Deanna - posted on 07/27/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )




I have a 4 almost 5 year old and a 5 almost 6 year old and I am a stay at home mom as well. I have left my husband with the kids and he has called me a few minutes after I leave wanting to know when I am coming home. He has done this since my oldest was a few months old and called me before I made it to the store which is on the same street as where we lived. I don't always ask him to help me around the house but when I do he always tells me he has worked all day at a job that he hates and the only reason why he is still there is because of how the economy is doing and no one is hiring at the moment. I don't mind taking care of the kids and doing the house work but every once in a while I would like some help and he thinks it is the end of the world if he has to help me with something small. The other thing that gets on my nerves is that when he comes home he decides to take everything off but his boxers or whatever but decides to throw them on the floor in the living room. The other night he went upstairs to get ready for bed and left all of his clothes that he wore in our bathroom that is in our bedroom with the dirty clothes only a few steps from where he was and when I asked him why he didn't put them in the dirty clothes he said that he was already in the bathroom.. GRRRR. My question to him was if you make the kids pick up there dirty clothes out of their bathroom and put them in their dirty clothes hamper in their room which is a farther distance then why can't you do the same? The other thing that he makes the kids do is when they are done eating in the kitchen he makes them put their dishes in the sink while he eats in the living room and watches movies and leaves the dishes beside his chair in the living room and makes me put them in the sink when he passes through the kitchen anyway to go to the bedroom upstairs. The other thing is that I have my kids on a schedule of when they eat, take a bath and go to bed because of school and he gets upset when I am cleaning and he wants me to watch something with him or when he wants me to go to bed with him and I am down stairs still finishing up the kitchen and washing the dinner dishes. I love being a stay at home mommy and wife, BUT I DON'T EVER REMEMBER SIGNING UP TO BE A MAID I FEEL LIKE I HAVE 3 KIDS INSTEAD OF 2. AM I IN THE WRONG FOR FEELING THAT WAY PLEASE HELP ANY ADVICE WOULD HELP THANKS IN ADVANCE........


[deleted account]

DDon't sweat the small stuff. I think all moms and wives feel this way at some point. If he leaves his clothes on the floor then o well. If he wants you to watch a movie or go to bed then I would jump on that (haha) opportunity and quit cleaning. Maids get paid. Wwives and moms don't:)acknowledge that he is teaching your kids to help you. I have a big plastic tote that I throw all my husbands stuff in that he leaves out. His towels and clothes use to bother me but I got to the point where if it makes his life and day easier then I will do it. I wish I was a maid and got paid but I'm happy being an awesome wife :) pick your battles ;)


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Danielle - posted on 07/28/2011




I use to have this problem with my husband. I did go on strike. I didn't clean, I didn't do laundry, I didn't do ANYTHING for about a week. It was only a solution to the problem for a little while. He was back to his old ways in no time. It caused us to fight constantly and eventually we seperated over it. 6 mnths later we decide to get back together and he lost his job due to the economy and the roles reversed. I worked 11pm-7am so he became a SAHD. After about a mnth of walking in my shoes (so to speak) he came to me and apologized for not helping more and he finally sees how hard my job is. I'm now back to being a SAHM b/c he got his job back and we still butt heads from time to time and I have to remind him that his job isn't over after he clocks out. I have certain chores that he HAS to do. All I ask is that he takes out the trash and feed the dogs. The trash will stay there until he gets it out. If it doesn't go by the time I want it done then I take it and throw it in the back of his truck lol. One way or another he's gonna do what I ask. Next time your husband complains about how he's been worked all day and he's too tired to help NICELY remind him that at least he comes home and he does get paid. Remind him that your job doesn't end. Ask him what if I got a job? Would it still be MY responsibility to do all these things? Be very careful..this can rip your marriage apart. The most important thing is that HE wants to help. If he's set in his ways then it will be like talking to a wall. Good luck.

Tara - posted on 07/27/2011




I like the strike idea. Also, you may want to point out to him that he is setting a bad example for the children with his behavior. If he wants them to pick up after themselves, etc, he may want to look at the example he is setting.
As for him getting upset with you for doing the household things when he wants your attention, maybe point out to him that if he were to help out a bit more, you would actually have the time to spend with him.
As for him calling before you even get to the store - set your phone to go to voicemail. You can still check it after he leaves a message, so if it IS an actual emergency you can deal with it, but the "oh I'm so put upon, whine, whine" he's calling for normally can be ignored.
My husband told me once that he couldn't do what I do all day, every day. He works outside the home, but I work on call 24/7 with our girls, plus I work from home at night when they are in bed (doing medical transcription). He helps out with things when I ask because he knows that anything he helps with can be crossed off my list for the day, which leaves me more time to spend with him and/or the girls later on.

Louise - posted on 07/27/2011




This is simple to solve. Go on strike! Do not pick up after him if he throws his clothes on the floor leave them there, let them mount up and then invite his mum and dad over for a meal! let them walk around his skanky underwear and hopefully the embarrassment will shock him into pulling his finger out. He is a grown man and you should not have to pick up after him.

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