Does your husbands/boyfriends get mad for going out for hrs?

User - posted on 11/24/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

616

0

87

Does your hubby get mad at you for spending a day out?



So of course staying home with the baby can be stressful, and going out is a blessing. I want me and my husband to get sometime with friends or out alone whenever theres a chance. For us its a little restricted because of low income, but we never go out together without the little one. I onyl have a couple friends that are on diff schedules than me so I never get to go out with them, and being low on money I or my hubby just have limited times we can go out.



My husband when he goes out, he is out ALL DAY! Today as example Went to gun show, left at 8:30 am and didnt cme home until 7 pm!!! I really dont mind that he has a day out because I know that he really needs the time because we are limited. Of course Id like him home helping with my son, but this isnt all the time so its okay. BTW I didnt talk to him all day unti he got home



For ME as example I was at a Bridal Shower that I was the maid of honor in, left at 12pm and around 230 - 3:00 he called. "when you comin home, how long are you gonna be? I need the car (when he has a truck). This is what I get!!! It was a very important event at that! Well I did give in the only time I ever have because I didnt want a fight about it (we are going through a rough patch so Im tryin to hold back a little bit)

But It made me soo mad, furious really. He's being a hypocrite and he would fall over if I actually stayed out even for half the day. He has never ever stayed home with our son for a day just the two of them. When my son was about 6 mo. I got invited to an over night trip out of state and I almost didnt go because I knew what would happen. He called in reinforcement. His mother! When I got back he wasnt even home, he was "out" for the day. His grandma watchedhim all weekend because he just "couldnt take care of his SON" himself



Does anyone else have hubby's like this? I just dont understand why he cant be alone for an extended amount of time with his son?? He is fine with him when Im around or even when I go to the store?

LOL do you think he realizes how hard being a parent really is?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

DeAnn - posted on 11/25/2012

82

15

33

There's a HUGE imbalance here, and the two of you really need to sit down and talk about it like two adults. Don't go on the offensive. When you get an invitation to go out, discuss the length of time you will be gone. Do the same when he wants to go do something. The two should roughly match up. If he's having a hard time staying at home with the kids, it could be he feels unprepared to care for them alone - clear instructions will help. He might also have the wrong idea about who rears the kids and responsibilities. These are things you should discuss, when you are not angry, just so that you're both clear on the "rules" of engagement with it.



Do what you can not to get emotional or come off as threatening. Say "Honey, I'd really like to resolve something. I love you and I know we each need our time out with friends. I think it would nip any arguments in the bud if we decide how long to stay out when we do our own thing. What do you think?" Do not use "always" or "never" statements, and go from the angle that you are on his side, wanting his input. Before you get ready to go out, leave him a list of helpful tips in case he gets frazzled, but present it this way: "Remember, I'm going out in a few hours. I have the baby's schedule, and some things that I recently noticed help when he's crying. I know you don't really need it - I just noticed lately he likes (whatever toy or activity). I think he's teething." Make sure he knows you trust him. Come home at the appointed time and tell him "I bragged on you. Told the girls what a good father you are. I think I read somewhere women think good dads are sexy..." Flirting always works. The next time he goes out, make sure he agrees and sticks to a time to come home, and if he violates that, you get extra time the next time it's your turn and get him to agree to it. Then he can't say anything.



I don't have that problem because of what I do for a living. It requires me to go out with the girls without the kids, so my hubby is fine watching them and putting them to bed. When I worked a full time j.o.b. it was a little imbalanced, so the solution was for me to quit the FT job and stay at home with the kids. The side gig took off and now about 3x a week (sometimes a Sat afternoon and evening) and he watches the kids. Since I'm making money, he is totally cool with it.



A word of caution: if he's totally immature about it: getting emotional/angry, refusing to talk about it, etc. that's a bad sign and under no circumstances should you leave him alone with the baby. A guy with a temper at a child needs help BEFORE something really bad happens.



I don't think that's the case here - he just doesn't know what to do and isn't going to "ask for directions" if you know what I mean. He might pull out a road map in a glove box if it's there but assumed he won't need it though. ;)

1 Comment

View replies by

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms