Evaluation of Custody is underway

Kyleigh - posted on 05/14/2011 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Hey the judge didn't really see me in any of what s going on. I wasn't a voice for the SK's he told me to pretty much butt out of my SK's and my dh's life when it comes to the kids. Because its theirs not mine!
I was shocked and devastated, and felt so little, since i told the judge how i felt all the reasons BM shouldnt be in their life, the judge didnt care , the judge said it sounded like i need to find the GOOD in the BM wanting her kids. in fact said that he feels a change of custody needs to be done, BM is saying now she is a fit parent and my dh well is controlled by me. the judge says he see's it alot the SM controlling the BD. and wont have it anymore, since BD isnt involved in the school (for my stepkids,) I do all of the work and since he is gone the judge said thats every reason once BM see's the children on a reg. basis.


what a sucky pissy day.

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Chrissie - posted on 05/15/2011

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All I can say is I HATE COURT!
After having full custody of my son for 3 1/2 years, his slime ball lawyer make me look like ish in court and they awarded him joint custody and 50% visitation. I will be better prepared next time.

Jane - posted on 05/15/2011

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I, too, have a stepson. What I found was the best way to deal with things was be a sounding board for my husband so he could get a better perspective on my stepson's problems, and always be polite and kind to the stepson.

The judge is correct to say what he did because, unless the BM gives up her parental rights and you formally adopt the kids, you have no legal standing in this custody fight. You would do better to act behind the scenes, serve as a support for your husband, and help him see what he needs to do to help the kids.

No matter how much you love them, how much you dislike their BM, how much time you give to them, these kids legally are not yours.

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[deleted account]

It's ok. but thats why I say just try to look at it from the veiw point of the kids. I do understand where you are coming from. Its not easy. Support it what is best for everyone. Just because the BM acts like she doesnt care or is horriable during the week, doesnt mean thats how she acts around the kids. Just rememebr to breath. The kids will one day be old enough to make the choice of rather or not they want that relationship. If you want to talk and vent I'm here to listen. Good luck!

[deleted account]

yes, I am. I also have a stepgrandson who I have to deal with his mom, her mom & drunk of a SF, my worothless SS who doesnt want to be a Father, his GF and her daughters, my MIL who thinks she knows everything and babies him at the age of 5. Its not easy. I would love to get everyone in the same room and smack them upside the head and call them all kinds of names, but how does that help the child? It doesnt, so its not worth it. Bryce has 5 households with 5 different sets of rules...

[deleted account]

yes, but if the judge is telling you to stop, and the Dad might lose the children. The best thing to do is stop and let him handle it. Do you really want him to be angery at you for being the cause of him losing his children?
I dont think its right for any stepmom to bad mouth the Bm unless she is a druggie, homeless,or just plan trashie. Still if you are talking about the childrens mother like this infront of them, you are putting a wedge between her and her children which isnt your place. How would you feel if rolls were reversed and she was the step mom with your kids, your husband, what was to be your life?!? Sometimes it takes understanding not just talking or running your mouth or trying to take control. Does that make sense? I'm not judging you, but as someone who sometimes does go off, I just want you to see the bigger picture and the stress you might be putting on your own relationship.

Kyleigh - posted on 05/15/2011

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yes tasha there is other women in the step mom s discussion who bad mouth their BMs no one says a word

[deleted account]

I must have missed part of this story.
What did the BM do that was so wrong towards you, you husband, or the kids that you hate her so much?
On a side not from the post I have read on here...When you got with your husband you knew he had kids, you knew they had a Mother. Rather you like it or not shes there forever. I have a stepson who has a Mother that I cant stand. (grown SS which made this weirder) She stopped at my MIL one day and made an off hand comment that my husband lost the best thing he ever had. This was when I was pregnant with our first and I was standing right there. I looked at her and said no he didnt, I'm right here. Sometimes you have to let it roll. Your husband needs your support, not you adding to the drama. Be his support, not his hinder. Its not your relationship, its still his...its his relationship with his children in which you must add yourself into their "circle' not that he still likes her, but things need to be civil.
I'm sorry I know this seems to bash you, and I'm not trying to, but sometimes when you are there all the time its hard to look at the big picture. Be the silent support, dont give the BM motive to be mean, dont add stress. As hard as it is.

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