Don't know what to do....

Nicole - posted on 05/11/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I need advice. I'm a 31 year old stay at home mom. My daughter is 2. When I found out I was unintentionally pregnant, my boyfriend and I were excited. We both felt we were ready to start this new journey in our life's together. The follow 9 month flew by. April 22nd my beautiful daughter was born and the beginning of my spiril to rock bottom (again). 2 weeks before my 14 birthday my mom died of breast cancer, I believe that was when I started acting out and falling into deep depression. My teens were a very hard time for me, like most teenage girls but I think I took it harder then most. I started drinking and using drugs to stop the pain and heartache that I couldn't seem to get rid of. By the age of 22 I was addicted to heroin. After 2 years or so of using I checked myself into rehab. I was 3 months clean on thanksgiving 2008 when we got the phone call that my 20 year old sister was found dead of a heroin overdose. That pushed me even harder to strive for a better life. Life has been good beside the everyday bumps or cracks in the road. I felt like finally this is what life is supposed to feel like. But about a week after my daughter was born I felt myself slipping towards depression which ussally means towards drugs to dull the pain. I started taking pills thinking I could "controll" myself. Well I couldn't. I fell hard. My family and boyfriend helped me pick myself up and put my life back together again. I started taking anti depression meds, the seemed to help a little thou I still had panic attacks and bad days but it wasn't nearly has bad. It's been over a year since then and I'm still struggling to find happiness, inner peace, contentment anything besides what I feel like most days. Why can't I be happy? This is all I ever wanted! A wonderful man and children. Someone to love me. I mean really love me. Sorry I babbling on, the point is I feel trapped sometimes. I'm a school drop out, we don't have much money and have one car. I have no money of my own. Because of what I did a year ago it's hard for my bf to trust me 100%. Which I understand. But if this is all I ever wanted why am I not happy or content? If we don't make it, how do I take care of my daughter if I can't take care of myself. I feel trapped, alone, overwhelmed, scared of life without my bf. how could I take my daughter away from her dad? How do I break up a family because I'm bored? I feel like I'm going crazy one day and the next I feel fine. Please someone tell me I'm not the only one who going through this.

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Marie Andree - posted on 05/12/2013

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I know the feeling although im not an ex addict.... Some days i just see black. I try to find free activities i can do with my son, i try to talk mommyhood with other adults. Being a parent is hard work! Could you work part time? Could you start by volunteer work? That helps to build a resume!

Have they checked your thyroid?? Sometimes it's out of wack and an easy fix!!
Talk to your doctor to try different medication..... It can take time before you find the good one.

Hang in there! It's hard but im sure you will get theough this if you overcame heroin addiction

Is there support groups in your area? These are helpfull because you are with people who have the same problems.

Good luck!

Nicole - posted on 05/12/2013

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Yes I'm in therapy but she not much help. I've had quite a few doctors to talk to through out the years, yet none of them really did much for me. Today I feel much better but like I said I never know how the next day will be. I really think being home ALL the time with just my daughter and I is most of the problem. I've always worked and had my own car. I've lost my independence and the person I used to be. I'm having a hard time finding who I am now and what I want to be doing beside being a wife and mother. I need to find myself again.

Michelle - posted on 05/12/2013

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Are you in therapy or just on medication? I think you really need to get some help to sort out your feelings and how to get past this depression. Yes the medication will help but you also need to talk to a professional to help you gain your self esteem.

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