Emotions

Amanda - posted on 06/10/2016 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I feel like I'm on a roller coaster with my emotions. I am a stay at home mom, I'm 23yrs old and have a 3yr old son with cerebral palsy. We found out in February of this year. I'm always running from doctor appointments, therapy 3x a week and hospital stay test. I am married. My husband is always working and like to hang out on the weekends. I'm at a point where i feel overwhelmed. I am 24/7 with my son and im starting to feel drain. I find myself just doing things in a routine. All I want is to cry or even talk to some. My husband isn't a good listener or even a talker. I dont express myself to him because its like I'm crazy in his eyes. I love my son and i love that I'm with him so much. He is my baby. But I just feel like I need a break or a spa day. I feel so guilty when I think these thoughts. I just feel like I'm having a meltdown... Am I crazy ?

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Shelly - posted on 06/14/2016

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Hi Amanda, I can only imagine the roller coaster of emotions and the fatigue and stress you have been under. Motherhood is one of the most rewarding but also one of the most challenging decisions we can take on in life… and to have a child with special needs just takes that challenge to a new level. Everything you are feeling is completely normal and even the thoughts running through your head. Do not let yourself feel shame for those thoughts… they are just showing you that you need more help and support in going through this. When my kids were little, I started going to a group called MOPS (mother’s of preschoolers). They provide childcare at the place for your child and you get to spend time with other mothers of little ones… eat delicious food, have relevant speakers on what challenges you may be facing, a craft time to use your creativity, and just a time to talk amongst your smaller group of women. It is a way to build new friendships and just a time away from the stress you face each day. It was a lifesaver and such a blessing in my own life. Here is the link for the website where you can find a MOPS group in your area http://www.mops.org/groupsearch/index.ph... Also, I am sending you an inspiring article from Focus on the Family written by a mom who raised a son with cerebral palsy… I thought it might be of some encouragement and help to you. Here is the link for that http://bit.ly/1Yqnr4m I also hope that you are able to have a very open and heartfelt conversation with your hubby about how you are feeling and the challenges you are facing daily. I will be praying for strength for you and well as understanding and help from your husband and that you are able to plug into a group of women for the encouragement and support you need… blessings to you as you raise your precious little one.

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Darlene - posted on 06/14/2016

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Hey ladies! Both Amanda and First Time Momma seem to be having similar situation. I am 33 with 5. 2 with cystic fibrosis and have had many difficulties over the years and have been a stay home mom almost the whole time. It is not easy and I notice the biggest issue is not having an outlet! It's even more important than husbands understanding or not! Support support support is everything because if you don't find yourself some the state will find it for you by yes, stepping in making you go to classes and groups and such. I'm telling you from experience. This avenue is cool but you Must get a specific group that can handle these types of convos and really can relate. So like if you meet a neighbor they may be like, aw you're a downer but people who are already seeking someone to relate to like you, would be more ideal. Hope that helps! Oh also finding a local church may help too.

Amanda - posted on 06/12/2016

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I'm glad to know im not the only one. Men dont understand how stressful it is to stay at home with kids. I never thought it would be harder then working as a nurse full time. But geez I rather work lol Cecilia I know what you mean about the thoughts. When my son was born all he did was cry and cry and cry. I found myself holding and I would cry with him. After he was born I moved from Tampa to fort Myers just to be with my mom. I didn't know what I was feeling or what to call it. But once I look back I had PPD. I was never happy. All I did was cry and yell at my hubby for everything. Hang in there it gets better. It too be about 6mos or more to start feeling like myself and really enjoy my son.
I came across this page from googling things and I felt like maybe if I vent or meet someone I can actually open up to I wont feel this way. The funny this is my husband wants to know what I write about.

First Time - posted on 06/12/2016

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Hi Amanda, I am sorry to hear of your situation. I am in a similar situation, so I can definitely relate to your feelings and emotions. I recently told my husband that I think I have PPD and instead of being supportive, he asked me what was wrong with me when I was feeling hopeless or sad. We recently moved to texas in hopes of a brighter future for our daugher and I have no friends or family anywhere near this state. I don't know what other feelings you might have, but I feel like a crazy person myself for thinking some of the things I think about. I used to be able to talk about anything and be an open book, but the things that go through my head now make me feel so guilty and I fear my daughter will be taken away from me if I admit my true feelings. I recently stumbled upon this website and I really would like to be able to just vent in hopes that I'm not the only mom who's experiencing these thoughts and emotions. I'm almost 32 so I don't think our experience has any prejudices about age. I couldn't imagine being any younger and having to go through this, so I am definitely sympathetic to you situation. Its so hard being a stay at home mom. We do everything and are taken for granted. Hang in there mama.

Amanda - posted on 06/12/2016

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My husband is always working. 6 days a week. He is only off on Sundays and that's when we have family time. Go out with little man and out to dinner. My husband also likes to hang out at car meets. So its hard for me to get me time. I've spoke to him many times and he tells me to pick a date so I can go out, but honestly I have no one to hang with or even talk to. So I just go to the stores and come back.
When I first had my son i was depressed and confused. I'm starting to feel like that again. Just sad and wanting to break down or even scream.

Melanie - posted on 06/12/2016

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Hi Amanda. No you are not crazy bless you! Most mum's have the same feeling as you but it's tough on you because you have no support and you're in charge of 24 7 care for your little boy. We all love our children but it's important to find me time as we are still individuals too, with need for rest and recooperation. I've got a (nearly!) 3 year old boy too and I'm 24 with depression on and off since having him. It's so tough to be a stay at home mumma because sometimes it feels like the world is spinning in a different time zone to you lol. It sounds like you really need some support. Emotionally and physically! It sounds very cliché but have you tried setting an outing for yourself and telling hubby to take care of your little one ?
Peace and good vibes Mel

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