Ever Feel Under-Appreciated?

Amanda - posted on 10/27/2008 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Do you have any relatives or friends who don't get how hard you work at being a SAHM? My sister is like this and it really frustrates me some days. She is 26, she works 35 hours a week, has two days off every week, lives in my brother's basement so she has no chores to do and generally has supper prepared for her so no cooking to do either. Yes, she has to get up at 5:30 a few times a week to go to work, I will give her that.

This is what bugs me though. I don't have anyone to baby-sit my son that lives close by. My husband has gastrointestinal disorder of some sort (getting tests done right now) and is often too sick to look after our son so I can sleep in or have a break. So when my sister comes to visit, I will ask her sometimes to look after our son so husband and I can have a break or so I can sleep in for a couple of hours. And she always makes a huge deal about it! She tells me she is too tired or she is on vacation, even if she is staying at my place for like a week. And this is every single time she comes. I've never asked her to baby-sit for an entire day or anything. The only time she is willing to take him is if she's out in public because then she gets to show him off. And when she is complaining about work and how she is just soo tired, I sometimes jokingly say "well at least you get two days off, I don't get any breaks" and she just laughs or shrugs it off. She even told me once that being a single mother wouldn't be that tough!!

Sorry for venting, it is just a really sore subject with me. I mean I know being a SAHM has it's perks but it can also be a lot of hard work. And I don't get to take days off because I'm sick. I don't get a day or two every week to do whatever I want. I take care of my son from 7:30 am to 7 pm and then am still up several times a night to check on him when he wakes up. I can't take days off like my sister does because she wants a vacation or she isn't feeling well. And even after my son goes to bed, I still have chores and other things to do! Just really bugs me when people think it's just soooo easy to be a stay-at-home mom and what do you do all day?

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Anna - posted on 04/19/2010

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I completely and whole heartedly understand where your coming from. I am a SAHM and there just doesnt seem to be enough hours in the day. My partner (at first) was supportive and understanding when it came to me wanting to sleep in some days or hed do some of the chores to help me out, but now all he does is moan about how he has 2 work a 40hour week and complains about havng to make his own lunch...

He earns all the money and is constantly moaning about all the bills he has to pay and how i need to get a job,,,This upsets me for several reasons because he works night shift and gets home about 1.30am i wait up for him as it is habit as soon as he gets home he eats his dinner and is on his arcade games until 6 or 7 and pretty mch sleeps until he is due for work about 2.30pm.
While sleeping beauty is getting his rest i am up looking after our baby and cleaning the mess he has made...
Not so easy to swallow when ur working ALL day and not getting paid for it or being rewarded with a day off.

I say screw em because they will never know and its hard to get ur point across to the ignorant. Be strong because im counting on getting paid in FULL one day....

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HERE HERE! I know just how u feel. My husband helps as much as he can but after a work accident he now has a very bad back,so some things he just can't do, even picking up our 11mnth old to do a nappy change hurts him. So my break is normally when the kds r in bed. But then we have family members come with there kids and they think they can have a break,and try to get me to look after there kids too.This really annoys hubby,don't know how many times he's pointed out to otheres that I've never had a night off. All up we've only spent 1hr and a half away,and that was when we only had the one child. My first big break away was after I had my boy and was still in hospital,lol.

Mandy - posted on 10/28/2008

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First of all don't be sorry for venting. We all need to sometimes. I too feel unappriciated by family and friends. We live on a ranch 47 miles from the nearest town so I can't just drop my kiddos off anywhere. My in-laws do live by us but my relationship with my mother in law is strained so I don't like leaving my boy's anymore then I have to with her. My husband works very long hours and doesn't really have to do anything around the house. I have no help at all with chores or anything around our house. Some day's I feel as if I didn't get to sit for 5 minutes. I think the best thing is to ignore others. If they don't have kids and stay home they have no idea how hard you work. You know what your doing and if you ask me stay at home moms do have more work. When we're home there's more dishes, messes, and laundry. We work 24/7. No one else can say that. So hang in there and focus on your kiddos. In the end that is all that matters. Mandy

Heather - posted on 10/28/2008

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Yes! I often have people make comments that really irritate me... The other day, I posted new pictures of my son making a huge mess eating a cookie, and someone made the comment "So THIS is what you do all day... I wanna be a stay at home mom. Easy!" I just replied, "well, I do get to do this in between laundry, cleaning, cooking, changing diapers, dealing with occasional temper tantrums, and trying to remain sane. Being a stay at home mom is harder than my 40+ hour/week job that I left to do this, but FAR more rewarding." I must admit, though, that before I was a SAHM (and full-time student via online courses), I thought it would be a piece of cake. I was wrong!!! I LOVE IT, don't get me wrong, but I do often feel under-appreciated.

Crystal - posted on 10/28/2008

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I absolutely agree! I've heard it said before that "housework is the one thing nobody notices until you don't do it".....its funny but so sadly true. We SAHM's have to work from the time we open our eyes to the time we shut them again at night. I have problems with stomach ulcers and even in the midst of a "flare up" I have to find someway to take care of my kids because my husband works 10 and 12 hour days regularly.

I created an event on Facebook for November 25th to be "Housewife Appreciation Day"...So far I'm the only one attending ...lol...but I hope soon others will join me and show some support for those of us whose jobs surround us daily.

My sister just recently landed a job at a Law Firm and it seems everyone is fawning all over her for it. I too am very proud of her but where was my cheering section when I chose to stay home and take care of my kids instead of having a career!?! You always get a million congratulations for giving birth but hardly a thank you for staying home and taking up the responsibility of caring for your kids AND your home as well!

Ok I better stop, I am feeling very passionate about this right now and could go on forever....lol

Jen - posted on 10/27/2008

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I have a 3 year old and a 4 month old, i have been at home since my first was about 5 months old. I had to go back to work when he was 5 weeks because i had no hours for mat leave as i was in school when i got pregnant. I find a lot of people think being a SAHM is easy until they walk a mile in our shoes, i'm at 5 or 6 a lot o days, baby stays up until the older one gets up, then goes back to xleep for awhile. My 3 year old hasn't napped for over a year so I get no break all day, then between supper, bath time and bed time, i have no evening, and then i get to catch up on whatever didn't get done during the day. a lot of nights i don't sleep until after midnight! Especially being an esthetician some of my friends look at me like i'm a slob when my hair and make-up aren't done and i'm half conscious! lol i just laugh as a lot of them are now starting there families, calling me for advice and understanding...being the first amoung your friends and siblings can be hard, but when everyone else catches up and is trying to find there footing, you feel like super mom! Hang in there, your day to see some understanding will come!

Barbi - posted on 10/27/2008

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I have 2 teenagers, and worked the whole time they were growing up, in fact, I was still in the military when I had my son, and flew Desert Storm. When I left my abusive ex, I was a single mom with a 7 yr old and 3 yr old. I was a single mom for 10 years, sometimes holding down 3 jobs.

When I met my now husband, I knew he wanted kids (he is 10 yrs younger than me) and I told him one of the conditions for me to do that to my body (im almost 40) is that I get to be a SAHM and enjoy every second. Well, thats what I am, and where I DO love every second....boy, did I underestimate how HARD it is. Your job never ends. You dont punch out at 5 and run to the bar to meet friends for happy hour, and dont think about work until 8am the next morning. With a newborn, Im up ALL the time, something that with a 17 and 13 yr old....I totally forgot about!

I think its really rude of her to make a comment that being a single mother wouldn't be that tough, especially when she cant seem to watch her nephew for a few hours. You know the old adage...."Walk a mile in someone else's shoes...." its very true! I can totally relate to getting bugged when people think SAHM's got it so easy (my hubby would love to be the SAHD if he could). But, I dont let it get to me....I KNOW the other side and wouldnt want it any other way.

On top of 2 teens and a newborn, he wants to try to have another, and I also sell Pampered Chef...so, I know that Im more busy NOW than I was...even with the 3 jobs! Hang in there hon and know there are others like us out there.

Karma is an amazing thing, and she will get a clue one day! Then you can sit back and laugh, cause when she is asking for YOU to sit for her (cause yours will be grown) you can say...um....."sorry, Im too tired" :)

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