does my husband love me

Teressat - posted on 07/17/2015 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I am a stay at home mom for the past 5 years and have 5 beautiful children. This past year I felt things were a bit off and didn't really realize until I started digging. I went through hell and back with what went on my husband cheated on me while I was pregnant with our 5th child. I spent every snow fall shoveling my driveway myself and 7 months later I find myself still unsure of him. He tells me it's over and that there is a restraining order between the two because they work in the same building. He went through a massive weight drop and I did as well during my pregnancy. He says he loves me. I asked if he's at all attracted to me. His response is " I never said I wasnt". I told him if you feel like your forced to be in this relationship or forced to say I love you or kiss me, tell me. He says " I never said that" casually. I asked him if she was prettier cause she must have been if you went and slept with her, "he said, no". Why don't I believe him? Lately he's has been in a good mood as he leaves the house and then a couch potato when he comes home. I understand he has a primary job and a secondary part-time job but why...I want him to go to couples counselling and he's seeing one for himself for his job but never made any attempts to think he wants to go to counselling and I suppose to believe that he doesn't care or what. After he told me he cheated he does very minimal to help out almost nothing at all. You figure you want to help who you've hurt but I don't know. I've looked into devorse even though I told him I don't want to divorse but it seems to be straying that way. He know how much he's going to be paying and I think that's one of the reasons why he lost soo much weight but I mean I never told him to go and mess around with someone else

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Jennifer - posted on 07/19/2015

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What stands out to me from what you said is that he sounds withdrawn. What I've noticed with my husband is that he tends to disengage if he feels discouraged, like he can't possibly please me and doesn't have any idea where to start. My guess is that your husband feels inadequate and ashamed because of his affair. I mean, he failed you in a big way and he knows it. Not to excuse what he did in any way, but I think we women don't usually realize how much pressure the world and life in general puts on men. They have tremendous pressure to provide for their families' practical needs, as well as being loving husbands and fathers. And then the sexual pressure on top of that. Porn is everywhere. Women in tight jeans are everywhere. I agree we should expect and demand faithfulness from our husbands, but I think
we should be aware that it's not easy for them. They're designed differently than us.

Teressat - posted on 07/19/2015

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The problem is that after the affair and I mean well after confessing we decided to engage in sex and there was nothing wrong that I could pick up on. Then for a second time a day later he started and because he had to go to work he stopped and then from then he never bothered with me and that has been 2 weeks now. I asked him if I was attracted to him and he didn't really say anything to me. When we cuddle he's not engaging in the cuddle or he would become or what I think is purposefully distracted by the small puppy we have. I'm beautiful and slim especially after having 5 kids and my youngest being 4 months. He's on meds for depression but I'm almost certain that he's not taking them the way they are designed to be taken or if he's taking them at all.

Jennifer - posted on 07/18/2015

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Oh, honey. This is so hard. Don't give up, all right? You may have a tough road ahead, but don't give up on your marriage for your sake and your children's. And your husband's. It sounds like he's being a real clod right now, but he's hurting, too. Two books I've personally found helpful are "Have a New Husband By Friday" by Dr Kevin Leman and "Love and Respect" by Emerson Eggerichs. And please, ask God for help. Many times if necessary. You can't do this alone.

Michelle - posted on 07/18/2015

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We can't tell you if he loves you or not, only he knows that.
From someone who was cheated on while pregnant I can totally sympathize. I will also say that I could never trust him again and divorced him 10 years ago, it was the best thing I ever did.
You need to look into some counselling for yourself (not as a couple) and find out what YOU want. If he can't give you what you want and deserve then you are better off without him.
Also stop asking questions about her, he's not going to tell you the truth there so don't bother.

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