don't trust husband

Deundra - posted on 04/29/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I have a busy 1 year old, and she is better than a vacuum. She finds things I can't see picks it up and in her mouth it goes. Then has been times when I am trying to cook and can't sleep her but she will be in the living room in her dads eyesight and she will still get stuff and put it in her mouth. We were all in the livingroom and I was going into the kitchen and took two steps turn around and she had already put something in her mouth and she was right in front of him. This has have way to many times for me. I want to get a job I'm praying that they will not put me on night shift because I dont trust to leave him alone with her. I dont want to lose my only child. My family all leave in another town so I have no other options. What should I do I need this job.

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Theresa - posted on 04/29/2010

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Have you discussed your fears with your partner? Parenting is teamwork and not each team member will have the same strengths. Find his and work within those. Most dads do best with specific jobs (bath time, story time). If you simply say watch her, he doesn't know what to do. Ask him to get on the floor with her and play with her favorite toys. Yes, I know he's grown and should know better but lets be honest . . . he's a man.

If the stuff on the floor is a choking hazard, simple . . . keep the stuff off the floor. If its big enough to choke on its big enough for an adult to see and put away. As you know, kids are fast and put stuff in their mouths even with the most diligent and watchful adult around. Don't be to rough on him, it'll discourage him from doing anything.

As for the job issue, perhaps the night shift would work best. Think about it, both he and she will be in bed. There isn't stuff in her crib to put in her mouth and choke on. Problem solved.

Melissa - posted on 04/29/2010

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I would definitely talk to him!! Or when you see her putting something in her mouth scream frantically like she is choking. Hopefully this will scare him and he will start paying attention (I know this is cruel but he needs a reality check). This is what I did to my husband when he was like this... he still doesn't completely pay attention but is far better then he was! Good Luck

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Louise - posted on 04/30/2010

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Most men are completly blind to what there toddler is doing as they do not see the dangers that mums can see in advance. The only way is to let him care for your daughter and have faith in him. Try and safe proof your house by putting everything mouth size away out of reach. If you need to take the job then you have not option but to trust that he will do the right thing. All you can do is point out the dangers to him, I am sure he does not want anything to happen to his daughter either. Give him a chance but do put everything away!

[deleted account]

You definitely need to talk to him about it. Is he playing the PS3 while your child is awake and in the room with him?!? That's ridiculous. My husband has a PS3, Wii, and XBox, and he LOVES his games, but he plays them when our son is asleep or spending an evening with our parents. He knows that if he EVER even considered playing any of those games while our son was awake and could be playing with him, all three of them would be GONE.
I know they are fun, very distracting, and lots of men like them, but there is a time for games, and time that should be spent with his daughter is not that time.
I would tell him that if you catch him playing PS3 when he should be playing with his child you will trash the game, then do it. There is just no excuse to be playing a video game while his kid is crawling around in front of him.

Genn - posted on 04/29/2010

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I understand about the immature thing. I had to have several screaming fits and our kids had to break a few things of his before my husband started to understand that he had to watch the kids at all times. Men are just not instinctively watchful of children the way women are. It takes more practice and a lot more reinforcement before they seem to get the idea. Also, little kids are really resilient. I hate to say it (and I know some Moms out there would be horrified) but depending on what she's putting in her mouth, it might not be that big a deal. If she finds a leftover cheerio from breakfast and pops it in her mouth at dinnertime, it won't kill her. On the other hand, if she gets a hold of a penny, then that is a big deal and interference is necessary. When you see her put something in her mouth and her Dad is closer to her. Don't freak but ask him to see what she has. Then freak if it is something harmful that he wasn't paying attention to. Have a serious talk with her Dad (after insisting that he turn OFF the PS2 or 3 or whichever) and set some ground rules about the types of things he needs to be aware of. Don't overload him though. If this issue with her putting stuff in her mouth is the most important to you right now then ask him to focus ONLY on that. Things will get better (especially if she starts to break things of his or mess around with his stuff when he is supposed to be watching her) Good Luck and remember that they do grow out of the phase where everything must go in their mouth so this won't be an issue forever!

Deundra - posted on 04/29/2010

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24 and immature and the only thing he wants to play is his PS3. I try to keep the floor clean but he get stuff and leave it on the floor he acts as if its gonna kill him to clean up after himself.

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