stuff. I am also the one who manages our finances. Contributing to your family isn't always financial. Also, think of the gift you are giving your daughter. As long as your fiance isn't harping you about it, just think what a gift you are giving to them by taking care of the house and raising an amazing kid:)

[deleted account]

i'm a mother of 4 small children. sometimes i do but my hubby said, my job requires me to be alert 24/7 and it's tougher than his job. watching and knowing your children growth and every single new thing being discovered is the best moment and a solid proof that you are working as hard, taking care and nurturing, educate and guiding your children just by staying at home. it's not that you are asleep all the time and your kids are all messed up, right? :)

[deleted account]

Amen sister! I feel guilty often about being home while my husband works. I mentioned it to him and he immediately said, why? You work hard all day and with a baby. Then he told me how much he appreciated the fact that he always had food to eat, clean clothes, a clean house, and he never had to worry about our son because he knew that he was being well loved and taken care of. Since then, I remind myself of the worth of what I do at home and that my husband really appreciates it.

CecyVette - posted on 12/22/2009

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I've read some of the comments moms have posted in reply to you. They are all very good. I'm a stay at home mom as well. I am currently working from home so I do get a paycheck. But even if I didn't, my husband would not want me to work a job outside the home. There are certain things that only mothers can do, in my opinion establishing a nurturing home for our kids is one of them. However, if you are feeling a little stuck, or maybe even a little depressed by being at home, (and all us new moms go through that), just make sure to make some time yourself. It helps! =)

Susan - posted on 12/22/2009

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Quoting susan:

well hun let me tell ya im a at home mom too i felt the same way that you do , but i got to tell ya i love being here with my little monkeys as i call them lol , but in all you know when there feed and clothed how there doing , and when you leave them at the daycare or where ever you miss alot of stuff that you would want to be there for , i have 5 beautiful children rangein for 7,5,4,2,and 4months and four girls and one boy lol and i wouldnt trade anything in the world for being here at home with them , later there will be time for work right now its like a crazy vaction and you get to laugh cry and get pee'ed on lol but in all enjoy it wail it last cuz when its time to go back to work your going to miss being at home with your babies ,your be albe to bring home the bacon later on so have fun relax and enjoy being a mom



and you know i just said a little something to myslef then aswell lol a word for the wise as my mom used to say to me lol

Susan - posted on 12/22/2009

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well hun let me tell ya im a at home mom too i felt the same way that you do , but i got to tell ya i love being here with my little monkeys as i call them lol , but in all you know when there feed and clothed how there doing , and when you leave them at the daycare or where ever you miss alot of stuff that you would want to be there for , i have 5 beautiful children rangein for 7,5,4,2,and 4months and four girls and one boy lol and i wouldnt trade anything in the world for being here at home with them , later there will be time for work right now its like a crazy vaction and you get to laugh cry and get pee'ed on lol but in all enjoy it wail it last cuz when its time to go back to work your going to miss being at home with your babies ,your be albe to bring home the bacon later on so have fun relax and enjoy being a mom

Joan - posted on 12/22/2009

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I feel the same way and me and my husband have had numerous conversations about it and he insists that by taking care of our son I'm doing enough. but still I feel like I should be doing more.

Nicole - posted on 12/22/2009

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No way! Your fiance's job is to support you and baby emotionally and financially and it's your job to raise that little girl. I totally understand that some people cannot afford to do this and it's not best for them. If she was in school full time and you were just kind of hanging out, shopping, getting nails done, watching soap operas, whatever - that's a different story. Your job is hard work also!

Traci - posted on 12/22/2009

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My children are 10 and 8 I have been a stay at home mom for 9 years with the exception of being a part-time sub for teacher's aide. I can say that i haven't missed going to work full time, but it will get easier as your child grows older. My guilt though is still there. Seeing my children get on the bus, being able to help my husband on the farm, and then seeing my kids get off the bus .....I wouldn't trade that moment for anything.

Cathleen - posted on 12/21/2009

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I dont feel guilty because my husband and I decided for me to stay home with our children. I also know I am having a big impact in my girls lives by staying home with them. I would like to help someway with contributing to the income but right now it is not the time for that.

Jaclyn - posted on 12/21/2009

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i feel the same way but the key is to make sure that he feels apperciated. So just make sure u dont put more on him than he can handle because he does work. For example I do everything with our kids and around the house so that he can rest but my husband also works like 12 or 13 hours a day! But just make sure u let him know u love him and u apperciate what he does for you and the family!

Heather - posted on 12/21/2009

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I feel guilty because my husband works everyday and works on weekends ever other weekend. When I say something to him about going and getting a job he always lets me know that my job is to make sure our daughter is being taken care of. So I sit and think about it and he is right that is may job so with him working so hard for the three of us I do work even harder and keep the house cleaned and supper cooked when he gets here and the baby is taken care of so when he gets here he can eat and play with her or whatever he wants.

[deleted account]

I have been a stay at home mom with all three of my children. I stayed home with my first son until he started kindergarten and my daughter went to daycare at that point and she was almost 2. I've never felt guilty about it. Our newest edition ended up having us lose about $36,000 a year. I was an x-ray tech before I had him. I hated that job and felt some sort of relief that I finally got to be back home with a new baby. After a year at home with him my husband said "ok we're not having any fun any more, we need some more money"! I started a business at home that I am very successful at. I help moms save money, be healthier and yes work at home. I don't: Sell Anything, Stock any Inventory or do parties. If you're interested let me know,

[deleted account]

I have been a stay at home mom with all three of my children. I stayed home with my first son until he started kindergarten and my daughter went to daycare at that point and she was almost 2. I've never felt guilty about it. Our newest edition ended up having us lose about $36,000 a year. I was an x-ray tech before I had him. I hated that job and felt some sort of relief that I finally got to be back home with a new baby. After a year at home with him my husband said "ok we're not having any fun any more, we need some more money"! I started a business at home that I am very successful at. I help moms save money, be healthier and yes work at home. I don't: Sell Anything, Stock any Inventory or do parties. If you're interested let me know,

[deleted account]

i do i love my children very much but i need my own time so i can stay my own person but i just take time whenever i can to have adult conversation

Rosanna - posted on 12/21/2009

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sometimes i feel guilty because i wanna work just as well as my hubby does. but think like this its hard being home all day taking care of the babies and cookin and cleaning. we might not bring the money. but its alot of work. and do something like school or try to get a job an see how you like it!!!

Jen - posted on 12/21/2009

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I was working for 6 months and paying for daycare was sooo expensive and it was breaking my heart not seeing my son. But honestly i miss work too but i love staying home with our son hes so much happier now that im home and hes improving milestone wise alot faster now that im home....just days after i stayed home he was walking and being more verbal and just happier tho we lost my income when i was forced to quit my job over and issue with the babysitter its worth it i think cause were doing better off in the long run and he wont be young for long. My mother in law says she wishes she wouldve spent more time at home when her kids were small so i guess it works out ok. :-)

Sierra - posted on 12/21/2009

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Nope! I would rather raise my child myself and watch her grow up than pay someone else to. You're doing your child a huge favor by being at home with her!

Shanna - posted on 12/21/2009

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I hear you, I feelt the same what, but then I decided to start a home based business. It is easy, fun to do, and I actually feel I am contributing. I can work it around my kids, so it doesnt keep me from them. There are so many opportunities out there. You just have to find one that really interests you. I mean, even if it only supplies a little extra cash, your husband will appreciate the effort.

Amy - posted on 12/21/2009

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My husband tries to guilt me into working sometimes. I believe a woman has every right to stay home and love their children. That's how we were created. Children grow up more secure and happy when they feel secure as babies and toddlers.Life is not about stuff, it's about relationships. Once your children are grown you will have plenty of time to work a job.

Brooke - posted on 12/21/2009

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i do sometimes too, but the truth of the matter is, i think that the guys really like being the provider and feeing like they are all that's needed to bring in the income. Also, I think its important to make sure the house is clean & there's food for him when he comes home - at least for me, then I feel like i've accomplished something. I think its more of a problem in my mind than anything else, because I know my husband doesn't mind at all. but everybody's different. you have to do what you feel is right for your family

Brooke - posted on 12/21/2009

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i do sometimes too, but the truth of the matter is, i think that the guys really like being the provider and feeing like they are all that's needed to bring in the income. Also, I think its important to make sure the house is clean & there's food for him when he comes home - at least for me, then I feel like i've accomplished something. I think its more of a problem in my mind than anything else, because I know my husband doesn't mind at all. but everybody's different. you have to do what you feel is right for your family

Janna - posted on 12/21/2009

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No, you have to remember it also cost money for you to go back to work. Daycare, work clothing, and time your child is without you. Plus all of the things we stay at home moms do durring the day would need to get done on the weekend. We have a very important job and it should not be under valued.

Sarah - posted on 12/21/2009

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Hiya, yeah i feel exactly the same! My husband works long hours to provide for us and i also feel i should be working to help, but at the same time i realise that my daughter needs me at home, i would rather be a full time mum than go to work and pay for a child carer, i feel that any money i make i would be spending out on child care anyway, i think children benefit more from having their mum at home....so don't feel guilty!

Rose - posted on 12/21/2009

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no way would'nt you feel more guilty by leaving your child with someone else caring for her, any way how old is your daughter? if she is at school then yes perhaps you could get a job during school hours, but if she is alot younger then i think you should be at home caring for her, those are the growing years that you would not want to miss out on. be patient as the time will come when you need to return back to the work force but for now enjoy everytime you have with your daughter

Melissa - posted on 12/21/2009

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No I don't feel guilty at all. I had three kids under 5 and the new born suffers badly from wind and colic. So I am up half the night and than I have to try to run after the other two, while carrying around a grumpy baby all day. I am definetly over worked!

Tiffany - posted on 12/20/2009

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i sometimes feel the same way. but then again we are finacialy stable. i could understand if you guys were struggling. but i enjoy being home with my 22 month old daughter. sometimes its fustrating bc im always with her, but in the end i love it so much bc i can have one on one time with her and i know she will follow my schedule. if your finace supports you for wanting to stay home then i would continue that without guilt!!

Tammy - posted on 12/20/2009

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Well, i think it depends on the situation.. I've always worked. Always. And recently we took in two small children that we hope to adopt from the state. I tried to continue to work, but with appointments and school and running here and there, i just couldnt keep up. Not to mention the quick meals i'd have to throw together and trying to stay on top of cleaning the house. I couldnt do it and gave up my job. Now my circumstances are a little bit different because we receive a substantial check from the state to take care of these children...but what you do at home in taking care of the home, of your child and of him probably outweighs everything. And i'd venture to guess that if you asked him, he'd rather have you at home. I know my husband likes it, because i've also made his life easier. And after the holidays, i think i may find a small part time job but one with hours that i can work and still take care of the things i need to take care of. If you feel strongly, you can always go out and get a cashier's job. it doesnt pay a lot, but it would offer a little extra and give you a chance to get out. But only do it if your child is in school. If you work and have to pay for a babysitter, then thats not helping at all.

Geeta - posted on 12/20/2009

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I know how you feel...I feel the same way but unfortunately the economy is my reason for not working. I quit my job to move to another state to be with him and my teaching license was not sufficient enough for the state he lives in and nor can i get a job in the IT field because of the economy. So it really does suck and I really do feel bad that its soo much work and alot of expenses coming our way, I have tried to look online for some 'work from home jobs' since I am pretty good with computers but I dont know what site to trust and which site not to trust. Other than that he says that dont worry you just take care of urself and the first 2 years of the baby's life are very crucial for us to be with the baby and take care of the baby. Which i agree is very true but still with a new house and a baby on the way I really do feel bad many times... I just pray to god to take care of us :)

Erin - posted on 12/20/2009

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Quoting Lydia:

I do all the time when he comes home from work and is really tired, but he tells me every time I bring it up about me feeling like I should be working too he tells me. I should be home home with our babys taking care of them and he aslo make me feel a little better by telling me I am doing a job a tough job that is harder than his. And I guess its true taking care of two babys keeping a house clean and being a good wife is exausting



My husband says the same thing, when I bring it up.   He also tells me every time I get home from a shopping trip that he can not do my job.  So that makes me feel good, that I can do something he can't.

Rachel - posted on 12/20/2009

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I have felt guilty before when we were having money problems...(I also worked for a couple years when we really needed the help.) I am now lucky enough that my husband doesn't need my help financially. Also you have to think if you did go get a paycheck job..you would have to pay for daycare...and then you wouldn't have all that time for housework. That was the problem when I went to work...money was coming in, but the house went to sh*t...lol. I do alot during the day...and I am tired at night, but I wouldn't want any other job in the world! You shouldn't feel guilty at all!

Cleo - posted on 12/20/2009

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Quoting Jaime:

By the way, you are working and you are not getting paid for it. If anyone feels like a bum it is because they have someone else trying to make them feel bad for doing what you do, jealousy. Only, now you have a baby body, and your insides will never be the same. Do not feel guilty. I would feel guilty if I had to work and stay away from my children...A lot of Mom's I know do feel guilty for working. It's all in your own mind.


Feeling like bum doesn't always stem from someone having trying to make them feel bad for doing what they do or out of jealousy.  My husband and the rest of the family know very well how much I want to work outside the home but they understand that I 1) couldn't find a job as soon as I wanted and 2) understood that it wouldn't be best to try to get a job now because of the fact that I was always sick for the majority of my pregnancy.  He understands that being a full time stay at home mom is a full time gig and he doesn't expect me to try to work out of the house anytime soon.  Me feeling guilty about staying at home has all to do with me having the true desire to work outside the home and bring home a check but can't, not anyone else.

Cleo - posted on 12/20/2009

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I completely feel the same way. I went to school and graduated last year and I've been working for work up until around July when I found out I was pregnant and I want to start working right now but I know that I can't. I'm just happy that I can be open about my frustration with my husband because I would feel even worse if I couldn't.

Jaime - posted on 12/20/2009

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By the way, you are working and you are not getting paid for it. If anyone feels like a bum it is because they have someone else trying to make them feel bad for doing what you do, jealousy. Only, now you have a baby body, and your insides will never be the same. Do not feel guilty. I would feel guilty if I had to work and stay away from my children...A lot of Mom's I know do feel guilty for working. It's all in your own mind.

Jaime - posted on 12/20/2009

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Never. It saves you more money than you would probably ed up paying for the best daycare. I would never trust leaving my children with anyone else. Think of all the added stress involved when that person can't work that day, or if your family member has a conflict. If you decide to be a parent, be one. Don't leave that up to someone else. These first five or six years go by way faster than you think. Before you know it your kids will be in school and growing up, hit 13 and want to give you nothing but trouble. Then they are 18 and on their own. It's really up to you, but one way or another, your child deserves a parent all the time.

Elizabeth - posted on 12/20/2009

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I honestly don't feel guilty of being a stay at home Mom. To me it is the best job in the world. I am a mother of two young beautiful daughters. I wouldn't trade nothing in the world for being a stay at home mom. Neither you or your fiance don't need to worry about the expense of child care... Just enjoy the time that you have with your children because the time will fly right bye. Well hope this helps, and best of luck.

Martha - posted on 12/20/2009

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nope i dont feel guilty at all...even do I do so much housework to take care of my family.

is like having a 24/7 job

Kathy - posted on 12/20/2009

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Quoting Nikki:



Quoting becky:

nope i dont feel guilty at all... i had my daughter to look after her, not to hove her in nursery so i dont see her all day... i dont feel guilty at all :D






I have to work, I do not get the option to be a stay at home mother, and I feel horrible guilty about it.






 






With quotes like above, how can I not?






 



Nikki,



I've been on both ends of the fence, working mom (6 days per week, 2 jobs) and crying over the fact that the daycare lady got to experience everything that I wanted (and deserved to) as his mother:(  To the stay at home mom, who is drained and needing a vacation and on the same note feeling soooo blessed that I am able to stay home instead of paying tons of money to a daycare so someone else gets the privilege of raising my children.  I feel you, and understand what you say, but don't let the fact that some moms get the choice to stay home make you feel even MORE guilty, you are doing what you HAVE to do to take care of your child.  Just like I did, I just forced myself to focus on the fact that everything I did I did for my son :)  It will get better !!!!! 



 



 





 

Nikki - posted on 12/20/2009

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Quoting becky:

nope i dont feel guilty at all... i had my daughter to look after her, not to hove her in nursery so i dont see her all day... i dont feel guilty at all :D



I have to work, I do not get the option to be a stay at home mother, and I feel horrible guilty about it.



 



With quotes like above, how can I not?



 



 

CARMIE - posted on 12/20/2009

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i dont' feel guilty to have taken the decision to be a full time single mom on top of being a home stay mom but the only thing sometimes that does hit me is i feel my career took a blow the rest i am truly proud of all i have accomplished being a home mom is a full time job all together at least when i was working i got my 15 minute breaks lol now i'm lucky if i get that sometimes there is just constant movement needed and gets worst as they get older but we are better to laugh at all these odd moments or we will go insane imao ...the kids will make you forget all those troubles no matter what it is the best love anyone can get and time well spent totally and entirely ...and the carreer well i know its not to late for my career better late than never good luck to all HAPPY HOLIDAYS CHEERS

Rebecca - posted on 12/20/2009

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I don't feel guilty as I worked full time with my first child and finished work with my second and now realise how much I missed out on with my first and feel more guilty for working with my first :)

Laura - posted on 12/20/2009

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No, don't feel guilty for wanting the best you can give your children. If your husband's salary is enough for all of you then do stay with your kids. It's hard, it's frustrating, it's lonely, it's fun, it's amazing, it's rewarding.... and it's vital to help raise happy and confident children. I would rather stay with my boys and have a little less to spend, than knowing that they might come up like thousands of other neglected kids. However, I would never ever look down on a working mum. They too are doing their very best and must be appreciated for that. Go with your heart and not with what you think others think of you.

Christina - posted on 12/20/2009

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You shouldn't feel guilty, are you not working hard to make sure that your home is clean, Food is cooked, clothes are washed and your Child is happy and well cared for? Its hard work being an at home mom and I am sure he appreciates you for everything you do!

I don't think I would be happy not being home with my children, I worked for 3 years after my daughter turned 2 and I always felt that I lost something in bonding with her & now she has a stronger bond with my hunsbands mom who watched her as I worked and I now regret that! I don't plan on going back to work at all since our son was born, I am not making the same mistake....Plus I remember my mom always home for us when I was little I think it made me a better person

Bobby Jo - posted on 12/19/2009

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I did so I started work for Party Lite you can send lots of time with you daughter & still bring in the money the best part is you get to party when you work. It don't cost you a thing to start & we now sell food. Go to my website & check it out (www.partylite.biz/mrsbobbyjo)

Jessica - posted on 12/19/2009

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i do all the time my husband works 4pm till 1 am and then when he gets home he says its his turn with the baby and wont let me get up at night sometimes he has to get back up at 7 so he is real tired but that was what he wanted

Trish - posted on 12/19/2009

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I feel guilty sometimes too because my husband works such long hours and does extra side work to keep us going when are checking acct gets low, I have four kids 7,8,9,12 they are all in school now and I try to get a part time job but my husband didnt like it because it was taking time away from him and the kids during and after school activities, he says that I need to be home with the kids they don't need strangers raising them. I only really feel bad on holidays and bdays cuz I want to do special things for him with my own hard money but he says It a hard job tring to take care of all four of his kids and I'm a great mother and wife and that's enough for him.

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