Does being home with the kids feel lonely sometimes?

[deleted account] ( 34 moms have responded )

There are days I long for adult conversation, the ability to go for a walk or to interact and honestly felt really lonely staying home and looking after the kids. Anyone else feel the same way?

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Angela - posted on 11/10/2011

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Fezeka you made some great points.

When I first moved to The Netherlands I left my home, culture, country, language, job, etc.

It was a huge transition and I did not even have Claire yet, but I did have my other kids all were teens. 2 stayed on to finish high school in the USA because they were university bound and it was better that way. One came over with me, she is still here.

I got pregnant a year later... and I was so so lonely. My daughter Samantha did great adjusting here, she even learned Dutch quickly. I never felt so alone and did not know who I was anymore.

Finally I decided I had to redefine my view of myself and world. I also had to do things different than I did before and find new ways to make myself feel fulfilled and happy.

It defiantly was a process and not easy. It took a few years but now I am very happy and still open to new doors in my new life.

It can be done, but support is good to have. If anyone needs to talk private and vent ...pm me. I know what it is like to feel alone and isolated.

Marie - posted on 11/09/2011

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yes! I feel this way very often- and I also feel guilty for feeling lonely when I am with my little girl. I worry it makes me a bad mom. What has helped me is inviting people over when possible- friends who will understand if the dishes arent done- and just talking to them. a phone call can also do wonders!

[deleted account]

Yes, which is why I make an effort not to stay at home all the time.
Yes, getting together for a coffee does take effort, whether or not it is worth the effort or not is solely up to you. To me, it is, I much prefer taking the effort to dress myself and head out to meet up than sitting at home feeling lonely and isolated.

Even if no one is outside, go for your walk. What's stopping you? Eventually, someone will be out, but even if you never meet anyone there, you still get the endorphin release that exercise and sun exposure (use sunscreen though!) produce, which will help with your feelings of isolation and boredom.

Head to the park--there are always people there, and the moms you meet there will be just as eager to talk as you are.

LOLA - posted on 02/06/2013

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me too.i resulted to making myself pretty.that helps my confidence and enjoy my own company for longer

Angela - posted on 11/09/2011

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No Katherine I do not think you are alone on that. I feel left out sometimes as a wife just as my husband does at times. It is normal.

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Karen - posted on 02/05/2013

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I do. Often. I know its compounded by us being a one car family, so while my husband is gone, long hours, I am basically stranded at home.

User - posted on 02/03/2013

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I'm not a stay at home mom Byron the weekends when I am home I get super depressed and feelings of isolation. It does helper toget out of the house as well. Not always possible due to house demands like laundry :) but it is definitely helping.

Bijal - posted on 12/10/2011

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Yes, veyr very true. Found an amazing mom and tot group nearby. We meet once a week and children play and moms have coffee and chit chat. I always look forward to that day.

Lina - posted on 11/14/2011

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lately I wish I was single, go to a bar have a drink. Be able to keep my house clean for more than 10 minutes. someone to talk about grown up things. It sure gets lonely at times know my routine never changes . But I have to stop n pause n know I am blessed to have my two girls since there are women that cannot have their own kids.

Angela - posted on 11/14/2011

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Joslin I agree about FB and communities such as COM offer me so much more than purely entertainment. However my husband never gets it.
I tell him you get to have some alone time to just think with out interuption on your way to and from work.
You interact with adults and and feel needed by your job daily.
I use to work full time and have children, I never felt lonely because my job offered me social interaction. My daily errand's and even eating lunch with friends or colleagues gave me social interaction.
Now as a SAHM since my 3 year old was born, it is a challange to get that social interaction at times. Especially when they are very young or if like me you had a sickly child with medical issues.

Joslin Irene - posted on 11/13/2011

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YES!!! I think that is why I'm thankful for facebook lol. It's like even when dad is home, your still longing for some interactoion!

Angela - posted on 11/13/2011

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Thanks Deidre, I never knew of MOPS I wonder if they have on over here .... will have to do a google search.

Deirdre - posted on 11/13/2011

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Hi there!! Try seeing if there is a MOPS group in your area.I know that it is an international organization and a few women in my group have moved from other states and that is one if the first things they do, look up where the closest chapter is located. Some groups meet more frequently than mine, which is only once a month for brunch while someone watches your kids for you so you can enjoy some adult time, but we also set up several play dates, field trips and mommy lunches/nights out. I have met a lot of great women through joining this group and in the process gained a great support system. Hope this helps!!

Saria - posted on 11/11/2011

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Yes I feel this way often. My husband works 6 days a week and sleeps most of his one day off it's like we don't have time for eachother much. When he is home he's tired and just wants to sleep. I crave adult conversation very often. What makes it worse is my best friend lives on the complete opposite the united states from me. I live in Florida she lives in New York. But I call her whenever I need a breather or some adult convo I load both my kids up in the stroller and go on a walk and talk to her on the phone while we are out it's almost like she is there with me :) Hope things get better

Jenn - posted on 11/11/2011

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I absolutely feel your pain and you are not wrong or alone in your feelings. I sometimes find myself craving adult conversation so bad i will find myself sharing my life's details with the telephone customer service rep for my cable company. Seriously though, it is totally normal to crave intelligent adult conversation. I used to be a very social person who was always out and interacting with my friends. But I had my first child at 18 years old, at the same time that all my friends were graduating and moving out on their own and planning their future. I was stuck home with a big belly and was unable to go party with my friends all the time and do the normal teenage thing. I remember i turned 19 while i was preggers. After i had my son I just found i could no longer relate to a lot of my friends. Even to this day (i am 24 now) it is hard for me to really connect with people my age unless they have children. I am a stay-at-home mom and my fiancee works ding the day, so it is just my two children (Five year old son and 2 year old daughter) at home all day. While i love my children and have tons of fun with them there are definitely days that i pray that someone-anyone-will drop in so i can have an adult convo. I think the trick to keeping your sanity is to make sure that you make time for yourself outside of being a mom. While being a mom is obviously a HUGE part of your life, it is important to keep a little piece of who you are outside of being mommy. Whether you take a dance class, or join a book club or cooking class, it is important to carve out some time for you to connect with other adults, and i dont mean by discussing your children, which is usually what i end up doing when talking to other mommy friends. Find something that interests you and try it out, even if you think it will be outside of your comfort zone. Take a class, join a club, go on a girls night. You cannot be the best mom you can be unless you are happy as a person first.

Summer - posted on 11/09/2011

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YES!!! Dont get me wrong i LOVE being a SAHM and wouldnt trade it fo the world. but there ae some days tht I feel like its my own personal prison !!! I even have told my hubby that. I dont have ANY neighbors with kids my daughters age or anything ( we live out in timbucktoo) and NONE of the curches near us have MOPS. so I feel like im going stir crazy some days. we went on vacation back in march, and went to my parents house ( they live in So Cali) and there were TONS of kids for my DD to play with and adult moms for me to hang out with.... and it was an AMAZING feeling, i cried when we left, not because i was upset to leave my parents ( actually i was EXTATIC to leave them) i was sooo sad to leave all the cool things i was able to do with my daughter.... I spend lot of timeon facebook when my DD is off playing and I also am an author so i loose myself in my Work. However I find myself not TALKING much thru out the day.... I DO talk to my daughter and she has an AMAZING vocabulary for a 2 1/2 yr old. but its not enough !!! some days i feel like im going "bat shit crazy" my husband is in sales so he "tals all day long" and when he gets home he word vomits hes day to me, then doesnt say another word for the rest of the night. so I talk to friends on the phone. or go out and go to the sotre and talk to people there

[deleted account]

Nariyube, Vickie: this is exactly why I posed the question. I was so where you are at some 2 years ago. I was pulling my hair out with frustration. Where am I, who am I and what am I outside the kids? I knew I wasn't the only person that felt like they had been swallowed whole. What it felt like was lonely. Now I know it's just a patch and if you use a lot of the suggestions in this thread you come out ok. If you also start defining the new you (whom I agree usually has different interests, friends etc) then the transition is a much happier one.

Nomsa - posted on 11/09/2011

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yeah, but my studying keeps me too stressed, to even think about it.Fezeka uhlala phi na sisi ? am in Switzerland.

Katherine - posted on 11/08/2011

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You know how all the books tell you to make sure your husband feels included or he would feel jealous of your bond with the baby? Well, I sometimes feel like I'm the only one who was jealous of my baby for all the time he spent with my husband. Am I alone on that?

VICKIE - posted on 11/08/2011

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Been at home 4.5 years and it has its ups and downs. I'm grateful because I'm with my kids. One is in school full dat this year and one half a day. I love the break but it don't seem long each and my husband is working 2nd shift now which is hard for us all. I'm grateful for that over him working out of town which he did for a year and a half. I really be wanting adult time but lost a lot of friends when I quit my job. Don't know many people here and the people that use to be close to us have changed so I'm just a mommy, wife, and keep the house in order. Don't really do any me time. Also had to get date nights with my husband schedule. My children don't want me to work until they are all in school and only if I'm home when they are home which I feel the same way. I do wish we had more income but its not more important than my children safety and happiness.

Nayuribe - posted on 11/08/2011

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i've a SAHM for 5 ys!!!! i know my girls are the way they are (social, friendly, sure of themselves, happy) because i've been with and for them 24/7. but 5 ys ago i was a girl, full of life, had so many options (or so i felt), and that has changed drastically! i am A MOM! that's it, a mom, not a girl, a woman, a girlfriend, i am A MOM (and a lousy housekeeper!). at the end of the day i just want to sleep, and when i wake up the next morning, i just want the day to be over. it's a crappy feeling.
i hope that once my youngest starts school (not for 3 more ys!!) things change. just having the house to myself for 15 mins would be nice for a change.

Melissa - posted on 11/08/2011

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I've been a SAHM for a little over 3yrs and at first seemed so busy but now that my youngest goes to school for a few hours I find myself getting a little more lonely, but after reading these posts help a lot of good ideas to try

Nayuribe - posted on 11/08/2011

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meeee!!!! i feel like that every day!!!! i'm glad i get the chance to atleast have a conversation with other moms when i go pick up my daughter at from school, we talk while we walk, hehe! but that's about it. when my bf gets home he sticks to his video games and i never have anything new to say to him (cuz all my days are the same) except for when it's school related.

Aniesha - posted on 11/08/2011

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Definitely. I'm really feeling it atm coz I have my little boy, plus no car, & I'm 7 months pregnant anyway, so not really up to organizing outings or anything. I'm lucky that my partner usually has pretty good working hours, but lately it's just been crazy hectic. Thank goodness for facebook huh, lol.

Angela - posted on 11/08/2011

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I want to add that I think we are not as busy as we think we are.... even if it takes some effort it really is so worth it. I always feel great after a nice coffee and convo with my neighbor for example.

Angela - posted on 11/08/2011

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Hi Fezeka, yes free talk I call it, even though I know some Dutch fairly well, it is not like talking in my own language at all.
I am based in The Netherlands and from the USA. I love it for the most part and I have to say I learned how to put myself out there so to speak and step out of my comfort zones to socialize. It takes work but can be done.

[deleted account]

Being in a foreign country must be doubly challenging. That's probably the primary reason people seek out their own (language), so they can find people they can talk to. Human beings are social creatures first and foremost and I think women even more so. Where are you based Angela and how long have you been there?

Angela - posted on 11/08/2011

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I get the part about longing for adult conversation, thus why I come on COM.
I have to say if I were in an English speaking country I would join a Mom and Tot group and try to make friends that are SAHM too. For me it is not so much that I get lonely because I stay at home but because I have language challenges that make it hard.
Now when my daughter was a little baby and sick often I did not get out much and that was lonely.

Ahmady - posted on 11/07/2011

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I have been a SAHM for 3 years now and at first it was lonely and talking to my husband wasn't helping either. What helped a lot was taking a day out of the month for my self with my girlfriends. We would talk, have lunch, watch a movie, get a massage. A MOMMY DAY, as we called it. Make sure you do the same!

[deleted account]

I think we get into a rut and forget to use them, you know--middle of winter, it's freezing outside, and it seems so much easier to just stay put cuddled on the sofa while the kids go wild. We don't realize how isolated and depressed we are becoming until we're totally sunk and don't remember how to get out.

I always try to respond to posts here about sahm's feeling isolated, lonely, or depressed, because it works two fold: It keeps the ideas fresh in my own mind, while (hopefully) helping the other moms find their way out of the rut.

[deleted account]

You are right, Kelly, there are so many things we can do. Some studies point to more stay at home moms being depressed than working moms so there are some moms who are not using those outlets.

[deleted account]

I think there are a lot of lonely stay at home mothers out there. I live in this great neighborhood but no is ever outside. We are all busy with our busyness. Getting together for coffee seems like more of an effort than it's worth.

Jane - posted on 11/06/2011

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Feel the same hun gets very lonely especially after my daughter goes to bed. I crave company of an adult to talk to

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