does your hubby / boyfriend help around the house ? Or help with the kids?

Cassie - posted on 10/02/2011 ( 18 moms have responded )

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Things use to be great between us he would help me around the house if i asked him and sometimes he would surprise me by cleaning the house when i was gone. But 7 months ago his attitude changed and all of that went out the window. He has decided that he wont help me with anything. I ask him to help me pick up the house because it was a total mess and half of it was his stuff and he seemed like he was really Irritated that i asked him to help. He picked up 3 things and then sat back down. I was annoyed that he acted like that. He thinks he dont have to do anything because he works and im a stay at home mom. He dont understand how hard i try to keep this house in order and taking care of our 2 yr old is a tough job. My 2 yr old is a climbing monkey i mean i am constantly on the move with her ! She is just VERY active and she has NO stop button lol and no i am not using my child as a excuse I love a clean home but lately i cant seem to keep it clean no matter how hard i try it is a total disaster by night fall...He hardly helps out with our daughter and when i asked him today to please change her diaper and refill her sippy cup I thought the whole world was gonna end. He shot back with I guess i dont know why you cant do it ! Well i could have done it but i was in a different room with stuff around me the door was blocked off with the dresser i was in the middle of packing up our things because we are getting ready to move.. I am the ONLY one that does anything around here i am the ONLY one that takes care of our daughter. The only time he takes care of our daughter is when i ask him to help me and he huffs and puffs gets upset i mean you would think i was forcing him to do something bad! He is a father so he is supost to help right ? Our house is a total wreck we have boxes everywhere clothes everywhere toys everywhere and he thinks i should do it all ? Im only 1 person im not super woman ! By the end of the day i am exhausted i dont feel like cleaning i just want to crawl in bed and go to sleep. He comes home from work and he says hmmm I see you havent done anything today go figure ! But what he fails to realize is being a stay at home mom is hard work ! I run rapid all day long and the only time i sit down is when my daughter is down for a nap and i feel like that should be my time to relax. I made him sit down with me today before he went to work and i told him that we need to talk about all of this. I explained that i understand that he works and i dont. I told him that all i ask from him is to once in a while PLEASE take care of your daughter when you see that im busy dont have her come to me and have her tell me what she wants or needs you do it ! I also told him that it wont kill him to pick up after his self. Because the mess is 50% his and 50 % of our daughters toys.I dont think thats to much to ask for. all he said was fine ill start helping. Which i know better that he wont. I feel like im a single mother i feel so Unappreciated by him. I love him so much but i just wish he would be more of a father to our daughter and help out more with the house. I have to much on my shoulders right now and a little bit of help from him with out getting pissed off would be wonderful ! He is Literally starting to push me away and i dont want to split up over something so stupid and i have a feeling thats whats gonna happen. So now that you know how LAZY of a boyfriend i have. does your boyfriend / Hubby help you with the house or the kids ? Does he complain or huff and puff when you ask for his help ?

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User - posted on 08/27/2012

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wow sounds just like my boyfriend lol!except mine dosnt make comments like that he will just ignore me and the kids even our 9 month daughter when she cries!i cant stand him anymore and really was hoping thing will change but it seems the more i do the less he does.its funny why is it when a woman works a full time job we are still expected to still take care of the children ,house work and everything in between.but when a man has a job thats all hes responsible for wth! im so sick of the double standard..

Chrystal - posted on 12/25/2011

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When it comes to housework my husband almost never helps out and is very messy but he is working on pickup after himself after we talked about how much it bothered me and has improved a lot. If I ask for help with cleaning he does it because he knows that I only ask when I'm ill. When it comes to the kids he'll take care of them without me asking and gives them their bath every night so that I can take a break. He may not help with chores much but he does help me out in other ways like taking care of the kids so I can take a nap or actually eat dinner before it's cold. He also enjoys cooking so on his days off he makes at least one of the meals. Our agreement is that I do all the housework except a few "man" jobs like yard work and trash in return he works to provide for our family. As much as possible we share parenting duties and when he's home he is active with the kids. Sounds like you guys do need to sit down and really talk about what each expects of themselves and of the other in the roles you've chosen and try to find the middle ground.

Diona - posted on 12/23/2011

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I must say, my Husband in very good at helping me around the house. He cooks, cleans, and takes the kids out if I need a break. Man, I couldn't ask for a better husband!!!!

Amber - posted on 10/06/2011

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Your husband needs to grow up! you sound like your the parent of him and he's the child. I would take off on a sat afternoon and leave him with a list of stuff that you do during the day along with him careing for you daughter. Make him walk a day in your shoes..

Tracie - posted on 10/06/2011

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Leave him with the baby for a weekend away then make similar comments about the state of the house when you get back. Sometimes they don't understand unless they experience it.

Also, don't think of it as needing his "help." That implies that it is your job alone to keep house. It's not. That responsibility belongs to both of you. You don't need his "help," you need him to stop shirking his half of this responsibility onto you.

Good luck!!

Tamara - posted on 10/05/2011

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Yes he helps and I don't even ask for help, he knows that he lives here and I am not the only person who makes the messes or dirty the dishes in the house, as far as the kids he knows that I was not blessed with them alone that he had part in the creating them so they are also his responsibility in raising them.



Oh yea he works full time he is gone 10 days straight gone for 14 hours a day, comes home and still helps with out a word of asking, nagging or what ever.

Rebecca - posted on 10/05/2011

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My hubby doesn't have help me in our home., I do all the housework while he works Lawncare.We will be married 28 yrs this friday Oct. 7th.

Erica - posted on 10/05/2011

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My husband isn't even working right now and he still doesn't help out around the house!! I ask him for 3 days to take out the trash and finally I have to chew him out for him to finally do that.
Not only but my husband doesn't ever discipline either. He let's our almost 3 year old get away with anything so when I have to come in and discipline I am always the bad guy.

[deleted account]

If hes working all day then no my hubby doesnt clean the house when he gets home. He works hard all day and most nights he drives the older kids to their activities too. On weekends he cooks and does bits and pieces. He works hards so that I can stay at home with the kids I dont see why I should expect him to do my job as well as his own.

Lindsay "Lindy" - posted on 10/04/2011

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My hubby Alex is a big help to me around the house, he helps me with the kids and we take turns cooking dinner and doing the dishes each night. If he does have a hard day at work and wants time to himself I understand and I just let him relax.

Tinker1987 - posted on 10/04/2011

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nope not at all! but oddly i enjoy doing it all myself...my guy works very hard long hours and away from home alot so when he gets home i dont nag at him,but if he complains the house is messy or anything he better watch out.becuase i dont tolereate it! he doesnt know what its like too keep up to all the duties while keeping a active 10month entertained and out of trouble!!

[deleted account]

My husband helps me out A LOT! Not so much with house work because he works 12 hour shifts but he does help take care of her and he bathes her and feeds her for me on his days off since he knows I do it ALL the time....plus when he takes care of her it gives me more time to clean. I only have an 8 month old and I understand it is hard to keep the house clean with a child! Pretty much all of your energy goes into them! They take a nap you pick everything up they wake up and all of their toys are out and it looks like you did nothing! I hope he realizes how much you do and starts helping you out again soon!

Jo - posted on 10/04/2011

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My husband always let me take naps, he does must of the laundry and vacuum...After he is back from work, he always does any diaper change and we put her together in bed every night. On weekends he help a lot too. After 6 years of marriage we began trying to get pregnant of our little girl, since the first day she born, he is always helpful, he love to play on the floor with her, read and running around the apartment; He loves spend time with her, he doesn't looking as a job. I feel lucky.

Stifler's - posted on 10/04/2011

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he whines about anything housework related. then again so do i. he still does it when i ask so i don't care.

[deleted account]

My husband will clean up if asked. But not often. However when it comes to our daughter... he'll jump up before I have a chance sometimes. He so makes me lazy about those things.

I don't expect much help cleaning. However, I do expect him to pick up after himself. Dishes at least in the sink, his models put away, etc. It doesn't always happen. But all he often needs is a quick reminder and then it gets taken care of.

My husband knows that clutter makes me anxious (past... father issues yadda, yadda). So he really does try to keep the clutter down. Right now half of our dinning table is covered in junk and a small table by the computer desk is filled. However that is 1,000x better than it used to be when we first started going out. So I can live with it.

Sabina - posted on 10/03/2011

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My hubby works from 7:30am till 4:30pm sometime 6pm Mon to Firday. But when he comes home he cooks dinner, cleans up after dinner(dishes,counters,table, and sweeps) then plays with all 3 of the girls so I can have a break or finish folding the laundry which he then takes upstairs for me, so I can put it away. He also give the two older ones(4years old and almost 3years old) a bath everynight while I feed our 4month old or give her a bath. And on weekends he helps me clean the house from top to bottom.
I think my hubby dose way more then he should but I am lucky to have him.

Alicia - posted on 10/03/2011

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my husband does so much! he deploys often but when he is home he comes home from work goes straight for our 2 year old and plays hard for about an hour so i can make dinner. after dinner he will clean the kitchen. if he cooks, i clean. also if theres something i didnt get around to during the day..he will do it for me. when hes home he does my least favorite jobs around the house:unloads the dishwasher, folds the laundry, and cleans the bathroom. he mows the grass, and i pull weeds. all without asking. he also takes our daughter to the store if i want a nap, or a few minutes to myself. if that wasnt enough he also tells me everyday how awesome i am for raising our daughter. and he is so glad i agreed to do this. although when he is gone it means i have to go back to doing everything myself. lol. as michelle stated you should go on strike..im sure it would help. :)

Michelle - posted on 10/03/2011

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As I am sitting here typing this reply my Hubby is cleaning the kitchen. I cooked so he does the dishes. He has also been dealing with our 18 month old since he walked in the door.
So in answer to your question, No. My hubby helps out all the time. I have just started working part time and he is at home all day on Saturday's with the kids (I have 2 older boys from my previous marriage).

You say that it all changed about 7 months ago. Have you asked him why he's suddenly changed? The best thing to do is to sit down calmly and explain that you need some help packing to move and if he can look after your daughter while you are making dinner or packing things up.

Or do my favourite one....... Go on strike for day or two!!!!! Then he will really see what happens when you don't do anything. Don't do his laundry etc.

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