Doesn't it annoy you that HE gets to sleep in?

Kathryn - posted on 05/22/2011 ( 46 moms have responded )

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Argh, it gets me so frustrated sometimes.

First I would like to say I love my husband very much. We have a great relationship and there is much love in the family.

Before my hubby had surgery, on weekends (while he worked weekdays) he would say it would be ok to wake him after my son gets to watch his show in the morning. That was great till after his surgery about 3 weeks ago. It was a shoulder surgery which leaves him sleeping in his recliner.

Now that he ISN'T working he is sleeping in till WHENEVER and any time my son wants him, he just wants him to sit in the recliner and watch TV. He stays up till 3 normally playing video games or watching movies. I am the one who gets up to let the dogs out at 6 and stay up till I need to feed the baby at 7. And with the older one at 8. I clean the house and watch both kids, while he sleeps.

I can ASK him to let me sleep in but for what, one day a week? Not seem worth it. Why is it that men think they are so privlaged that they get to do what they want and moms have the resposibilites of everything else.

I was just wonering if this happens to others? Is it even worth having one day to sleep in?

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Sophie - posted on 01/24/2013

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hello as i am wring this my partner is in bed and it is ten past 1 in afternoon ive been up with my two babies 11week old and 13months. am tired all time i do every night feed for past 7weeks with my son. my man just stays in bed all day long, up all night and i still have to get up threw night and feed my son. i try and wake him up. its stress me out why do i have to do everything day in and day out. he doesnt help around house its always me. he always does what he wants on laptop all day long and night never helps with kids hes always in kitchen on laptop never in room with me and kids . am only 19 years old. and feel sometimes ive got world on my shoulders

[deleted account]

My husband who works an amazingly stressful job four nights a week lets me sleep in on Sundays. I love it! I usually don't get my sleep since our son who is now twenty months old doesn't like to sleep at night. He's a night owl like Dada and his older sissy. It can't be helped. What is in the gene's is there. LOL. Anyways, yes it is frustrating, but you need to have a heart to heart with your husband. Yes, I'm sure he's sore from his surgery but sitting around isn't going to Rehab that shoulder!!! He needs to be up and about, getting some mobility back into his arm and shoulder otherwise he'll turn into a loaf. And I mean that! It's in the science (plus I had to do the same. It sucks, but it is true)!

Forget about anger, forget about what you have to do. You're a mommy, you're super woman! Your children depend on you and they know they CAN depend on you to be there. It's part and parcel of why we are Mommy's because really ... no man can do what we do! That's empowering. But it is also extremely exhausting! :)

Talk to your man. If he loves you and RESPECTS you as much as you do him, he'll be understanding of giving Mommy some Sleepy Time, or maybe just some alone quiet time. It can be hard so I wish you the best of luck!

Jane - posted on 05/26/2011

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Have you tried going outside and sleeping in the car? That worked for me sometimes. No cabinets to slam out there and the kid could never find me. :-)

Charlie - posted on 05/24/2011

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We take turns sleeping in unless he isnt home from work , also if it is his turn to sleep in he gets up with any night wakings and vice versa .

Mindee - posted on 05/23/2011

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I say get rid of that recliner!!! lol No, seriously though, try making a chore chart of sorts. Write down all the chores that need to be done and go through them with him and ask which ones he wants to do/is able to do, and which ones you want to do. They should be split up. It's his house/yard/family too, not just yours.
Maybe you could set an alarm clock for him and have it go off at 6am for him to let the dogs out. (Heck, don't tell him you're doing it!). If he has to get up in the mornings, he's less likely to stay up all night.
And you may think of moving that recliner to the living room or something so it isn't in front of the t.v. This man is acting like a bachelor, and that is NOT ok.
Sometimes my hubby is more likely to do chores if I make a list for him to check off. (He 'forgets' otherwise).
Good luck!!!

46 Comments

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Ginny - posted on 01/24/2013

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I notice that you said your husband isn't working. If he is just off work because of the shoulder surgery, then I say let him be. My husband had shoulder surgery and they do need to take it easy for a while. Plus, if he usually works and you get to stay home, then let him enjoy it....staying up late and sleeping in. Men don't usually get up with the kids anyway.

Cleaver - posted on 01/24/2013

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i dont get it either i get up at 8 while my husband sleeps until atleast 10 everyday. he keeps promissing to wake up early and letting me sleep in once a month but thats yet to happen. he did it once beause i was going to leave him

Bobbi - posted on 05/29/2011

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i feel that way quite often. he's not working right now, but when he was, i got up with the baby during the night, then my daughter at 5:15 for school and then our other son at 6 for school. then i would make his lunch, wake him up for work and then be up when the baby got back up. but he's not working right now and i am. only 2 days a week, but do u think he could get up those days for me or make me my lunch for work???? and the weekends....i get up with the baby and he'll stay in bed for normally another 2 hours. meanwhile, i cook all the meals, do all the laundry, dishes, cleaning etc. when do i get a break? and mother's day was a joke...he made me breakfast....and that's where it ended. i made my own special dinner and still did all the dishes. now, he's probably going to be going back to driving truck, so i won't even have a choice, but to do it all alone. he could at least make up for the fact that he's going to be gone for days at a time, by helping me out a little more before he leaves!!! and really, all he has to do for work is sit and drive. must be nice. when do i get a break??? alright, well, i gotta go make lunch for everyone and my wahser is almost done. it was good to rant for a little bit though!!!!

Lisa - posted on 05/27/2011

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Sometimes I feel like hubby's the one getting off easy while I'm getting up in the AMs, changing diapers, doing breakfast, cleaning up after our daughter, giving her lunch, naps, baths, everything else. He does work 5 days a week, I'll give him that, but this was going on even when we were BOTH working full time. He comes home and goes onto the computer, or outside, or off somewhere else while I scramble around taking care of her. Then he's sacked out while she wakes up with nightmares at 1 am or is up and ready to play at 8 am. I'm the "default" parent and all the responsibility falls on me. Then, he can go off and have a beer while I'm stuck at home with her. Very frustrating! I love my husband, and I'm thankful to have him around, but I feel your pain!

Cynthia - posted on 05/27/2011

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I used 2 get Sundays...now 4 sum reason ive had no sleep in months...I know he works hard...but so do I...bathing kids..walking 2 school..changing diapers...piking up everything..if its not toys its dirt from the plants my 18 mo old decided 2 throw out...my kids are so busy..mentally n physicaly...im tired...it helps 2 watch stand up comedians so I can LAUGH...when I want 2 CRY....Remember..were MAMAS...were AMAZING...u will prove it 2 yourself every night when kids are kissed goodnight and they sleep....thats when u can take a deep breath n say..."I am amazing".....n tired......

Toni - posted on 05/26/2011

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My husband very rarely gets up with our kids. He work 3-4 12 hours shifts a week, meaning he has 3-4 days a week off, but he is the one that sleeps in. Love him dearly, but it angers me. :)

Angela - posted on 05/26/2011

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Whats sleep in? I haven't had any sleep in 19 mths. My son doesn't sleep through the night he is up half of it. My husband is gone 2 to 3 weeks at a time. When he comes home hes not much help at all. I ask him to help bathe his son and its like it kills him to do it. I am up all night he will sleep in until 8:00 or 8:30. He tells me to sleep in how? When he us on there banging stuff around slamming cabinet doors and the baby is at the door crying cuz he wants me. So it doesn't do me any good to sleep in. I hope it gets better for you.

Kelly - posted on 05/26/2011

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My husband and I have a deal -- I get to sleep in on Saturday and he gets to sleep in on Sunday.

Alysha - posted on 05/26/2011

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i never sleep in my husband does on sunday (only day he is off) i think its wrong cuz we r both tired and i get up with my son everyday feed him change his diaper bathe him put him to sleep,and my husband dont do any of it..n i do house work. i think it takes two ppl to b a parent and being a parent is a 24/7 thing not a hr by hr or one day a week thing. it b nice to get help for him but what u can do is ask him if he can help u out some

Amanda - posted on 05/25/2011

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I wish I got to sleep in every once in a while. My husband doesn't even get up when he has told me the day before that he is going to let me sleep in. I am a SAHM and he is a Marine and I know its my job to take care of the kids but when he tells me that I'm going to get to sleep in and then doesn't follow through it really sucks. We have 3 kids ages 7,3, and 2 with another onw due in Oct. I think that when he is home he should help with the kids and give me a break once in a while. While he is deployed I am with the kids for 7 straight months and I know he works hard but so do I. Just getting to sleep in til 8 every once in a while would be awesome.

Jenn - posted on 05/25/2011

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i think that if he is working all week long and you are staying home with the kids then yes you should get up. I know its hard and my kids are up at 6am everyday but i know my husband works very hard to make it so I can stay home with the kids. It is alot of pressure for a man with a SAHM, he is the only one bringing in the money. My husband knows me well enough to see when I am getting tried and will let me sleep in. It doesnt happen too often but thats ok cause it is my job to be the SAHM. I wouldnt trade it for anything, lack of sleep or not :) In a few years the kids will be able to get up on there own and have cereal without me then i will get my sleep.

Good luck

Jane - posted on 05/25/2011

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I wonder if he might be having a problem with depression? He has gone from busy working man to invalid and that is enough to depress anyone, but men particularly seem to have a problem with it because so much of their self-image seems to be wrapped up in being a wage-earner. Also, surgery itself can cause depression.

One of the symptoms of depression is a disruption in the sleep cycle, so folks either sleep too much. or not enough, or change their sleep cycle. Has he seen a doctor with you there so you can talk to the doc about his sleep problems and maybe get him something for depression? You might consider that.

The other thing is to wait until he is awake and in a good mood, and then sit down with him and talk about how you feel about not getting any days to sleep in. He may be so self-centered as an invalid that he has forgotten the effect that what he does has on the rest of the family. Perhaps you can negotiate with him to get one day a week back.

I had a similar problem develop in my marriage but my husband was not going to get better so I tolerated it. However, I took it as all part of my wedding vow. You know, the bit about in sickness and health, and so on.

And in a way it actually balanced out. For the first 10 years of our marriage, my husband used to get up early five days a week to get the kids up, fed, and ready for daycare. He then liked to stay up late Friday and Saturday and sleep in on the weekend. That meant that most days, while I didn't get to sleep in per se, I could sleep another hour or two.

However, 11 years ago he retired on disability and he started to stay up late every night, Eventually he reversed night and day, so I became the one who got up early and then had to go to sleep while he watched TV. He was depressed, I know, because of his health issues, but it became a larger and larger problem. Eventually, near the end of his life, I was having to be up at 5 am to take him dialysis. Then I could sleep for an hour and a half until I had to get my son up for school. Then I could sleep for a bit in the morning before getting going for the day. Since my son is bipolar he tends to stay up late. There is a saying in our family that when he doesn't sleep, nobody sleeps. So I would get to bed about 2 am or so.

I am not sure how long I could have carried on, but it is moot now. My husband passed away last December so the TV now goes off when I say it does.

In answer to your question, yes, it does happen to others. However, you need to decide for yourself whether you need that one day or not. If you think you do, then you need to see if you can figure out what is going on with him and how to get him back to his former self.

Bri - posted on 05/25/2011

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yes a little. but i love him and if sleeping makes him take my shopping OKAY IM IN!

Tasha - posted on 05/25/2011

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My husband does the same thing he hears our youngest cry and he pretends to sleep lol it sucks

Bridgette - posted on 05/25/2011

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If he wants to stay up late knowing the baby will get up early then too bad, put the kid in his lap and tell him you get a day to sleep in too! Unless he is still bad enough hurt that he really cant take care of the little one then he needs to do it, period. You both created the kid, time for him to step up!

My hubby is pretty good about it but needs a reminder (kick in the pants) every now and then so I get to sleep in at least every other week.

Rebecca - posted on 05/25/2011

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My hubby used to be that way until I got pregnant when our oldest was 8 months old and in the first trimester I got put on modified bedrest and couldn't lift our daughter out of her crib. This has been a rough pregnancy for me and he has been great at getting up with our daughter in the mornings. Now that it is ok for me to lift my toddler out of her crib and such he still gets up with her 5 days a week and I get up with her 2 days a week. It's been nice to get to sleep in (especially when she wakes up at 5 or 6) but now I'm wondering how it will be when the new baby comes next week...

Lisamarie - posted on 05/25/2011

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My hubby gets up before I do during the week to go to work so at the weekends we both get a lay in each. It is definitely worth it and much needed. :-)

Lady Heather - posted on 05/24/2011

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My husband gets up at 4:30am five days a week to go to work, so I almost feel bad for my one day a week sleep in. But yes, it is definitely worth it.

Penni - posted on 05/24/2011

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yes it annoys me that my husband gets to sleep in, But i have to suck it up because he works 3 jobs so that i only have to work part time.. It would be nice on the rare weekend we get off together to sleep in and he can get up with the kids...

Bernadette - posted on 05/24/2011

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Hell yes, it annoys me! Yes ok, my husband goes to work 5 days a week and I don't, but he comes home and gets straight on the computer where he stays until he decides to go to bed - usually after I'm already asleep. Then on weekends, he sleeps in until I tell him it's time to get up, and then I have to ask him to do anything that needs doing - he does not just see things that need doing, I actually have to tell him. If I just say "can I get some help around here today?" he asks what needs doing. Ummm, hello! Take a look around and pick something! The house will look like a bomb has gone off, and he asks what needs doing? When I complain about the amount of time he spends on the computer, he explodes and accuses me of nagging and not wanting to have any fun because that's his way of winding down after work. What he doesn't seem to understand that looking after the kids is a full-time job - I don't get to knock of at 5pm, I don't get weekends off, and I don't even get sick days! If I'm sick, too bad - I still have to get up and tend to the kids first. And he can't seem to comprehend that. He can't understand that when he gets home at 5 pm I NEED him to play with the kids for a while, just so I can have a break and also to get dinner ready without them hastling me for a while. Not that my kids are an inconvenience, but the two year old wants to ask questions and wants me to play with her and do things for her, and the baby just cries because he doesn't like being on his own and if he's in the lounge room while I'm in the kitchen and my husband is at the computer, then he's on his own. Which means I have to come and deal with him, while trying to get dinner ready too. And if he does come out, he keeps going back "just for 5 minutes" which turns into half an hour or until I yell out to him to come back. And not to mention the fact that I get no company from him either. I'm with kids all day, and with kids all night - some adult company from the man I married would be nice, but it doesn't happen. I have to ask him to come spend time with me, which usually means sitting in front of the tv - because if he's not at the computer, it has to be the tv - and even then he leaves every ad break and I have to yell out to tell him when the show comes back on. And I have to ask if I can have a sleep-in on the weekends - it wouldn't occur to him to just give it to me and get up to play with the kids. So I still have to wake up first, ask him to get up and remind him of what he needs to do. Then when I do get up, I'll find my daughter in front of the tv, him asleep on the couch and I ask if he's given her breakfast "not yet", has he changed her nappy "not yet", but he was always "just about to - but I gave her a drink of milk". Wow. And I'm just sooo tired. He thinks he's tired, after work - at least his work isn't 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Danielle - posted on 05/23/2011

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I'm always up before my husband when he's off work. But it does irritate me when it's 9 and he's still asleep..I sic the kids and the dogs on him lol. If that doesn't work I bug the crap out of him until he finally gets up. I get ugly looks but ten mins after he's up he's over it lol.

Kristina - posted on 05/23/2011

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My husband has never left me sleep in, my daughter is almost years old and I can't remember what it is like to sleep in past 7a.m. I don't think that I could even if I wanted to. I don't think that it is worth it

Kathy - posted on 05/23/2011

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When our daughter was first born he was great at getting up... probably because I couldn't get in and out of bed without help... he'd get up, change her, help me up so I could feed her, put her down and help me back into bed. Same thing with mornings because I needed help. I went back to work for a while, and never got a sleep in, not even my birthday or Mothers day, towards the end of my work time he was working 7 on, 7 off and I still had to take her to daycare when he was home so he could sleep in, yet come the weekend I still had to get up... Once we're moved in the next couple weeks with him being a week on a week off I'm going to tell him I want AT LEAST one of those 7 days as my sleep in day, my day to catch up on sleep that my 20mo keeps me from getting sometimes, dunno if it'll work but if I'm willing for one day every 2 weeks hoping that'll be worth it, I would think one day a week would be heaven lol

Sandy - posted on 05/23/2011

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My husband is in the military and has a varied schedule. If he gets two days off in a row, he usually lets me sleep in one morning, and he gets the other. We figure it this way, if he worked a normal job with regular hours, it'd be the same way on the weekend, because we both would wake in the mornings either for our child or job.

You have to agree which day off who gets to sleep in. However, your situation is a special circumstance, because your husband had surgery and is recovering. I don't believe there is any reason he should stay up until 3 a.m. playing video games while you still do the work around the house. If he's well enough to play video games, he's well enough to walk a dog and watch the children.

Valerie - posted on 05/23/2011

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It frustrates me that my husband is a veryyyy deep sleeper, unfortunately for me.. my 4 month old still gets up every night to eat, but luckily my husband gets up early and takes my son downstairs with him every Saturday. He also cooks breakfast. I'm a stay at home mom since he is a MARINE, but I think its only right for me to get a break every now and then.. OUR BABIES ARE THEIR RESPONSIBILITIES TOO (:

Natasha - posted on 05/23/2011

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I know what your going through!
My hubby works a 9 on 5 off shift, he works 9 hour days, and gets home around supper time. When he is at home, either on days off or after work, he lays around on the couch or plays video games and goes on the computer. He also take 2-3 baths a night, and I'm lucky to get in one shower every other day! We have two kids, 2.5 and 6 months! I am a SAHM. I take care of the house, bills, groceries, everything. It bugs me sooo much. Infact we are currently dealing with this issue. My hubby wants to go fishing during his days off this weekend, however he wants to stay over at his friends the whole time, and expects me to take the kids out there one day to go fishing. He claims that he is staying out at his friends because he doesn't want to pull the boat back and forth the whole time, however I know its because he's going to sleep in and be lazy!
Your not alone!

Caryl - posted on 05/23/2011

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I would definitely take sleeping in one day. It doesn't happen at my house. While my fiance is really good to help with housework, make meals, do laundry, etc, he doesn't offer his help with the baby very often. He loves both our girls very much, but the baby is my job because "honey you're so good at it". This morning, we both got up with the baby, but he went back to bed with our 6 year old. When I finally got the baby down for a nap and tried to nap myself, my fiance and older daughter got up and weren't necessarily the quietest. So by the time I was able to fall asleep, the baby was up within 5 minutes. Guess who had to get up? It's frustrating that dads can do what they want, when they want to do it. While we have to ask them to watch the kids to even take a 5 minute shower. Does this make sense to anyone?

Kimber - posted on 05/23/2011

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I just have to say Heck Ya girl i sure do feel the same way that you feel about all of that all the way!!!!!!! Iam just so glad to hear that iam not the only one out here that feels that way!!!! But you knowsomething My guess is we are Mothers,and Mothers are sopose to do it all!!!!!!!!! And all of the time with no thanks,well most of the time anyway. I sometimes feel as if my hubby feels like all i do all day long,and all week long is just sit on the couch,or the computer,and that is soooooo not the case! Okay that was my two cents on the subject ha! Have a Great Day Lady!

Stifler's - posted on 05/23/2011

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I feel so much better with even like 1 hour extra sleep. Sometimes I will wake up at about 8 and make pancakes if he's woken up to Logan at 6 or 7. But sometimes I stay in bed until 10 or 11 LOLOLOL.

[deleted account]

I never have lie ins i feel worse for wear if i do so i dont bother with them, i think if hubby works and we dont then we should get up with the kids not them. They work hard all week so we can stay at home and be with our kids.

Jenni - posted on 05/23/2011

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Every once in a blue moon my hubby wakes up with the kids.



What's funny is on his days off... he can easily sleep in till 11am-12pm. When he DOES let me sleep in... he wakes me up at 8am. pfffft. lmao (I normally wake up with the kiddies at 6am). By 8 am he acts like it's TOO much for him and tells me he needs HELP. Sometimes he'll even go back to bed.



BUT..... anytime I do get to sleep in... it reminds me why I don't like sleeping in.



I feel like poop for the rest of the day. Groggy, yucky, tired, ick. AND I wake up to the aftermath of a TORNADO. So I immediately have to start making up for lost time, instead of waking up early and having time to sit and drink a coffee...



So my conclusion: I'm a morning person. I'm all bright eyed and bushy-tailed in the morning. My hubby is an afternoon person. I don't mind waking up early. I actually enjoy it for various reasons. My hubby usually takes the reins in the afternoon when I'm crashing. So our system works for us. :))

Stifler's - posted on 05/23/2011

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I sleep in one day a week! My husband isn't here to let me sleep in 5 out of 7 and I think it's only fair he gets to sleep his first day off and then I sleep in on Sunday. If I get disturbed on my sleep in day he has to get up both days the next week to make up for it.

[deleted account]

omg i thought i was the only one my husband has no excuse apart from lazyness grrrrr he stays up all night to play the playstaion because he wants to sleeps all day if he had he chance i do everything we have 3 kids aged 8, 6 and 4 even when they was babys id need to get up for night feeds cos he wud be playing the comp then id be up in the morning, he doesn work or anything neither do i as im worried he wudnt watch he kids i plan on starting college in aug and have had to arrange child care for the mornings the kids will go to breakfast club in school as i know he wudnt be up to get them off to school in time and i need an earlyer buss ive had to arrange for after school care as im not certaion he wud be awake for them coming home the number of arguments we have had over this is unreal n each ime he says he will change n each time he never does ave thought about leaving but he that lazy im no sure if he wud bother to visi the kids as that wud mean getting up n doing something, my youngest starts school his yr n im ging to collage if he dont get a job or something i will kick him out as i wan a future for my kids

Shauna - posted on 05/22/2011

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errrrrgh so annoying! i think my husband is "pretending" to sleep half the time. And EXACTLY... if my husband does volunteer to go tend to the screaming baby, he just brings him to our bed. Yay! now we are all awake.

Louise - posted on 05/22/2011

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My husband says I will get up and you can sleep in today and gets up and then brings our toddler into the room. He then fafs about for half an hour and then takes her down stairs and leaves me in bed wide awake. I give up now and just get up!

Cassandra - posted on 05/22/2011

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it does annoy me that i wake up with the baby every morning. just once in a while its nice to sleep in. so once a month or so my husband gets up with our daughter so i can get some rest. It helps alot but its still pretty annoying.

Amanda - posted on 05/22/2011

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I deal with the same thing. My husband is a student, and his semester recently ended. However, I have just begun another degree program, so the goal was for him to be "stay-at-home" dad, so I could work and do my schooling. However, he stays up until sometimes 5am! How does he expect to get up with a child at 8 or 9am? I am feeling much like you, and he and I have had it out a few times already. It is frustrating when one parent is being the parent and the other parent gets to do whatever he wants.

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