Does your husband really understand you?

[deleted account] ( 16 moms have responded )

My husband thinks my job is a breeze. I left him with our daughter while my mom and I went shopping by ourselves. My time away. And he did a good job, but he had help from family. And that was just one weekend. That one weekend was mine. But all the other weekends we visit our family are his. He goes and works on trucks and gets his freedom, and i try to get mine. I have to complain just to get it. Then he's all pissy cuz he doesn't get to do what he wants. I just don't understand why it cant be fair, or why he cant think - well maybe since we have family here they can babysit while i take her on a DATE!!!!! He says he understands, but does he really? Anybody else in my shoes?

16 Comments

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Christy - posted on 05/18/2011

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Neither of you are having your emotional needs met. If you were, this wouldn't be an issue. I highly recommend some marriage books by Dr. Willard Harley: "His Needs, Her Needs for Parents" and "Love Busters."

My husband and I worked through this program and it has changed our marriage! We set aside Sunday nights to read a chapter and discuss what it said, then create a plan to implement what we'd read about. Taking the time to go through both of those books will create an amazing marriage!

Christy
mother of 4!

[deleted account]

My husband understands me alot and loves to play and take care of our boys when gets home, when I feel I want to go somewhere by myself or go with my girlfriends he will look after the boys.

Christina - posted on 05/18/2011

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My husband understands a little bit better, although he's a very sensitive geeky kind of guy. I have our 1 year old daughter until he gets home at night, than he has her. Plus he takes care of her on weekends. I think after I made him take care of her for a couple of hours by himself with no outside help, while I was out shopping, he understood what it was like. When she was first born all he wanted to do was play video games, but when she was just a few weeks old I made him look after her and now he does it all the time. I told him, if you want your child to know who you are you have to spend time taking care of them, not just see them whenever you feel like it, because then, the word "Dad" doesn't mean anything to her.

Amanda - posted on 05/18/2011

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I understand how you feel. I have two kids ages 4 and 15 months and it seems like i never get a break. From morning until bed time i am constantly doing something. Trying to clean the house or doing something for one of the kids. Sometimes my hubby does help but ONLY if i ask him to most of the time anyway. I just don't think that men understand all of the pressure that us moms are under every day. Yes, my hubby works but so do i 24 minus the time i sleep hours a day. Sometimes i wish i could just have a while to myself. I love my hubby but i wish he would help me with the house more without me having to ask every time. Sometimes my parents or his mom will get the kids on the weekend and that is a relief and me and hubby get to spend a little time by ourselves. Anyway, you are NOT alone feeling this way...

Tracy - posted on 05/11/2011

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i BEEN MARRIED ALMOST 13 YEARS AND TWO KIDS YOU HAVE COME TO AN UNDERSTANDING mY HUSBAND GETS ONE DAY A WEEK TO DO AS HE PLEASE AND I GET ONE DAY A WEEK TO DO AS PLEASE PLUS WE HAVE A DATE NIGHT IN HOUSE WITH NO GAMES, COMPUTERS OR PHONE...VUT YOU ARE NOT ALONE IT TOOK YEAR TO GET HIM TO SEEE HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME NOT TO LIFE OUT OF HOUSE AND THE KIDS AND HIM.. I WISH YOU LUCK..

Chairettie - posted on 05/11/2011

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I understand you and feel you. Try to plan it yourseld, when family is in - ask them to babysit so you can surprize your honey with a dinner out just the two of you- ti doesn't seem like he is going to think of it LOL...There is nothing worse than a pissy whining man :o( And I am not sure sure any man can really understand any woman because we are all different and forever changing...just when you think you got it...it changes! Good luck Shellee :o)

[deleted account]

speakin of energy... then they expect something else from us at night if ya know what i mean. its like we have so many hats to wear. it the mom hat then the clean the house hat then thewife hat then its have fun hat which we hardly get to wear. i think im goin to start writin down everything i do durnin the day and have him do it on the weekend. see if he has any energy. then ill set my purty butt on the sofa and watch tv. then ill expect a lil sumthin sumthin at night. hmmmm yeah i just might do that. ok thats our homework for this weekend every mom switch places with your husband.

Christy - posted on 05/11/2011

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I'm a stay at home Mom. My husband and I have a 3 year old boy, a 2 year old girl, a 15 month old boy and I am almost 5 months pregnant with our fourth. I feel he thinks he understands a little bit of what I go through each day, but not truly. He doesn't understand why some days I don't get much house work done. I have my hands full with kids from the time I wake up tell the time they go to bed. If I get one load of dishes done and a couple of loads of laundry done in a day I consider I've done quite a bit. He doesn't. I would like him to be pregnant and take care of our kids, do all the housework, make three meals a day and still have tons of energy. Yes he thinks I should have more energy then I have. I just laugh....he has no idea!

Rachel - posted on 05/10/2011

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Its my boyfriend not husband, but yea i feel you. Im a stay at home my mom,while he works nights. And he thinks its so simple for me to get things done while our baby sleeps(our baby is 3 months). Not so much, I want to use that as my relaxing time,and then when i do have engery to get things done, our baby wakes up..then on weekends, my boyfriend wants to go out w/friends..and i never get that leasure w/o the baby,unless i go visit my family,then they want to babysit so i have my freedom,so yes i totally get you. Lately,my boyfriend has been staying up w/ the baby after he gets home from work,so i can get a decent amount of sleep,but it still feels like i have to keep my ear out for the baby. :-/ hopefully they get it one of these days,sooner the better ;) lol good luck

[deleted account]

@heather: wow, atleast you had a mothers day. well got to sleep in. i dont understand it, i wish it can all be like that song. "mr. mom" then they would understand. we want to be treated like a wife not a slave, we want to be understood not blown off.

Lady Heather - posted on 05/10/2011

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He used to not get it. Ever since our daughter entered the tantrum phase though, I think he realizes that the mental pressure is pretty crazy. I "slept in" on Mother's Day and she had some mega meltdown while he was prepping brunch. omg. He cannot handle 2 year old tempers! I think he had a new found respect for me after that.

Sometimes I think until they get REAL experience they just don't know how stressful it can be to look after little ones all day. It's not like it's a horrible thing, but you do need a break now and then. Sounds like you need a whole weekend away to yourself.

Some aspects my husband totally doesn't understand though. Like I can't drive because of epilepsy so for me doing errands with the kid is much more difficult. I was telling him about her meltdown at the mall yesterday and he was all " So what? She did that to me on the weekend and it was no big deal." Me: And what did you do about it? Him: I took her to the car and we came home. Me: Yeah, the bus wasn't coming for another 55 minutes and it was pouring rain outside. FUN.

Kim - posted on 05/10/2011

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Mine doesn't. Sometimes I take a little extra time running errands by myself just to get some alone time and he gets upset. He says I take too long, he is busy and needs to do X-Y-Z and it shouldn't have taken so long. He doesn't get that I have kids all day every day without a break and sometime I just need a breather. Even if it is at the grocery store.

Stifler's - posted on 05/09/2011

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I make him take Logan with him places when family is around or make them babysit so we can go out to dinner alone. I don't care if I'm the mum and don't work, I want to do nothing sometimes or have fun sans child.

Brandi - posted on 05/09/2011

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My husband gets it. He takes her whenever I want to go out as long as hes home. He doesnt actually make it a point to offer to take her but when hes home he does good. Its easier for me though because I dont really go out much. maybe once or twice a month. Since guys can be a little dense sometimes If I need a date night I just ask my mom to watch her and then tell him we are free for the night. Sometimes it works out to a date night....sometimes it works out that I get the whole house to myself which works just as well for me.

[deleted account]

i do tell him i have two kids but i only take care of one durin the day. lol and the oldest is 22. @kristina your hubby shouldnt only give you a break only when you a have melt down he shouldnt let it get that far. and i dont hint around with him like most wifes do. i tell him straight out. but nicely. of course. buti clean the house at like 10 at night. while he sets there and watches tv. i know he works hard but so do i. my job never ends and his job ends at 5:30. but his second job is his family that includes cleanin bath time, dishes, vacumin and laundry. and of course spendin time with his wife and daughter. not tv. cant leave with cant live without him kinda thing. lol

Kristina - posted on 05/09/2011

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i think they understand but its not what is first on their mind. my husband gives me a break when i have a melt down. i took it into my own hands and stared to ask family to take my kids so i can have a break. i have 2 kids and waiting for #3 to decide to come out lol. my husband has explained to me that whats on his mind is working enough to support his family and he feels that if he doesnt work his 40 hours plus the side jobs he wont be doing his "job" supporting us. we have been together for 6 1/2 years and he is finally understanding a little more. men are like children you have to set boundrys with them lol. i tell my hubby ok you work extra x amount of days i want you home the weekend no excuses and he listens now.

Michelle - posted on 05/09/2011

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My husband tries but he doesn't most of the time. He was out of town all week and he still left the kids with me while he took care of stuff he wanted to do. He did say something about oh I probably needed a break afterwards. Just keep talking to him about it. My husband usually gets it after a while. Except for the part where he seems to think what I do is easy. He's still a work in progress. Good luck I know how you feel.

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